Would you Marry or Date someone who is not a Salsa dancer?

TheBear_CanDanceToo said:
My SO recently told me she doesn't think my Bachata action is up to much. Weird really, coz there are other ladies who specifically come looking for me at the first sound of a bachata song being played. What's that all about?!?!?!?!
:? :? :? :?
Click to expand...

Haha, I have a regular bachata partner who I was thrilled about dancing bachata with every time I heard a song start playing...until I figured out I can anticipate all his moves before he does them. Lots of women love his style too but it's become kind of repetitive to me. So now I want to try out dancing it with different partners for variety and so I can let my bachata technique evolve in different directions. I don't always want to dance it the way he dances it. I guess it's time for you to add some new moves to your repertoire and suprise her. That always works, even if it's a small change. Women love to be surprised.;)
 
After reading this thread through, the problem seems to be that the salsa scene is so small, and salser@s are afraid to take initiative because of social consequences inside this small circle.

Being together with an outsider seems very difficult as well, to say the least. I originally had decided to keep my dating outside of salsa, but after this thread I'm reconsidering.

I see only one long term solution. If the salsa world is too small, it must get bigger. Everybody has to start doing salsa if any of us are to date and mate. Start recruiting!
 
Melvin said:
I see only one long term solution. If the salsa world is too small, it must get bigger. Everybody has to start doing salsa if any of us are to date and mate. Start recruiting!
Click to expand...

*LOL* I hope not.

For the longest time I never socialized in the local salsa scene. Therefore I had been pretty naive regarding the relationship and the dating aspects within the salsa world. In recent past I have begun to get a glimpse of the underbelly of what goes on beyond the dance floor. It is definitely not my cup of tea. There are a few dancers I know who make it a point to date only non-salser@s.
 
Offbeat said:
*LOL* I hope not.

For the longest time I never socialized in the local salsa scene. Therefore I had been pretty naive regarding the relationship and the dating aspects within the salsa world. In recent past I have begun to get a glimpse of the underbelly of what goes on beyond the dance floor. It is definitely not my cup of tea. There are a few dancers I know who make it a point to date only non-salser@s.
Click to expand...

This makes me curious, what awful secrets could there be? Not that I expect you can tell anything.

Myself, I find it hard to imagine a long term relationship with a woman who doesn't dance.

How could we possibly make it work without one or both of us suffering?

So far, as a single man, I've chosen not to make any advances even if there's an opportunity. I've already passed on a few "invites", slightly painful to think about.

If I ever want to hook up for a long term relationship with someone that's definately important, I'd guess I'd better have a solid reputation as trustworthy, honest, "safe guy" who's in it for the dancing, not primarily to meet women. Not a player, not someone who is easily seduced on the dance floor.

Otherwise I'd probably have to stop dancing sooner or later. How could she trust me enough to sit at home while I'm out having fun with other women? (Besides, not doing anything happens to be in my comfort zone, but that's another matter, or is it?)
 
Melvin said:
This makes me curious, what awful secrets could there be? Not that I expect you can tell anything.
Click to expand...

In my experience it's not about secrets, it's about the mechanisms. If you think of those films of colonies of meerkats fighting, it's kinda like that. I tend to regard relationships as private between the people involved... but I seem to be in the minority in salsa. A get-together or break up reverberates right through the scene, and what the rumours are missing in terms of information will be filled in by borrowing freely from rejected sex-and-the-city or dance movie scripts.
 
sweavo said:
In my experience it's not about secrets, it's about the mechanisms. If you think of those films of colonies of meerkats fighting, it's kinda like that. I tend to regard relationships as private between the people involved... but I seem to be in the minority in salsa. A get-together or break up reverberates right through the scene, and what the rumours are missing in terms of information will be filled in by borrowing freely from rejected sex-and-the-city or dance movie scripts.
Click to expand...

As I suspected. I find the idea of being the object of too much gossip horrifying, although I must admit I'm always interested in what others have to share. I do think it would be less of a problem if there was more people on the scene, more anonymity.
 
sweavo said:
A get-together or break up reverberates right through the scene, and what the rumours are missing in terms of information will be filled in by borrowing freely from rejected sex-and-the-city or dance movie scripts.
Click to expand...

yowser! maybe i'm just too much of an addict....or maybe living in cuba heightened my powers of observation? for me, the only flicker of interest in other people's relationships in salsa goes:

hmm, those two have chemistry....i wonder if they're 'doing it'?

oh, those two are 'doing it'? really, i wouldnt have put them together/am not surprised at all.

oh, his girlfriend's here....i'd better tone the salsa flirting down a notch, even though i dont fancy him, just in case she doesnt like it.

oh, they've broken up? it's ok to dance-flirt with him again then....

and that's the full extent of any emotion i feel about other's relationships in salsa. a woman once told me a story about her salsa ex, involving serial philandering and a substantial borrowed-then-unreturned sum of money, which made me view him in a different light, but i still said hi, smiled and danced exactly the same way.

could it be possible that we imagine our relationship drama's are the focus of wild gossip, when in fact everyone else is far too busy with their own...?

besides, appearances can be deception. i've never even kissed a guy from salsa in egypt, but i'm sure everyone here thinks i'm shagging my way through the ranks. mmm, now there's a plan... ;);):D
 
TrulyMadlyAmanda said:
besides, appearances can be deception. i've never even kissed a guy from salsa in egypt, but i'm sure everyone here thinks i'm shagging my way through the ranks. mmm, now there's a plan... ;);):D
Click to expand...
are you sure?? in my experiences, we all seem to think we're more important than we actually are. i'll bet they don't even talk about you any more than anyone else.
 
Offbeat said:
*LOL* I hope not.

For the longest time I never socialized in the local salsa scene. Therefore I had been pretty naive regarding the relationship and the dating aspects within the salsa world. In recent past I have begun to get a glimpse of the underbelly of what goes on beyond the dance floor. It is definitely not my cup of tea. There are a few dancers I know who make it a point to date only non-salser@s.
Click to expand...

Smart man. I think the key is having a balance :)
 
sweavo said:
In my experience it's not about secrets, it's about the mechanisms. If you think of those films of colonies of meerkats fighting, it's kinda like that. I tend to regard relationships as private between the people involved... but I seem to be in the minority in salsa. A get-together or break up reverberates right through the scene, and what the rumours are missing in terms of information will be filled in by borrowing freely from rejected sex-and-the-city or dance movie scripts.
Click to expand...

That's why if I am seeing a salsero, I like to keep it very private, ideally so that the people in the scene don't even know we're together.
 
Antigone, I hear you on that. Is your salsa scene pretty big? That makes it easier to be discreet. Everybody knows everybody's business in my scene.

I would love to date someone who dances salsa. But I always think "what happens if/when it's over?" I couldn't bare to see that person dancing a hot bachata with someone else. :)

Ideally, I would date someone from a salsa community other than mine. Or teach someone how to dance that I am dating.
 
Melvin said:
Myself, I find it hard to imagine a long term relationship with a woman who doesn't dance.

How could we possibly make it work without one or both of us suffering?
Click to expand...

Otherwise I'd probably have to stop dancing sooner or later. How could she trust me enough to sit at home while I'm out having fun with other women? (Besides, not doing anything happens to be in my comfort zone, but that's another matter, or is it?)
Click to expand...

Hrm, only about 6 months into my salsa addiction so I hope you're wrong about that. So far, my boyfriend (of 7-8 years) seems pretty chill about me going out 4-5 times a week to dance- it helps that:

1. He's a somewhat introverted guy (web architect- go figure) who needs some alone time to do his own hobbies and projects, and sees my going out as a good outlet for my constant need for social stimulus (aka, I get out of his hair and he is comfortable spending a lot of time alone)

2. He's a pretty laid back, easy going guy in any case- also, he understands how neurotic I would be if I didn't go out and do a whole bunch of activity

3. We trust each other a lot. I actually try (jokingly) to use some natural inborn jealousy to prod him into coming to salsa more, "Hey, if you don't go, I'll dance dirty bacahata with young hot salseros" but alas he knows I'm just trying to play him and sees through my ploy. (phooey) He will only go when he wants to go (and as a beginner lead, he's stuck in beginner's hell). I wonder if I will be as trustful (word?) or non-jealous when hopefully someday he is an awesome leader and gorgeous, talented followers are queuing up to flirt-dance with him? :P I certainly hope so! I want him to get to experience the wonderful high of salsa dancing too without getting in the way by being a moody, grumpy and reviled girlfiend. Dare a girl dream?

So, some ideas for dating a non-salsero/a:

1. Find someone who is comfortable being alone (or even further, would see your gong out as a healthy outlet for your social needs that he/she may not want to attend to 24/7) OR

2. Find someone who is just as socially extroverted and into body movement, and would enjoy being on the scene with you

3. Find someone who is easy-going/ trusts you a lot

4. You yourself never cross the line of dancing in a way that would make the honey uncomfortable- especially if they are there! Never give them a reason to doubt your loyalty to them. And introducing your regular dancing leader friends to your honey are a big plus (because they feel more in the know and don't feel like you are dancing with unknown quanities). Even bigger plus- introduce him to some kindly followers who are going to encourage him to dance more with compliments and tips. :)

5. Perhaps having some flexibility and understanding yourself (wha?)- and making sure to go back to your non-salsa bf/gf every once in a while and asking them what they want to do (non-salsa) with you; and having the willingness to give up a day/night or two a week to do exclusively what they want. Smoother them with attention, and soon they will be pushing you out the door to go salsa dancing again. :mrgreen:

Well, here's hoping these tips work for you and for me. :D
 
emarrific said:
Well, here's hoping these tips work for you and for me. :D
Click to expand...

Excellent post!

I think the only possible caveat in having a partner disinterested in dancing is that at some point, you may feel the necessity of more serious practicing with a partner. Finally, you will end up with the following 3 choices.

1) Don't practice
2) Convince your SO to practice with you.
3) Find a third person for practicing only

I don't go into details, but I see that all of them could be source of serious (internal/external) conflicts.
 
antigone said:
That's why if I am seeing a salsero, I like to keep it very private, ideally so that the people in the scene don't even know we're together.
Click to expand...

Just don't overdo it. I knew one couple that seemed to be hanging around a bit, but never appeared to touch each other. In the huggy-kissy-feely salsa world, that was suspicious, and it turned out that they were secretly dating.;)
 
I find it difficult to see how in most cases a person who was really into salsa could seriously date a non-dancing partner. The problem is the salsa addiction itself, i.e. how often do you want to go dancing? A lot of people on these forums seem to want to dance 3-4 times a week, and I guess that would include Fridays and/or Saturdays. Then you have the lessons, and the conventions etc... I can't see how it would be very fair on your partner if you were out most nights of the week. People seem to want to have it both ways.

If you were to compromise, and only dance a few times, and do other things with your partner, then all well and good. But, for people who have the salsa bug it is difficult I think - as even if you are doing something else, the place where you really want to be is on the dance floor!
 
sunsoul said:
If you were to compromise, and only dance a few times, and do other things with your partner, then all well and good. But, for people who have the salsa bug it is difficult I think - as even if you are doing something else, the place where you really want to be is on the dance floor!
Click to expand...

One problem is that I *did* compromise and accepted the following conditions (even if I was chafing at the bit):

1) Maximum of twice a week (sometimes, I did not go for 2 weeks in a row)
2) Never on a weekend
3) Maximum of 1hr every time I go out
4) I could not return late i.e past 11:00 pm which is a stretch since most places don't even start until 10:00pm and most dancer don't show up till like 10:30 or 11:00.

In the end, that was still not enough because the complaint was that I would always go out without her and she is stuck at home. Basically, she did not want me to go without her and when I did want to go, she did not want to go. That meant that I was stuck at home usually doing nothing. However, if there was anything that she wanted us to do together, I was almost always open to doing it together. The lesson is that you cannot take someone away from their passion and expect them to be happy ... if I had tried to isolate her from *her* passion, the relationship would have ended a lot sooner!

--T
 
vata07 said:
are you sure?? in my experiences, we all seem to think we're more important than we actually are. i'll bet they don't even talk about you any more than anyone else.
Click to expand...

i said they 'think' i'm shagging around, not they 'say' i am... ;) i'll bet they do think that, because people have given me meaningful looks after seeing me flirt with a guy, or exchanged 'aha' looks with each other. i said i'm observant, remember... ;)

given that i belong to one of the small, incestuous salsa scenes it would a miracle if some people arent wondering what i get up to....i'm certainly wondering about them, LOL...! :eek:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top