Why are some great dancers chronically single?

Excellent post (especially the bolded part). If I were to choose top 5 posts of all times on the forum, this will be one of them :)


quixotedlm said:
This changes with time. The better you get at dancing and the more organic and natural it starts to feel, and the more adept you get at improvisation and enjoyment of the dance itself, and the more heightened your senses become to music and movement, you'll start experiencing the 'fix' less often (because you are now discerning, and demanding). In turn, you'll also be less insistent on dancing every day and all the time, and you'll relax and start rediscovering the normal stuff - like movies, and picnics. You'll start reintegrating normal stuff sometimes even if that means missing some dances... as you start hitting this stage, you'll realize that being surrounded by men or women in a dance is meaningless fluff the context of life outside dance.

Some people are lucky to have many intimate people in their lives - through family, friends or intentional community. Others often have only a handful of intimates, and they are lucky if any of those are geographically nearby. And some of us have (almost) no intimates nearby. Whether or not one can continue forever without looking for an SO is often a function of how well your needs are taken care of by your life. If you have proxies for emotional intimacy (friends, family), physical intimacy (dancing, occasional hookups), emergency support (friends, family) and community (salsa friends, other friends), then you are set, and don't really have to go after finding an SO. If you don't have all these covered, then the longer you wait and remain single (for the sake of salsa), the worse off you'd be for having wiled away that time... dancing doesn't replace real friendships and relationships that are formed through common activities outside of the dance floor.

It's of course challenging to date in the dance scene. Most of us need to date a bunch of folks before finding The One, and having many exes in the scene is a pain. Even if a breakup is amicable, there is always some residual tension (sexual tension, tension from one disappointed party, nostalgia, residual affection...), and pursuing the next and the next and the next relationship in this 'community' becomes increasingly taxing on ones emotions.

A common solution is to find partners for dating from outside the dance community. A less common (but smart) solution is to start learning more dances, and create for yourself a secondary and tertiary community from where you can draw potential dating partners... another common solution is to give up dancing...

Some people get lucky and find a soulmate through dancing. It happens often enough... the rest of us need to start having an intentional approach to this, or remain vulnerable to the capriciousness of life and hope that you'd get lucky someday.
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Having good relationships isn't luck. It's a skill, and it can be developed. The only difference is that some people have a stronger drive to develop it.
 
tresto said:
Having good relationships isn't luck. It's a skill, and it can be developed. The only difference is that some people have a stronger drive to develop it.
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Yes, agree with this. It's a skill I definitely need to develop!:rolleyes: I also know that many of us, at least at times, make a habit of going after the wrong people. Typical is the woman who always goes for the 'bad boys', or the guy who always goes for the 'damsel in distress'.

Plus, finding someone to date in the first place is a different skill.
 
A random thought (which may have been posted earlier, but I'm too lazy to search): Perhaps it seems like the prominent dancers are single because when one of them enters a relationship, he/she stops going so often and no longer gets noticed as much.
 
I have never known a salsero to go out less because they got in a relationship. They stop going out for work or school, not for dating. :)
 
When you are a good dancer in a scene such as the salsa one, you can have all the fun in the world as regards casual dating and casual sex, if that is your thing. So, unless you have this inner need to "be" with someone for the long haul then you are happy as a single.

Of course, in my more than two decades of working in salsa clubs, I have also come to appreciate that some people stay single because of character faults, including chronic stinginess, emotional/psychological issues, etc.
 
wonderwoman said:
I have never known a salsero to go out less because they got in a relationship. They stop going out for work or school, not for dating. :)
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im afraid id have to disagree. the top two reasons ive noticed amongst my salsa acquaintances and students for stopping/going to salsa much less are:

1) getting into a relationship
2) going over to the dark side (aka tango)

that's from a sample of a few thousand people, so i think it's probably a 'trend'...

number 3) would be teaching and starting to think of salsa as work, number 4) is injuries, 5) getting over their salsa addiction somehow - all jmho
 
1. I do like tango and keep on wanting to do it...not done it much - I'm talking of Argentine tango. And the fact that I do so much other Latin is one of the factors holding me back.
2. I am actually now making money via salsa, and so I do find that my salsa fix need is not as strong. Reason? I get great gratification from djing and seeing people enjoy the "unique" music I play. I get pleasure from seeing people "get it" when I teach them. So I connect with people in more ways than when I was just dancing.
 
SnowDancer said:
A random thought (which may have been posted earlier, but I'm too lazy to search): Perhaps it seems like the prominent dancers are single because when one of them enters a relationship, he/she stops going so often and no longer gets noticed as much.
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This is probably the most accurate actually
It makes complete sense
Good thinking !!
 
TrulyMadlyAmanda said:
im afraid id have to disagree. the top two reasons ive noticed amongst my salsa acquaintances and students for stopping/going to salsa much less are:

1) getting into a relationship
2) going over to the dark side (aka tango)

that's from a sample of a few thousand people, so i think it's probably a 'trend'...

number 3) would be teaching and starting to think of salsa as work, number 4) is injuries, 5) getting over their salsa addiction somehow - all jmho
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LOL @ the dark side. The people I know who are taking up Tango are doing it more to complement their Salsa (for now). I see a lot more people defecting over to West Coast Swing.

I am in the camp that will go out less when in a committed relationship. I love to dance, and I really do hope that in my next relationship I will find someone who loves it too. But if not, then I have no problems cutting back for the sake of the relationship (notice i did not say "stop"). I don't need a salsa fix every week. Quality over quantity every time for me.
 
even if both sides love dancing, if you continue social dancing 6-7 times a week, i wouldnt feel like i'm in a relationship. (dancing once or twice per night makes 10 mins :) )
so if you both love dancing, it's best to find a place like "floridita" in your city and go there sometimes.
 
DJ Ara said:
When you are a good dancer in a scene such as the salsa one, you can have all the fun in the world as regards casual dating and casual sex, if that is your thing. So, unless you have this inner need to "be" with someone for the long haul then you are happy as a single.
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Not quite true from my observations, and experience. If you have a 'player' personality (or at least those skills), it's many times more magnified and effective if you are also a good dancer. But if at the core of it all you are someone whose personality/skills/approach doesn't enable you to engage in casual stuff or be somewhat of a player, then being a great salsa dancer isn't going to do much for you.

DJ Ara said:
Of course, in my more than two decades of working in salsa clubs, I have also come to appreciate that some people stay single because of character faults, including chronic stinginess, emotional/psychological issues, etc.
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Non-dancers have these issues too. People often get over emotional issues, and learn to adapt to such issues in a partner. This is not why people stay single.

An important reason why people - dancers esp. - stay single is that they are looking to date another dancer AND they have other filters (type, education, race, religion, emotional or psycologoical issues, children, baggage, wanderlust, performance desires, life goals... and so on). In itself, any of these can limit the number of potential dating prospects, but when you also want that person to be a dancer of a certain calibre, you are truly faced with a miniscule dating pool - which naturally leads to starvation.

People often do get out of this rut eventually by meeting someone from out of the scene - in other words, they end up dating a non-dancer and it often works out (IME, dancers who start dating a non-dancer in most cases end up with them long term...).

Any relationship takes time - those who aren't willing to put in that time (which might mean time away from dancing) are very likely going to fail in that relationship... even two dancers dating each other often tend to cut down on dancing to be together (and when they don't invest in each other, they often fail at the relationship sooner or later).
 
TrulyMadlyAmanda said:
im afraid id have to disagree. the top two reasons ive noticed amongst my salsa acquaintances and students for stopping/going to salsa much less are:

1) getting into a relationship
2) going over to the dark side (aka tango)

that's from a sample of a few thousand people, so i think it's probably a 'trend'...

number 3) would be teaching and starting to think of salsa as work, number 4) is injuries, 5) getting over their salsa addiction somehow - all jmho
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lol why would you be afraid to disagree.......

Getting over salsaddiction?? :eek: nooooo lol

I suppose the last time I was in a relationship, I went out less, and that relationship was with a salsero. I'd make excuses to "stay home" and instead sneak to the salsa place he didn't like because he thought it was a dive. :evil:
 
some of you are giving reasons for "dancers chronically single" but the post is about GREAT dancers...

I saw a video where the host said "these international teachers spent 47 out of the 52 weekends travelling teaching classes"..he was talking about jordan and tatiana..I wouldnt date jordan hehe

tatiana is engaged but we know women are different ;)
 
kbitten said:
some of you are giving reasons for "dancers chronically single" but the post is about GREAT dancers...
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I am a great dancer, this is why I've written my own opinions :tongue:

kbitten said:
I saw a video where the host said "these international teachers spent 47 out of the 52 weekends travelling teaching classes"
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Mario is not staying in London for a single weekend but he has a gf.
 
re _great_ dancers -

it's a matter of semantics. you might think that _great_ refers to the top 5 percentile (likely a small elite group in the world) , and i might think that it refers to the top 20 percentile (likely less than a handful in cities with really good scene). they are both equally reasonable interpretations. if _great_ was intended to refer to an extremely small set of world-class dancers only, then it was certainly not phrased in a clear manner :-p

besides, the chronic single-ness of five-dozen dancers who are world-class is not a social phenomenon that is likely to yield general observations upon analysis - they are highly irregular and highly eccentric people, with likley character traits that make them highly prone to several other outlier characteristics in aspects of life outside salsa.
 
"Mario is not staying in London for a single weekend but he has a gf."

Her "mechanic" gives her tune-ups on the weekends...j/k.........
 
From a new to salsa dancing/casual dancer perspective, I can say im not opposed to dating a salsera, however some of the points brought up here I would highly consider such as how regularly does she want to dance salsa(with or without me), and is salsa a casual part, just another part of things to do for enterntainment and fun or is it a way of life, if the latter id be more hesitant
 
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