Those who ask aggressively generally lack empathy. For them it is a numbers game. There are times you know before a guy asks, he is going to get a rejection. Reading body language, mannerisms, etc is also a social skills. Much needed too.
Dance Rejection
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Those who ask aggressively generally lack empathy. For them it is a numbers game. There are times you know before a guy asks, he is going to get a rejection. Reading body language, mannerisms, etc is also a social skills. Much needed too.
The level and type of aggressiveness is important to distinguish. You can say that a leader who is actively trying to score dances is always going to get more dances than the leader who doesn’t. They will also get rejected more simply because they ask more - which to me is the same as being more ‘aggressive’. If I use the word aggressive, then I mean someone who is persistent, is very pro-active when asking new followers and doesn’t let rejection deter them. If someone has to use physical force or is continuously asking a follow while ignoring all the cues, then I would place them into a different category of aggression - which is the undesirable kind.
The type of aggressive leads I refer to often have desirable traits which allow them to get the dance they want with whoever they want. They can read people and know when to back off. An aggressive person who displays no desirable traits and is clueless when it comes to reading verbal/physical cues is a different breed entirely and is usually not who I’m referring to.
I will quote what NPEADS wrote, which I think nails it when talking about aggressive leads.
Key phrase “Girls reward these guys, they ask for dances from these guys later, because they are sure these guys like them”.
Is it some black magic that these guys are using that are making these girls ask them to dance? No, that’s nonsense. But it started with the guy being aggressive, then backing off (or not), and allowing the follower to come to them. That requires some pretty high level empathy, IMO.
I have witnessed this behavior a lot with Latin/Italian/Greek guys. There are a lot of leaders out there who can get people to dance using their charm and charisma. They know how to work a room. They also display empathy. But they are also aggressive because they usually ask multiple times knowing that they have a good chance if they keep asking.
Of course you have the occasional leader who is just abrasive, crude and physically abusive from those countries as well, but I am not talking about those guys.
Obviously, no one is going to want to dance with a slob who smells bad and is yanking people’s arms off.
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My experience is that overly aggressive guys still get dances, girls just don't want to dance multiple songs with them when they insist too much.
Empathic smart guy will feel clueless if he has not faced rejections before. It will embarrass him. This will effect his confidence when asking for dances from the next girl. Guys have to isolate or ignore these feelings or even to stop overthinking why the girl rejected him and move on.
The narcissistic guy will tell himself that it's the girls loss. Sometimes the girls see that and realize that his confidence is not shuttered and appreciate that.
Italian, Greek or Latin guys grew up seeing these. So they know there is no shame in asking again. Girls also see it as a confidence as he is still cool without feeling down or ashamed.
In 90 percent cases the rejections are tests. The guy is not smelly or a bad dancer.
You can have three responses 1) You can think from her side. she is busy/tired/she doesn't like me or I am not good enough. That's the only way you can lose. You will reconfirm her initial doubt about your self confidence 2) if you are nice and smile and retry she takes it as the best 3) if you are nice and you move on, she might agree to dance with you later in that night or on the next day.
There was a girl who was the teacher's assistant and would never dance with me because I was a beginner. Then I ran into her in Mexico. She would not leave me for the whole class (even though she was the teacher) because I was a foreigner and girls were instantly interested in me. In USA Latin guys are ahead of me, because they are supposed to be better dancers. In Mexico every one wants that cute foreigner (no matter how he looks like).
It's raw it's ruthless, it's ugly. But there is a pecking order. If men women ratio is high she will select some and reject some and come up with weird excuses for the rejections. She may not know why, so the excuses will be weird.
It's almost like she can't marry all, she has to pick.
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I just don’t think it’s a good idea to label aggressive leads as bad when in some instances (actually, many instances), that kind of behavior works.
What does an empathic, smart guy look like? lol. In my mind, that’s a ‘nice guy’. I imagine some guy living inside his own head, trying to figure out what went wrong every time he gets a rejection.
Ideally, dance rejection won’t shatter confidence. If you can get over that, then navigating through the dance world becomes super easy.
There are guys who will ask a lot ( be aggressive in asking) and girls will want them to ask or will ask them. They either are good dancers or have social capital or attractive to that particular set of girls. It could be a combination or two or more.
There are guys that will ask a lot and many girls will avoid them. That's mostly because either they are bad dancers (unaware of their skills) or rough or not attractive to some ladies.
These are both aggressive but different breed. One is aware of their standing and social acceptance. Other is not. It is incorrect to paint everything with a broad brush.
Then you have third category. I am lumping in this those who give creepy vibes, don't maintain good hygiene, ; KK of being groppy, etc.
A younger guy sometimes will get away with negatives more than an older guy.
Similarly guys will ask certain girls more - younger attractive, or good dancers, or giving friendly vibes,
There are guys that will ask a lot and many girls will avoid them. That's mostly because either they are bad dancers (unaware of their skills) or rough or not attractive to some ladies.
These are both aggressive but different breed. One is aware of their standing and social acceptance. Other is not. It is incorrect to paint everything with a broad brush.
Then you have third category. I am lumping in this those who give creepy vibes, don't maintain good hygiene, ; KK of being groppy, etc.
A younger guy sometimes will get away with negatives more than an older guy.
Similarly guys will ask certain girls more - younger attractive, or good dancers, or giving friendly vibes,
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If you are going to use the adjectives empathetic and smart together, then that person is very likely not clueless.
There is no downside to being a nice guy. There are nice guys who are aggressives and those who aren't. Being nice doesn't have anything to do with low self esteem or not having confidence.
You can be empathetic, smart and nice who may be aggressive or not.
You could be non-empathetic and smart who may be aggressive or not.
You could be smart and not nice.
You could be an $sshole.
Irrespective, all of above will get dances most of the time.
Saying most followers are indulging in rejection as some nefarious mind games or as a test is all BS.
Reasons for rejection are rather simple. They don’t want to dance that dance/song (sit it out) or they don’t want to dance with you that song/dance or they don’t want to dance with you, period.
There is no downside to being a nice guy. There are nice guys who are aggressives and those who aren't. Being nice doesn't have anything to do with low self esteem or not having confidence.
You can be empathetic, smart and nice who may be aggressive or not.
You could be non-empathetic and smart who may be aggressive or not.
You could be smart and not nice.
You could be an $sshole.
Irrespective, all of above will get dances most of the time.
Saying most followers are indulging in rejection as some nefarious mind games or as a test is all BS.
Reasons for rejection are rather simple. They don’t want to dance that dance/song (sit it out) or they don’t want to dance with you that song/dance or they don’t want to dance with you, period.
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1derpalm
Son Montuno
I reject at least 3 x a week.
This must be a typo.
1derpalm
Son Montuno
NO. I say no if I don't like a song, think it's too fast for me or them, or don't like the person asking.
Her: can we dance?
Me: No, this song is too fast for you.
Her: understandable. What about the next song?
Me: I don't like you.
Her: very well, kind sir.
I agree. In theory ideally a lead can be empathetic, charming, influential and intelligent.
In reality its possible (I have seen some), but rare.
Its the big amygdala that makes some empathetic. And it also makes these people indecisive because they try to see different perspectives. Less assertive in many situations.
Research has shown narcissistic people are more successful in leadership, being more influential (statistically). Stereotypes are wrong (like empathetic people cannot be aggressive) but having a sense of statistics is not.
Similarly intelligent people also have hard time to be decisive. Most intelligent people are empathetic (brain structure?) but are perceived as less empathetic (many times perceived as the devils advocate).
I have probably directly rejected only 3 to 5 times in my whole life.
Implicit rejections should not be counted I guess. Like she is standing next to the lead or looking at the lead and the lead did not ask her?
Now you're talking my language.
If implicit rejections were counted, I'd be like the rejection king.
Most follows do not reject.
Those who do, do not have a nefarious mind. Its the way of feeling uncomfortable. Also the ways of flirting are different in different places. Its a reflection of inability to connect between the lead and the follow.
Not most the guys who are rejected are bad/rough dancers or smell bad.
Similarly the girls will reject many the dating proposals. That does not mean the guys who are asking have something inherently wrong with them or the girls who are rejecting are doing something nefarious
There are unknown reasons behind these rejections We can disagree on why (because its all our opinions based on observations. I value body languages more than the words).
Just be normal and not creepy
What!!
Creepy to be normal or normal to be creepy, that is the question
Time to change from “be normal and not creepy” mode when asking never danced before girls
It might work, what do you have to lose but a rejection!