A privilege, yes.
Re: projecting sympathy. If I see someone who looks tired, I won't automatically assume they are. In my mind, there's no better time to ask.
Dance Rejection
- Thread starter Irish-Salsa-dancer
- Start date
A privilege, yes.
Re: projecting sympathy. If I see someone who looks tired, I won't automatically assume they are. In my mind, there's no better time to ask.
Two separate nights.Same evening?
Mambero75
Changui
Like I've already stated, they may have very good reason to avoid dancing with someone. I totally get it and on occasion will say "no" to someone as I really don't enjoy dancing with them. It's rare but it happens and it's ok.
Your reply doesn't seem to have anything to do with what you quoted me on.
In many culture or dance scenes rejections are very normal. If you are a single male going to dance at a place where no one knows you, in some dance scenes you will face a few rejections.
Girls or guys will say rejections are because you cannot dance or you smell bad or you are creepy.
Watch the guys who gets rejected. Tell us back if any of these are true.
There are types of rejections.
1) She is very happy that you asked her. She will still reject you to test you.
2) She is avoiding you. She is happy that you did not ask. She does not want to dance with you. She is actively avoiding being asked by you.
3) She does not know you. She already had a few dances or there are many guys interested in dancing with her. She rejects you because of the odds.
Girls just feel more comfortable with some guys. Being nice, being empathetic to girls or other guys would not help.
Things that I have found useful is described below ( I have used the term "you", its applicable to me as well).
1) Go take the class and most girls in the class will dance with you if you danced with them during a rotation.
She already danced with you for the rotation. Even if you are a horrible dancer, she has already accepted you. Most likely she will do it again.
2) Once girls in the class are dancing with you other girls will dance with you regardless of your dance skills.
3) If you are going to a social where a couple of girls know you then all the girls will dance with you,
4) A black list does not work(specially if male to female ratio is high). Asking the same girl a few times almost always work (Girls reward these guys, they ask for dances from these guys later, because they are sure these guys like them). They like being asked multiple times. Watch how latin/italian/greek guys chase girls. Salsa scenes are influenced by that.
5) Many times the girl will say I am taking a rest. If you do not wait for her she might take it as a rejection. If you wait for her and her favorite dancer asks her she might break all the laws and dance with him. You can put her in the black list in girls' dictionary the other guy made her dance and you did not. Rules are based on ballroom dance etiquette. It does not go well with salsa. Latin girls will not follow the ballroom etiquette. Other girls will follow their behavior
6) Girls are passive. Many girls who come to the dance floor are single. They have love-interest (no matter how vague or distant it is).
7) Dance schools may have a different culture than latin socials. Even in dance schools you may be the most popular guy among the girls and some day many girls may be annoyed at you for no reason.
8) Some circles have a high female to male ratio and girls do not reject as much. Popular girls will still reject a few guys
Girls or guys will say rejections are because you cannot dance or you smell bad or you are creepy.
Watch the guys who gets rejected. Tell us back if any of these are true.
There are types of rejections.
1) She is very happy that you asked her. She will still reject you to test you.
2) She is avoiding you. She is happy that you did not ask. She does not want to dance with you. She is actively avoiding being asked by you.
3) She does not know you. She already had a few dances or there are many guys interested in dancing with her. She rejects you because of the odds.
Girls just feel more comfortable with some guys. Being nice, being empathetic to girls or other guys would not help.
Things that I have found useful is described below ( I have used the term "you", its applicable to me as well).
1) Go take the class and most girls in the class will dance with you if you danced with them during a rotation.
She already danced with you for the rotation. Even if you are a horrible dancer, she has already accepted you. Most likely she will do it again.
2) Once girls in the class are dancing with you other girls will dance with you regardless of your dance skills.
3) If you are going to a social where a couple of girls know you then all the girls will dance with you,
4) A black list does not work(specially if male to female ratio is high). Asking the same girl a few times almost always work (Girls reward these guys, they ask for dances from these guys later, because they are sure these guys like them). They like being asked multiple times. Watch how latin/italian/greek guys chase girls. Salsa scenes are influenced by that.
5) Many times the girl will say I am taking a rest. If you do not wait for her she might take it as a rejection. If you wait for her and her favorite dancer asks her she might break all the laws and dance with him. You can put her in the black list in girls' dictionary the other guy made her dance and you did not. Rules are based on ballroom dance etiquette. It does not go well with salsa. Latin girls will not follow the ballroom etiquette. Other girls will follow their behavior
6) Girls are passive. Many girls who come to the dance floor are single. They have love-interest (no matter how vague or distant it is).
7) Dance schools may have a different culture than latin socials. Even in dance schools you may be the most popular guy among the girls and some day many girls may be annoyed at you for no reason.
8) Some circles have a high female to male ratio and girls do not reject as much. Popular girls will still reject a few guys
ugh this was seriously hard to read, I feel like I just travelled 30 years back. We don't reject guys to feel great when he comes back 3rd time, and we are not rejecting anyone just to "test" them. It's partner dancing not some twisted dating highschool club. If I reject someone for the 3rd time in a row, I have a reason for that - and the reason definitely is not that I'm passive and just waiting for a love-interest
I won't coment on the rest, this is all so fundamentally wrong.
Preach. The aggressive Europeans always get the girls. Always. Same with the Latinos.
A lot of girls tell me they appreciate being wanted (for dancing or more) and unless the lead is completely rancid the aggressive no fear approach seems to work more often than not.
I look at it like halfway in between a proper ballroom social and a high school club.
The etiquette that was created primarily to distinguish the Salsa scene from a typical night club scene may work in some environments but it may also backfire in another.
The best approach IMO is to observe the locals and see what is happening. You may choose to follow their etiquette or stick to your guns, but I've found that the scene won't bend to your will.
No idea what this etiquette is and I don't care much to be frank. I like the place, I stay, I don't like, I leave. Don't want to dance with someone, I don't, he can come back 8 times, he will be rejected 8 times until he gets the message. I dance for fun, if someone won't dance with me, it's ok too. But I won't be pushed into anything I don't want. I have to say that the post above gave me a cringe but now I understand the mentality of some individuals who just keep coming and being pushy, refusing to take NO. I have met so much of this, including a few really disgusting guys who dare to just grab my wrist trying to drag me to the dancefloor, but it is really not ok and shouldn't be accepted.
Last edited:
bailar y tocar
Son Montuno
I cannot speak for Europe post pandemic as my first dance event in EU since 2017 is tonight (due to travel and salsa club restrictions, I did not dance on my visit in 2021). So my EU salsa dance comment is pre-pandemic.
IME, all scenes I danced in were follow heavy. Rejections were very rare and were more club specific than anything else. I shall report back from Salsabar Wien - in Vienna Mondays and from Club Soda and from Havana in Berlin on Thursday/Sunday and Wednesday/Saturday respectively.
Sidenote: looks like all the Cuban scenes are up and running again which works for me as I try to avoid linear if at all possible.
Sidenote2: its areal disappointment for me if I show up at a a cuban scene, there is a great timba playing and I happen to ask a follow who turns out to be linear and stumbled into a cuban set. Then I am enviously looking at all the other leads who got to dance with the awesome timberas and I got a "meh" dance.
I do not mean it to be true for all girls. Many girls will dance with anyone.ugh this was seriously hard to read, I feel like I just travelled 30 years back. We don't reject guys to feel great when he comes back 3rd time, and we are not rejecting anyone just to "test" them. It's partner dancing not some twisted dating highschool club. If I reject someone for the 3rd time in a row, I have a reason for that - and the reason definitely is not that I'm passive and just waiting for a love-interest
I feel like there is a cultural difference (even between cities). Also there are social groups. For example people from the same dance school know each other or many latin people have common friends.
Its also influenced by man woman ratio.
If I reject someone for the 3rd time in a row, I have a reason for that - and the reason definitely is not that I'm passive and just waiting for a love-interest
Well if you have never danced with this guy, you might be mistaken. You might like dancing with this guy but you do not know.
Someday some guy will ask you a few times and you might just dance with him just so that this guy stops bothering you.
Then you might even like dancing with this guy. Then someday you might even go back 30 years back and fall for this guy.
This is why neither I nor my friends are ever accepting this. Because we are not taking part in teaching those guys that being rude, aggressive, and ignoring a "no" will eventually pay off when someone finally gives up. What I see around me: if someone is a good dancer and fun to be around, he doesn't need to bother the same woman 5 times after being rejected just to get someone to dance. There is actually a guy in our community who always smells and is usually absolutely soaked in his own sweat. He is hitting on everyone in the club, coming back even after being rejected 10 times over (not a joke, 10x). Always, there is someone who gives up, and then he is giving those who rejected him important looks like "see I have someone else to dance with." Though I wouldn't say it's some great victory, he would do better if he maybe improved his hygiene instead of "I will be so annoying it will eventually pay off" strategy. Yes, you could say he gets the girl in the end, but I don't think his way is worth copying, it's actually pretty sad.
There is a science of sweaty smell. Almost everyone sweats (psychopaths sweat less and smell better. but even they smell bad after a day or two of not showering. Many times they cannot smell so they are unaware).
In our first hour of sweating, no one really smells bad. If a girl or a guy is dancing for three hours, he or she may not smell well. When we sweat we also start to release all kinds of positive hormones. So we are unaware of our partners sweaty self (similar to sports). A lot of salsa dancers are used to deal with each other's sweaty selves (we have our own way of managing sweats and after effects). It's different for bachata dancers or dancers who do not step with fast songs. Some dancers do not dance continuously or take a break when they start to sweat.
not the point of what I was saying and not even related to it but whatever...
There are many points you make where you are only projecting your opinion of what a girl is thinking. It is very hard to get into someone’s head. But there are many points that I can’t relate with. Like the first point you make of girl happy of being asked but still rejecting to test you. I really don’t understand what that is and sounds a bit cuckoo. So do some other points you made.