What's the proper response to: "Oh I'm not a pro or good dancer like you!"

[artimalid]

Just looking for some creative ways to lighten up the mood. Just trying to be friendly or escalate it to friendship or not act too arrogant. Sometimes you think they're dancers but they probably just started that night or only dance casually once in a blue moon. Do you still take them up for a dance?

Other fun questions I see people and myself get are:

• Oh I'm not a pro or good dancer like you!
• I only dance cumbia sorry, are you okay with that?
• Oh you're so good! How did you get so good?
• What's your number?
• I haven't seen you here before, what's your name?
• Do you go here often?
• And the notorious, do you want to dance again? (and again, after the third time)

Any cool friendly responses for these?

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Other fun questions I see people and myself get are:

• Oh I'm not a pro or good dancer like you!
• I only dance cumbia sorry, are you okay with that?
• Oh you're so good! How did you get so good?
• What's your number?
• I haven't seen you here before, what's your name?
• Do you go here often?
• And the notorious, do you want to dance again? (and again, after the third time)

Point 1: The line I get is usually “I’m just a beginner”, which sometimes means they are intimidated to dance with you. I usually just hand wave it away and extend my hand out.

(To answer your thread question: I would just hand wave them away and dismiss it while I stand up and ask them to dance. If they say no, fine, but dismissing their fears of not being good enough is usually reason enough for them to accept)

Point 2: I never get that line since I never go anywhere where cumbia is a thing. I’d not be thrilled to dance with a person who said this, but I’d still dance with them as I respect their honesty.

Point 3: Don’t get this line a lot, either. Usually it’s ‘where did you learn?’ and I tell them exactly where I learned in the world. Since I’m a foreigner, this is good conversation bait.

Point 4: Phone numbers??? I don’t hear this anymore as it’s old fashioned. Nowadays it’s ’do you have social media’, which is a very normal thing to ask. I swap contact information like I buy groceries at the supermarket using contactless payment… without even thinking

Point 5: Good question. I am usually direct and ask “what’s your name?” because I honestly have no idea and just want to get that awkwardness of not knowing what to call them out of the way. I’m pretty bad with names so I need to ask this in a direct manner.

Point 6: This is such a cliche line lol. I have never used it nor heard it outside of North America. I also think it’s tacky. I prefer to ask “where do you usually go dancing?” as it gives off the impression I wouldn’t mnind running into them again without it being intrusive.

Point 7: Pretty easy line I use all the time. Usually asked after conversing a bit as I’m buying my time until the next song starts. This can snowball into 3rd/4th/5th dances quite easily.

 

[rheemixed]

When someone says to me that they're a beginner so they are afraid to dance, I tell them so am I! I just started yesterday! Usually good for a chuckle or two and makes them feel more at ease.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

When someone says to me that they're a beginner so they are afraid to dance, I tell them so am I! I just started yesterday! Usually good for a chuckle or two and makes them feel more at ease.

Yes I say this too sometimes to lighten the mood. The absurdity is good for a few laughs and usually ends with acceptance.

 

[happy]

I usually say “it doesn’t matter” or silently shrug.
The person then usually seems comfortable and most of the time will ask for another dance during that night/on another occasion.

I also make sure to ask them for a dance to make sure they don’t feel like beginner’s can’t dance with advanced beginner’s (which is what I am at best lol).

 

[artimalid]

Point 5: Good question. I am usually direct and ask “what’s your name?” because I honestly have no idea and just want to get that awkwardness of not knowing what to call them out of the way. I’m pretty bad with names so I need to ask this in a direct manner.

Point 6: This is such a cliche line lol. I have never used it nor heard it outside of North America. I also think it’s tacky. I prefer to ask “where do you usually go dancing?” as it gives off the impression I wouldn’t mnind running into them again without it being intrusive.

Point 7: Pretty easy line I use all the time. Usually asked after conversing a bit as I’m buying my time until the next song starts. This can snowball into 3rd/4th/5th dances quite easily.

I sometimes get into this social dance approach where I try to with individuals that have similar levels to me. Is this somewhat impolite? Sometimes when I assume someone dances but discover they don't, I just also stop "oh, it's okay, we'll dance another time." Usually, dancing with a nonsocial dancer can be disastrous if I'm not in the mood. I felt terrible, but I do what I can, there was a new follow who would literally spin so far when I tried to raise her arm up, and she'd perform some odd club like movement that was some hybrid of the makarena and Shakira shaking her bossom. I tried to do what I can but felt horrible especially when they just brush it off and move on so quickly after telling them a heartful thank you, I do love your style! IDK what else to do in this case

How do you manage to trade socials while in the middle of a loud dance floor? Do you worry when the next song starts playing? I usually would catch a second dance with them after this but mostly, when I attempt to do this, I'd see myself standing danceless while the new song is already playing and the follow's asked for a different dance, may happen always because my community is always lead heavy

I also get asked alot what my name is. I don't know why, but it usually always happens after a dance. We'd exchange names but then I wouldn't actually see or remember that person again. Is this how it sometimes is for you?

It probably must be nice to able to dance more than 3 times with a follow. I'm working on trying not to choke on a second or even third dance, usually because I'll find myself repeating patterns or feeling bored and wanting to show her new things, but I've also experienced where they, too, get bored by the third dance and it usually doesn't end well. I'm not particularly skilled when it comes to dancing with anyone more than once. Definitely a skill issue on my part.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

I sometimes get into this social dance approach where I try to with individuals that have similar levels to me. Is this somewhat impolite? Sometimes when I assume someone dances but discover they don't, I just also stop "oh, it's okay, we'll dance another time." Usually, dancing with a nonsocial dancer can be disastrous if I'm not in the mood. I felt terrible, but I do what I can, there was a new follow who would literally spin so far when I tried to raise her arm up, and she'd perform some odd club like movement that was some hybrid of the makarena and Shakira shaking her bossom. I tried to do what I can but felt horrible especially when they just brush it off and move on so quickly after telling them a heartful thank you, I do love your style! IDK what else to do in this case

I don’t stop dances unless the other person suggests it first. The reason is that I can make almost any dance work even with non dancers. The only exception is if they’re drunk, in which case I don’t have a problem ending the dance. However, even then I usually finish the dance because I’m polite. But IMO, if you’re sober and you dance with someone who isn’t, then it’s fully within your right to end it for everyone’s safety.

I don’t think it’s impolite ending the dance as long as it’s mutual. If you just walked off without saying a word, then I’d consider that impolite.

How do you manage to trade socials while in the middle of a loud dance floor? Do you worry when the next song starts playing? I usually would catch a second dance with them after this but mostly, when I attempt to do this, I'd see myself standing danceless while the new song is already playing and the follow's asked for a different dance, may happen always because my community is always lead heavy

I’m not what trade socials mean? Unless you mean trading social contact information?

If I want to dance again with the same dancer immediately and I don’t know them, I will just ask for another dance as soon as the next song starts. I can usually see it in their face and in their body language as they will continue to groove through the intro, which usually means they’re game for a repeat dance. Sometimes no words are necessary.

Standing danceless…. what’s wrong with that? Everybody is standing danceless until they pick up their next partner.

I also get asked alot what my name is. I don't know why, but it usually always happens after a dance. We'd exchange names but then I wouldn't actually see or remember that person again. Is this how it sometimes is for you?

Sure, it happens to me. I usually don’t ask for names unless I am for sure interested in getting to know the person. If someone asks for my name, I will reciprocate, but it’s likely I won’t remember theirs. Honestly, I need something memorable to associate with name recall, which usually has something to do with their look or their dancing.

It probably must be nice to able to dance more than 3 times with a follow. I'm working on trying not to choke on a second or even third dance, usually because I'll find myself repeating patterns or feeling bored and wanting to show her new things, but I've also experienced where they, too, get bored by the third dance and it usually doesn't end well. I'm not particularly skilled when it comes to dancing with anyone more than once. Definitely a skill issue on my part.

IMO, it’s more a confidence issue than a skill issue. I see below average guys monopolizing followers all the time. If you don’t ask for repeat dances, then people assume you don’t want to dance with them again. This for me is reason enough to ditch the 1-dance rule.

I understand how getting repeat dances can result in people feeling bored, but honestly I don’t feel that way with people I ask for repeat dances. As far as I know, they don’t feel bored either.

 

[eclo]

IMO, it’s more a confidence issue than a skill issue. I see below average guys monopolizing followers all the time. If you don’t ask for repeat dances, then people assume you don’t want to dance with them again. This for me is reason enough to ditch the 1-dance rule.

I understand how getting repeat dances can result in people feeling bored, but honestly I don’t feel that way with people I ask for repeat dances. As far as I know, they don’t feel bored either.

This. I’m probably one of the most advanced followers in my scene, I dance repeat dances with much lower skilled leads all the time. Why? Number one reason is they actually ask. Also they’re friendly, the dance is fun even if it’s not technically great.

 

[Offbeat]

This. I’m probably one of the most advanced followers in my scene, I dance repeat dances with much lower skilled leads all the time. Why? Number one reason is they actually ask. Also they’re friendly, the dance is fun even if it’s not technically great.

So why don’t you ask more skilled leads unless you really have all the fun dancing with lower skill ones more

There are a lot of factors that go into asking. Setting skill level aside other factors like how well you know them, how friendly they are, the age gap, who else is asking them, how prevalent repeat dancing is in your scene. For example in my scene repeat dancing usually is taken as a signal that you don’t want to dance with others.

There are many time you can tell a follower is reluctant but says yes. A guy that is oblivious to fact she is trying to sit it out will ask and a guy that is not will not. How would a follower know which guys are not asking because they already sensed she wants to take a break. She won’t.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

There are many time you can tell a follower is reluctant but says yes. A guy that is oblivious to fact she is trying to sit it out will ask and a guy that is not will not.

IME, trying to gauge whether a follower is tired is meaningless. Guys will ask followers who are dripping in sweat if they are high in demand without much regard to their exhaustion levels.

Not all who do this are oblivious. They just don't care.

Guys who sit on the sidelines waiting for the same follower to be well rested likely will never get to dance with that follower.

So it benefits guys to ask even if they think the follower is tired. If the answer is no, then fine but at least they asked.

 

[1derpalm]

Just looking for some creative ways to lighten up the mood. Just trying to be friendly or escalate it to friendship or not act too arrogant. Sometimes you think they're dancers but they probably just started that night or only dance casually once in a blue moon. Do you still take them up for a dance?

Other fun questions I see people and myself get are:

• Oh I'm not a pro or good dancer like you!
• I only dance cumbia sorry, are you okay with that?
• Oh you're so good! How did you get so good?
• What's your number?
• I haven't seen you here before, what's your name?
• Do you go here often?
• And the notorious, do you want to dance again? (and again, after the third time)

Any cool friendly responses for these?

Oh I'm not a pro or good dancer like you!
A: "That's okay I F##k up all the time. I f##ked up 3 times on the way to asking you.

I only dance cumbia sorry, are you okay with that?
A: (TBH I have NEVER heard this. I get "I'm form such and such and I just dance" or "I do it the real way".)

Oh you're so good! How did you get so good?
A: I'm trust me. You'll be better than me in 6 weeks.

What's your number?
A: I don't know. I've been drunk almost every time.

I haven't seen you here before, what's your name?
A: Jason (or "The Handsome Stranger")

Do you go here often?
A: Nope.

And the notorious, do you want to dance again? (and again, after the third time)
A: sure. Or: Ice cream time. Or: I actually hate this song. Can we rain check.

 

[artimalid]

The only exception is if they’re drunk, in which case I don’t have a problem ending the dance. However, even then I usually finish the dance because I’m polite. But IMO, if you’re sober and you dance with someone who isn’t, then it’s fully within your right to end it for everyone’s safety.

I don’t think it’s impolite ending the dance as long as it’s mutual. If you just walked off without saying a word, then I’d consider that impolite.

I'm the opposite in this stage of dancing, dancing with drunks could be easy because they don't really mind and I'm generally a bit more hard on myself when it comes to leading inexperienced or beginner dancers, still working on my insecurities as they fault me up. The drunks don't quite care. But super drunk beginners are hidden disasters, they wouldn't know or have a bad gauge of their spins.

When I was beginning, I've gotten follows who at least politely stopped me in the middle of a song and say thank you to walk away lol.

Though now, there are times where I really just wanted to end a dance, it was either because they really don't know salsa or were just dancing some weird hybrid of club, afraid of their safety as they would spin and hit someone behind and then even look as if I'm to blame, there's only so much I can control and protect... I can tell if they're a BS dancer but these ones are okay.

The ones I had to also do double takes on are just weird-vibed follows, either they were insecure or just didn't really like me from the get go. The ones who really have no emotions and are sort of waiting on you to impress them are the worst, I'm not sure why they have that attitude... It's as if they were on some anti-depressant, the song (even if it was a BS song) is uppity, zingy, it's happy, yet they have a blank expression or literally zero feedback.

If I want to dance again with the same dancer immediately and I don’t know them, I will just ask for another dance as soon as the next song starts. I can usually see it in their face and in their body language as they will continue to groove through the intro, which usually means they’re game for a repeat dance. Sometimes no words are necessary.

Standing danceless…. what’s wrong with that? Everybody is standing danceless until they pick up their next partner.

IMO, it’s more a confidence issue than a skill issue. I see below average guys monopolizing followers all the time. If you don’t ask for repeat dances, then people assume you don’t want to dance with them again. This for me is reason enough to ditch the 1-dance rule.

I understand how getting repeat dances can result in people feeling bored, but honestly I don’t feel that way with people I ask for repeat dances. As far as I know, they don’t feel bored either.

Very interesting take and thank you for sharing. My overly polite, introverted side would simply thank the follow and run away. Yes, the dance with them was fantastic, but I often recall how a follow would just stand there staring at me before I would go on to another dancer.

It's just a little hard to work on especially if your primary approach for a night is to just really just dance... But I don't want to come across as some desperate player because I've seen and heard about leads in my scene who are just so persistent, not for a dance but to be with the follow for most of the night, yes, it depends on the venue's culture too...

I try to be as pleasant and respectful, and I feel like asking them for a second dance to be weird and disrespectful. And it's kind of hilarious because men in latin dance culture, especially latin culture, are known for being pursuers, even when it comes out as poor bravado machismo. Guess it's just how you pull it off...

With that said, I've been told by follows that there are men who just literally don't let go after a song, and without even saying a word, sort of like force them for another dance. Would you like to dance one more? Tell me after this song if you still want to dance, I think these two phrases or something of the like is good enough to get longer dances with a follow. Sort of hard to sometimes especially when music is super loud. What do you think?

 

[artimalid]

IME, trying to gauge whether a follower is tired is meaningless. Guys will ask followers who are dripping in sweat if they are high in demand without much regard to their exhaustion levels.

Not all who do this are oblivious. They just don't care.

Guys who sit on the sidelines waiting for the same follower to be well rested likely will never get to dance with that follower.

So it benefits guys to ask even if they think the follower is tired. If the answer is no, then fine but at least they asked.

Key here that I see is to be super persistent.

There were times I asked follows and they'd gesture they need a rest, and are exhausted, no worries, I walk away, then I see a guy with hair slicked back that makes him resemble an iguana walk pass me and then ask the same follow, was super persistent at it, then I see them just dancing. Interestingly enough, similar leads in my scene are also quite oustpoken, even openly critiquing follows like they're the boss, doing face caresses, ultra dips like no shame lol there are sweaty, gecko looking guys who persist and beg, what do you think about these characters?

 

[artimalid]

For example in my scene repeat dancing usually is taken as a signal that you don’t want to dance with others.

My scene can sometimes be heavy on the politics. There are follows and leads who I both experienced who just do not dance with that person even if it was just one dance, even when it's been over a year. There are leads in my scene who do this to follows. So my talk about repeat dancers with Chris_Yannick is interesting, politics aside, guess if you just look decent, smell okay and are not too exhaustingly sweaty you'll get more dances.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Very interesting take and thank you for sharing. My overly polite, introverted side would simply thank the follow and run away. Yes, the dance with them was fantastic, but I often recall how a follow would just stand there staring at me before I would go on to another dancer.

To be honest, I have no idea how much introvertedness is a factor. I consider myself introverted too. For many years, I would also run away after 1 dance and was grateful for the 1-dance rule because it meant I didn’t have to follow a good/great dance with a potential let down/mediocre dance. As my skill increased, that feeling went away, but also, I dropped my inhibitions about having repeat dances. This is something I learned over time after interacting with many different follows. I don’t mean talking to them, but observing their behavior.

Also, I spent many years dancing in mixed SBK parties and that also shaped my perception of partner dancing. It was common to hold on to partners for more than one dance, especially when the next song was likely going to be a totally different partner dance style and you wanted an opportunity to dance something different with the same partner.

Skill does play a role but it’s not as big as one thinks. I‘ve always been one of the better dancers in my scene, but only in the last few years did I embrace that side of myself that wanted to explore what it means to establish an intimate connection with someone on the dance floor. Also, when you really feel it with someone, you just know it, and when you express your desire to continue dancing, it doesn’t feel weird or sleazy as you are aligned with your feelings internally. All you’re doing is allowing yourself to express those desires openly.

This is not the same thing as “picking up” or whatever else happens once the dance ends. After dance activities are a separate thing entirely and not what I’m talking about. What I’m saying is that you can still dance with someone as many times as you want without being seen as a sleazeball.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

It's just a little hard to work on especially if your primary approach for a night is to just really just dance... But I don't want to come across as some desperate player because I've seen and heard about leads in my scene who are just so persistent, not for a dance but to be with the follow for most of the night, yes, it depends on the venue's culture too...

My night is still just really about dancing, but I’m open to experiencing more if I feel something mutual is brewing.

The leader behavior you see that you label as ’player-y’ may or may not be what you think it is. Some of the principles can be applied without coming from a place of desperation. In fact, there‘s nothing wrong with wanting to dance with someone all night long. I’ve even said it before to someone but I’m better at expressing it through my actions on the dance floor through leading. There is a lot of psychology behind this which goes beyond the scope of this discussion. I’m not an expert. I’m basing this all on my experiences, but there’s so much more than just observing behavior and labelling it as “good” and “bad”. You should experience it for yourself to understand the ideas deeply.

 

[Offbeat]

What I’m saying is that you can still dance with someone as many times as you want without being seen as a sleazeball.

That is the key. Sometimes you hit off with someone (dancing wise) instantly. With others relationship gets build over time (dancing wise). There is no one fix or magic formula. What stage of life you are in is also a significant factor.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

I try to be as pleasant and respectful, and I feel like asking them for a second dance to be weird and disrespectful. And it's kind of hilarious because men in latin dance culture, especially latin culture, are known for being pursuers, even when it comes out as poor bravado machismo. Guess it's just how you pull it off...

I have to say that my entire perception of pursuing/being desirable changed when I met a couple of Latinos in Croatia at a Salsa beach festival.

They were actually quite nice dudes. They saw me walking at 3am in pitch black darkness and gave me a lift to the party venue. But they were VERY OPEN about their intentions. I even saw it in action.

But the leader of the pack was being greeted by every single woman at the venue. I’m sure people were aware of his reputation. People aren’t stupid. But they still hooked up with him anyway. But this is when I realized your status in the community plays a big role.

Not saying they’re all like that since I met a couple of other Latino guys at the same festival who were not career players, but the vibe around them is similar. It’s about having fun and expressing it openly, which is not something that comes naturally to me.

With that said, I've been told by follows that there are men who just literally don't let go after a song, and without even saying a word, sort of like force them for another dance. Would you like to dance one more? Tell me after this song if you still want to dance, I think these two phrases or something of the like is good enough to get longer dances with a follow. Sort of hard to sometimes especially when music is super loud. What do you think?

I think it’s good to be bold, to ask for dances, even repeat dances. I always leave room for followers to say no and the ones who don’t want to let go, do not let go.

It’s enough to say “one more?“ in most cases. I think the only subgroup of dancers I don’t ask for repeat dances are celebrities because it genuinely feels like they only want to dance with other celebrities and are doing you a favor in most cases. And even if this isn’t true, it’s a fact that celebrities aren’t there to dance socially and just want to boost their image otherwise they wouldn’t be a F&ck$ing celebrity. This is big reason why I hate celebrity culture in social dancing.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

My scene can sometimes be heavy on the politics. There are follows and leads who I both experienced who just do not dance with that person even if it was just one dance, even when it's been over a year.

IMO, politics and personal vendettas cause irreparable harm in dance scenes.

The difference between a scene with politics and a scene without is reflected in how people treat others. Also, in how quickly misdemeanors are forgotten.

In some scenes, there are certain boundaries you don’t cross. If you break up with an Ex, you immediately cross their friends too. LOL. This doesn’t happen in every scene. You can still dance with people who associate with your Ex without getting the 3rd degree.

When I dance, I don’t care about your political affiliation, who you’ve dated, or anything else that does not impact my immediate enjoyment of the dance. Backstage politics and personal vendettas somehow creep up in certain scenes and not in others.

 

[TikiTaka]

In my opinion if someone says "oh im not a pro dancer" you are doing something wrong.

Typically someone will say "i am a beginner" before you start dancing, not after.

As a lead you should be able to adjust to their level