more about salsa perverts

[antigone]

Licking an ear is definitely odd, perverted behaviour. I don't know any woman that would find that a turn on :S

Actually, I accept many odd behaviors and try not to judge. Some of them, though, need to be consensual and are best performed in private.
/edit I've just realized I'm one of the people keeping this thread going, which was not my intention at all. So I'm ready to let it go, hm?

 

[Offbeat]

Actually, I accept many odd behaviors and try not to judge. Some of them, though, need to be consensual and are best performed in private.
/edit I've just realized I'm one of the people keeping this thread going, which was not my intention at all. So I'm ready to let it go, hm?

Not so fast :rocker:

About an year back I happened to witness exact same thing at Cocomo ! Except it was outside on the pavement (near the dumpster) and not on the dance floor. As I was walked to my car and turned on the headlights, a very regular salsero was giving an ear-lick to a girl. She had just started showing up for dancing at the time. They most definitely weren't a couple to the best of my knowledge.

P.S. - I can't remember witnessing a guy handing off a follower to complete stranger before. That your friend did it twice is very surprising to me.

 

[Jag75]

Actually, I accept many odd behaviors and try not to judge. Some of them, though, need to be consensual and are best performed in private.
/edit I've just realized I'm one of the people keeping this thread going, which was not my intention at all. So I'm ready to let it go, hm?

Oops I should've been more specific - I meant having your ear licked from a stranger you just met.

 

[SnowDancer]

Licking an ear is definitely odd, perverted behaviour. I don't know any woman that would find that a turn on :S

Well... way back, I once had a girlfriend who really liked being kissed on/in her ear. Later, though, I found that this wasn't a common preference.

Now... what about unusual behaviour by the ladies? A few weeks ago, when I asked a woman to dance salsa, she pulled in really close and moved in sort-of a bachata motion. Is this a style I'm not familiar with? I can't say it was unpleasant.

 

[evilquesadilla]

Well... way back, I once had a girlfriend who really liked being kissed on/in her ear. Later, though, I found that this wasn't a common preference.

Now... what about unusual behaviour by the ladies? A few weeks ago, when I asked a woman to dance salsa, she pulled in really close and moved in sort-of a bachata motion. Is this a style I'm not familiar with? I can't say it was unpleasant.

Awhile back when I was just starting to learn bachata, I only had access to classes which taught "salsa" bachata, i.e. lots of turns and a gap between the bodies. I danced with this chick that wanted to show me real bachata, so she pressed against my body, and her ample boobs were... let's just say it was quite enjoyable.

Hey, I'm seeing a trend. When guys use questionable "sexy" moves women get angry. When women use questionable "sexy" moves guys are like... hey, this isn't bad.

 

[chr]

BTW, there is a very common Cuban style move called "besso" which, guess what, includes a kiss on the cheek.

I don't do that, but there are guys who manage to pull it off with good style.

 

[Berend]

Hey, I'm seeing a trend. When guys use questionable "sexy" moves women get angry. When women use questionable "sexy" moves guys are like... hey, this isn't bad.

I support this trend!

 

[sweavo]

Hey, I'm seeing a trend. When guys use questionable "sexy" moves women get angry. When women use questionable "sexy" moves guys are like... hey, this isn't bad.

LOL. I actually told my class this in the past: "ladies! bear in mind for the men, it really is all about the sex! and men: you won't believe this but it's true: for the ladies, it really isn't about the sex!"

 

[smiling28]

This is another "forgive me clave, for I have sinned" post (seriously, admins, consider making it a separate section ). And sorry if it's long a whiny, but the result requires a lot of exposition.
I went dancing Saturday ngith, and danced a lot with a very good friend, who happens to be a great dancer, but a bit on the "dirty dancing" side. He never crosses the line of inappropriateness, though, and everything he does is part of the salsa movement and music. He decided that it would be fun to hand me off to some friends of his - which was fun, though after having 5 different partners within a span of a 15 minute song (no, not a rueda), I felt like I might need a new professional title. Next, he got asked by some stranger to hand me off, so he did. The guy could barely do a basic, but apparently wanted to copy my friend's style, and ended up dropping me on a dip. I gave him some polite stern words, and thought I was off the hook. But my friend grabbed me again a few songs later, and handed me off to the same guy. The guy didn't try to dip me again, but instead decided to just dance really close, pressed up against me, and licked my ear (no salsa steps were involved). I impulsively pushed him as far away as possible (I think he fell off the dance floor), and stormed off, slapping my friend's face as I went by. Now, if I had a few extra seconds to compose myself, I wouldn't have slapped anyone, and not caused a scene in the middle of a crowded club, so that's the forgive me clave part. And I'm pretty sure no one saw what the guy did (my friend and his buddies didn't), so they just thought I'm some crazy girl in red pants who hits people.
The incident seriously upset me, especially since I've never had a guy go that far on the dance floor. So I've thought about it and come to a few conclusions:
1. The guy cannot be properly called a salsa pervert, since he doesn't actually dance salsa.
2. He saw me and my friend dancing salsa moves and styling with sexual overtones and decided that this is the major element of salsa, rather than the actual steps and technique.
3. He probably represents the majority of the guys who stand around the dance floor drinking their beers and staring at dancers all night.
4. I've got to be even more selective in who I dance with, even if it means offending people by saying no, and refusing to be handed off to strangers.
5. Hands are not for hitting!

Massively late but my thoughts:

You did the RIGHT THING!

If that was what you felt, then you did the right thing!

The followers responsibility is to PROTECT HERSELF (no breaking of arms and shoulders no matter how bad the lead is - let go). Sexually, physicially and emotionally. Actually everyone's responsibility but easier said than done.

That guy crossed the line (almost sounds so ridiculous that it was a bet or something). I am glad of the responses here saying you should have put that guy in his place and the friend who passed you on. You are his responsibility when dancing with him. He may pass you but he cannot pass the responsibility.

(fairness of slappage is irrelevant, point is safety/security of the girl)

 

[SnowDancer]

Hey, I'm seeing a trend. When guys use questionable "sexy" moves women get angry. When women use questionable "sexy" moves guys are like... hey, this isn't bad.

I would agree with this. But...

I'm currently in a bachata class; and when we practice, all the women have been dancing close (which is what the instructor suggests). However, I was talking last night with a woman in the class; and she complained that except for me and maybe one other guy, the leads were not dancing close like they should. Strange, isn't it?

 

[EMOYENO]

I would agree with this. But...

I'm currently in a bachata class; and when we practice, all the women have been dancing close (which is what the instructor suggests). However, I was talking last night with a woman in the class; and she complained that except for me and maybe one other guy, the leads were not dancing close like they should. Strange, isn't it?

I can dance bachata without getting close-- but only for certain dance patterns. Of course I didn't learn bachata from a studio or class, I learned it on the street-- the hard way. But there is way to dance bachata without getting too close-- only difference it's not so much "sexy"

 

[EMOYENO]

LOL. I actually told my class this in the past: "ladies! bear in mind for the men, it really is all about the sex! and men: you won't believe this but it's true: for the ladies, it really isn't about the sex!"

This is sooooooooooooooooo true!!!!!!! For us ladies it really isnt about the sex. However... I agree on the thread by evilquesadilla.

 

[antigone]

Hey, I'm seeing a trend. When guys use questionable "sexy" moves women get angry. When women use questionable "sexy" moves guys are like... hey, this isn't bad.

for the record, I do not get angry at "sexy moves" - I do a lot of them myself. I suppose everyone draws their own lines. Mine is drawn at contact with any bodily fluids, contact with my breasts, butt, crotch (unless it's for a legitimate lift), or face (unless it's for a lead, as in the chin lead). As for dancing close, the most hip-to-hip contact I ever had was when I was dancing standard ballroom - and it's not just passing contact, you're glued to each other for the whole dance, except for when you slide over each other's hips to open out - and there was nothing sexy about it. So context and your mindset play a big role.

 

[smiling28]

I can dance bachata without getting close-- but only for certain dance patterns. Of course I didn't learn bachata from a studio or class, I learned it on the street-- the hard way. But there is way to dance bachata without getting too close-- only difference it's not so much "sexy"

I dance open hold (far away, not long distance phone call far away but about a foot )

especially when I feel that the girl does not follow or dances to a different timing.

Just helps prevent clashes.

 

[EMOYENO]

I dance open hold (far away, not long distance phone call far away but about a foot )

especially when I feel that the girl does not follow or dances to a different timing.

Just helps prevent clashes.

That too.....hey smiling28 i sent you a PM????

 

[quixotedlm]

This is sooooooooooooooooo true!!!!!!! For us ladies it really isnt about the sex. However... I agree on the thread by evilquesadilla.

beyond a certain level, it is not about sex for either men or women. whoever came up with the quote might as well have come up with a stereotype like 'men think that smoking is cool, but women don't'. some people fit the description, many don't.

 

[evilquesadilla]

I'm currently in a bachata class; and when we practice, all the women have been dancing close (which is what the instructor suggests). However, I was talking last night with a woman in the class; and she complained that except for me and maybe one other guy, the leads were not dancing close like they should. Strange, isn't it?

Actually once women become comfortable with you, they let you do a lot more. Just like antigone was doing all those sexy moves with her friends. It's an issue of trust I think. The people at classes are usually just there to learn and not to do any perverted stuff, so I think there's a bit more trust there. And it's a better place to learn how to dance close than with some random guy at some random club.

When I dance close with my friends (shh, don't tell my girlfriend), sometimes we get attention from the ladies. I think women by default want to dance sexy like that, but it has to be with someone they trust. My theory anyhow.

for the record, I do not get angry at "sexy moves"

LOL, antigone, I wasn't criticizing you, I felt you did the right thing too. For the record, I was joking around, playing with the stereotype that men like to be groped by random hot chicks. While not 100% true, I'd say it's true more often than not.