Do you consider yourself to be on the spectrum? (genuine question)
Whom do you like to dance with, but prefer to be asked?
- Thread starter Smejmoon
- Start date
Yep...Childlike joy is the reason I dance. Its why I take lessons. To learn more ways to express this joy.
Salsa music really brings that out for me. Even when I dance alone at home with my headphones on.
But when you find another person like that on the dance floor and connect with them over the music....whew.
Sabrosura
Son Montuno
No, I've looked into it extensively, what I have is "simply" very high sensitivity (which is often present in neurodivergence but by itself is not indicative of anything else; high sensitivity is also very common with highly intelligent people). I've done lots of research into autism / ADHD and taken all the main diagnosis questionnaires and I don't fall anywhere near the spectrum (that said, most neurotypical people can exhibit autistic traits, but you need a certain amount of them to be on the spectrum; and high sensitivity can occasionally bring about some autistic-looking traits, but it's not the same).
If anything, I have always had an uncanny ability/intuition to read people (emotions, body language, microexpressions, even movement), even without trying, and I've always loved connection and physical & emotional intimacy and intense feelings, which is pretty much the opposite of autism. If anything, I'm much closer to the ADHD spectrum (ADHD people love intensity of feeling and intensely stimulating activities -- I have a theory that ADHD is very prevalent in salsa/dance), I actually got evaluated for ADHD by a really good doctor but don't have that either.
So what I have is basically just very high sensitivity
Which could also be categorized as neurodivergence (since it's not typical) but does not imply autism/ADHD.That said, I don't consider any manifestation of neurodivergence as negative, unless it is fairly severe and e.g. causes developmental delays. Neurodivergence in its milder forms is neither positive nor negative, there are always advantages and disadvantages. The only time it becomes negative is -- just as with other subconscious patterns, such as trauma conditioning -- when the person is unaware of how it is influencing their thinking/feeling/behavior.
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Sabrosura
Son Montuno
As a beginner lead I do get asked 2 or 3 times each night I go out. This is increasing as I'm seeing more familiar faces. I can't be too picky, and try to dance with everyone.
I prefer to be asked by much better dancers. If the same advanced dancers asks me twice, I consider that an open invitation for me to invite them in the future. I need to get dances with good dancers, but I don't just go around asking them all to dance. If I see a very good follower on the side of the dance floor dancing her basic step mid song, I consider this an open invitation for anyone to ask. This is how I've got some of my best dances.
If I've danced with someone before and they didn't seem to enjoy themselves I might not ask them again. This is probably a mistake though. I felt this way about a follower who I'm quite attracted to that asked me to dance. I thought she hated the dance then another night she asked me to dance 2 songs.
There are some advanced dancers who I will only ask on slow nights. There is sort of an unspoken thing about not asking them on busy nights that I can read through body language.
I prefer to be asked by much better dancers. If the same advanced dancers asks me twice, I consider that an open invitation for me to invite them in the future. I need to get dances with good dancers, but I don't just go around asking them all to dance. If I see a very good follower on the side of the dance floor dancing her basic step mid song, I consider this an open invitation for anyone to ask. This is how I've got some of my best dances.
If I've danced with someone before and they didn't seem to enjoy themselves I might not ask them again. This is probably a mistake though. I felt this way about a follower who I'm quite attracted to that asked me to dance. I thought she hated the dance then another night she asked me to dance 2 songs.
There are some advanced dancers who I will only ask on slow nights. There is sort of an unspoken thing about not asking them on busy nights that I can read through body language.
And this is the way to give and get a diagnosis. Not on the internet, to a stranger you barely know, by someone who is not a qualified professional. I understand that you mean good but this is simply going too far.
RichNTacoma
Changui
I am new here, and so this might not be popular, but I am saying it because I am new. Referring to anyone's dancing behavior as moronic (especially plain and simple joy) just comes across as judgement and unwelcoming--especially from a moderator. Also, making such judgements and then policing others behavior that is, frankly, less problematic, is, well, problematic in and of itself. Of course, one is free to express such, and I am doing so as well. Cheers.
Sabrosura
Son Montuno
Thank you for saying this.
@SalsaGipsy This is why I spoke up. Not to try to diagnose anyone (though I am usually very accurate in my perceptions, but of course a doctor should be the one to diagnose) but because I find it very problematic for someone to dish out these kind of harsh judgments as if it is a normal thing, when in fact they should instead be questioning inwardly why they have such harsh (bordering on contemptuous) reactions of disapproval/disgust to something that is a natural and beautiful human emotion -- childlike joy, which in fact many (perhaps most) dancers love to experience and seek in their dancing -- as seen in the other comments in this discussion as well.
To be clear: I'm not saying everyone should be very expressive emotionally or seek this out in their dancing. Everyone is different. But when someone has this kind of strong negative reaction to seeing someone simply express childlike joy when they dance, it should be a red flag and it's a good idea to look inward and see where this negative reaction is coming from (and I offered a plausible suggestion and sympathy for the potential cause), rather than just judge those people's behavior as moronic.
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So you can disagree with the opinion (in this case, mine) and that’s fine.
You can even say it’s disturbing without attacking the person saying it, but you chose to make it personal anyway.
Yes, you did attack me, and I don’t know why. What have I ever said to you that would provoke such a response to an impersonal comment?
You reacted by making an armchair medical diagnosis that was completely uncalled for. Yet, I can let that slide. No worries.
If my opinion offended you or anyone else on the forums, then I truly do apologize, but again, that is my opinion and not everyone shares the same views.
I think judging by the replies so far, that my comment did touch a few nerves. I actually expected disagreement.
Now, addressing the following:
You’ll have to forgive me, but where is the policing others behavior comment stemming from? Where exactly did I say the behavior in question should be policed?
I said it is moronic. There’s a difference. I also find putting ketchup on rice moronic… and a million other things as well. Am I now discriminating against childlike joy for people who love putting ketchup on rice? Yes, I like to use colorful language. That’s my prerogative as is your prerogative to disagree with it. So thank you for sharing your thoughts. It has been noted.
And if you or anyone else believes I shouldn’t have said what I said, then that is thought policing, which I am against.
Let’s continue to make this forum a friendly place where everyone can share their thoughts and not be afraid to speak up when offering differing opinions.
Nothing thus far has been censored nor policed and is plain for everyone to see.
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RichNTacoma
Changui
As noted, you can say what you wish. However, moronic is more than just colorful language, it is mean spirited at best, and ableist at worst. Also for the record, I am not saying you should not use such language, but I also can choose to question it.
Also, I would not go as far as assessing you and don't believe that is possible or wise on internet forum (so I agree with your point-- that was not useful, and I am coming from the perspective of a mental health professional with 30 year experience and a PhD in clinical social work, and teach psychotherapy, ect).
Still, you kind of set yourself up for assessment a wee bit when you pathologize healthy expressions of caring and emotion. Yup, your right to do so, but...
Fair enough. Though I find it very suspect that one word can provoke such a reaction. But this is the nature of online discussion. People dissect every word you say. It’s something that I wish wasn’t the case as things easily get blown way out of proportion. Especially as we have a lot of international people here whose first language isn’t English and probably don’t associate as strong a meaning to certain words. Though we are no strangers to controversy here on Salsa Forums as history would indicate. But one thing I will never do is attack members on the forums.
If someone, moderator or not, writes something that you find insulting you are welcome to speak up, discuss, report. As you always do. And as several other posters have done. Giving "diagnosis" for which you are not qualified on a public forum to someone you don't really know goes further than that. If we leave this part out, the rest has been, in my personal opinion, a fairly healthy discussion.
RichNTacoma
Changui
I spent about 15 minutes reflecting on responding, just because I believe strongly in people giving each other the benefit of the doubt, and not hanging on every little word. For me, the issue is not really the word "moronic" (which, is probably not the most exact word you could have used to describe what you wished to say, no??) but the sentiment behind it. That somehow, one should be judged or sneered at for such an obviously innocent behavior that harms nobody. However, "you do you".. All good with me.
Yes, I could have chosen any number of words that would have made less of an impact, except I chose to express it emphatically.
But maybe the confusion comes from the idea that expressing a disliking for one mannerism somehow means there is some pathology behind it?
I find it strange if anyone can make an assertion like that.
If I don’t like it, I don’t like it. Can’t it be as simple as that?
At the end of the day, I will still find it ‘moronic’. It may come across as judgemental to some, but to me, it is a throwaway statement. Or just another emphatic point I wished to make in written form.
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Sabrosura
Son Montuno
I did not attack you and I most definitely am not offended (why would I be offended
) that's not at all why I said all that. I suggested from an objective perspective that you simply examine the possible cause of these negative reactions to others' (as noted above, healthy and normal) emotional expression and that it might be coming from something like autism (and I fully agree that this is something a medical professional should evaluate). To me suggesting such a cause is not a personal attack. (As noted, I am mildly neurodivergent myself, this is just another personal characteristic in someone.) If you choose to take the autism suggestion as a personal attack, that's coming from your own biases.When you make such harsh statements about others' emotional expression, and then proceed to insist what you said is not a big deal, suggesting that you look inward is not a personal attack. You were in fact the one attacking those people by calling their behavior moronic (I'd certainly feel attacked if someone said that about my expression of joy in dance) -- and the fact that you don't see that and see it as "levity" (while at the same time interpreting what *I* said as a personal attack
) only strengthens my point about the potential cause.And no you don't have to like it but there's a big difference between not liking a behavior and the harsh, condescending judgment you expressed in that post. Someone could just as easily judge the heck out of your "dance composure" and call it moronic -- I don't think you'd like that, no? As this would indeed be a personal attack.
Anyway let's end this here
Back on topic...
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You are right, apologies! Let's go back to topic.Guys, I love internet diagnostication of strangers and trolling, etc. But you are hurting my feelings by doing this in my thread.
I still don’t tihnk I attacked anyone because my intention was not to attack. There was definitely no malice behind it despite the words used. I can’t choose how others will interpret my words so I guess we will never agree who or if anyone was attacked.
And no, it doesn’t strengthen any point about anything. You are seeing something that just isn’t there. I can assure you. I’m not sure why keep doing that. Soliciting that information to me in public or private is not appreciated.
Sabrosura
Son Montuno
What I said to you was not intended to be an attack either, so there is no reason for you to feel offended
Ok whatever. I give up.
Back on topic!
Back on topic!