The date was the dinner. The night dancing is a completely different thing. Surely you wouldn't have wanted to dance with the same girl all night anyway!
Why are some great dancers chronically single?
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EMOYENO
Son
In some other time of my life a date with salsa meant dancing with my date all night long. After experimenting NY/NJ, its a WHOLE other story! I wouldnt take a date (a non-salsero dancer) to a salsa night, he would just flat out leave me there dancing with all the guys!!
Like we say in spanish "such is life"!
wonderwoman
Son
Yes, Offbeat. Because the thing is, he came down, paid the $5 cover, and then turned around and left when I wouldn't go with him. I danced a few more dances before eventually texting him to ask why he even came down at all. He said he didn't want to watch me dance with other people all night. K. Sorry. Its what we do. But, if this dude really liked ME FOR ME, he would have stayed for a drink and a chat, yknow?
When I first started dancing I had a boyfriend who wasnt a dancer, he consumed my time so much that I had to drop out for a while. When we broke up (not the dancing's fault), I was so alone and miserable, but dancing was always there for me, so I decided to join it again. The first 3 months I was only focused on the dancing, the technique which I missed, the new moves, turns, etc. But lately ive been feeling this chemistry with a few guys on the dance floor, specially dancing bachata or kizomba, I dont know if its because these are dances that have to look and feel sensual, or maybe because they are such good dancers that even the fake chemistry comes with the territory. Last Saturday I had this intense chemistry with a guy while dancing salsa then it got even more intense with bachata. Ive never held anyone so close in public, not even my ex boyfriends. Like the only time Ive been so close to someone like that was in the bedroom. Anyways, this guy is an awesome dancer, cute, but not a hearthrob. Im so contempt with getting close to him, but I have so many insecurities, plus theres this whole "dancing flirtation", which is fake chemistry. I know for a fact hes single and hes been around the dancing world for maybe 3-4 years. Anyways I realize that my ideal relationship would be with a dancing partner, but no strings attached (except on the dance floor, he belongs to me).
The funny thing with dancing is that you can have real chemistry, but it doesn't mean that there is anything off the dance floor. Still, if you both click, and when you watch your partner the don't seem to be dancing the same way with others, it might be worth chatting them up at the bar later 
DJ Ara
Son Montuno
Good advice. I think too many people are living under illusionary "Victorian Values", especially in certain parts of the salsa world, while they keep repeating the same, "I am only here to dance", mantra. So much so, that they themselves begin to believe their own silly fabrications. Yes, some people are in long term and happy relationships and others may be going through phases when they just don't want any romance or 'adventures', fair enough, but the last time I looked at the international salsa scene, most people were singles. So, what goes? Do they search for sex and romance at the local Hip Hop club, and save their virginity dances for the benefit of the fellow salsa crowds? LOL!The funny thing with dancing is that you can have real chemistry, but it doesn't mean that there is anything off the dance floor. Still, if you both click, and when you watch your partner the don't seem to be dancing the same way with others, it might be worth chatting them up at the bar later
Anyway, I just saw the Lebron Brothers come on TV, so off I go!
So, what goes? Do they search for sex and romance at the local Hip Hop club, and save their virginity dances for the benefit of the fellow salsa crowds? LOL!
Salsa club setting can be a catalyst but not a short cut to a potential relationship.
It's no different than being at work or any other settings where you have to interact with people. There is a difference between going after anything that walks in a skirt (from guy's perspective) and being genuinely interested in someone, not because they are at a salsa club or an easy lay or dance great. But because they are interesting even without salsa or dancing. When there are too many people seeking short cuts, naturally it will make everyone cautious.
DJ Ara
Son Montuno
It IS different from work and other "official" settings, in that people go out salsa dancing to interact with other people of mostly the opposite sex. Most people in the international scene are singles. They go out dancing because they don't want to sit home and watch TV. As far as the singles are concerned one can easily assume that some kind of a romance is at the back of their mind. Some will be looking for casual romances, while others will be looking for something more serious (wether overtly or covertly). There may be a very, very few who may "just want to dance", but they would be the exceptions rather than the rule. Of course, most (not all, by any means) of the people who are in a relationship will not be interested in any 'romantic' activity.
The problem is that many of the people who act "cautious", are also looking for the same thing. During my London days, there were always strong sexual undercurrents in salsa clubs and a lot of pretending, "I am only here to dance". A lot of this has to do with the culture of a given part of the world and more so currently with the developing culture of the international salsa scene, which seems to be trying to push a sanitized PC or dare I say "asexual" image of itself, in an attempt to replace sexuality with technical dance choreography.
So, it has become a scene of "dress sexy; look sexy; act sexy, but keep in mind that you are only here to 'dance'!". Not so long ago, there were some posters here were calling for kissing to be banned on dance floors! LOL!
Of course, things still happen (thank god!). People will hook up seriously and casually, where one or the other of the 'partners' will leave separately to meet outside of the club, or in a nearby late night coffee shop, because they don't want to loose their, "I am only here to dance" image or 'credentials'. Of course, this type of rendevouz is sometimes necessary, because others who are in the clubs, "just to dance" will gossip and badmouth their fellow, "I am here just dance" salseros/as if they see them expressing their sexuality and enjoying themselves.
Naturally, no man or especially woman wants a reputation created for them by gossips, hence the discretion and the usual "I am only here to dance"! Thankfully, things were not so artificially "sanitized" in my Rio de Janeiro days. I guess Brazilians are lucky that Queen Victoria and the "values" credited to her did not belong to their part of the world.
SnowDancer
Son Montuno
Some of us are still trying to figure this stuff out, which is why this thread exists!
On the one hand, I see lots of social interaction, dating, hookups. On the other, I have about a half-dozen female salsa friends from several years ago who have found boyfriends in the last year, and ALL found them on-line.My own experience is one of confusion. Long ago, when I was in college, I met my ex-wife and at least a couple other girlfriends at dances, and I assumed that was a normal way to meet. I dimly recall being able to tell from a dance whether a woman had some interest in me.
But salsa? I had one woman cling to me and sigh in my ear through several dances, then sit down next to me at the bar and pick up the sleazy drunk guy on her other side.
On another occasion, I had a dance with someone who pulled herself in tight the whole song, but then acted hostile when I tried to say a few words afterwards. I've also had women offer me their number, text me to see when I'm going dancing, and then show up with a date.When I did end up dating someone for several months, it was a woman who never showed any interest during our dances.
So... when you feel like you can't gauge interest, and get too much rejection, the fun starts to fade; and it gets to be a lot easier to just decide, "I am only here to dance." For many of the women, all it take is getting 'played' once by one of the sleazy guys, and they decide the same thing.
I did consider taking up Ceroc and becoming the local cad there because I avoid dating around the Salsa scene
Some of us are still trying to figure this stuff out, which is why this thread exists!
My own experience is one of confusion. Long ago, when I was in college, I met my ex-wife and at least a couple other girlfriends at dances, and I assumed that was a normal way to meet. I dimly recall being able to tell from a dance whether a woman had some interest in me.
But salsa? I had one woman cling to me and sigh in my ear through several dances, then sit down next to me at the bar and pick up the sleazy drunk guy on her other side.
When I did end up dating someone for several months, it was a woman who never showed any interest during our dances.
So... when you feel like you can't gauge interest, and get too much rejection, the fun starts to fade; and it gets to be a lot easier to just decide, "I am only here to dance." For many of the women, all it take is getting 'played' once by one of the sleazy guys, and they decide the same thing.
And all of those women thought they were sending you perfectly clear signals.
salsamarty
Son
All I can say is that after more than a decade in the San Francisco salsa scene there are more than "a very, very few" here who are there "just to dance". Not so say that there isn't a dating scene too but I've had some partners say they like dancing with me because I'm "safe", meaning I'm not going to hit on them. I am happily married.
SnowDancer
Son Montuno
Probably true. My theory is that some women like to dance sexily, and they'll choose a 'safe' guy to do it with.
DJ Ara
Son Montuno
That is fair, but in over two decades of DJ-ing experience, I have seen too many "I am only here to dance" characters hitting on the people who they were attracted to and/or accepting proposals from people they were attracted to. Most (not by all means, all) married people will "keep it in their pants" so to speak, but I still believe that most single people will have either a serious romance or a casual one in the back of their minds (if not in the front) in a night club setting.
I believe it is better to just indicate (and there are various ways) to the guy or girl who is hitting on you, that they are not your type, rather than try to tell them that you are there "just to dance". This type of thing is very prevalent is cultures where overt sexuality is seen as something to be avoided or even as "dirty".
salsamarty
Son
This might be a topic for a new thread.
Salsa Bear
Son
LOL - The opposite is true, too. I'd love to know how many women bad mouth guys who are looking for anything but dance, then later blog about how their hearts were broken by some salsa crush.
My advice on the salsa scene for newcomers: Don't believe anything people tell you. When seeking advice about dance technique or la musica, I defer to dancers, musicians and DJ's, but I've become increasingly accustomed to tuning out conversations about the social aspects of the scene; they remind me of the "white noise" I used to see on TV.
DJ Ara
Son Montuno
The thing with on line relationships is that it is anonymous. So the man or woman who goes to a salsa club and says those immortal words, "I am only here to dance", may in actual fact be dating multiple partners through the internet. If he or she were to do that in their salsa scene, then no doubt some loosers who had nothing better to do would talk trash about them - I know because I have been there and done that and seen others who didn't give a damn about other people's opinion of their personal lives, be there and do it too.Some of us are still trying to figure this stuff out, which is why this thread exists!
That is a good way to figure out who likes you, except for nowadays, when in some scenes, being sexy and flirty with your partner is part of the salsa dancing choreography and not necessary the dancers' actual feelings for their dancing partners.....LOL!
Next time don' t give her the chance to go for someone else! Next time you get that kind of interest from a woman, then do your best to take her out the club as soon as possible.But salsa? I had one woman cling to me and sigh in my ear through several dances, then sit down next to me at the bar and pick up the sleazy drunk guy on her other side.
Anyway, that story proves that there are people out there who just want to interact with the people of the opposite sex the way human beings have doing for thousands of years.
That proves that the salsa scene has its fair share of nut jobs, also! I could tell you some stories.....LOL!
So. she was not there there "just to dance", but was careful not to attract the players. That is fair enough.
I agree and I realize that it is a "protective" mechanism, but all I am saying that it is not a true phenomenon, because single men and women who have been "played" before and are on the careful side, will still have the desires of normal human beings and will want their adventures or serious romances (depending on how they are inclined). So, the point I am making is that as politically correct sounding as it may be, the phrase "I am here only to dance" does not hold water in the real world and in a night club scene frequented by largely single adults, except for a very small minority, who may just mean what they say.
I still don't see why there is so much discussion about how different salsa is from other activities. Don't we all agree that dance chemistry and dancing sexy don't mean much outside of the dance floor. So, when you take this out of the equation, dating in salsa is as difficult as dating at any other activity. Is it easy to date in a chess club? At your work place? In a bar? Ballroom dancing?
No, of course, not. Dating is not easy. By definition. There are people who send mixed signals on purpose or not. There are people who don't know what they want. There are people attracted to the wrong kind. There are players. There are people who are too immature to hold a relationship. There are people who like us but we can't stand and there are people we like who don't even notice us. That's the nature of the game. Anywhere you go.
No, of course, not. Dating is not easy. By definition. There are people who send mixed signals on purpose or not. There are people who don't know what they want. There are people attracted to the wrong kind. There are players. There are people who are too immature to hold a relationship. There are people who like us but we can't stand and there are people we like who don't even notice us. That's the nature of the game. Anywhere you go.
DJ Ara
Son Montuno
Some things will never change!
My advice on the salsa scene for newcomers: Don't believe anything people tell you. When seeking advice about dance technique or la musica, I defer to dancers, musicians and DJ's, but I've become increasingly accustomed to tuning out conversations about the social aspects of the scene; they remind me of the "white noise" I used to see on TV.
[/quote]Please refer all the ladies who want to know about music to DJ Ara......
DJ Ara
Son Montuno
Salsa is the same as any (hobby) activity involving single adults, especially those activities that involve night clubs and dancing, in that people who are there are there because they would like to interact with the members of the opposite sex and in the back of their minds they are usually looking for a hook up - wether the intention is for a long term or short term commitment, depends on the individual persons, of course.
Personally speaking, I will agree that all those who dance sexy; dress sexy, etc. are not necessarily sexy people, when the music is over and they "change" to their old selves and walk to their table or to the bar in perhaps even a "sexy" Fred Flinston walk. However, the word "chemistry" is has strong conotations. How can you have chemistry with a member of the opposite sex and then turn it off, after the song is over? Perhaps, the chemistry that you speak of is just affinity of people with the same style of salsa dancing together,maybe with a similar perception of the musical rhythm. So, they may dance good together, but perhaps "chemistry" is too strong a description for this.
Dating in salsa is difficult????
I am surprised by that statement. I mean most clubs are full of single people - ADULTS! On top of that most of them are there because salsa dancing helps them break the ice with the members of the opposite sex. The back bone of the international salsa scene is made up of single people. Most of these single and their salsa "teachers" are rather clueless about the musical aspects. So, this just leaves the dancing. However, why do so many people dance to music that do not have much affinity with (at least in the beginning)? Yep, because the scene provides a vehicle to get to know members of the opposite sex in pleasant settings.
What complicates dating and makes it "difficult" for some is the often deceptive statement such as "I am only here to dance". Person A makes this statement to many people, then meets person B who he/she is fond of, but now he or she wants to live up to that statement and starts being "difficult". Person B then chooses not to waste his or her time with person A and finds that person C is more approachable and relaxed and happens to live in the real world. Other times, one person may "make a move", but the other is worried about what others will think if he or she responds. There are other aspects too, but for single people who like to dance salsa, the scene itself is a well of opportunities to long term and short term romance. If people don't see this, then they should look within themselves for the reasons.
The answer to those questions is somewhat dependent on what part of the world you live in. There will be a difference on your success rate if you live in Rio de Janeiro, as opposed to say, London. However, for any singles out there looking to enjoy your lifes, I will just suggest that open your minds and hearts, and don't worry about other people's opinions and "pendejadas". Keepy a flirty, but always respectful state of mind, no matter where you are or on the time of the day. You can meet people in your local coffee shop, park, supermarket, etc. However, compared to those places, salsa clubs are very easy to find dates in!
I am confused!
That might make dating difficult for THEM! If I was interested in the person then I would ask her out to dinner. If she said no, while having sent the opposite signal, then I would happily move on, while she would happily keep sending the wrong signals and getting a buzz out of it, or if her wrong signals were not intentional then hopefully she would eventually evolve and stop sending the wrong signals.
I agree, but that does not make dating difficult. People can make things easier by being honest with themselves and with others. For example, it is very difficult to get noticed by someone you like, if you are worried about taking more direct approach, because of what some strangers (or even acquaitances) might think. Of course, things will be even more complicated in that regard if you have told everyone and his grandmother that you are there "just to dance".
The people who are too "immature" to hold a relationship may want to find people who are similar to them for a short term relationshop or one night stand, perhaps?
The players can interact with the above "immature" types or with other players? In fact, the results would be quicker!
People who are attracted to the wrong kind, do still have some fun with them, at least in the beginning. So dating as such is not difficult for them.
My point is that people have to be honest with themselves and forget those cultural "norms" that have their roots in silly religious belief systems in the past, and hypocricy. People should just be themselves and only worry about being respectful and kind to the people around them, while taking advantage of all the pleasures that life has to offer. Life is just too short for silly games where at the end of the day the main loser is the person who maintains his or her illogical hang ups and auto-deceptions!