Leader's blacklist

[chr]

One thing I have observed about our local ladies is, almost none will ever come back later and ask or seek you out, if they couldn't say yes when you asked them.

I have been asked back on a few occasions, but it was around 1 in 100. (And yes: I had way more than 100 refusals over the last 3 years... )

 

[n'klave]

Almost guaranteed way to get on my blacklist these days is to say no and after two minutes I turn around to find you dancing next to me (unless no was for a good reason or I know you well).

I hate it when this happens, but one thing that I've found is that a lot of guys aren't gentlemen and will just drag a lady onto the dance floor and not take "no" for an answer unless she is really insistent. So sometimes I'll ask someone to dance, and they'll say no, and then I'll see them on the dance floor a minute later. I'll typically go back to that person a few dances later before any DNA thoughts cross my mind, and even if they turn me down then (with an excuse) I'll still give them a chance next week. 3 strikes, and you're on the DNA list, just like so many have said.

 

[bolivicano]

I hate it when this happens, but one thing that I've found is that a lot of guys aren't gentlemen and will just drag a lady onto the dance floor and not take "no" for an answer unless she is really insistent. So sometimes I'll ask someone to dance, and they'll say no, and then I'll see them on the dance floor a minute later. I'll typically go back to that person a few dances later before any DNA thoughts cross my mind, and even if they turn me down then (with an excuse) I'll still give them a chance next week. 3 strikes, and you're on the DNA list, just like so many have said.

yea ur right. usually what happens is that a guy will ask a girl to dance, and then they'll be on the dancefloor because a guy just reached for their hand and the girl was literally dragged onto the dancefloor. ishh happens.

 

[Shines]

Pretty funny cause I just did this yesterday, lol

 

[mambomalfunction]

I black-list a girl if we're dancing, and in the middle of the dance - this is AFTER we've been dancing more than a few 8-counts - she asks me "Are you dancing on1 or on2?"

Wow... Wow... This has only happened twice. The first time, I just kept on dancing even though I wanted to walk away. The dance got sloppy and then she started "teaching" me stuff - patronizing me on the middle of the social dance floor. I guess she got her ego inflated enough. DNAEA (ever again)

The second time, we had just gotten back from an on-2 class. "Are you dancing on1 or on2?" I couldn't believe it. Again? Well, if you need to ask me in the middle of the dance, then I guess I really suck. Thanks! DNAEA

 

[MacMoto]

Hmm, which part of the quetion do you not like? Lectures on the dancefloor spoil the dance (and possibly the rest of the night) for sure, but whether or not I'd blacklist the person depends on whether the comments are warranted - I have learned some valuable lessons from critiques I received while social dancing, so even though I personally make it my rule to keep my mouth shut and not to correct my partners when dancing (unless it's with a friend I'm mentoring), I don't automatically blacklist people for correcting me. And asking "are we dancing on1 or on2?" mid-dance doesn't seem like such a horrible crime? I know a lot of people (leaders and followers) who take on2 classes but prefer to dance on1 socially because it's more comfortable for them, so I wouldn't assume everyone taking on2 classes (or attending an on2 social) wants to dance on2 with me.

 

[olamalam]

I black-list a girl if we're dancing, and in the middle of the dance - this is AFTER we've been dancing more than a few 8-counts - she asks me "Are you dancing on1 or on2?"

So what? Noone is borning with salsa timing knowledge but they learn it somehow. By black listing a girl just because of that reason means that you are assuming she won't be able to learn timing in the future.

Wow... Wow... This has only happened twice.

Wow Wow Wow, what a big deal!

 

[redsalsero]

I black-list a girl if we're dancing, and in the middle of the dance - this is AFTER we've been dancing more than a few 8-counts - she asks me "Are you dancing on1 or on2?"

i know what you mean i didnt like it either since i didnt know on2. girls asked me if i danced on2 and i said no they turn me down. they go on my blacklist.because i tought the girls have such ego.. anyways their loss right.

now that i can do both on1 and 2 im not afraid of this horrible question.
at local scenes i automatically begin on1 and congresses i begin always on2. and switch to on 1 if necesary.

its just a preference anyway. now if they start teaching me on dancefloor while we should be enjoying the dance then yea i agree dont dance with her unless. you either like her or she asks you again. but i woulndt blacklist her

 

[Ron Obvious]

Don't blacklist based on how someone hears the music. We all hear the beat in a different way, and it even happens to me that I can't tell whether I'm dancing on1 or on3 (or on2). But I still know exactly where the clave goes, so I am still in rhythm, it's just that I have stopped dancing on numbers and dance to the music. If your follower follows well, then don't bother how she identifies the rhythm. Actually, don't bother about what she knows theoretically if she follows well.

I've danced salsa more than 10 years so I know how to find the rhythm.

 

[mccool]

There are a few on my do not ask list for being snooty and seeming a bit up themselves. The last time I danced with one I remember her being so disinterested; looking around the rest of the dance hall all the way through our song, never at me. I found that quite embarrassing, to be honest, so I'll avoid that situation in future by avoiding her.

The only other one is one who told me I hurt her once. It was a while ago and she kept trying to do things I wasn't trying to lead. Well for whatever reason I don't like dancing with her and I don't like thinking that I might hurt somebody again. So I'll smile at her while I ask the next girl along instead.

 

[Blair]

One girl when I was coming up through the ranks was dancing on a wee stage by herself - feeling the music...I thought she was AMAZING. So I plucked up the courage and I said "Hey fancy a dance? " She said simply "No." and didn't even look at me. Year later she comes to me "Awww Blair Blair I LOVEEEEEE this song, fancy a dance?" ...."No."

I had to go the toilet I was cheesing that I owned her like that.

I don't dance with any chick that causes aggro/is an idiot on and off the floor. If I don't like someone or think they are fake I can't be bothered asking them either. Guess it's the whole "I only dance with people I think are actually nice folk" - that being said obviously I dance with randoms but the folk that I know are muppets...can't be bothered.

 

[mambomalfunction]

Hey, Macmoto, Red Salsero, and Ron Obvious,

Thanks for the comments; what I mean is this:
If you're dancing with someone, your movements will speak for themselves. Your feet will speak for themselves, your body will speak for itself.

You don't need to stop and say: "Is this on1 or on2?" If you need to stop, like Mr. Spock at the disco, and ask "Tell me, what program are you using to boogie?" then something is very very wrong.

I don't care what beat we dance on - but I can tell easily if a girl is breaking on 1, 2, 3, 4, or if she's all over the place. And I adapt my lead to that.

That's because her body, her feet, and her movement speak for themselves. I don't need to be Mr. Spock - "Tell me, Alien from another planet, what is this odd vacillation you seem to be doing? And is there a formula?"

If she's a beginner, then OK, that's cool. i will not black list.

But if she's like all patronizing about it, like: "What the hell are you doing, white boy? You obviously have a boogie impediment, so just tell me what beat you're pretending to dance on and I'll pretend to be following you."

No thanks, NEXT

And Olalamo or whatever your name is: Your comment was antagonizing and very suckful. May you drop your partner during a dip while your pants rip at the ass-seam.
Love,
MM

 

[MacMoto]

I understand what you say, but there are actually leaders whose timing is not as clearly obvious as they may think. I've come across leaders who:

Start on2 but keep slipping back to on1 out of habit
Start on2 but have a tendency to slip ahead to on5 out of habit
Step on2 but lead on5 (moves are led too early, making it hard for the follower to stick to the on2 timing)
Seem on2 at the start but actually on5 (been fooled a few times myself! :lol
Seem on2 at the start but simply lack timing

When I'm not sure of the leader's timing I check his feet and also adjust my timing to on5 and see it works better (or if he's all over the place try to either steer him back or go with the flow or both), but I suppose some girls may opt for the shortcut of simply asking. Also if the follower's not used to on2, these things may be utterly confusing to her. Even worse if the music itself is confusing (clave changes etc).

I've no idea how solid your timing is, but I'm just giving the perspective from the other side...

 

[TrulyMadlyAmanda]

AFTER we've been dancing more than a few 8-counts - she asks me "Are you dancing on1 or on2?"

ive never danced with you. it might be that the two girls were very bad, mechanical followers who needed to be told what beat to dance on, rather than just following. jmho, but i wouldnt blacklist them for trying to please you.

if you were 'slipping' unconsciously between the two beats, as sometimes happens to the best of us for whatever reason, then they were just trying to find out what you were aiming for, so they could help out. again, i wouldnt blacklist them, but use the helpful information (especially since this is the more likely of the two scenarios, imho).

im like mac - i NEVER volunteer feedback to a guy during (or even after!) a dance, unless they specifically ask. however, sometimes guys who struggle with their timing start to 'teach' me on the dancefloor when i miss one of their ill-led moves....the move didnt work because the leading is dependent on what foot the follower has her weight on when the lead is given, ie the timing, ie what beat she's dancing on. if the leader's on1 even temporarily in an on2 dance, or vice versa, any lead he gives perfectly correctly in his timing will be wrong in 'hers' and probably wont work. in those cases, i'll explain why the move didnt work, rather than humbly allow a guy to lecture me for his bad dancing. partly my ego, partly to help him learn and end up enjoying his dances more.

I don't dance with any chick....

yeah, those fluffy wings make it really hard to lead...

If you're dancing with someone, your movements will speak for themselves. Your feet will speak for themselves, your body will speak for itself.

And Olalamo or whatever your name is: Your comment was antagonizing and very suckful. May you drop your partner during a dip while your pants rip at the ass-seam.
Love,
MM

your movements will speak for themselves...unless youre accidentally slipping between beats, completely unconsciously. which happens more than youd think. or she might not be a great follower, what harm in giving her the benefit of the doubt?

i thought olamalam's comment was only mildly ironic, particularly for him. yours was way worse, imho. besides, only i get to beat olamalam up... :tongue:

 

[MMaatttt]

I haven't found a need for a blacklist yet, but I got close with one lady who turned up to a chilled out friendly local salsa night and started trying to tell me how to dance with all her ballroom training. I was keeping things simple trying to get any sort of connection with her to make this an actual dance while trying to workout why she obviously knew how to move to music, but really didn't do much following. Dipping herself at the end was the final straw, even if she did take most of her own weight.

 

[wonderwoman]

I think I have a blacklist. I think there is only one person on it. He's turned me down a lot in the past and I don't enjoy his personal style well enough that I'm willing to risk another bruise to my ego just to dance with him *shrug*

Wait why is this only leader's blacklist?

 

[TrulyMadlyAmanda]

Wait why is this only leader's blacklist?

careful wonderwoman, you'll end up on the "Evil, strident feminists who think sexual assault is a bad thing" blacklist with me, lol.

 

[wonderwoman]

Everyone has something they hold a strict zero tolerance policy for. One of mine is being turned down. I will generally blacklist you for that. Yet if someone is a good dancer and teacher I can let the occasional unwanted sexual advance slide, hahaha!

 

[Offbeat]

I black-list a girl if we're dancing, and in the middle of the dance - this is AFTER we've been dancing more than a few 8-counts - she asks me "Are you dancing on1 or on2?"

This is no big deal! I don't know why you should consider it to be such a big insult.

I have been asked this. A girl may ask it for a couple of reasons. Either your timing is not clear to her or she might have assumed you were dancing on on1(2) whereas now she thinks you are dancing on on2(1)

 

[TrulyMadlyAmanda]

Yet if someone is a good dancer and teacher I can let the occasional unwanted sexual advance slide, hahaha!

ok, back to taking a break from SF for a while... :doh:

just before i do...

...just because one woman jokes (hopefully!) about not minding being sleazed on, doesnt mean we're all 'gagging for it'. post-post-feminism, eh. [crywalk]