Would you Marry or Date someone who is not a Salsa dancer?

smiling28 said:
noobster said:
(On the other hand, he's out of town and I had an awesome time tonight dancing with tons of new not hideously ugly partners. I feel so naughty! :D)
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BUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!

:) :) :)
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Stop putting words in my mouth. :P

Actually a number of them were rather odd-looking but that's completely irrelevant if they can dance! ;)
 
The real question is could I possibly have a girlfriend without dancing bachata with her..............

The answer, a definite unmistakable NO!



Even if only our own private version. If she cannot feel the passion for the rhythm then she cannot feel me :)
 
My SO recently told me she doesn't think my Bachata action is up to much. Weird really, coz there are other ladies who specifically come looking for me at the first sound of a bachata song being played. What's that all about?!?!?!?!
:? :? :? :?
 
MacMoto said:
noobster said:
Well, I have a lot of other things I enjoy besides dancing but I'm not trying to get my SO to line up with me on all of them. I draw, paint, play sports, take care of sick people, do research, etc. I'm not expecting to find an SO who has all the same interests as I do. It's more about if he is kind, ethical, reasonably clever and thinks about things deeply. Not hideously ugly is also a plus. Everything else is negotiable as far as I'm concerned. Dancing is icing on the cake.
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With a non-dancing partner, the problem is not the fact that they don't dance - problem is when they object to *your* dancing. If your partner is fine about you go off on your own to salsa clubs and dance all night with the opposite sex, then no problem. Unfortunately, many non-dancers find it very hard to cope with it. That's one major difference between dance and drawing/painting/sport/etc. - often non-dancing people assume salsa is all about sex.
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Can I get an "amen" on that one? That's one of the main reasons why my ex is now an ex

--T
 
noobster said:
smiling28 said:
Perhaps YOU could ask guys to dance. Chat with your partner to smooth it out and this will mean you get to dance with who you like, the persons will not be put off by you being in a couple and you get meet new people/dance partners who will hopefully start asking you later.
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Heh heh... I had been doing this for a bit but actually I think it bugs him *more* if I go ask another guy to dance! (He at first insisted everything was fine, but later broke down and admitted it made him jealous.)
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If the guy is already becoming jealous if you ask other guys to dance, I think he might have an issue with his jealously. Especially since you also wrote that he's a salsero, he should know about the idea of dancing with different girls at an event. So I find it a bit strange that altough he knows about this custom, he's becoming jealous about you. It's not that you aren't dancing with him anymore, but just enjoying dancing with others as well. But in any case, if you the situation is for you acceptable, then everythings fine.

As I wrote before, I wouldn't want my partner to cling around me like that when going out to dance. So for me it's either a part who respects my salsa and also enjoys dancing with others, or I'll stay the "lonesome salsero". (But I don't mind as salsa is too much fun anyway. :))
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noobster said:
I love to mix it up but he really isn't all that interested in dancing with other people. I've told him that I want to dance around but his feeling is that a salsa night is a night out together, so why would we spend 90% of our time with others? It's a reasonable and valid viewpoint but it is taking away a lot of the fun of salsa for me.
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What you really need is an open relationship. If you can't have that, you at least need to negotiate specific open-relationship windows ;) I mean, it can just be for salsa :) I would highly recommend including the 3-4 night of SFO congress dancing into that window, because I'm already looking forward to dancing with you and I wouldn't want to be disappointed becasue of a j. bf hovering around making eyes at me. I'd be most happy to dance with him also if it will make him feel more comfortable... ;)
 
Salsamakossa said:
Quixotedlm,

Presumably, you would be following? :lol:
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Mm.. yes. If I lead him, he'd probably not get over the whole jealousy thing at all. He would have a good time and enjoy the dance, and then be even more convinced that he has a problem he needs to prevent.. ;)


We all need to have some humility. Esp. I think me :-|
 
noobster said:
I love to mix it up but he really isn't all that interested in dancing with other people. I've told him that I want to dance around but his feeling is that a salsa night is a night out together, so why would we spend 90% of our time with others? It's a reasonable and valid viewpoint but it is taking away a lot of the fun of salsa for me.

Also he has his opinions on certain people in the scene and doesn't want me dancing with "sleazy guys"... which includes all the fun and flirty leads I would normally gravitate toward... :(
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Same problem here, except that I'm married to her. And substitute "skanky girls" for "sleazy guys".

But there are plenty of couples that don't have this problem. In one case, I've seen the two of them around at dances for months, and only recently learned that they're married. Until then, I didn't realize they even knew each other! :?

I wonder what would happen if you encouraged him to dance with others, like, "Hey, that woman over there - yeah, the one in the tight jeans - was smiling at you... why don't you go dance with her?" :)

In any case, I'd be wary of someone who tries to control who you dance with.
 
SnowDancer said:
Same problem here, except that I'm married to her. And substitute "skanky girls" for "sleazy guys".
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So everything was peachy in your marriage until you learned to dance, and now you have this unresolvable conflict? If so, that's kind of scary! I don't know if salsa is worth tanking my ability to have a relationship with anyone who isn't either also addicted to it or very very understanding about it. Since probably 95% of the guys out there don't fit either of those descriptions.

But there are plenty of couples that don't have this problem. In one case, I've seen the two of them around at dances for months, and only recently learned that they're married. Until then, I didn't realize they even knew each other! :?
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You know a lot of married salser@s? I know very few. Almost all of the people I know who dance regularly are chronically single.

I wonder what would happen if you encouraged him to dance with others, like, "Hey, that woman over there - yeah, the one in the tight jeans - was smiling at you... why don't you go dance with her?" :)
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Heh heh. Have you tried that with your wife? ;)

Anyway, I have tried gentle encouragement, but he always just says he doesn't want to. I don't think he ever really liked to dance around a lot. He has a small group of followers that he sticks to. If a stranger asks him he'll dance with her but he doesn't really seem to have the urge to seek out a variety of partners.

In any case, I'd be wary of someone who tries to control who you dance with.
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Gah, really? Everything else is really good, I was thinking I could live with this little peccadillo. :(
 
noobster said:
Since probably 95% of the guys out there don't fit either of those descriptions.
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Within the abilities of my direct observation, there are many (single) salseros that description - with the caveat that not all of them have the social skills to intiate a relationship easily (even though you might think that they are very social based on how well they dance). I think there is a high correlation between being very smart (some traits like wise, forward thinking, good place in life, education etc), being a fairly good dancers (intermediate or approaching there), being very level-headed about relationships and trust issues AND being somewhat of an introverted ex-nerd that very social girls rarely ever get to know...
 
quixotedlm said:
noobster said:
Since probably 95% of the guys out there don't fit either of those descriptions.
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Within the abilities of my direct observation, there are many (single) salseros that description - with the caveat that not all of them have the social skills to intiate a relationship easily (even though you might think that they are very social based on how well they dance). I think there is a high correlation between being very smart (some traits like wise, forward thinking, good place in life, education etc), being a fairly good dancers (intermediate or approaching there), being very level-headed about relationships and trust issues AND being somewhat of an introverted ex-nerd that very social girls rarely ever get to know...
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Uh... are you implying that a lot of salsa-dancers are nerds?
You know, just because I'm posting this from a PC running Linux, does not make me a nerd! :x
 
quixotedlm said:
I think there is a high correlation between being very smart (some traits like wise, forward thinking, good place in life, education etc), being a fairly good dancers (intermediate or approaching there), being very level-headed about relationships and trust issues AND being somewhat of an introverted ex-nerd that very social girls rarely ever get to know...
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Interesting. I have actually observed the reverse. I don't really know the salsa people here yet, but in New York it seemed like a lot of the best dancers had 'day jobs.' Hence scads of time to dedicate to salsa, hence general superstarness in comparison to the rest of us plebes who had to get up in the morning. Not always true but probably better-than-chance correlation. OTOH in Silicon Valley *everyone* is a supergeek so the dynamics are probably different. Can't turn around without whacking into an electrical engineer who is nurturing his own startup or whatever.

Btw, we are definitely going to dance at the congress. I'll handle the bf. ;)
 
noobster said:
Interesting. I have actually observed the reverse. I don't really know the salsa people here yet, but in New York it seemed like a lot of the best dancers had 'day jobs.' Hence scads of time to dedicate to salsa, hence general superstarness in comparison to the rest of us plebes who had to get up in the morning. Not always true but probably better-than-chance correlation. OTOH in Silicon Valley *everyone* is a supergeek so the dynamics are probably different. Can't turn around without whacking into an electrical engineer who is nurturing his own startup or whatever.
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I agree with you. The really advanced ones are the ones with the not only the talent for it, but also the time to put into hard work and practice.What I meant by "fairly good" was the bunch of folks who are very capable and fun dancers who are bitten by the bug and addicted to it, but not necessarily superstars. For relationship purposes, I'd like someone who is a salsa-addict but also has other interests besides sasla - for the 1 or 2 nights in the week when we are not out dancing, or to occupy weekend afternoons with :)

An interesting anecdote - I was talking to a friend a couple of days ago and he was saying that almost all couples competing in the world salsa championships have a day job or have to go to school. He said that there was probably one couple who were doing salsa full time - this is hearsay - can someone confirm?



noobster said:
Btw, we are definitely going to dance at the congress. I'll handle the bf. ;)
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Oh cool!!!
 
In any case, I'd be wary of someone who tries to control who you dance with.
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Gah, really? Everything else is really good, I was thinking I could live with this little peccadillo. :([/quote]

Like everything in life, up to you not to necessarily choose what you get but WHAT YOU DO WITH IT!!! (which in turn effects what you get but most of all how you FEEL about what you have).

So good luck and you are enjoying the relationship so that is all that matters.

That said, little issues such as jealousy etc. to me CAN (not always) but CAN be problematic as they show immaturity and lack of development. This can be troublesome in long term relationships as people do not know the real persons in the relationship (worst is when the individuals do not know themselves). This can lead to drifting apart or mid life crisis where they just seem to change everything. When in essence, the person was never their true self in the relationship whether from lack of development or other reasons. The key though is that you never know and just make the most of whatever you have :)

How can you counter what I described above if it happens?

Hmmm, good question. My suggestions would be another thread entirely :)


in summary of the above: jealously can show that the behaviour/acceptance of the relationship is dissonance of the person's true character resulting in an inevitable change of the persons character (not likely) or breakup due to incompatibility.


Disclaimer: NO EXPERT BY ANY MEANS
 
Looks like I'm now 2 for 2 ... just broke up with my ex last Saturday after being together for 16 months. We ultimately decided that we were two fundamentally different people and dance has always been a major point of contention between us. After having this happening two times in a row, one really has to start wondering ....
 
Sorry to hear of this SalsaManiac :(

Not having time to review whole thread so was the contention that she didn't dance or dancing together?
 
smiling28 said:
The real question is could I possibly have a girlfriend without dancing bachata with her..............

The answer, a definite unmistakable NO!



Even if only our own private version. If she cannot feel the passion for the rhythm then she cannot feel me :)
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I'm starting to believe this too. Salsa is fun but bachata...it's my heart and soul and so romantic, how could you not want to dance to it with your significant other? I even try to teach bachata to guys to see how well they pick it up and if they're willing to learn. If they don't want to do it, I'm very disappointed.:( I know, I'm bad...
 
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