Question for leaders - do you adjust your style?

[Offbeat]

I understand the idea behind the friend asking you to dance with their friends, but I'm not there to do charity work. I might have asked regardless, but having a friend do it for them makes me less inclined to ask.

But then you are unfairly imposing the punishment at the wrong end of equation. It is the friend who is being over-enthusiastic. Not fault of the person being asked to dance with (who in first place didn't come up with the idea). Girls do that often. Especially when they know you. Most benign being "hey I have bought a friend who doesn't dance/is visiting/is xyz. Will you please ask her for a dance" or "please do dance with her". There have been times when totally unknown follower has made a request after or before a dance.

What I do is only introduce people to each other. If she or he is a good dancer, I will add that as a part of introduction.

It feels more like a chore at that point.

If the "friend" turns out to be an excellent dancer?

 

[wol]

For some reason, it's very off putting when I hear someone say:
"I brought my friend with me. She doesn't dance very much and won't ask anyone because she's too shy. Please ask her to dance."
I understand the idea behind the friend asking you to dance with their friends, but I'm not there to do charity work. I might have asked regardless, but having a friend do it for them makes me less inclined to ask.
It feels more like a chore at that point.

I kind of enjoy these requests Then again, sometimes friend really have no idea how to dance, but more offten they are OK.

Sometimes i think there is a double standard here. So followers are allowed to decline dances for any reason but leaders can not?

Well, followers in our scene use it so rarelly, I remember every one reject (without explanation) over last several years. Actually I believe man in our local scene reject more. I have heard lots of complaints from fairly good older/not so attractive dancers If follows would use similar standards I should have many rejects every night...

 

[Chris_Yannick]

What I do is only introduce people to each other. If she or he is a good dancer, I will add that as a part of introduction.

It's fine to introduce people to each other. There's no expectation there. It's a grown up interaction.

It's strange to me when someone has to take me aside and ask in private to show their friend a good time. Really?

In Salsa it's okay since we are all there to dance presumably, but if there are other options available, I will put the "friend dance request" at the bottom of my priority list.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

I kind of enjoy these requests Then again, sometimes friend really have no idea how to dance, but more offten they are OK.

IME, they don't know how to dance or dance a completely different style than mine, hence the friend having to ask me to dance with them, thinking I will have no problems doing it.

Well, followers in our scene use it so rarelly, I remember every one reject (without explanation) over last several years. Actually I believe man in our local scene reject more. I have heard lots of complaints from fairly good older/not so attractive dancers If follows would use similar standards I should have many rejects every night...

This is where being a leader has the advantage since as long as you can handle rejection, you will get more dances than followers of similar ability. Of course the absolute best thing to do is to become a good leader, because looks/age simply won't matter.

 

[Smejmoon]

I am sure I have asked thousands of women to dance and been rejected plenty of times. It happened Saturday night in fact. I think I'm the only guy who gets both asked to dance and turned down in the same night lol...

Hapens regularly to me in big enough events. Doesn't happen if all are friends or gender balance is seriously skewed in one way or another (not a healthy situation).

 

[Smejmoon]

It could be that they don't ask because they genuinely feel like they aren't good enough.

Newbies are up top in priority queue, right after friend whom I've not seen in a long time. Especially in local scene, I try to dance with all of them.
There are people who dance for years, train, trach, perform on megafests, and it's not working when we dance. I'm glad they don't ask.

 

[Smejmoon]

We all had those nights very likely each time you are out dancing. Or you mean by the same person?

By the same person totally makes sense. It's when there is legit excuse, many people including myself will later go and seek out the rejected and ask for the dance.
Usually I reject because the song is too bad. Then ask when better comes up.

 

[Smejmoon]

I say I'll do it, but then I don't. Problem solved.

For some reason, it's very off putting when I hear someone say:

"I brought my friend with me. She doesn't dance very much and won't ask anyone because she's too shy. Please ask her to dance."

I understand the idea behind the friend asking you to dance with their friends, but I'm not there to do charity work. I might have asked regardless, but having a friend do it for them makes me less inclined to ask.

It feels more like a chore at that point.

Looking back, I like when it's a non forcing introduction. Someone brings us together, introduces, we chat and then decide by ourselves what we want.

 

[Smejmoon]

But then you are unfairly imposing the punishment at the wrong end of equation. It is the friend who is being over-enthusiastic. Not fault of the person being asked to dance with (who in first place didn't come up with the idea). Girls do that often. Especially when they know you. Most benign being "hey I have bought a friend who doesn't dance/is visiting/is xyz. Will you please ask her for a dance" or "please do dance with her". There have been times when totally unknown follower has made a request after or before a dance.

What I do is only introduce people to each other. If she or he is a good dancer, I will add that as a part of introduction.



If the "friend" turns out to be an excellent dancer?

Ok, so I caught up with the truth. I'm happy you did introductions in SanFran.

I think there are subtle differences and some people are better by putting both parties at ease, and some make them more stressed out, when they are forced to do what they were not super eager to do already.

I like when someone with whom we enjoy dancing shares her girlfriends, who often turn out to be compatible or great surprises.

 

[mambocowboy]

We all had those nights very likely each time you are out dancing. Or you mean by the same person?

No. I only get turned down by women I've never danced with...

 

[Offbeat]

Ok, so I caught up with the truth.

Err what truth??

 

[Francisco Fiko]

Women shouldn't ask strange men to dance (verbally) period. They should ask indirectly by looking pretty or sending subtle signals...

In French they have a perfect phrase for this: "Tais toi et sois belle". Loosely translated: Shut up and be beautiful.

... if a man can't ask a woman to dance (when he wants to) then he's not really a man...

What is he then?

... By asking men to dance women are either denying would be men the possibility to grow a pair and for their manhood to blossom, or inflicting themselves on men who want no part of them. It's nature upside down, enough is enough...

Most men who get asked by women to dance already have a pair.
I have never subscribed to the notion that dancing is a place where men blossom into men and women become women.

Anyone, man or woman, has the right to decline a dance for whatever reason. All it takes is honesty and diplomacy.

 

[SoFloW]

Women shouldn't ask strange men to dance...
...It's nature upside down, enough is enough.

LOL I expected a backlash, but at least couple of laughs was too much to hope for.

 

[LarsM]

For those leaders that can change the style of their dance do you do it to adjust to your follower? By style I am not talking about from on2 to on1 or to Cuban. I referring to way you dance within whatever timing you chose. When you dance with a follower, you might feel that she wants to dance differently than how you are leading, or has a dancing style that is different from yours or the music makes you to dance differently.

I'll do what other forums refer to as a "grunch", meaning responding without having read the other replies.

It feels weird to me not to adjust to the follow and even more so to the music. Imo any leader above a certain level should be able to adjust to either/both. The music especially is a no-brainer to me. I take you're not talking about adjusting to the follower's level but rather style/way of dancing.

That being said, I'm not capable of driving the very best and aggressive Ferraris so I'd rather stay away from those

 

[Offbeat]

I'll do what other forums refer to as a "grunch", meaning responding without having read the other replies.

It feels weird to me not to adjust to the follow and even more so to the music. Imo any leader above a certain level should be able to adjust to either/both. The music especially is a no-brainer to me. I take you're not talking about adjusting to the follower's level but rather style/way of dancing.

That being said, I'm not capable of driving the very best and aggressive Ferraris so I'd rather stay away from those

Hmmm never heard of the term grunch. The word is unknown to my phone dictionary as it keeps getting corrected to grinch. I often grunch when I reply.

What prompted the question was observing other guy who seemed to danced the same way. Not talking about beginners or lower level intermediated.

 

[alvinthethird]

For those leaders that can change the style of their dance do you do it to adjust to your follower? By style I am not talking about from on2 to on1 or to Cuban. I referring to way you dance within whatever timing you chose. When you dance with a follower, you might feel that she wants to dance differently than how you are leading, or has a dancing style that is different from yours or the music makes you to dance differently.

Yeah i definitely try to...for instance, if I see the follow has no problem throwing down shines, I will give her ample opportunity to do so. Or, if she is a little tight in the arm, I would be less inclined to do movements that require a bit more looseness (a windmill comes to mind). And then there are the audibles - when I set up for a movement and the response is something unexpected...I take that as her natural reaction to my lead and do two things: roll with her response to the movement and think about how I may need to be more clear with the next person.

 

[mambocowboy]

Yeah i definitely try to...for instance, if I see the follow has no problem throwing down shines, I will give her ample opportunity to do so. Or, if she is a little tight in the arm, I would be less inclined to do movements that require a bit more looseness (a windmill comes to mind). And then there are the audibles - when I set up for a movement and the response is something unexpected...I take that as her natural reaction to my lead and do two things: roll with her response to the movement and think about how I may need to be more clear with the next person.

Yes some follows you can tell by their arm tension or lack thereof what partnering will or won't work. There is a test period where you figure out what she can or can't follow and adjust accordingly.