I'm an introvert, so I'm not the most social person to begin with. Whether I socialize, depends on my mood. Sometimes I spend about half the time I'm at the salsa club socializing and catching up with friends I haven't seen in a while, more often I don't socialize much and all I want to do is dance.
Why are some great dancers chronically single?
- Thread starter smiling28
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I'm an introvert, so I'm not the most social person to begin with. Whether I socialize, depends on my mood. Sometimes I spend about half the time I'm at the salsa club socializing and catching up with friends I haven't seen in a while, more often I don't socialize much and all I want to do is dance.
noobster said:
This is not specific to dating a salsero, but in my opinion applys to a lot of other situation as well. For example if you are into surfing and meeting your partner while surfing at the beach, there's also going to be gossip by other surfers or beach visitors.
And I don't think it's messy in the case of a breakup. Surely you are going to see the other person again. But if you both decided to end the relationship, then you should be mature enough to handle still seeing the other person. I think that while growing up, we should learn how to deal with relationship breakups in way where it's not heart-breaking, messy, etc. to see the other person again.
Or what would you do if you meet somebody at work, have a relationship and then breakup? Do look for a new job just to avoid seeing the other person? Especially if it's a job that you love?
noobster said:
I think this is only partially true and depends alot on the person. I love salsa, but sometimes I still think about how it would be to have a partner who would also be into salsa.
Shooshoo said:
I think that the difficulty is a result of the situation and your mindset. When you have been single for all your life or a very long time, you are getting used to it. You get accustomed to it all and mostly notice the advantages while forgetting about disadvantages or how different it would be with a partner. So you end up in situations like you described them where you wonder how manage to be with a partner.
As I've been mostly single in my life, I can understand you. I've had some time in my life, where I wouldn't want to image having a partner or how to manage a relationship. But as my life changed, my mindset also changed. Now I'm single and enjoy the advantages, but I can image also sharing my life and love for salsa with an fellow salsera.
But ultimately you never know what life's still go to offer to you. So maybe you'll find that person where you'll overcome all your concerns about managing a relationship?
sagitta said:
For me it's dependend on the place, the people, the music and my mood. So it's quite difficult for me to answer that question. There are days and situations where I socialize more and others where I dance more. When I now think about it, I think there's a tendeny towards more dancing. But I'm not sure as I don't watch myself while being out.
Interesting topic. I have friends in the salsa scene that are single and have been for a while. I haven't been able to figure out why they haven't met someone - they have been looking.
As for myself - prior to dancing salsa I spent a lot of time single. After salsa . . . I definately find myself involved with someone more often than not.
As for myself - prior to dancing salsa I spent a lot of time single. After salsa . . . I definately find myself involved with someone more often than not.
Brownskin818
Changui
Truer words have never been typed.noobster said:
sagitta
Changui
Further consideration of "contact". Salsa, or dancing in general, allows for "human touch". I believe that we all crave human touch. Dancing allows more intimate forms of touch which may not necessarily be acceptable in other activities. I know that I hug/kiss on the cheeks more people at latin events than anywhere else, for example. Is this what you meant noobster and b?
SnowDancer
Son Montuno
gelsey said:
This might be your own interpretation. There are a lot of married-with-children people who are also sad, but too busy with child-raising to show it. Every now and then, a couple that I thought was happy gets divorced.
Claude
Changui
smiling28 said:Question posed by offbeat in another thread so thought I would give it proper attention and respect
my guesses...
- lifestyle - mine is BUSY (either dancing, working, sleeping, eating, training or watching dance movies OR chilling out with family and friends. I definitely hold dancing and my hobbies in high regard not OVER others but they are a necessary part of my life)
- attitude - intense dancers are probably intense people which can be tough in relationships
- Have great lives and social interaction already thus do not need to SETTLE just for intimacy/belonging/self worth as get that from dancing. Thus need something SUPER special in a relationship
other thoughts...
Very realistic situation!!!
I really feel like lokking at myself at the mirror!
Ron Obvious
Son
Brownskin818 said:
That's an interesting assertion. It leads directly to the question: "How does one quantify truthness?". I've always thought that there are no grades of truthness, but maybe there are.
sagitta said:
I will echo that. When I go dancing I hardly socialize much. I don't dance all the time neither am I chatting on the sidelines. Somehow the combination of loud music and chatting doesn't go well with me. There are may be one or two persons that I really feel like chatting with anyways. With the rest of folks, it is just a small talk or dancing. I am very social otherwise but not at a Salsa place. I won't be surprised if I come across to some as a snob.
I feel the same way about getting better making you feel less fulfilling.
chrisk said:
From what I have observed this particular issues related to post-breakup exaberate more in Salsa than other activities. Perhaps because there are only so few salsa venues in each place and the community is much smaller in comparison to other activity groups.
chrisk said:
If the breakup is bad, which usually seems to be a trend in the scene, it takes either or both quiet a while to get over it. Therefore going to a place where you are likely to see your ex, makes getting over the break-up and involving yourself in something you like, a dichotomy.
chrisk said:
It presents same problem as in Salsa. However at work you have option of moving to a different group, or you might already be in a different group.
azzey
Son Montuno
chrisk said:
There is one aspect that can make a break-up harder to deal with in the short-term and that is seeing your ex in the arms of a new partner. Both on and off the dance floor. It may not be rational but it happens.
When your ex is also one of the few good dancers it can have an impact too.
If your scene is large with many good dancers and a variety of clubs on different nights then the situation may be mitigated.
chrisk said:
If one or both of the partners are in a lot of pain then they will act out of pain and try and hurt the other person - which then leads to the other person getting hurt and acting out of pain. It doesn't have to happen like this, but unfortunately it does sometime.
chrisk said:
Uh, I definately stay away from dating someone at work. I have dated anyone from work in over 11 years - I learned my lesson back then. A wise individual once said - do not deficate where you eat.
Prior to getting into salsa I was a pretty avid martial artist - this same problem existed in that situation. You would both go to the same school and have to see eachother in class - totally sucked. Sometimes one partner would quick training - sometimes they would move to a different martial arts school - sometimes they would continue taking the same class and just ignore eachother (which created an awkward situation for everyone - cus everyone could feel the energy).
As I've stated before and will state again, I will not date anyone who is in the salsa scene. Like someone said before, it would be synonymous with dating someone at work, which I am also against. When meeting someone at socials or clubs, the lines between "does she really like me" or "does she just enjoy our dances" can be blurred if you are not paying attention. Lately I have been coming into contact with lots of lovely ladies, all of which are very friendly and flirty to me even when we're not on the dance floor. Then somewhere along in the conversation the inevitable "my boyfriend" or "my husband" will slip out of her mouth without me even mentioning anything remotely related about her current relationship status. It never fails. Its a good thing I keep my mouth shut. But again, its hard for a non-salsero/salsera to fathom that dancing means dancing in our world and is definitely not a meat-market type of vibe that regular clubs are. So it seems like we're in this never-ending cycle that will never resolve itself right? I say just keep a positive attitude and live your life. People who seek out relationships aggressively usually wind up causing the opposite effect.
I started salsa originally partly as something to do (I didn't really know what it was) and partly for social reasons with regard to meeting ladies as I'd been single for a few years and was lonely. Within three months I'd decided that I was totally not bothered about find a SO as I was getting social, flirtateous, tactile interaction from lots of lovely ladies, and maybe didn't want just one after all.
Not long after I'd come to this conclusion, the ladies started asking me out...
I've now been together with my SO for over four years (she asked me out, what could I say?), and still get that social, flirtateous, tactile interaction from all the others too.
Result!
Not long after I'd come to this conclusion, the ladies started asking me out...
I've now been together with my SO for over four years (she asked me out, what could I say?), and still get that social, flirtateous, tactile interaction from all the others too.
Result!