Careful, or you might be mistaken for a deity around these parts.
Rejection Sensitivity
- Thread starter Offbeat
- Start date
Careful, or you might be mistaken for a deity around these parts.
I rarely get asked but I have said 1.5
As far as Slovakia, as Chris said level is average level is low. That’s largely true for most non-big metros in Europe. But again you could find pockets where level can be good. That is largely driven by which is the prominent school in the town.
How fitting Mr Offbeat... Thanks for the tipsI rarely get asked but I have said 1.5
"Thank you for respecting yourself!"
Come on, if someone would give me this line I'd think the person is weird. A salsa dancefloor is not a tantra seminar, not even friendly like a WCS dancefloor, it can be rough like straight from NYC streets. And of course it can be personal about me if I am a bad dance partner, so I need to do my homework.
I appreciate the middle part of the above: reading body language and situation helps avoiding rejections.
Come on, if someone would give me this line I'd think the person is weird. A salsa dancefloor is not a tantra seminar, not even friendly like a WCS dancefloor, it can be rough like straight from NYC streets. And of course it can be personal about me if I am a bad dance partner, so I need to do my homework.
I appreciate the middle part of the above: reading body language and situation helps avoiding rejections.
My thoughts too. My first reaction was - what a cringe! Imagine if you were at receiving end of it.
Then says he/she will sit down and have nice conversation. It is not infrequent for me to have a conversation after a no. It is situational.
Yes. As we have been saying. And almost all leaders avoid when the cues say “don’t ask her now”
Agree 100%. Someone posted this on social media so I decided to share it. I think it was actually a female that posted it.
I also need to keep that middle part in mind. When people are talking sometimes they say no if you ask them. On the other hand, you might think that and the next guy steps in and asks them and they dance so you never know.
My issue is more personal. 1) I can be super petty and do take it personal. Like my friend I mentioned above, if you don't get back to me, we probably will never dance. In certain cases, women have eventually gotten back to me and asked me to dance and everything is back to normal. In other cases, they didn't ask me after saying no but they might do something like say hi next time they see me and give me a hug or kiss on the cheek. In those cases, it's 50/50 if I will ask them to dance again. I realize this is super petty
2) I use a "No" as motivation to improve since I do take it personal (ala Michael Jordan). As long as that person helped me improve, that's all I need. I don't have to dance with her, unless she decides to ask me. There is a salsa celeb that has been talked about in the forum. She said No to me when I asked. I've seen her after and she has said hello and sometimes I get the feeling she is watching me dance. I'm not sure why, but I won't ask her anytime soon unless something unexpected happens. I know this is super petty
3) If it's a girl that I've already danced with many times. it depends on how she says no. But, more than likely, we will dance again if she is enjoyable to dance with.
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Many in the thread have said that 2 or 3 consecutive nos across multiple nights will put them in DNA.
But above would put all followers in our scene on his blacklist
. It is very very rare for a girl to come and ask after saying no.
Imagine being the rejector hearing that from someone you've just rejected. A conversation with that person isn't probably something you'd want to have at that moment. Unless that person is a pro at reading people, it sounds like a line and a pretty bad line at that.
Salsa dance floor is closer to swimming in shark infested waters than 'Let's hold hands and sing Kumbaya together'
I think a lot of this also depends on the demographics in the scene. NYC is typically a sausage fest so I think most women get asked to dance and guys are the ones strategically placing themselves so they can charge towards the woman that is available when the song ends. I remember being at an event last week and saw a woman have no more than 10 seconds free after a song before being asked 3 consecutive times to dance by 3 different guys. In that situation, I can understand a woman eventually saying no because they need a break, whereas most guys are dancing once every 3 songs.
In Europe or even Asia, you might find the opposite situation where there are more women than men. Sometimes you can't get to everybody or dance more than once with some women and skip others for various reasons.
I try to dance with everyone unless I know someone is heavy or has a lot of tension in their arms and it will be a somewhat less enjoyable dance or I won't be into it.
In Europe or even Asia, you might find the opposite situation where there are more women than men. Sometimes you can't get to everybody or dance more than once with some women and skip others for various reasons.
I try to dance with everyone unless I know someone is heavy or has a lot of tension in their arms and it will be a somewhat less enjoyable dance or I won't be into it.
Bostontraitor
Son
"Thank you for respecting yourself!" ??
Mroe like "go respect yourself!"
Mroe like "go respect yourself!"
bailar y tocar
Son Montuno
That was my point some 100s of messages ago.
I cannot speak for follows... but... it seems to me that not getting asked all night long is a rejection of sorts.
In follow-heavy scenes it is common for leads who are half decent to get asked a few times in a night.
So for us leads it can be a bit of an ego-boost to get asked a fair amount (even though it is mostly due to ratio). To maximize that, it can be beneficial to ask a dancer who has yet to have been asked all night. That encourages others. The thinking goes: that lead is very approachable.
bailar y tocar
Son Montuno
Related to the subtopic, i.e. getting asked to dance as a lead or being one of the popular leads who rarely get turned down no matter what.
In my observation they are usually not the most advanced or even near the best dancers at the venue. They appear to dance all night with anyone, at nearly all levels, at nearly any type of venue ... express that they are having fun - smile a lot - might do some fancy stuff - but not ONLY fancy stuff - not using dance to hook up. There may be more reasons. Please add if something else comes to mind.
Doesn’t deal with being refused?
I only see a poster and not sure what it is suppose to instigate. Every leader has faced a rejection at least a few times
that was the poster he used when asking about rejection on FB. I doubt guys like him, Terry, Fonts, and so on even have to ask women. I've seen dudes that get asked by women one right after the other. Talal probably falls into that group.
RandomBeat
Changui
His comments along with the poster were
"At socials, sometimes a “NO” to a dance happens: and that’s okay.
People may refuse for many reasons: they’re tired, taking a break, not vibing with the song, or just not in the mood.
1. If you say no: be polite and clear, a simple smile and “not this time” works.
2. If you hear no: accept it gracefully. Don’t insist, don’t take it personally.
What about you? How do you usually handle a “no” on the dance floor: whether giving it or receiving it?"
Nothing new. It feels like he's just trying to trigger discussions. Is he really interested in the answers or is he trying to get more followers? I mean the question "Have you ever been refused?" is stupid, of course everybody has been refused.