IMO, the perception that people have of you is really the last thing you should pay attention to.
If not only for the fact that everyone has different levels of sensibility.
Some people make it sound like Salsa dancing should be completely absent of any kind of flirtatious behavior. I have it in my mind that what we do, especially the studio dancers, is like dancing in a small, sterile caccoon. Safe is the operative word, but is not representative of much outside of that world.
As such, I can not condemn any behavior I see which may be mislabeled as “flirtatious” or “enabling” or whatever buzzword these crazy kids are using nowadays.
With the continuous growth of sensual bachata, I see and experience these confusions. I'm sure that beginners to the social dance scene are often misunderstood because, for one, they are unfamiliar with control during partner dance, things such as defense for close positions, or where to touch or the like. And as I've continued with my social dance experience, I've noticed trends in follows and leads that fit within this category. Many of the followers I've had have physically grinded on me because they believe this is what sens bachata is. You may say that the inner culture of that circuit is like that but it's so far off the spectrum that it's not just cheek and neck caresses. It's also funny to talk about dance etiquette when it's a partner or originally a mating ritual when it comes to partner dancing. The lead's competence and experience in the world of dance are then required to have a clearer interpretation of such so that they don't confuse themselves and others. These follows make me feel a bit sad because not only do they frequently cause confusion in others, but they are also very confused when they first try the scene and the wolves of any circuit or community will smell this.
If you enter a typical night "club" as opposed to a social dance night in a club, at least you'll be aware of the intentions and that there are "set" intentions that everyone in the club is aware of. However, social dance events frequently take place in clubs as well, so things might be confused especially in mixed type of social nights where more "regular" normal people come to check out the nightclub's event. If you're a dance nut, your experience will probably be better at congresses or festivals because most attendees will already have some experience. However, there will always be stragglers or newcomers. This is where a social dance outfit's "wolves" would smell, and boy do I think it's such an uncomfortable experience.
To also answer
@1derpalm and
@Chris_Yannick, I think there are
certainly women and men who have different levels of "sensibility" or the way they communicate AND see the world. Some people are just naturally physical extroverts, these are ones I'd say that were in theatre back in school or have a job where their bodies and motions are a literal full expression of themselves or the way they make money (massage therapists, actors, teachers, even nurses). But I'm not saying those are exclusives, just that I know I've met too many yoga, pilates, teachers, gym bros who are mini celebrities in my social dancing scene. For a while, I would encounter follows who were completely honest about their touch, intimacy, and sensuality. They're ALL in there. I would frequently become really confused by this because, even when dancing, they would act extremely intimate and seemed to be comfortable with it. Little did I know that this is just how the way they see the world. You'll have these types that are regular and indebted in the scene, and also sometimes newbies who are trying salsa or sensual bachata, or kizomba out. These newbies get sought out, I think it's also better to start a relationship with them if they're willing to get better in dance. I just don't know about the avid dancers, we love dancing with one another but want nothing to do with almost anyone at the end of the day. Back to the super sensual types, these characters are supposed to be quite hippie or have experienced some kind of life-altering event or are in that type of journey. They're free-spirited, in my opinion. Also yes, men can be touchy too, I had leads in my scene that would just caress the follower's neck and chin. They are sensual, physicality is their mark, and their bodies are the paintbrush, it's how they live and work and see the world. Nothing wrong with it. But just SO confusing if you're an introvert, mambo nerd type especially if you're just starting out.
What would you estimate to be the typical amount of social dancing experience needed for someone to be able to understand dance cues without getting confused? Or interpreting them quite dead accurate so that there are no hearts broken? I just remembered in my beginner days, asking a follow's number right after a dance because I thought she was the nicest from that night plus her super sensuality got me confused. Little did I know, later on, that's how she always danced. There's absolutely levels and stages to these. But kizomba and sensual bachata throws an absolute wrench to all of these. I can't even count how many follows I've danced with who were wearing wedding rings but were literally cheek to cheek with.
