How do you guys do it?

tripleg said:
When I first started dancing I developed this simple approach. Since I didn't know anybody I would ask pretty much anybody. I would walkup and say "Beginner dance?" That way she knows what she's getting into upfront. Some said no, but many said yes and I got my dances in. Many girls also use this strategy. When you ask them to dance they will inform you that they're a beginner.
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Yes, but they tell you that they're a beginner AFTER you ask them. Telling a follower you're a beginner BEFORE she accepts is unwise, although she may already know and she'll certainly find out in a few seconds. So it's both not necessary and can be detrimental. Saying "I'm a beginner" while walking onto the dance floor with her may be ok if you must but like I said if she's experienced at all she's going to know in 2 seconds flat on the first cross-body lead.
 
RobotLion said:
I just have trouble finding opportunities to ask, it seems like all the girls are swept up in an instant before I ever get the chance to do anything.
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I got so good at this game that I could steal a follower from a guy that was standing next to a girl on the other side of the room if I wanted. I would annoy some of my friends on nights when there were few good followers and good tunes by picking them up just as the first couple of notes of the track was playing, because I already recognised it and knew it was a rocking track.

Most guys wait until after the track has started to get into position. Too late! I'm already there. Casually moving through the crowd until I'm in position just as the track ends, no rush. In order to do this you need to know when the outro (opposite of intro) of the track is playing.

Most guys wait until after the intro section before they recognise the track and grab the girl. Too late! I'm already dancing with her. :D

Learn more about the structure of the music and recognise the core hits that your local club plays by the first few notes.

All it takes is the first da-da and I'm reaching for my partners hand:


On tracks with Rumba intros it's a little more difficult but there are often differences in the Rumba intros between tracks if you pay attention.


Another trick (particularly useful on nights when the music isn't great) is to go ask the DJ what the next track is, then pre-select your partner for the next dance (which is why it's good to know the DJ personally - aka saying hello to the DJ when you come in). He may tell you there's a bachata, then a Salsa romantica and then just the track you've been waiting for. :D

Some tracks have some strange intros which often works in your favour if you know the tune. The "is it Salsa?" game.

Then there's the ask-the-girl-for-the-next-dance-before-the-track-has-started tactic. Which is just a random "if it's salsa next do you wanna dance?".
 
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Well, normally they are playing a combination of Salsa, Bachata and Merengue. I can Bachata ok, and my Merengue is much better than my Salsa... So I'm not all that worried about what the next song is, 90% chance it will be danceable, so I don't really need to know what it is before asking a girl.

I also don't care the slightest about rejections, I don't worry about any of that, I don't worry about looking like an idiot being a newbie dancer either.

I just am having so much trouble finding opportunites to ask. I am just way to chill to be running around trying to grab a girl the second a song ends to catch her before 5 other guys jump on that chance. It is a very hard mindset for me to get into.
 
RobotLion said:
I just am having so much trouble finding opportunites to ask. I am just way to chill to be running around trying to grab a girl the second a song ends to catch her before 5 other guys jump on that chance. It is a very hard mindset for me to get into.
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Other people run, I don't. But if you want to dance you gotta move that ass somehow (whether slowly or quickly) and ask before someone else does. Preparation is key if you want to be relaxed.

A lot of things in life require preparation if you want to be chill when the time comes.

Have you tried asking for the "next" dance?
 
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I have some tips:
1) stand close to the dance floor and ask people that are coming off it. At least those know how to dance, but some may want to have a break. But then at least they know you want to dance with them

2) Talk with some guys at the scene and ask whether they can recommend some followers for you, or maybe introduce you to some. I don't know how the culture in Arizona is, but in some places it's really polite to ask an accompanying guy if you may ask his woman to dance. In other places (such as Sweden) that would probably insult the woman (she can talk for herself and is nobody's property). In south america there were separate couples and single people's salsotecas, so in the couples one it was really hard to approach people if you go alone. All were already in groups.

Don't forget that a large part of learning to dance salsa is to get to know the music. If you can't get followers then dance alone, the most important thing you need to learn is not a lot of patterns, but the music.
 
azzey said:
Yes, but they tell you that they're a beginner AFTER you ask them. Telling a follower you're a beginner BEFORE she accepts is unwise, although she may already know and she'll certainly find out in a few seconds. So it's both not necessary and can be detrimental. Saying "I'm a beginner" while walking onto the dance floor with her may be ok if you must but like I said if she's experienced at all she's going to know in 2 seconds flat on the first cross-body lead.
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The whole point is to provide full disclosure UPFRONT and let her make up her mind. Why is this unwise?
 
Don’t give up! Salsa brings so much joy, just stick to it. If I may suggest few things, mind you I am a follower so these are just my observations and experience:
- Venue. If you live in a city/town with decent size scene then try to change venue from time to time. It may be the case that in the place you are going, established crowd is not very welcoming.
- Parties. Go to parties. It has been said in one of the previous posts that you need to be seen. Even if follows don’t always accept dances, if you go regularly, sooner or later you will be seen as one of the regulars.
- Classes. Stick with classes and perhaps try to attend classes with more than one school. This may you will maintain and expand your own circle of potential partners. Sooner or later salsa students venture out to parties and dilute cliques. The more people you know from classes, the bigger chance of having a dance with someone who is friendly to you. And of course extra classes mean that you will progress quicker.
- Follows. Don’t be shy to ask. Don’t be shy to ask even if a girl is with a group. Salsa parties are made for dancing and you have every right to invite. Look out for ladies who stand of the edge of dance floor on their own. There is always at least a couple who wasn’t invited and was too shy to invite someone.
I know there is unwritten rule saying if you invite a lady and she refuses, don’t do it again – its her turn. Although I agree in concept, it does not always work in practice. It happened countless times when I had to decline a dance (tired, loo break etc) and wanted to invite a guy for a dance but either couldn’t find him, he already left, queuing to get a drink or I get invited by someone else before I even have a chance to find him. Give a girl one more chance.
Wish all the best of luck and hope these minor hick ups won’t put you off salsa.
 
RobotLion said:
0-6 range, 6 is the most times I have ever been turned down for dances. But I really don't feel comfortable going up to girls that are in a tight nit group they are hanging out with all night. I also don't want to be one of those guys that is a shark and just preys on women the second they sit down to get water or something after dancing 3-5 dances in a row. Girls need breaks too, right?
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Been there. If they're resting and look exhausted, you're too late. The trick is to look on the floor for someone you want to dance with, and stand as close as you can. Just before the music ends, you start walking confidently towards her, preferably so she can see you; and then ask for a dance immediately when the song ends. That doesn't guarantee you'll get a dance, but it's a lot better than standing on the side watching the other guys trade partners!
 
SnowDancer said:
Been there. If they're resting and look exhausted, you're too late. The trick is to look on the floor for someone you want to dance with, and stand as close as you can. Just before the music ends, you start walking confidently towards her, preferably so she can see you; and then ask for a dance immediately when the song ends. That doesn't guarantee you'll get a dance, but it's a lot better than standing on the side watching the other guys trade partners!
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An even better approach once you already are dancing with someone:
  • Position yourself and your partner close to where your presumptive next partner* is dancing.
  • Keep an eye out for 2-3 alternates nearby in case your 1st choice takes a break, dances an extra song with her current partner etc. etc.
  • As the song is getting close to the end, everything has to happen really fast - go for the 1st choice and be sure to want to dance to any song with her - if, no move in lightning speed to 2nd choice b4 other guys get there.
  • Dance every song that is played until you are too tired.
*This is not trivial. The potential dance partners who dance almost every song for a shorter period, then go home are the ideal dance partners for this. They are into getting their dances in in a short time for a variety or reasons (get up early to go to work, babysitter is on the clock, husband is sitting home alone watching TV etc. etc.)
 
tripleg said:
The whole point is to provide full disclosure UPFRONT and let her make up her mind. Why is this unwise?
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I personally don't like it when I ask someone to dance and they give me the "I'm only a beginner" warning. If I'm only going to dance with non-beginners it's contingent upon me to determine if she's beginner by watching her dance before I ask her. IMHO, anybody (lead or follow) that walks away from a dance after receiving that kind of a warning is acting like a complete jerk.
 
I hear you man. I went through this phase my first month of dancing. As a man you can't count on the environment being follow heavy to help you. Count on yourself, and you really need to leave your ego at the door here, or it will crush you and your dance passion.

-My first few dances I have the 3-seconds approach rule. The moment I finish a dance and I see a girl not dancing I have 3 seconds to walk over and ask her. Don't let anxiety or mental excuses cloud you. I realize that's just your ego defensive mechanism. No one likes to get rejected which is always a potential in salsa. Now it changes to 1-second rule. I just do it by reflexes.

-I second @azzey , you need to be persistent but not harassing the girl. I lost count of how many times I danced with a girl who said no but it ended up great. A lot of times girls say no bc they are beginner "But I don't know how to dance" "Well it's about time you learn then!"

-A lot of other times girls say no bc they don't know you. This is when presentation and preparation are very important. What @azzey said, prepare your approach and identify your "prey" :p :D Dress nicely. DO NOT SMELL BAD. Approach with a smile and an upright body (this is a game changer for me once I discovered it) It increases my success chance significantly. Might help you too.

-ASK THE GIRLS WHO ARE WITH THEIR FRIENDS! The fact that they are with friends don't mean anything. She might even wants a break from the usual bar gossip :D:p Not sure about your scene, but here in Paris I've found that girls love it when one of theirs is being asked by a stranger and they will even encourage her ;):rolleyes: maybe it makes for good banter afterward? If I didn't ask girls who were with friends I wouldn't have a third of the dances I had. It's also the most fun experiences. After you dance with her you can ask her other friends to dance.

-If their friends try to cockblock (or danceblock) :D you but the girl looks like she wants to dance, you need to man up and speak for yourself and the girl. Don't be rude but be firm. I asked a girl who was with another guy yesterday, and he basically manhandled her away o_O She wrestled out of his hold to dance with me. Another time I was asking a girl and her guy friend interrupted. I look at him firmly and said "It's up to her to decide bro" then I looked at her again. She was more than happy to dance. If I didn't man up I would be doing her and myself a disservice.

-If the girl does not want to dance let her tell you that. It will be obvious like a crowbar wack on the head, you can't miss it :p In that case thanks her and leave. But if she's just being hesistant convince her a bit. Use your professional charm ;)

Oh, see if you can join some university dance club/organization/class. Usually there are lots of girls willing to dance there.
 
Dalaran1991 said:
-ASK THE GIRLS WHO ARE WITH THEIR FRIENDS! The fact that they are with friends don't mean anything. She might even wants a break from the usual bar gossip :D:p Not sure about your scene, but here in Paris I've found that girls love it when one of theirs is being asked by a stranger and they will even encourage her ;):rolleyes: maybe it makes for good banter afterward? If I didn't ask girls who were with friends I wouldn't have a third of the dances I had. It's also the most fun experiences. After you dance with her you can ask her other friends to dance.
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If the dance turns out well and she enjoys it then she's most likely to push her friends to dance with you anyway. All you have to say is "who's next?". So in this situation you can end up getting extra dances for no extra effort.
 
azzey said:
If the dance turns out well and she enjoys it then she's most likely to push her friends to dance with you anyway. All you have to say is "who's next?". So in this situation you can end up getting extra dances for no extra effort.
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The other side of that " coin " is this.. IF she says no, then you are screwed for asking any of the others ( you made them 2nd choice ! ). BTDT..
 
terence said:
The other side of that " coin " is this.. IF she says no, then you are screwed for asking any of the others ( you made them 2nd choice ! ). BTDT..
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In theory I would agree. But last Friday I asked a group of 4 hot Italian girls to dance. The first one said she did not dance, but she pointed me to her friend "Invite her" I just held out my hands to her and she took them. Ended up dancing with 2 out of 4 girls. Nice girls, lots of fun.

You gotta dance and you gotta ask a girl to dance anyway. If she is with a group of friends does that mean you don't invite her? What if they are all with friends? (which they are, girls don't go out alone :D :p It's a mafia gang kinda thing :cool:) In the end ask all the ladies to dance. If they all say no at least you can call it a night and go home instead of wasting precious time hugging the wall and watching others have all the fun.
 
terence said:
The other side of that " coin " is this.. IF she says no, then you are screwed for asking any of the others ( you made them 2nd choice ! ). BTDT..
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I usually just end up looking left and right to the group of girls and asking who wants to be first? Will always end up dancing with all of them, which is nice since this way will get to know them all :)
 
Dalaran1991 said:
-I second @azzey , you need to be persistent but not harassing the girl. I lost count of how many times I danced with a girl who said no but it ended up great. A lot of times girls say no bc they are beginner "But I don't know how to dance" "Well it's about time you learn then!"
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Yeah, especially with Merengue where all she needs to do is move from one foot to the other.
 
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