Leader's blacklist

I don't have a blacklist. But for a long time when I was still at my own studio I had to develop a rule because of the owner. Long story, owner has a sick codependent mother/son relationship with a POS sexual predator "instructor". I called the POS out to her. She went into defense mode of her darling baby boy can do no wrong, he is a decade older than her but calls her Mommy BTW (they are both sick!). Her defense mode is to accuse others of the same thing. So I stopped dancing with people I don't know. If you weren't on the team or your didn't come to classes enough for me to know you name I didn't ask you to dance. If you asked me to dance I told you no. Things were going well and I actually broke my rule for about a month and things blew up with the POS predator because he did his thing with a coworker who had come to the studio. The owner she made the same 'but you' allegations. I was like 'you're crazy, I hadn't danced with new people for 2 years' and quit the studio.
 
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Bostontraitor said:
The more you dance, the more your skill grows. You gain more options, your patience drops, and you have less time for each follower's bs.
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Actually o find that it gas a bit to do with my skills, and they are stalling, and some people will ignore me abroad but in a smaller scene will ask me a few times. So now I say no because screw that.
 
AguaDulce said:
Agree 100%. If nothing else, all the BS can be used as motivation to become a better dancer.
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Not me. It makes me stop caring about getting better because why should I get better to impress some b*tches (I don't mean females. Distinct entities)?
 
1derpalm said:
Not me. It makes me stop caring about getting better because why should I get better to impress some b*tches (I don't mean females. Distinct entities)?
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I thought you get better because you want to. External validation is either not needed or secondary.
 
1derpalm said:
But uf these are prople near gthe top sometimes, and I don't want to dance with them.
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Then put them in DNA for having an attitude irrespective of how good they may be.

In my experience attitude is personality dependent and not correlates to skills.
 
What do you do when someone in DNA behaves super nice but don't ask you
1) one asked me video record her dances with another guy and then sat right next to me to show the video
2) Some might say hi.
3) Sometimes they look and makes eye contact.

There one person who got into DNA because she said "maybe the next dance" and in the next event she entered, she waved her hands to say "hi" to me. She was out of DNA.
A few asks for dances, but they are usually difficult to dance with because they are stiff or they have too much resistance.

Most of other girls are on the DNA list because I asked and they refused with some lame excuse. I am fine if they do not want to dance with me (sometimes I might forget, but if they are regulars I remember). Its awkward to not ask someone when they somehow behave like they know me. I try not to make eyecontacts. Sometimes it feels like they are making a passive effort.

My understanding is those who want to dance will dance without much excuses. For some reasons some would want me to cross a barrier. Its not usual for them to chase some popular or famous dancers.
 
NPEADS said:
A few asks for dances, but they are usually difficult to dance with because they are stiff or they have too much resistance.
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If someone routinely asks me to dance, I will dance with them. If they are uncomfortable to dance with, I won't seek them out but will try to minimize the discomfort during the dance by doing things like leading from the shoulder and more shines and body movement in non closed position.

If I am tired or need a break when they ask, I will still make a point to seek them out later for the dance. Maybe I'm delusional to expect the same from women.
 
NPEADS said:
What do you do when someone in DNA behaves super nice but don't ask you
1) one asked me video record her dances with another guy and then sat right next to me to show the video
2) Some might say hi.
3) Sometimes they look and makes eye contact.

There one person who got into DNA because she said "maybe the next dance" and in the next event she entered, she waved her hands to say "hi" to me. She was out of DNA.
A few asks for dances, but they are usually difficult to dance with because they are stiff or they have too much resistance.

Most of other girls are on the DNA list because I asked and they refused with some lame excuse. I am fine if they do not want to dance with me (sometimes I might forget, but if they are regulars I remember). Its awkward to not ask someone when they somehow behave like they know me. I try not to make eyecontacts. Sometimes it feels like they are making a passive effort.

My understanding is those who want to dance will dance without much excuses. For some reasons some would want me to cross a barrier. Its not usual for them to chase some popular or famous dancers.
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Trust me bro, it's just not that deep. If she's said no one time, but is otherwise very nice and friendly with you, I don't really understand why you wouldn't ask her to dance.

There are only a couple of follows who are on my will not dance (WND?) list, where I will not ask them and will/have rejected when they ask me, but that's typically because they were very rude at some point. A recent example is a follow who I asked to dance, who I hadn't seen before, and she laughed in my face and said no. Tbh I genuinely have no idea why anyone would act like that, especially as she was maybe low-mid improver at best. She later asked me for a dance 2 dances later after seeing me dance with someone else and I said no. It was so ironic and tbh just such a stupid situation, and there was just no reason for her to put herself in that situation. I'm honestly still confused by it. But I digress, overall I would say these cases are few and far between.

Otherwise, just vibe and enjoy/feel the night. I would say the vast majority of follows are pretty polite with their rejection. If it's a pattern, or if they were rude like the aformentioned case, then fair enough. But I don't think there should really be more thought than that (outside of some even rarer outliers), and bro if they said no once and otherwise is friendly and looks like she wants to dance, just ask her for a dance lol. Don't put yourself in these awkward cases where you're playing these games avoiding eye contact etc. It's just unnecessary for you yourself, and it stops you from being present and enjoying the social.
 
hazmah said:
Trust me bro, it's just not that deep. If she's said no one time, but is otherwise very nice and friendly with you, I don't really understand why you wouldn't ask her to dance.
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I trust my experience more than your assessment. Each of them are there for a reason regardless of whether I am wrong or right. Some are there because they were rude or some other issues. Its my job to make a girl feel invited and if she does not value my effort, I am pretty comfortable with focusing my time with those who would. Those who lighten my mood would be my preference.
 
azana said:
Wondering how I get on the DNA list of that lead with the super bad timing and that roughish lead that practices moves rather than matching the music. I'm still trying to work out what the former's timing actually is. It's neither on1 or on2. It's something and a half I think ... As I do so much asking myself I won't knock someone back, so this might be my only chance.

Wonder how I even get on the waiting list for their DNAs. Perhaps should stop smiling so much? Even if I push back and try to hijack the timing, it doesn't seem to bother them ...
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If you find out, lmk, because I’m also suffering from this specific problem right now
 
NPEADS said:
I trust my experience more than your assessment. Each of them are there for a reason regardless of whether I am wrong or right. Some are there because they were rude or some other issues. Its my job to make a girl feel invited and if she does not value my effort, I am pretty comfortable with focusing my time with those who would. Those who lighten my mood would be my preference.
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I mean you said most (so presumably a lot) of them are on the list because they said no with a lame excuse. I’m not sure what your definition of a lame excuse is, but if they’re otherwise friendly, saying hi, sitting next to you and starting convo etc., I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t dance with them.

I am of mind that it’s a bit self-limiting and unnecessary to some degree to purposefully not ask someone because of that. Especially when it’s causing you to question it on a forum, purposefully avoid eye contact etc. It’s ultimately your choice though brother
 
hazmah said:
I mean you said most (so presumably a lot) of them are on the list because they said no with a lame excuse. I’m not sure what your definition of a lame excuse is, but if they’re otherwise friendly, saying hi, sitting next to you and starting convo etc., I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t dance with them.

I am of mind that it’s a bit self-limiting and unnecessary to some degree to purposefully not ask someone because of that. Especially when it’s causing you to question it on a forum, purposefully avoid eye contact etc. It’s ultimately your choice though brother
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No no its not that. Its only for hazmah. Others please ignore.

There is one who I asked she said "I am sitting out and right away, she seeks another guy to dance with"
I only asked her once (I usually ask a girl second time if I see her in another event, in this case, just one no is enough). A few weeks later, she stands right next to me and once asked me about the water stand.

There are similar stories with others. I do not expect every girl to dance with me. I will only ask the ones who are nicer or decent consistently. I usually do not say "no" to a girl. At the same time I do not really know how to deal with a girl who is in DNA and later behaves nicely. I do not want to ask. In my experience, people who accept my dances without knowing about my dance skills are the good ones to dance with. There are no expectations. I assume those who reject unknown guys probably have some sort of expectations in dance quality of social skills.
 
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