GroovyMambo
Changui
LOL!Oh, it gets better than that. Check out some of the new forum members.
Is confidence an excuse?
- Thread starter Promoman
- Start date
DancingGuy
Changui
I wasn't offended, I just didn't know it was allowed. Chrisk used to call out certain people for saying mild curse words, let alone the F word. I guess things have changed here....
Looks like we can.
Salsa Bear
Son
Maybe someone should do a survey to see what words members consider offensive and under what circumstances. I have no problem with the term "***** shield." I think it's funnier than Hell - another word that doesn't bother me. In fact, typing "***** shield" into Google yields near 39,000 hits, while "Hell" yields a helluva lot more.
But a conspiracy theorist might speculate that some instructors deliberately undermine students' confidence so they'll want to come back for more confidence building lessons.
I see this happen a lot and done in a variety of ways. I always take what teachers say with a grain of salt, because ultimately they are looking for return business. Every salsa dance instructor i've ever met was a capitalist first, dancer second.
I can only look towards my own progress as a dancer to determine whether i've become a more confident person (as a direct result of dance). In the beginning, I thought that overcoming the social dance barrier and beginner's hell would turn me into a more confident person. Maybe i'm not as shy asking a girl to dance and I take rejection a lot better than in the past, but outside the social dance scene (and outside of familiarity of salsa etiquette and conventions), I am lost. I still can not randomly go up to a girl, ask her out on a date, get rejected, and not take a confidence hit. I am simply not used to it, and is something I just can't stomach.
This reflects more on my personality. Confidence doesn't come naturally to me. So I build it up over time. I am now just starting to get into photography (more specifically, street photography). I am in awe of people who can just go up to some random stranger and shoot their photo. This to me is crazy. What if that person gets angry and comes after me? How do I handle that situation? I'd rather get rejected 10 times in a row on the dance floor than get into an altercation on the street.
So I think it's a bit presumptuous to say that building confidence in salsa makes someone more confident all-around. I definitely think that becoming a better dancer makes someone more confident, but I feel it's more of a situational confidence. To become truly confident, one needs to gain experience in a lot more areas.
Chris
DancingGuy
Changui
I was hoping that with time, Salsa would help me in that area as I have that exact same issue.
This fear of asking girls out on a date is something I need to get over because girls today get taken real fast. If you can't make a move right away and get up the courage to ask her out, some other guy that has the courage will grab her. Girls will not wait for us. If you don't make your move now, they go for the next guy that flirts her up. Just like they say, "you snooze, you lose."
Salsa Bear
Son
LOL - No argument there! Ever take Edie The Salsa Freak's salsa boot camp? She's a mobile Walmart, hawking CD's and a variety of paraphernalia. I'm not saying it's wrong; it has to be hard to make a living as a dance instructor, and CD's appear to be where the money's at. In fact, I can think of some instructors who do NOT strike me as capitalists, and I don't have the perception that they're doing that well financially. So you do have to sell yourself - and your business.
There's a local instructor who gets free advertising from salsa celebrities. He dresses like a stud, and world salsa champions lay at his feet, as if he's some sort of god. Of course, the photos wind up on his website.
Against, it's no crime. But I think it's kind of sleazy to promote this guy when he's so sleazy himself. I was a salsa dancer's business agent, I tell them to steer clear of bums. Why make yourself look cheap?
Yes. My observation is that you almost have to be confident to begin with in order to survive in salsa. And a lot of the confident people I've observed were a little arrogant and pushy. It's hard dancing or talking with a lady when some ******* runs up, grabs her hand and jerks her away from you. Sometimes it seems like the only way to compete would be to become a jerk yourself.
Salsa Bear
Son
First lesson in college: People are like molecules. It seems like they bond together almost instantly, and if you don't find a significant other on Orientation Day, you're probably out of luck. I remember an economics professor telling me that.
However, it's not just about confidence; it's also about being in the right place at the right time.
DancingGuy
Changui
What does that mean? That you need to be attracted to each other on Day 1? Or else, it's not meant to be? If I'm understanding that correct, then I disagree as infatuation can easily be misconstrued as love.
Salsa Bear
Son
It's not to be taken literally. He was just making the same point you made; if you don't connect with someone quick, someone else will beat you to it.
DancingGuy
Changui
Gotcha! Thanks!
SnowDancer
Son Montuno
I agree completely. There is a lot of relationship advice out there, but I think a lot of it boils down to location (like the old real-estate joke). My undergraduate college was mostly men, so it was no surprise that the women there, even those who weren't especially attractive, had no trouble finding dates. For us guys, it was not so good. I made a point of going to a true co-ed school for graduate work, and had a much better experience.
Now salsa, for me, is a mixed bag: Possibly the right place, but the wrong time.
SnowDancer
Son Montuno
I'm in a similar spot, but do have some advice:
1. Give it time. You're becoming more comfortable around women, and losing fear of rejection. This will continue.
2. Take small steps. Whenever the opportunity arises, exchange a few words with women of all ages, without any thought of asking them out.
3. Be realistic about your goals. You might never be able to walk up randomly to a girl and get her phone number, but that's not how most couples meet.
DancingGuy
Changui
I thought that's how it works.
Salsa Bear
Son
It's complicated - for everyone. I've read a few articles about how tough it is for women these days. First, the economy sucks, which means it's hard finding a guy who's gainfully employed. Even if he has a job, he may have a crappy salary and no benefits - not a good prospect for raising a family.
Online **** is apparently a major problem, too, on several levels. Even online dating takes a toll.
Factor in our increasingly dumbed down society (Reality TV, computer games, etc.), and the prospects don't look so great. I mean, are there any intelligent people with personalities alive today?
A lot of people who are financially set belong to the yuppie/nerd class - not much more mentally mature than the idiots who sit around watching football all day.
I wonder if that's one of the reasons salser@s love to travel so much. Guys flock to Cali, and women go to the Dominican Republic or wherever they can meet people who are still human. Then again, salsa is supposedly popular partly because it lets people escape into a fantasy work where they can pretend to be anything they want. A bored housewife can become a goddess, a Microsoft programmer a man.
When I was a teacher, the people I worked with - men and women both - were generally squared away, but the people I work with now...well, if I was a woman looking for a significant other, I'd say WTF???
They say that the marriage rate has hit an all-time low in the U.S. - http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/12/marriage-rate-falls-to-record-low-in-u-s-pew-says/
So if shyness is your only problem, dance a bachata in celebration.
DancingGuy
Changui
It's complicated - for everyone. I've read a few articles about how tough it is for women these days. First, the economy sucks, which means it's hard finding a guy who's gainfully employed. Even if he has a job, he may have a crappy salary and no benefits - not a good prospect for raising a family.
...
So if shyness is your only problem, dance a bachata in celebration.
Shyness is my main problem and also because I'm not "gainfully employed." I do get benefits, but my salary is still very low. Fortunately, it's significantly higher than it was two years ago, but it's still not enough. It would have been much better if the company I work for didn't cut back on the salary increase this year (unfortunately, they didn't do so well this year).
The problem is the cost of living has significantly increased over the years. Here in NYC, you need to make at least $50,000 to live on your own in a 1 bedroom apartment. If that's how much you need to live all by yourself, you can only imagine how much you need to make if you have to provide for a wife and kids, not to mention that you'll probably need a bigger place which will cost you more. And companies today will not pay $50,000+ for an entry-level position with no work experience. So, if you're in your mid-20s and just getting out of college, you're not going to be making much. And that is why a lot of people today cannot get married in their 20s. They simply cannot afford to.
I would like to get married. I think it's wonderful to be with someone you really care about for the rest of your life. But at this point, there's no way I can provide for a woman. So, I will probably have to wait until I'm in my 30s or 40s.