Why are some great dancers chronically single?

S

smiling28

Moderator
Question posed by offbeat in another thread so thought I would give it proper attention and respect :)


my guesses...
- lifestyle - mine is BUSY (either dancing, working, sleeping, eating, training or watching dance movies OR chilling out with family and friends. I definitely hold dancing and my hobbies in high regard not OVER others but they are a necessary part of my life)

- attitude - intense dancers are probably intense people which can be tough in relationships

- Have great lives and social interaction already thus do not need to SETTLE just for intimacy/belonging/self worth as get that from dancing. Thus need something SUPER special in a relationship :)

other thoughts...
 
smiling28 said:
Question posed by offbeat in another thread so thought I would give it proper attention and respect :)


my guesses...
- lifestyle - mine is BUSY (either dancing, working, sleeping, eating, training or watching dance movies OR chilling out with family and friends. I definitely hold dancing and my hobbies in high regard not OVER others but they are a necessary part of my life)

- attitude - intense dancers are probably intense people which can be tough in relationships

- Have great lives and social interaction already thus do not need to SETTLE just for intimacy/belonging/self worth as get that from dancing. Thus need something SUPER special in a relationship :)

other thoughts...
Click to expand...

great thread!

I agree with your last thought, but also add that given the happiness that's already there, there is also an aspect of total freedom to go and do what you like whenever you like. I.e. go dance at club x, y, and z on days a, b, and c and leave at whatever time you want & dance with whomever you want.
 
smiling28 said:
Question posed by offbeat in another thread so thought I would give it proper attention and respect :)
Click to expand...

Thanks. I thought this must have been discussed and didn't want thread police on my tails so soon :D

smiling28 said:
my guesses...
- lifestyle - mine is BUSY (either dancing, working, sleeping, eating, training or watching dance movies OR chilling out with family and friends. I definitely hold dancing and my hobbies in high regard not OVER others but they are a necessary part of my life)
Click to expand...

Nothing what you say seems to be detrimental to you meeting or dating someone you like. Plus with all the dancing you are doing, you are probably meeting far more women than an average guy can.

smiling28 said:
- attitude - intense dancers are probably intense people which can be tough in relationships
Click to expand...

It is not like only intense people take to dancing. Assuming that intensity does impact relationship somehow the percentage of intense people among salseros would be no more than in the general population?

smiling28 said:
- Have great lives and social interaction already thus do not need to SETTLE just for intimacy/belonging/self worth as get that from dancing. Thus need something SUPER special in a relationship :)
Click to expand...

This I kind of agree with.

smiling28 said:
other thoughts...
Click to expand...

Talking about the guys - Something I have observed of some is that more choices (as in picking up or dating girls/saleras) means that relationship are shortlived, they simply move on to next. Never able to settle with the person they are with. Someone new is always around the corner.

Though I have also seen advance dancers in very stable marriage/ltr just as I have heard of those who are exact opposite.
 
My observations:

1) You can't date someone in the scene because of gossip, and because if you break up you have to see them out dancing and it will be messy

2) You can't date someone out of the scene because
a) nobody but another salser@ would countenance this dancing flirtatiously with strangers at all hours of the night, and
b) even if s/he didn't mind your dancing, s/he probably would mind the fact that you do it 3-5 nights a week (because how much time does that leave for your actual relationship?)

3) Salsa gives you just enough contact with the opposite sex to prevent you from missing it enough to stop dancing and go find a gf/bf.
 
sagitta said:
what about age? Aren't more of the older ones married/committed to on person?
Click to expand...
I think it gets more difficult as one ages.

I think people (dancers or not dancers) are chronically single cause they like it that way. No commitment, you're life revolves around yourself, no compromises, etc....it's the easy way.
 
Shooshoo said:
sagitta said:
what about age? I think people (dancers or not dancers) are chronically single cause they like it that way. No commitment, you're life revolves around yourself, no compromises, etc....it's the easy way.
Click to expand...

EASY way ??-- moot point !
Click to expand...
 
It depends greatly upon many variables.

having been married ( and with g/children ) single for many yrs. By choice ??-- tough q.. there are obvious advantages to both sides of that coin.
Perhaps when you have more yrs on your side, you might have a different perspective.

One always should factor in age and current circumstance-- even then -- no simple black and white answer .
 
sagitta said:
what about age? Aren't more of the older ones married/committed to on person?
Click to expand...
I think many of the older couples in the salsa scene were couples already before they came to the scene.
 
Terence2 said:
It depends greatly upon many variables.

having been married ( and with g/children ) single for many yrs. By choice ??-- tough q.. there are obvious advantages to both sides of that coin.
Perhaps when you have more yrs on your side, you might have a different perspective.

One always should factor in age and current circumstance-- even then -- no simple black and white answer .
Click to expand...

Yes, it's true that there advantages to both sides. I've been single all my life and I find it quite difficult finding someone to share my life with and even when I do find a potential, I don't know how to get around it. Sometimes I find I enjoy being single (more freedom, less heartache, etc), and other times I find I miss something and I wonder how people manage to be with each other.
It's easiest to do nothing about it, but you'll never know which situatiion is better, being single or with someone.
I'm not that young either, 37 and time is passing by quite quickly.
 
<yes, I agree. I see that in my salsa scene, some have lived the salsa lifestyle exclusively for so long they've sort of missed the bus. I'm not saying you need to do it to find happiness, but every aging singlewithout kids has something very sad about them. So beware, salsa can replace real relationships only for so long. It's like in that old song "Streetlife"...
 
Shooshoo said:
sagitta said:
what about age? Aren't more of the older ones married/committed to on person?
Click to expand...
I think it gets more difficult as one ages.

I think people (dancers or not dancers) are chronically single cause they like it that way. No commitment, you're life revolves around yourself, no compromises, etc....it's the easy way.
Click to expand...

I think you have hit the nail on the head - dancing does allow you to do exactly what you want WHEN you want, whilst still maintaining social relationships that we need deep down.

Where else could I be so selfish and yet sociable when it suits me?

So I accept I am selfish... yet single and strangely fullfilled.
 
Shooshoo said:
it's the easy way
Click to expand...

I don't think being single is easier than being with a SO. It's just that the problems singles deal with are different from those couples deal with.

I do agree that salsa gives me something that makes me miss a SO less. I've been single for many years before I started to dance, but ever since I started dancing I'm happier and feel more fulfilled. I used to feel that I needed someone to be happy. Now I am happy with my life as it is, and if I meet someone, that's good, if I don't, that's also good.
 
noobster said:
My observations:

1) You can't date someone in the scene because of gossip, and because if you break up you have to see them out dancing and it will be messy

2) You can't date someone out of the scene because
a) nobody but another salser@ would countenance this dancing flirtatiously with strangers at all hours of the night, and
b) even if s/he didn't mind your dancing, s/he probably would mind the fact that you do it 3-5 nights a week (because how much time does that leave for your actual relationship?)

3) Salsa gives you just enough contact with the opposite sex to prevent you from missing it enough to stop dancing and go find a gf/bf.
Click to expand...

Sounds like a bad drug. Maybe we can find some sort of counselling to wean us off it?

regarding 1) that appears to be very true as I know a great dancer who disappeared off the scene when she broke up with her boyfriend. I've seen her out once in the last year whilst I've seen her sister on numerous occasions.

I think I am a younger version of Shooshoo...
 
Silly question. Why are some millionaires/intellectuals/supermodels/artists/underachievers chronically single?

Perhaps the real question is whether chronically single person is more likely to become really good dancers. Although - then the question becomes whether this is really true? Assuming it is, it's probably all about numbers.

There probably are more singles taking up Salsa rather than couples. Someone who gets a gf/bf is probably more likely to drop out of Salsa - esp early on because of changed priorities. Singles probably can devote time to practice Salsa compared to people who are attached and with kids, etc.
 
I don't think being single is easier than being with a SO. It's just that the problems singles deal with are different from those couples deal with.

I do agree that salsa gives me something that makes me miss a SO less. I've been single for many years before I started to dance, but ever since I started dancing I'm happier and feel more fulfilled. I used to feel that I needed someone to be happy. Now I am happy with my life as it is, and if I meet someone, that's good, if I don't, that's also good.[/quote]

Good post. I am in exactly the same situation.
 
Now do you socialize when going dancing, or not? I'm curious as to whether dancing allows for a more fullfilling socialization experience than some other options, such as the bar scene. Me, I tend to dance most of the time so not as much chatting type of socializing. And yesterday night, I didn't dance, but I stayed away from people as I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to spread my germs. (I only came back to the dance as I forgot my cap after practice and so just stayed to watch the dancing for a while.) I do find idancing less fulfilling as I have gotten better as I need to have things more right. I want new and better music....etc
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top