For Leaders- answer honestly, how do you choose your follow?

L

La Bailarina Nueva

Just curious... when out social dancing, what is the first thing that makes you want to ask a girl to dance? Whom would you ask first:

1. a really enthusiastic beginner or
2. a fantastic dancer who seems almost bored

Also, what role do looks play into it? A good-looking girl who dances at an intermediate level, or a plainer-looking but amazing dancer?

I know the average guy at the average club might go for the hotter girl, but I think all of you salseros seem to dance to a different beat, so to speak :)
 
I choose the enthusiastic beginer over the bored looking fantastic dancer with the condition that I don't personaly know either. I actually have a list of the followers with whom I refuse to dance because of their bored look through the years, regardless of leader.

I don't care about looks, if she can dance, doesn't project whatever characteristic turns me off, then I'm there.... But, if I were single, young or immature, then I would do as did when I was 18 and equal a good dance to a good looking woman.
 
Well, in my scene I pretty much know most everyone who can dance and so I will dance with whoever is available (There is generally a shortage of ladies who can dance).

As for my preferences - would I like to dance with an advanced lady who seems bored or an enthusiastic beginner, hhmmm, honest - the advanced lady. This is because I really don't get the opportunity to dance with too many advanced ladies - so when I do get a chance its generally pretty good because I can lead all of my patterns and can do a lot of things I normally wouldn't be able to do - I just try not to make eye contact because then I will realize she is bored and it will take me out of my moment :cry:

As for an enthusiastic beginner - I will dance with her once or maybe twice a night. But its tough - because I have to spend most of my focus on staying on beat, making sure she doesn't hit someone, I generally have to lead a lot stronger than I normally would.

As for attractive women - I posted a while back on this topic. If I know the lady then yes I would prefer to dance with an attractive woman (I'm a guy, what can I say). However, if I don't know her - that can be tough because I have found that she generally will assume that I am picking up on her and will say no. I have been treated very rudely by attractive women at salsa clubs who didn't know that I could dance. So to be honest - I will avoid the attractive ladies I do not know until they are able to see that I can actually dance. Once they see that I can dance then they generally don't assume that I am picking up on them.

But Ideally what do I look for when I am asking a lady - can she dance - number one issue!!! Two, is she into the dance, is she connecting with me. How she looks would be a distant third.
 
Thanks for your thoughtful replies. I asked this question because this past weekend I saw quite a few great dancers who looked totally bored on the floor, and quite a few beginners who were smiling and moving to the music on the sidelines. Personally, I will head straight for the friendliest looking person I can find.
 
Regarding your question, I guess I would pick the "really enthusiastic beginner" first. I prefer to dance with girls who seem to enjoy the music, who enjoy dancing and maybe even dance for themselves at the edge of the dancefloor. But I would also wonder why the "fantastic dancer" seems to be bored. And there are a lot of reasons as we noticed in another thread. ;)

And regarding the looks. I don't care much about the look, because that won't matter on the dancefloor. I can have as much fun on the dancefloor with a "good-looking girl" as with an "plainer-looking dancer". So I would end up asking both girls for a dance. That's in my opinion the only way to find out if you are going to have more fun dancing with one of the girls or if you enjoy dancing with both of them (Of course not at the same time ;))
 
chrisk said:
Regarding your question, I guess I would pick the "really enthusiastic beginner" first. I prefer to dance with girls who seem to enjoy the music, who enjoy dancing and maybe even dance for themselves at the edge of the dancefloor. But I would also wonder why the "fantastic dancer" seems to be bored. And there are a lot of reasons as we noticed in another thread. ;)

And regarding the looks. I don't care much about the look, because that won't matter on the dancefloor. I can have as much fun on the dancefloor with a "good-looking girl" as with an "plainer-looking dancer". So I would end up asking both girls for a dance. That's in my opinion the only way to find out if you are going to have more fun dancing with one of the girls or if you enjoy dancing with both of them (Of course not at the same time ;))
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:lol: That would be tough to do... I did notice that more "plain" looking girls were on the floor than the really hot ones. I thought maybe the guys were intimidated?
 
La Bailarina Nueva said:
:lol: That would be tough to do... I did notice that more "plain" looking girls were on the floor than the really hot ones. I thought maybe the guys were intimidated?
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Maybe the 'hot' ones were new to the scene, getting all dolled up to go dancing? It's possible that people who go out all the time quit making an effort to look good.

I know I look pretty awful when I go dancing. I don't do 'hot' at the best of times, but for salsa I am usually wearing a battered tank top and jeans, plus I am a sweaty mess after ten minutes anyway. If I went out less often (or if I felt I wasn't getting asked enough) I'd probably feel it was more 'special' and make more of an effort to look good.

I think the #1 determinant of whether someone is going to dance with you is whether he is your buddy already or not. It's so much easier for them to ask; they know you, they know what they're going to get, they don't have to worry about rejection. A new dancer is a total black box - could be good, could be awful - and represents a possible rejection.

When I'm home I get asked all the time, not because of my dance skill (or lack thereof) or my appearance but because I know lots and lots of guys. When I'm out of town I get asked much less often - usually have to start by asking for at least a few dances myself, then the guys may start to get the picture. ;) What I look for in this situation is a guy who doesn't look like an arm-yanker, isn't half of an established couple, and is dancing with women about my level or a little below.
 
I gotta tell ya, I will definitely go more of the tank top/jeans route. I saw some girls out in miniskirts! Sure, they looked cute, but woah! Hopw do you dance in that?
 
chrisk said:
But I would also wonder why the "fantastic dancer" seems to be bored
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From my experiences its because they have done this before - many, many times. There are no new patterns you can throw at them that they haven't already done - there isn't any type of styling that you can do that they haven't already seen a million times - there mind starts to wonder - they don't even really need to be present because they can follow the patterns without thinking or even paying attention and they can add in their own styling without really even thinking about it because they have done it so many times - they are simply going through the motions.

And in my scenes the advanced dancers have danced with all of the advanced guys many many times. So not only are they following the same patterns they are dancing with the same people in the same clubs - it can get boring.

Thats been my experience.
 
La Bailarina Nueva said:
I gotta tell ya, I will definitely go more of the tank top/jeans route. I saw some girls out in miniskirts! Sure, they looked cute, but woah! Hopw do you dance in that?
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Spanx! :D

I've gone the skirt route (no minis though, not my style), it's nice and cool in the summer. It does get you asked more often as well. Just put a pair of bike shorts underneath.
 
noobster said:
La Bailarina Nueva said:
I gotta tell ya, I will definitely go more of the tank top/jeans route. I saw some girls out in miniskirts! Sure, they looked cute, but woah! Hopw do you dance in that?
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Spanx! :D

I've gone the skirt route (no minis though, not my style), it's nice and cool in the summer. It does get you asked more often as well. Just put a pair of bike shorts underneath.
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Spanx! OMG :D I bet it does get you asked more... I am so tall that all skirts are minis on me unfortunately. I'll have to keep my eyes open though. Anything to dance more! :lol:
 
The shorter the skirt....the bigger the knickers should be! OK, maybe the guys will disagree ;) but I remember a lass at Salsology in a teeny tiny mini skirt who was dancing close to where I was sat, I could nearly see what she'd had for dinner!! :shock: Too much information - get some big pants on girl!!

Of course, if it's a long skirt, then by all means go commando! :lol:
 
La Bailarina Nueva said:
I'll have to keep my eyes open though. Anything to dance more! :lol:
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Hypocritical of me since I rarely ask (only when out of town as noted), but you'll dance more (and better) if you ask. I have a friend who just started salsa a few months ago and she asks all the time. The result, of course, is that she dances all the time - unlike me when I started, sitting out multiple songs because I was too chicken to ask. :(

Jambo said:
I remember a lass at Salsology in a teeny tiny mini skirt who was dancing close to where I was sat, I could nearly see what she'd had for dinner!
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Yowza. :shock: I wonder if that got her many dances. :D

Jambo said:
Of course, if it's a long skirt, then by all means go commando!
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Of course you know the day you go commando in a skirt is the day your buddy decides to try out his new neck drop on you. :shock:
 
La Bailarina Nueva said:
chrisk said:
And regarding the looks. I don't care much about the look, because that won't matter on the dancefloor. I can have as much fun on the dancefloor with a "good-looking girl" as with an "plainer-looking dancer". So I would end up asking both girls for a dance. That's in my opinion the only way to find out if you are going to have more fun dancing with one of the girls or if you enjoy dancing with both of them (Of course not at the same time ;))
Click to expand...

:lol: That would be tough to do... I did notice that more "plain" looking girls were on the floor than the really hot ones. I thought maybe the guys were intimidated?
Click to expand...

Surely, when I started to dance salsa I was intimidated by good-looking girls and afraid to ask. But these days I'm not afraid to ask any girl, even the good-looking ones, that I want to dance with or that seems to look for a dance. The look will never tell me how good or bad a girl can dance, so I prefer to find that out on the dance floor. And asking a girl, will take less then one minute. After that I can also never blame myself for not having asked her for a dance at all.
 
La Bailarina Nueva said:
Oh, so the key is to ask? :lol: Okay, will work up my courage. Does she ask anybody and everybody, or only those who are at her skill level?
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I didn't really ask her about her MO that much. As I said, when I ask I'm usually looking for a guy around my own level. But asking advanced dancers is a really good way to learn. Nobody is going to turn you down.
 
Desireable followers

I will take the enthusiastic beginner over the bored expert any time anywhere... We can feed off that enthusiasm and have a whole lot of fun. ... Who cares if we have to stop and start a few times to get back on the beat or walk through a turn or two to get the lead working.. We're not doing a show or a competition. If she's game... I'm there....

That said, i do have a few provisos.

I'm on the shorter side of average, and that significantly cuts my pool of potential partners. I simply do not have the reach needed to lead a taller partner through many of the patterns I know - I tend to be more Cuban than CBL - slot. And over time, I have discovered that a lot of taller women are not comfortable with a significantly shorter leader. I do not waste my time or hers asking.

So, the first thing I look for is height. No more than three inches taller than me.

The second thing I look for is how she moves. I'll watch her dance with another person and see how she moves, how much she wrestles or flows with lead and follow and if she can stay on the beat. It doesn't count if the leader is pulling her off. If she's really really good, I don't waste her time dancing with her as I have nothing that would engage her. A lot of the places I go to have expert, almost professional level dancers.

If I'm up for some work with a beginner, and that is most of the time, I'll ask a beginner - sight almost unseen - and spend time with a lot of basic moves, just getting her to find herself in the music and basic lead and follow. I'll go as long as 15 minutes doing it too.

Looks are not high on the priority list. Aside from basic hygiene, I'm not fussy. Soft hands are nice too, so a little moisturizer goes a long way. Nor am I overly fussy about body type or 'attractiveness' either. If they want to dance, you bet I'll dance with them.

Regarding skirts or jeans, I'm a skirt man... Given two equally enthusiastic dancers, I'll ask the dancer in the skirt first. Jeans are for the garden or the garage, not the dance floor. There is nothing more elegant than watching or leading a woman wearing a flippy skirt through a turn. The skirt changes the whole look, the whole dynamic of the turn. The sense of elegance, grace and motion is visible to all in sight. A mini skirt just requires a little more care on how wide the legs are opened, nd how to work the knees (keep them together) on dips and drops.
 
Re: For Leaders- answer honestly, how do you choose your fol

La Bailarina Nueva said:
1. a really enthusiastic beginner or
2. a fantastic dancer who seems almost bored
Click to expand...
I can predict with a decent success rate whether the fantastic dancer will be bored with me or not, so that'd be the key for me.

Also, what role do looks play into it? A good-looking girl who dances at an intermediate level, or a plainer-looking but amazing dancer?
Click to expand...
Either are great in my book. I don't have a preference with the two (again provided the amazing dancer has a good attitude towards me)


I know the average guy at the average club might go for the hotter girl, but I think all of you salseros seem to dance to a different beat, so to speak :)
Click to expand...
Variety - I like to dance with em all. :)
 
Re: For Leaders- answer honestly, how do you choose your fol

La Bailarina Nueva said:
Just curious... when out social dancing, what is the first thing that makes you want to ask a girl to dance? Whom would you ask first:

1. a really enthusiastic beginner or
2. a fantastic dancer who seems almost bored

Also, what role do looks play into it? A good-looking girl who dances at an intermediate level, or a plainer-looking but amazing dancer?

I know the average guy at the average club might go for the hotter girl, but I think all of you salseros seem to dance to a different beat, so to speak :)
Click to expand...

Skill level (intermediate/advanced) & amount of fun she having is what i look for. Of course i notice looks, but that doesnt affect my decision, unless shes wearing cute shoes & has a nice pedicure like noobster lol
 
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