Looks and Managing Low Confidence

[dadada_486]

I'm not sure if anyone can relate to a sudden loss of confidence or self-consciousness.

There's no way around it. Much of dance is highly visual-centred activity. Women go because they want to look good and men do too. But would you still dance if you generally have little confidence in how you look? Perhaps you are below average height, are one of the less common ethnicities in your city, or are overweight. Perhaps for whatever reason you just don't think you are very physically attractive compared to others. There is a reason I prefer less club-like places and dance halls and schools. I find these places to be less concerned about the optics of it all and more about just your personal enjoyment of the dance and music. You have to deal less with the culture of the popular dance scene, which sometimes can be very akin to clubbing on my younger years.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Much of dance is highly visual-centred activity. Women go because they want to look good and men do too.

IMO, you’re putting your focus on the wrong things.

Dance is a skill based activity. Do you also think working out in gyms is a visual-centered activity? Or is it a health activity?

When your focus changes from visual-centered to skill based, you have a very different experience.

You think only good looking people get dances? I see a lot of average looking dudes get a lot of action (dance-wise and probably more too…).

But why the sudden loss of self-confidence? Did you have a bad night? Loss of self-confidence in dancing is usually tied to dance skills, which can send you into a spiral, but the way out of it is by getting better at dancing.

Focus on improving your dancing and nothing else will matter - some can even have fun without dance skills. I envy those people!

 

[TikiTaka]

For many, dancing is a feel good activity.

 

[Smiley79]

I know several regulars who have nothing significant going for them in the physical realm (some morbidly obese). Some come in sweats to the socials! Yet I see them getting dances all the time. They exude a happy vibe. Will being immaculate in appearance garner attraction? Yes. Will it get dances? Not necessarily. However, no one comes looking like they just got out of bed or sweat a stench. Even the sweats look clean and tidy.

I'd wonder if something happened in another domain which is bleeding into dancing. What's the objective? Is it also to date as a secondary objective; would have higher chance to pull more of this looks thinking. Body positivity leads to a greater sense of self acceptance. Connection to the feeling pulls one from their thoughts vice versa. The focus and regulation of physical sensations can expedite the separation.

I agree with you about the club scene. I dislike places which advertise "dress to impress." I'm not here for the popularity contest wearing a 3 piece suit and 3k shoes.

For me, that self-consciousness has more to do with am I suddenly bored and am I pattern monkeying; my partner also finds it boring.

 

[noobster]

I know several regulars who have nothing significant going for them in the physical realm (some morbidly obese). Some come in sweats to the socials! Yet I see them getting dances all the time. They exude a happy vibe. Will being immaculate in appearance garner attraction? Yes. Will it get dances? Not necessarily. However, no one comes looking like they just got out of bed or sweat a stench. Even the sweats look clean and tidy.

This.
Ugly dudes with killer dance skills do great on the salsa floor.
Not sure the same applies for women, but that's a different thread.

 

[sunsoul]

Might be good to join a class with a good social and ‘community feel’. I have a friend who calls her group a community and likes the energy of the group. When she goes to different bars with a friend it is not the same for her. People just dance together and enjoy themselves which is what it is all about. Once you start forming friendships and connections the self confidence issues become less pronounced because you are reaching outside and there is less focus on issues of self.

 

[1derpalm]

I deal with horrendous insecurities and sometimes body image issues as well. They have from time to time affected my snace enjoyment and etc.

 

[wol]

Less attractive you look (overweight, old, short, etc.), more amazed people will be, if you can dance well.
I think dancing is one of the best ways for unattractive person to look much better.
From my own experience, it is normal to loose confidence often, when you are beginner / improver. Later it is huge self confidence boost, because suddenly all those attractive people around want to dance with you

 

[Offbeat]

Might be good to join a class with a good social and ‘community feel’. I have a friend who calls her group a community and likes the energy of the group. When she goes to different bars with a friend it is not the same for her. People just dance together and enjoy themselves which is what it is all about. Once you start forming friendships and connections the self confidence issues become less pronounced because you are reaching outside and there is less focus on issues of self.

Many people find it difficult to form friendships depending on age. If the difference between the "community" and you is a couple of decades that can get more difficult. For introverts it is easier to form friendships with individuals rather than a group. Not all people are good at pulling someone into a group. I am both an introvert and a common point through whom many people in groups have met each other. Therefore I witnessed it from both ends.

 

[sunsoul]

Many people find it difficult to form friendships depending on age. If the difference between the "community" and you is a couple of decades that can get more difficult. For introverts it is easier to form friendships with individuals rather than a group. Not all people are good at pulling someone into a group. I am both an introvert and a common point through whom many people in groups have met each other. Therefore I witnessed it from both ends.

I agree which is why I think it may be good for more introverted people, too. No need for introductions or awkward conversation. When I say group I mean doing something together and in salsa that is almost 1-1, anyway. A safe and fun space to dance.

It is also a Cuban group so they do rueda together. I don’t really dance rueda myself but I see how many people get a lot out of it and it literally brings people together..

 

[Offbeat]

I agree which is why I think it may be good for more introverted people, too. No need for introductions or awkward conversation. When I say group I mean doing something together and in salsa that is almost 1-1, anyway. A safe and fun space to dance.

It is also a Cuban group so they do rueda together. I don’t really dance rueda myself but I see how many people get a lot out of it and it literally brings people together..

The best way to become part of salsa groups is usually through joining a team. It fast tracks salsa friendships and being in-group faster than only going out solo dancing.

It is far easier to make friendships in Europe or Asia than in North America. People in NA will do small talk easy but it is harder to form deeper connections unless you know how to overcome insular society here.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

It is far easier to make friendships in Europe or Asia than in North America.

OP never said where he’s from. For all we know, he could be in the most insular society imaginable.

But I agree that making friends in Europe takes less work than in North America.

I still think advancing dance skill is the best way to level up social status in dancing circles.

People who judge on looks are easy to sway. Once they see you are accepted by high value dancers, they will also fall in line, no matter how ugly you are.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

The best way to become part of salsa groups is usually through joining a team. It fast tracks salsa friendships and being in-group faster than only going out solo dancing.

Works in places with a deeply rooted performance culture already in place.

In other places where there are hardly any performance teams, joining one is a good way to isolate yourself from the rest of social dance society since you don’t have an audience. In many cities around here, going out social dancing and traveling is the only way to get noticed and make friends.

 

[jose armando]

In my scene I have noticed that people are more about looks in the bachata sensual scene, not so much in salsa scene though.

 

[Smejmoon]

Isn't looks the easiest thing to improve? Becoming an attractive personality or learning how to dance salsa well seems much harder.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Isn't looks the easiest thing to improve? Becoming an attractive personality or learning how to dance salsa well seems much harder.

IMO, looks are tied to self-esteem so it may not be easy to change for some.

Likewise, I consider dance skills easy to acquire but for most, it isn't easy.

It's always hardest to improve the thing you think you lack the most.

 

[TikiTaka]

The most important things are hygiene, not being a creep and not doing uncomfortable things to your dance partner.

 

[Amun]

I'm not sure if anyone can relate to a sudden loss of confidence or self-consciousness.

There's no way around it. Much of dance is highly visual-centred activity. Women go because they want to look good and men do too. But would you still dance if you generally have little confidence in how you look? Perhaps you are below average height, are one of the less common ethnicities in your city, or are overweight. Perhaps for whatever reason you just don't think you are very physically attractive compared to others. There is a reason I prefer less club-like places and dance halls and schools. I find these places to be less concerned about the optics of it all and more about just your personal enjoyment of the dance and music. You have to deal less with the culture of the popular dance scene, which sometimes can be very akin to clubbing on my younger years.

At least in my area in clubs, you will find people of all ages, shapes, and sizes. Some are dressed up some are not. Nobody cares. I actually often dance with men 30 years older than me. I go there to dance and to have fun, not to date. It can be you went to the wrong place or maybe it's just your feeling. If I think about it the hardest part for me is the judgment of skills. I never heard anyone comment on someone's appearance, but very often on someone's dancing skills. Which I admit had an impact on my self-confidence as it made me think about what those people are probably saying about me

 

[Bostontraitor]

I deal with horrendous insecurities and sometimes body image issues as well. They have from time to time affected my snace enjoyment and etc.

I hear you bruh. When you find out your local dance event promoters refuse to take your picture, it hurts.

 

[dadada_486]

But why the sudden loss of self-confidence? Did you have a bad night? Loss of self-confidence in dancing is usually tied to dance skills, which can send you into a spiral, but the way out of it is by getting better at dancing.

Because confidence is generally something I struggle with even beyond dancing. Even if I didn't believe it was about my looks, my confidence can take a nose dive when I look at other people dance and see how much better they are. Even worse when they then tell me they've been dancing for shorter length of time. I start to question whether sone people have an innate dance ability while I don't. Basically, comparison with other dancers is extremely destructive behaviour but is a rabbit hole I fall into often.