Jealous of gf salsa dancing

[RobotLion]

I would rather see a girl I am in a relationship with go out right now into the most tempting situation possible and end up cheating on me, than to try to shield her from that temptation and drag out a relationship with a non-loyal girl.

If she gets tempted and leaves you, then that just saves you the time wasted with a less that satisfactory partner, and the sooner you can move on and find someone better.

I don't want to spend 2 years with a girl and then find out she isn't loyal after I already invested my time into that relationship.

 

[wildbill20056]

The 'secret salsa sex clique' that's being described here, is hardly a salsa specific phenomenon. Basically in any activity (work or play) that brings alot of people together regularly, this sort of sub-group will exist. It certainly does not represent a source of temptation unique to the Salsa world.

Worries about cheating come from two sources, neither of which are Salsa-specific:

1) Dating a very weak/flawed person who gives legitimate cause for concern: leave them.
2) Suffering from poor self opinion, and thus expecting your S.O. to discover your lack of worth and take up with someone with percieved higher value: work on your feelings of self worth.

The corollary of this is that in the first case, that person IS going to cheat on you, there is absolutely no way you can prevernt their social interaction with the opposite sex. Limiting these opportunities is like trying to plug a leaky dam with your fingers; for every hole you plug, another will present itself. Will salsa give this person going to be tempted in the salsa world? Yes; he/she is also going to be tempted in literally every single other social setting. Leave this person.

In the case of the second, you need to do whatever it takes to value yourself more, and realise that life is far too short to find reasons to distrust someone who has given you every reason to believe they love and are devoted to you.

As an academic let me assure anyone in doubt that the opportunities for random sex at a given academic conference far far outstrip anything you'll see at a salsa congress; there is far more alcohol and vocal interaction.

 

[RobotLion]

And a guy who has some skills is just as likely to steal your girlfriend while she is standing in line at Walmart, or strolling through the mall with her friends, or just about anything.

I have friends who consider themselves pickup artists, and they can pull girls just about anywhere. I have never, however, seen them be able to get a girl at a salsa event. It is not an easy task.

 

[the]

And a guy who has some skills is just as likely to steal your girlfriend while she is standing in line at Walmart, or strolling through the mall with her friends, or just about anything.

I have friends who consider themselves pickup artists, and they can pull girls just about anywhere. I have never, however, seen them be able to get a girl at a salsa event. It is not an easy task.

Why is a guy like that called an artist and not a male ****?

 

[Q_Wally]

Last night I went to another salsa spots in Dallas. As I danced on the dance floor, I looked to my left and there was a couple dancing and grinding between each others legs. I looked to my right and I saw another two swirling around and the guy just "wooing" the girl. I looked over my shoulder and there were girls dancing with each other looking like they so badly wanted to guy to give them attention.

By the end of the night, everyone around me was spit swapping on the dance floor. I mean everyone was sucking on there partners face. I cannot say for sure, but I am very confident that some of these people came to the salsa club without partners (i.e. just with their girlfriends if girls). This is just an example of the type of atmosphere salsa dancing creates. This is why I would never let me gf go salsa dancing by herself. I don't care how strong you are, salsa dancing is very dangerous.

 

[Kading]

Last night I went to another salsa spots in Dallas. As I danced on the dance floor, I looked to my left and there was a couple dancing and grinding between each others legs. I looked to my right and I saw another two swirling around and the guy just "wooing" the girl. I looked over my shoulder and there were girls dancing with each other looking like they so badly wanted to guy to give them attention.

By the end of the night, everyone around me was spit swapping on the dance floor. I mean everyone was sucking on there partners face. I cannot say for sure, but I am very confident that some of these people came to the salsa club without partners (i.e. just with their girlfriends if girls). This is just an example of the type of atmosphere salsa dancing creates. This is why I would never let me gf go salsa dancing by herself. I don't care how strong you are, salsa dancing is very dangerous.

Dallas Night Club ?

 

[Q_Wally]

Dallas Night Club ?

Dallas Salsa Spot.

 

[MAMBO_CEC]

Last night I went to another salsa spots in Dallas. As I danced on the dance floor, I looked to my left and there was a couple dancing and grinding between each others legs. I looked to my right and I saw another two swirling around and the guy just "wooing" the girl. I looked over my shoulder and there were girls dancing with each other looking like they so badly wanted to guy to give them attention.

By the end of the night, everyone around me was spit swapping on the dance floor. I mean everyone was sucking on there partners face. I cannot say for sure, but I am very confident that some of these people came to the salsa club without partners (i.e. just with their girlfriends if girls). This is just an example of the type of atmosphere salsa dancing creates. This is why I would never let me gf go salsa dancing by herself. I don't care how strong you are, salsa dancing is very dangerous.

Hi Q_Wally, have you and your girlfriend ever tried salsa socials instead of the Nightclub? Lot less grinding and exchanging of saliva.

 

[wildbill20056]

Last night I went to another salsa spots in Dallas. As I danced on the dance floor, I looked to my left and there was a couple dancing and grinding between each others legs. I looked to my right and I saw another two swirling around and the guy just "wooing" the girl. I looked over my shoulder and there were girls dancing with each other looking like they so badly wanted to guy to give them attention.

By the end of the night, everyone around me was spit swapping on the dance floor. I mean everyone was sucking on there partners face. I cannot say for sure, but I am very confident that some of these people came to the salsa club without partners (i.e. just with their girlfriends if girls). This is just an example of the type of atmosphere salsa dancing creates. This is why I would never let me gf go salsa dancing by herself. I don't care how strong you are, salsa dancing is very dangerous.

You're describing, at most, a latin night club, which is UTTERLY different, and exhibits your limited knowledge of the real salsa world.

Also I also completely pity your gf for having such a distrustful, controlling bf. Salsa dancing is no more dangerous than your strength of character, it's a real pity that you think so little of your gf.

I'd happily let my future wife head off to any nightclub/event safe in the knowledge that she would rip the reproductive organs off any man who tried it on. I know this, as men have suffered this fate in the past; I am under strict instructions never to step in/get physical as she just doesn't need the help

 

[Q_Wally]

Hi Q_Wally, have you and your girlfriend ever tried salsa socials instead of the Nightclub? Lot less grinding and exchanging of saliva.

All the time. They are better but still….

 

[Q_Wally]

You're describing, at most, a latin night club, which is UTTERLY different, and exhibits your limited knowledge of the real salsa world.

Also I also completely pity your gf for having such a distrustful, controlling bf. Salsa dancing is no more dangerous than your strength of character, it's a real pity that you think so little of your gf.

I'd happily let my future wife head off to any nightclub/event safe in the knowledge that she would rip the reproductive organs off any man who tried it on. I know this, as men have suffered this fate in the past; I am under strict instructions never to step in/get physical as she just doesn't need the help

I am not sure why you are so vigorously defending your position. You don't seem to even acknowledge the slightest possible way the environment could be conducive for potentially bad situations. You can do what ever you want when you get married we all have to make our own decisions. And no need to be disrespectful, calling me controlling and distrustful. You do not know me.

 

[Kading]

I am not sure why you are so vigorously defending your position. You don't seem to even acknowledge the slightest possible way the environment could be conducive for potentially bad situations. You can do what ever you want when you get married we all have to make our own decisions. And no need to be disrespectful, calling me controlling and distrustful. You do not know me.

You're at a salsa forum, of course people here are insanely biased.

 

[ColdSalsero]

Last night I went to another salsa spots in Dallas. As I danced on the dance floor, I looked to my left and there was a couple dancing and grinding between each others legs. I looked to my right and I saw another two swirling around and the guy just "wooing" the girl. I looked over my shoulder and there were girls dancing with each other looking like they so badly wanted to guy to give them attention.

By the end of the night, everyone around me was spit swapping on the dance floor. I mean everyone was sucking on there partners face. I cannot say for sure, but I am very confident that some of these people came to the salsa club without partners (i.e. just with their girlfriends if girls). This is just an example of the type of atmosphere salsa dancing creates. This is why I would never let me gf go salsa dancing by herself. I don't care how strong you are, salsa dancing is very dangerous.

This sort of thing never happens at the salsa clubs in Boston (not the Latino clubs, but I mean the clubs for hardcore salsa dancers...as @wildbill20056 and others have said, these are two very different social environments/sub-cultures/contexts). I'm sure Dallas has clubs for hardcore salseros too.

Seriously, hardcore salseros are just in it for the dancing. If there's a lot of hooking up going on, that can actually be a big turn-off for the hardcore crowd, which again, is only interested in dancing, not hooking up.

 

[ColdSalsero]

I am not sure why you are so vigorously defending your position. You don't seem to even acknowledge the slightest possible way the environment could be conducive for potentially bad situations. You can do what ever you want when you get married we all have to make our own decisions. And no need to be disrespectful, calling me controlling and distrustful. You do not know me.

You're at a salsa forum, of course people here are insanely biased.

Salseros, real salseros, may feel the need to defend our world's reputation and perception. If everyone actually believed that salsa is just about hooking up, then our clubs will be filled by unsavory characters who are just there to do just that, and how would we ever popularize salsa dancing as a safe social activity? How would we ever grow our communities with such a negative reputation and misperception?

We're here to spread The Truth, and to set people straight. Or, at least, we try to

 

[ColdSalsero]

Last night I went to another salsa spots in Dallas. As I danced on the dance floor, I looked to my left and there was a couple dancing and grinding between each others legs. I looked to my right and I saw another two swirling around and the guy just "wooing" the girl. I looked over my shoulder and there were girls dancing with each other looking like they so badly wanted to guy to give them attention.

By the end of the night, everyone around me was spit swapping on the dance floor. I mean everyone was sucking on there partners face. I cannot say for sure, but I am very confident that some of these people came to the salsa club without partners (i.e. just with their girlfriends if girls). This is just an example of the type of atmosphere salsa dancing creates. This is why I would never let me gf go salsa dancing by herself. I don't care how strong you are, salsa dancing is very dangerous.

You're describing, at most, a latin night club, which is UTTERLY different, and exhibits your limited knowledge of the real salsa world.

Also I also completely pity your gf for having such a distrustful, controlling bf. Salsa dancing is no more dangerous than your strength of character, it's a real pity that you think so little of your gf.

I'd happily let my future wife head off to any nightclub/event safe in the knowledge that she would rip the reproductive organs off any man who tried it on. I know this, as men have suffered this fate in the past; I am under strict instructions never to step in/get physical as she just doesn't need the help

I am not sure why you are so vigorously defending your position. You don't seem to even acknowledge the slightest possible way the environment could be conducive for potentially bad situations. You can do what ever you want when you get married we all have to make our own decisions. And no need to be disrespectful, calling me controlling and distrustful. You do not know me.

This all still goes back to the whole trust thing though. If you can't trust your partner to stay faithful in any situation, why would you still date such a person? How would you ever feel confident that he/she will be faithful in any place/situation when you're not around?

Hardcore salseros dance with hot, sexy people all the time. That dancing is often close, intimate, passionate, sensual, flirtatious, and emotionally charged. But for the people who just love to dance, that's just the norm. We never let things escalate and go beyond that off the dance floor. We're extremely de-sensitized to flirtation.

 

[GForce85]

And no need to be disrespectful, calling me controlling and distrustful. You do not know me.

Based on some of the replies I have seen, I am now beginning to think that some people posting are the very same guys who would absolutely love to seduce your woman while dancing and try to have sex with her and then have you believe it is only innocent.

I agree that no one should be disrespectful to you because of your opinion, but please expect the same of yourself as well.

Regarding your experience at the club in Dallas, it is an anecdote. That doesn't mean no one should believe it happened, but it does mean that we should not assume this is the norm. Anecdotes are powerful because we see them/experience them ourselves so it has a stronger effect on us, but we should not take anecdotes and apply them to the population at large. Not allowing your gf to go dancing because of situations like that Dallas club is like not allowing her to fly because MH-370 crashed. Is there risk? Of course. Is there so much risk that it shouldn't be done? I'm skeptical. That said, anecdotes or not I don't begrudge your doing what you want in your personal situation (our experiences shape our decisions and that's normal), but I'll always push back when people advise others to take a negative view of salsa environments in general.

I don't want to seem like I'm humblebragging, but guys hit on my gf all the time. Yes, at salsa events, but everywhere else too. Starbucks, train station, etc. She once got a flat tire on the freeway and had the highway patrol officer who stopped to help try to get her phone number. She lives in Japan now, so we are very rarely with each other, and I couldn't keep her from doing something she wants to do even if I wanted to. It's natural to feel some apprehension when you're not around your significant other, but when you live on the other side of the world from them you learn how to just let them take care of it. Believe me, I get where you're coming from. But from my current perspective of knowing I would go insane if I worried about all of my gf's interactions with guys without me around, it's hard not to take the "just let her do it" side.

 

[Q_Wally]

That dancing is often close, intimate, passionate, sensual, flirtatious, and emotionally charged. But for the people who just love to dance, that's just the norm. We never let things escalate and go beyond that off the dance floor.

"We never let things escalate and go beyond that off the dance floor"…. HA HA…Hilarious. Sure I am sure you all are just really strong and able to resist all temptation You should go around the world and teach other people how to be so strong like yourselves!!!

 

[ColdSalsero]

"We never let things escalate and go beyond that off the dance floor"…. HA HA…Hilarious. Sure I am sure you all are just really strong and able to resist all temptation You should go around the world and teach other people how to be so strong like yourselves!!!

You can choose to believe or not believe, I don't really care at this point. Good luck.

 

[Q_Wally]

I agree that no one should be disrespectful to you because of your opinion, but please expect the same of yourself as well.

Regarding your experience at the club in Dallas, it is an anecdote. That doesn't mean no one should believe it happened, but it does mean that we should not assume this is the norm. Anecdotes are powerful because we see them/experience them ourselves so it has a stronger effect on us, but we should not take anecdotes and apply them to the population at large. Not allowing your gf to go dancing because of situations like that Dallas club is like not allowing her to fly because MH-370 crashed. Is there risk? Of course. Is there so much risk that it shouldn't be done? I'm skeptical. That said, anecdotes or not I don't begrudge your doing what you want in your personal situation (our experiences shape our decisions and that's normal), but I'll always push back when people advise others to take a negative view of salsa environments in general.

I don't want to seem like I'm humblebragging, but guys hit on my gf all the time. Yes, at salsa events, but everywhere else too. Starbucks, train station, etc. She once got a flat tire on the freeway and had the highway patrol officer who stopped to help try to get her phone number. She lives in Japan now, so we are very rarely with each other, and I couldn't keep her from doing something she wants to do even if I wanted to. It's natural to feel some apprehension when you're not around your significant other, but when you live on the other side of the world from them you learn how to just let them take care of it. Believe me, I get where you're coming from. But from my current perspective of knowing I would go insane if I worried about all of my gf's interactions with guys without me around, it's hard not to take the "just let her do it" side.

Just FYI, every relationship is not the same as yours. And everyone does not have the same strengths and/ or weakness. But I do appreciate your overall perspective.

 

[Kading]

This sort of thing never happens at the salsa clubs in Boston (not the Latino clubs, but I mean the clubs for hardcore salsa dancers...as @wildbill20056 and others have said, these are two very different social environments/sub-cultures/contexts). I'm sure Dallas has clubs for hardcore salseros too.

Seriously, hardcore salseros are just in it for the dancing. If there's a lot of hooking up going on, that can actually be a big turn-off for the hardcore crowd, which again, is only interested in dancing, not hooking up.

I think hardcore salseros are more complex.
I think there are two groups. You have the lonely wolf hardcore dancer who is there ONLY to dance, not flirting, not even there to make friends except maybe one or two. Than you have the socializer hardcore dancer, he's there to have fun, drink some, dance some etc. I'd like to point out that they are both awesome dancers (or dancers in training lol, who admire to be great dancers), but they just have a different take on what they wanna do at a social/night club.

It's not like one is worse than the other though. What's wrong about being there just to dance? What's wrong being there to socialize and perhaps looking to hook up? As long as everybody stays appropriate it doesn't harm people.