Whom do you like to dance with, but prefer to be asked?

[Smejmoon]

There are people with whom I share enjoyable dances, but invite them rarely. Often I up front tell them to ask me whenever they want.
One group is celebrities who have a line of people asking them without a respite. I don't want our dances to feel like a chore, so I prefer them to find me when they feel like that.
Other group is physically very attractive people. I'm not sure sure how much I want to dance with them and how much just bask in their presence. They also sometimes have a line of sattelites that I chose not to compete with. And often attraction is not mutual.
Then there are people who like cha-cha-cha or romantica. I won't ask them when there is such music, but when they ask me, I'll dance. I charge my dance from their joy.
Then there are people who I think will be bored dancing with me.
Sometimes there is a combo, so with some people I dance rarely, even if we both enjoy it. Because we ask each other rarely.

 

[Sabrosura]

For me it's the same as what you say about romantica, and in general music I don't particularly like -- if someone who really enjoys that kind of music invites me, I'll happily dance with them and their enjoyment and excitement will make me also enjoy it

There was an Israeli guy at the Paris congress who loves romántica and loved dancing with me and it felt nice that he'd come ask me happily when a romantica came on (He also broke all records of multiple invites a night, he'd invite me 10+ times a night)

(Also: You don't like cha cha?! )

 

[Smejmoon]

(Also: You don't like cha cha?! )

I like guajira, son montuno, boogaloo, but cha cha cha most of the time feels meh to me. With a few exceptions.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

There are people with whom I share enjoyable dances, but invite them rarely. Often I up front tell them to ask me whenever they want.
One group is celebrities who have a line of people asking them without a respite. I don't want our dances to feel like a chore, so I prefer them to find me when they feel like that.
Other group is physically very attractive people. I'm not sure sure how much I want to dance with them and how much just bask in their presence. They also sometimes have a line of sattelites that I chose not to compete with. And often attraction is not mutual.
Then there are people who like cha-cha-cha or romantica. I won't ask them when there is such music, but when they ask me, I'll dance. I charge my dance from their joy.
Then there are people who I think will be bored dancing with me.
Sometimes there is a combo, so with some people I dance rarely, even if we both enjoy it. Because we ask each other rarely.

Good question. I think some people are just obsessive about asking others they enjoy dancing with multiple times per night. Though when the dance is mutually enjoyable but neither feels like asking the other, I feel it is because there is a fear that the other person may not like dancing with them as much as they do.

Now, with attraction, it is a bit different. When it is mutual and we express it during the dance, then it is on. We will find each other again in the crowd and no words are needed. When it's one sided, I will not push the issue. Better to cut my losses and not let it develop into a weird infatuation.

 

[TikiTaka]

There is a girl that asks me for dances sometimes, but only if her favorite leads aren't available. So I don't ask very often.

 

[Bostontraitor]

I assume this is a subject for a follow.
Leads don't get asked often. Even a girl that loves dance with me will wait for me to ask her. That's why i am always impressed if a girl ask me for a dance.

 

[Amun]

There are people with whom I share enjoyable dances, but invite them rarely. Often I up front tell them to ask me whenever they want.
One group is celebrities who have a line of people asking them without a respite. I don't want our dances to feel like a chore, so I prefer them to find me when they feel like that.
Other group is physically very attractive people. I'm not sure sure how much I want to dance with them and how much just bask in their presence. They also sometimes have a line of sattelites that I chose not to compete with. And often attraction is not mutual.
Then there are people who like cha-cha-cha or romantica. I won't ask them when there is such music, but when they ask me, I'll dance. I charge my dance from their joy.
Then there are people who I think will be bored dancing with me.
Sometimes there is a combo, so with some people I dance rarely, even if we both enjoy it. Because we ask each other rarely.

I have one issue with "ask me later" and that is that I never know how much this is a genuine sentence and how much it's "we are friends/I'm polite but I don't want to dance with you, later hopefully you won't find me." so when someone tells me this I never look for them. If I want to dance with someone, I just do at that moment. Who I prefer to dance with personally but never ask are people that I consider much better than me. It's great but I personally also dislike dancing with those worse than me, so I don't put others into the same spot. If they come and ask, great.

 

[Offbeat]

I don’t get asked often. Friends expect me to ask them. Same with the followers who like to dance with me. I have only a few friends in salsa. I have never been too active at the “social” part of salsa. Locally most followers don’t have a habit of asking. Those who knew me well and would ask, retired from dancing a decade back

 

[salsaholica]

I am a follower and sometimes ask. Leaders I usually don't ask are:

for good leaders:
- Leaders in cliques who only dance with advanced followers
- Leaders who only dance with girls they seem to be attracted to (e.g. older guys only dance with young and attrative girls)
- Leaders that seem arrogant (e.g. earing sun glasses, I can't really categorized)
- leaders who 'only' dance with me when the top dancers in my scene are not at a venue. I usually enjoy their dances with me, but it feels I am a bit of a second choice because they are very selective in their dancing and they do not pay attention to me when the top dancers are around
- I haven't been in this situation, but I probably would not ask an international Salsa Celebrity. The only exception is Nery Garcia. I would ask him (but not when there is a queue of other followers waiting). I am not going to US festivals anyway and I haven't seen him in Europe. I have asked some leaders that have a stong IG presence, but I did not consider them as as Salsa celebrities. It were enjoyable dances though, but I also noticed the reality is not as good as they make it look on social media.

I prefer to be asked though, but if there are people I really want to dance with I will ask them.

 

[wol]

One group is celebrities who have a line of people asking them without a respite. I don't want our dances to feel like a chore, so I prefer them to find me when they feel like that.
Other group is physically very attractive people. I'm not sure sure how much I want to dance with them and how much just bask in their presence. They also sometimes have a line of sattelites that I chose not to compete with. And often attraction is not mutual.

Yes, same for me on both points.

Then there are several very musical follows, who I prefer to ask only for very good songs. Often I do not manage to find good song when she is not already asked ...

Follows who demonstrates close relationship with one dancer.
Ah, yes - my old teachers - it often still feels like an exam. But that is really, really my problem

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Follows who demonstrates close relationship with one dancer.

It doesn’t affect me (I only find it moronic), but when I see this:

The childish jog over to get to someone they desperately want to dance with. And both hop around grinning like idiots as they meet in the center of the dance floor so literally everyone can see it. I’m talking about grown ass adults. What a generation we live in..

But seriously, show some composure.

 

[Offbeat]

It doesn’t affect me (I only find it moronic), but when I see this:

The childish jog over to get to someone they desperately want to dance with. And both hop around grinning like idiots as they meet in the center of the dance floor so literally everyone can see it. I’m talking about grown ass adults. What a generation we live in..

But seriously, show some composure.

What's wrong in being childlike! If someone finds joy in grinning and hopping around, that's healthy. After all we go social dancing to feel joyous and happy.

 

[Sabrosura]

It doesn’t affect me (I only find it moronic), but when I see this:

The childish jog over to get to someone they desperately want to dance with. And both hop around grinning like idiots as they meet in the center of the dance floor so literally everyone can see it. I’m talking about grown ass adults. What a generation we live in..

But seriously, show some composure.

Life -- and dance -- is not about composure, but indeed about childlike joy in connecting with others.

Have you considered that they're grinning simply because they're happy to dance together, and not to show off as you seem to think? Thinking that their joy in dancing together is for the purpose of showing off is entirely your assumption and you might want to question where that kind of thinking is coming from at an inner level.

Since you are being so openly condescending in your judgments of other people, I'm going to be very straightforward because this needs to be said:

You are clearly on the autism spectrum and have no understanding of human connection and the accompanying emotions (based on years of reading your comments here and seeing your videos, it is also obvious at a physical level in your movement). You have clearly said that when you dance with a partner it is still mostly about yourself.

There is nothing wrong with that, and it's not your fault of course -- but there is something wrong when you lack awareness and understanding of it and it manifests in these kind of condescending judgments. It would do you good to realize that these condescending judgments, such as calling other people moronic, are simply your subconscious defense mechanism to the fact that at an inner level you feel out of place around such human emotions (which is a common manifestation of autism, so it's completely understandable). And rather than looking inward into why that is (in this case, it's quite clear that it's the autism), your defense mechanism is to judge others as childish for expressing such emotions.

So rather than judging others' childlike joy as moronic, perhaps try to understand that this is a key part of the human experience.

Being a human is not about composure, it's about experiencing emotions such as joy and human connection, it's about feeling and expressing emotion in connecting with others, and dance is a great way to bring that about. And it's sad that someone thinks composure is better than childlike joy.

If you want emotionless composure, then you can dance with robots.

It's always better to try to understand than to judge. How would you feel if others judged you as weird, childish and moronic simply because they don't understand that you're autistic? (And there is plenty of childishness/immaturity in some of the comments you make here, including the one above.) That's exactly what's happening in this case -- because you don't understand the intense happiness of human connection and joy that these people get when dancing together, you judge it as moronic.

I say all this with the best of intentions by the way. Not to criticize but to maybe help you get a bit more awareness into why you default into these judgments.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Thinking that their joy to get together and dance is for the purpose of showing off is entirely your assumption.

Not once did I say they were showing off, or that I assumed they were showing off. But yes, I find the behavior moronic . So what? I’m entitled to that opinion. If someone wants to partake, then of course it doesn’t matter what I say, but I’m still free to express what I think of it.

And since you are being so openly condescending and your judgments of other people, I'm going to be very straightforward as well because this needs to be said:

Openly condescending towards some anonymous group of people.. like how some of us like to belittle people who are dancing Bachata Sensual, Kizomba, or even Salsa? (which I still find odd considering this is a forum for Salsa lovers). This is fair game.
.

So rather than judging others' childlike joy as moronic, perhaps try to understand that this is a key part of the human experience.

I understand that some people need this type of human experience. Nothing wrong with it. Just like there’s nothing wrong with me saying it’s moronic.

It's about feeling and expressing emotion in connecting with others, and dance is a great way to bring that about.

Yes, I agree.. And we all have our own ways of expressing emotion. Some people like to be childlike. Others, like myself, prefer to remain composed. Doesn’t mean I am some kind of emotionless robot. LOL.

The rest of your post is character assasination with no basis. I would urge you to refrain from making such statements about me (or anyone else for that matter) in future.

I have never once made any such statements about you in public like you just did and would never do that, so please be nice.

Thank you.

 

[Sabrosura]

Just like there’s nothing wrong with me saying it’s moronic.

please be nice.

So calling someone's behavior moronic is your idea of being nice?

What if the people in question are reading this right now, would you still feel the same way?

Doesn’t mean I am some kind of emotionless robot. LOL.

I didn't say you are an emotionless robot. Please reread. My point was that you are uncomfortable around people expressing strong emotions such as this childlike joy they get when dancing with someone. And it makes no sense to call it moronic simply because you're not comfortable with it and don't feel it.

 

[Al Israel]

Nothing moronic about childlike joy. That is the feeling I most aim to recreate in life and especially in dance. Some people shoot for showing off perfectly copied robotic shines or being extra sexy seducers/seductresses in BS/Kiz etc. But for me amateurish musicality and games built together with a happy partner go way way way beyond any of that.

I figure people can be boring, serious, and mature when they are in a retirement home.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

So calling someone's behavior moronic is your idea of being nice?

Yes! I tried to bring levity to the conversation. I don’t expect everyone to agree though, which is cool.

What if the people in question are reading this right now, would you still feel the same way?

It’s possible. But it’s likely on more than one occassion that someone has taken offence over something said on the forums.. I’m sure you can relate to that.

But I’m not calling out anyone specific - because I don’t have anyone specific in mind. It’s just a real-world observation I’ve witnessed on a few occassions.

My point was that you are uncomfortable around people expressing strong emotions such as this childlike joy they get when dancing with someone. And it makes no sense to call it moronic simply because you're not comfortable with it and don't feel it.

Wait.. how am I uncomfortable? I literally prefaced it by saying “it doesn’t affect me”, which means I don’t care either way.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

But for me amateurish musicality and games built together with a happy partner go way way way beyond any of that.

There are many ways to display the joys of Salsa dancing. Even people who don’t outwardly express emotion can enjoy it just as much as someone who does.

Or if someone prefers to dance Salsa alone and derives the most pleasure from that, then it’s equally as valid. If they don’t always want to be connected to a partner, there’s nothing wrong with that.

 

[Sabrosura]

Wait.. how am I uncomfortable? I literally prefaced it by saying “it doesn’t affect me”, which means I don’t care either way.

Of course that when it is a third party you are not "affected". But nevertheless, having this reaction of judgment means you do care, if you didn't, you would not have this reaction.

Whenever someone feels the need to judge a behavior so harshly, it is making them uncomfortable at an inner level, whether they realize it or not. And often the cause for that discomfort is not in the person's awareness. Unfortunately, we humans have a lot of repressed emotions and parts of ourselves that we are not aware of but which influence a lot of our thoughts and behavior.

It often means that you just don't understand the emotional expression/don't empathize with it, because things we don't understand make us uncomfortable.

What I mean is that basically if given a preference, you would prefer not to interact / dance with / be around people who show intense emotion in your presence, because at some level that makes you uncomfortable (and this does not mean that you are outwardly affected, it can just be a sub-awareness level of anxiety/discomfort that you may not even perceive consciously if you're not aware of it).

And actually my idea of being nice is to say what I'm observing in someone's psychological patterns that is negatively impacting their life, in the hope that perhaps the person will get a bit more awareness about it -- because there's no way for the person to change and improve if they're not aware of these patterns (after 20+ years of psychological education and research, and a very high sensitivity to observing and perceiving psychological patterns in people, and also the sad fact that most people find it very hard to get to the root of these issues by themselves, and it ends up being a self-perpetuating vicious cycle where more and more subconscious defensive mechanisms are stacked on, because the root causes are not being addressed). I'm sorry you felt I was not being nice, but I would encourage you to question why you interpreted my message in that way. As I said, it is truly coming from a place of good intention. If I didn't care I would just not say anything. To me, staying silent in these cases is a lot less nice.

Anyway I will end here, and I hope that some of what I said gets through to you, if not now then someday.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

What I mean is that basically if given a preference, you would prefer not to interact / dance with / be around people who show intense emotion in your presence, because at some level that makes you uncomfortable

Again, where is this coming from? Based on what? A few lines of text that was written?

It’s really a big stretch of the imagination.

You are of course entitled to that opinion, but please don’t provide labels on someone when it isn’t deserved.

There are professional services designed for that sort of thing and is definitely not something I’d remark upon on a message board for dancing.

While I appreciate your concern, it really isn’t needed.