Question for leaders - do you adjust your style?

Offbeat said:
No one asks me for repeat dances :D not even the beginners :rofl:
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You have to ask for repeat dances :P

The first dance is just a warm up. The second dance is almost always better than the first.

I always expect repeat dances. It doesn't matter who initiates. I don't want to be a one hit wonder.
 
1derpalm said:
With all due respect that sounds terrible. But maybe because I'm not at the level of dance skill that I'll chose to say no
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Baby!

real-ugly-face.jpg
 
salsero.dance said:
The other day by chance I found a great way to reject dances without offending the girl. I tend to stand at the edge of the dance floor near a fan and can't help jumping around by myself, that seems to be a signal for those women who don't get asked often. It's a good spot to stay fresh and have a vantage point and I don't want to give it up. If I'm asked and don't want to with that particular lady I'll come back with "on1 or on2?" Of course whichever they choose I say I only dance the other. If she's sharp enough to catch me dancing the timing I said I don't know (unlikely) it'll be an easy let down :)

Now I have to figure out what to do if they say "doesn't matter", "either or" or "what?".

Yeah I try to change style for the music. I don't want to look like those who keep doing their on2 patterns uninterrupted to a son, cumbia, boogaloo, jazzy, or rockn'rollish type salsa. I try to know a couple of basic steps for each style.
Yeah I think I had one really cool girl dance with me five songs in a row for this reason.
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Thats pretty Machiavellian of you...I still feel awful about the one older woman I turned down back in 2006...I do believe that's the only person I've ever turned down. And just about every woman who's ever asked me to dance has been enjoyable to dance with because they are appreciative....
 
mambocowboy said:
.I still feel awful about the one older woman I turned down back in 2006...
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Sometimes i think there is a double standard here. So followers are allowed to decline dances for any reason but leaders can not?

I won’t feel bad for turning someone down, but I will try to let them down gently. I am sure everyone has offended someone else without them knowing. You can’t control others’ reactions but you can control your own.
 
Chris_Yannick said:
Sometimes i think there is a double standard here. So followers are allowed to decline dances for any reason but leaders can not?

I won’t feel bad for turning someone down, but I will try to let them down gently. I am sure everyone has offended someone else without them knowing. You can’t control others’ reactions but you can control your own.
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I think the double standard exists because we control the dance. We leaders decide the patterns, when to let her go for shines, and she needs to be able to trust we will keep her from getting stepped on, not injure her, etc...
 
Women shouldn't ask strange men to dance (verbally) period. They should ask indirectly by looking pretty or sending subtle signals. Because if a man can't ask a woman to dance (when he wants to) then he's not really a man. By asking men to dance women are either denying would be men the possibility to grow a pair and for their manhood to blossom, or inflicting themselves on men who want no part of them. It's nature upside down, enough is enough.
 
salsero.dance said:
Women shouldn't ask strange men to dance (verbally) period. They should ask indirectly by looking pretty or sending subtle signals. Because if a man can't ask a woman to dance (when he wants to) then he's not really a man. By asking men to dance women are either denying would be men the possibility to grow a pair and for their manhood to blossom, or inflicting themselves on men who want no part of them. It's nature upside down, enough is enough.
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What if your clave is big enough already? :D :D :D

Seriously though, I will start dancing less with someone, if I ask 5 times and she asks none. I'm looking for explicit feedback that she was enjoying and wants to dance more with me. Dance is an investment from both parties.
Also if follow wants to enjoy more and dance more, she should ask more; and this comes with downsides of course.
Then the stars, very popular dancers. I rarely ask them, because I don't want to stand in the queue or fight the satellites. So they ask me more than I ask them. When they want and have time. Sometimes still need to fight admirers even during the dance :D
Also in orthodox cultures there are ways for women to ask. Latinas have sent their mothers or boyfriends, Muslim girls sometimes don't look at you, Russian women might come next to you and project semi-visible rays of let's dance.

I don't like when people ask for others though. Dance is quite intimate thing and less meddling the better. I might consider saying no to these. Just need to figure out how, and what exactly is my problem.
 
salsero.dance said:
Women shouldn't ask strange men to dance (verbally) period. They should ask indirectly by looking pretty or sending subtle signals. Because if a man can't ask a woman to dance (when he wants to) then he's not really a man. By asking men to dance women are either denying would be men the possibility to grow a pair and for their manhood to blossom, or inflicting themselves on men who want no part of them. It's nature upside down, enough is enough.
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I've read some nonsense in my life before but never anything as ridiculous as this. Of course I accept that you personally don't want women to ask you to dance however there are plenty of men who have no problem with it. I'm one of them. If that means I'm not a macho man that's fine by me.
 
salsero.dance said:
Women shouldn't ask strange men to dance (verbally) period. They should ask indirectly by looking pretty or sending subtle signals. Because if a man can't ask a woman to dance (when he wants to) then he's not really a man. By asking men to dance women are either denying would be men the possibility to grow a pair and for their manhood to blossom, or inflicting themselves on men who want no part of them. It's nature upside down, enough is enough.
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I am sure I have asked thousands of women to dance and been rejected plenty of times. It happened Saturday night in fact. I think I'm the only guy who gets both asked to dance and turned down in the same night lol...
 
salsero.dance said:
Women shouldn't ask strange men to dance (verbally) period. They should ask indirectly by looking pretty or sending subtle signals. Because if a man can't ask a woman to dance (when he wants to) then he's not really a man. By asking men to dance women are either denying would be men the possibility to grow a pair and for their manhood to blossom, or inflicting themselves on men who want no part of them. It's nature upside down, enough is enough.
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Dumbest thing on the internet today. Lol
 

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Smejmoon said:
Also in orthodox cultures there are ways for women to ask.
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I think you covered 2/5th of the humanity in three examples :D now for some fun imaginations..

Smejmoon said:
Latinas have sent their mothers or boyfriends,
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Boyfriend: "Dude, you better dance with my girl or else..." ..pulls his jacket aside and shows a hidden gun

Smejmoon said:
Muslim girls sometimes don't look at you,
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Ultimate confusion! So when don't look at you, they want to dance and when they do, you better not ask? :rofl:

Smejmoon said:
Russian women might come next to you and project semi-visible rays of let's dance.
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Gotta go dancing wearing glasses like the "Men in Black" to see the rays clearly :p Don't want the rays to get mixed up!!

Smejmoon said:
Just need to figure out how, and what exactly is my problem.
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@salsero.dance has posted a few tips above...
 
salsero.dance said:
Women shouldn't ask strange men to dance (verbally) period. They should ask indirectly by looking pretty or sending subtle signals. Because if a man can't ask a woman to dance (when he wants to) then he's not really a man. By asking men to dance women are either denying would be men the possibility to grow a pair and for their manhood to blossom, or inflicting themselves on men who want no part of them. It's nature upside down, enough is enough.
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I happen to be attracted to slightly assertive girls, so I like women who ask. Also if I'm new to a scene it's nice as well to have one of the good follows asking (and being nice). It's helps politically.
 
Smejmoon said:
I will start dancing less with someone, if I ask 5 times and she asks none. I'm looking for explicit feedback that she was enjoying and wants to dance more with me.
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There are always going to be a couple of people who you will have to ask 100% of the time. As long as it's not everyone, it's ok with me. All it means is that some days I will dance with them and some days not.

As for feedback (talking about unspoken), that is given during the dance, not before/after. Verbal feedback means nothing to me.

It could be that they don't ask because they genuinely feel like they aren't good enough.

But I understand your concern. A few girls who never ask are just really exhausting to dance with and give no energy during the dance. In those cases, I avoid asking.
 
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1derpalm said:
I happen to be attracted to slightly assertive girls, so I like women who ask. Also if I'm new to a scene it's nice as well to have one of the good follows asking (and being nice). It's helps politically.
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Same. Having to ask all the time for one-off dances is mentally draining. I feel like a headless chicken running around. It does ease the burden of asking to be asked every now and then.
 
Smejmoon said:
I don't like when people ask for others though. Dance is quite intimate thing and less meddling the better. I might consider saying no to these. Just need to figure out how, and what exactly is my problem.
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I say I'll do it, but then I don't. Problem solved.

For some reason, it's very off putting when I hear someone say:

"I brought my friend with me. She doesn't dance very much and won't ask anyone because she's too shy. Please ask her to dance."

I understand the idea behind the friend asking you to dance with their friends, but I'm not there to do charity work. I might have asked regardless, but having a friend do it for them makes me less inclined to ask.

It feels more like a chore at that point.
 
Chris_Yannick said:
Same. Having to ask all the time for one-off dances is mentally draining.
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That's how it is in my scene and most socials I been to in USA. Typical social is around 3 hours. Generally max repeats would be three spread through the evening. But you can dance twice or thrice in an evening with only a few people. Many times I don't get to dance with a few I want to. If there are 50 followers at a social, I barely get around to 20-25 in 2.5 hours. It is more or less the same at festivals. You are dancing more hours but there are 5x more people to dance with.

Ohh and in my scene most girls don't ask :D I suspect it is the same in most of USA.
 
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