Would you Marry or Date someone who is not a Salsa dancer?

I live in a different Universe.

We Canadian males are more primeval. A woman we are physically attracted to could prefer to knit, draw, clean house to dancing and we'd want to be with her. Male/female attraction trumps everything else in this world including dancing.

When my girlfriend and I met she was a 10 out of 10 on the dance scale. I was a 2. Now I'm a 5. She's always wanted to dance with me. She doesn't want to switch partners when it's optional in a dance class. She'd rather dance with me than the best lead. I'm the same. I prefer to dance with her...not because it's dancing but because it is being together. We also like to walk together in our hiking group and do other activities together.

Anyways, my girlfriend dances every day. However, if she never wanted to dance again, I wouldn't love her an iota less.

If I was 20 years younger I'd want to dance with....drum roll...the cutest gal at the dance. Not the best dancer. Back another 10 years and it would be the cutest girl in high School. Call it 'whatever' but that's what being a male is all about.
 
Resides said:
I live in a different Universe.

We Canadian males are more primeval. A woman we are physically attracted to could prefer to knit, draw, clean house to dancing and we'd want to be with her. Male/female attraction trumps everything else in this world including dancing.

When my girlfriend and I met she was a 10 out of 10 on the dance scale. I was a 2. Now I'm a 5. She's always wanted to dance with me. She doesn't want to switch partners when it's optional in a dance class. She'd rather dance with me than the best lead. I'm the same. I prefer to dance with her...not because it's dancing but because it is being together. We also like to walk together in our hiking group and do other activities together.

Anyways, my girlfriend dances every day. However, if she never wanted to dance again, I wouldn't love her an iota less.

If I was 20 years younger I'd want to dance with....drum roll...the cutest gal at the dance. Not the best dancer. Back another 10 years and it would be the cutest girl in high School. Call it 'whatever' but that's what being a male is all about.
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During class it a time to learn, for my development it wouldn't help me, and she would have to understand that, and leave the time spent during the social.
The girls that you find highly attractive crave attention and I would rather dance with someone at a decent level.
There's lots of attractive dancers, so I don't see why I should spend my whole night flaunting over that one person, it's like buying a luxury car just to show it off.
If a woman was physically attractive, other personality traits and interests would have to be considered, if she was compatible.
I would want to find the right girl for me and could care less what others feel, and she would have to have some sort of dancing interest, but I wouldn't be like I am bored dancing with her, just wouldn't want to all the time.
 
If I was really into the guy I would not care if he was a beginner or even a dancer
salsamaniac4ever said:
For 20 years. The first 10 years more Cuban and since beginning of 2005 NY-Style but with a break of almost 4 years.
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After 20 years my priorities would not be revolving around whether or not someone was a beginner or a good dancer. If you are really into someone I dont think it would matter. And if you are that advanced you can teach her!
 
salsamaniac4ever said:
Hi there,
I know it's an old thread but here is my question/situation. I just met a woman who is a beginner (dancing for 2 month). Frankly I feel like because of Salsa dancing it won't work out for me because I don't like to date a beginner dancer in the salsa scene. I know this sounds selfish but when I go out dancing I love to dance my butt of. With a beginner I can't do that. There are simply to many restrictions. I really don't mind dancing with a beginner at a salsa party. But dancing 85% of the dances with a beginner is kinda boring. I even don't get really sweaty which I normally am.

As an advanced dancer how do u feel to date an absolute beginner? Or do u think it's maybe better to date a non-salsa dancer who doesn't want to get into dancing?
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I think it’s worse to date a non-dancer. Not many partnerships between an avid dancer and a non-dancer have lasted, not surprisingly.

In your case, it almost sounds like you made up your mind that it won’t work. If you want to give it a chance though, keep in mind that there is a good possibility she will advance more quickly with a nice boyfriend like you :) who will encourage her to take classes, spend a good amount of time practicing with her outside social dancing, listen to salsa music together and teach her about it (this would help with her dancing), etc.
In the meantime, I recommend first having a very honest discussion with her and negotiating a compromise. Explain to her how you feel, and that you like to dance with other follows (without making her feel bad that she’s not yet at that level) and encourage her to ask other leads to dance, if she doesn’t get asked much. Introduce her to your lead friends and hopefully they will dance with her too. Many follows make great progress quicker than leads just by social dancing, especially if she gets a chance to dance with more advanced leads.
You said you “just” met her, give it a little time and see how it works. Of course, all this depends on how much both of you are invested in each other, her desire and ability to make quick progress, your desire to help her... and probably more. If it doesn’t work, at least you gave it a good chance.
 
First of all thanks to all of you for your comments and contributions to my post. I haven't replied to them because I needed some time to overthink my attitude and get to the bottom of it. I'm still not 100% where I want to be but I'm getting there. I see my girlfriend almost every day and she joins me on almost every salsa party I go to. And I must say that I really enjoy having her there and also dancing with her almost the whole evening. If I'm the only one she knows I give her my full attention. If we are on a party where she also knows other people I let her have as much fun with other dancers as she wants to.

I took her to a party with lots of very good experienced dancers. She knew nobody around there. I danced not only with her but also with some over there. As a result she got bored and frustrated. After the party we talked about it and she told my that she feels insecure dancing with me. More over she told me that she feels like she's punishing me when I have to dance with her. I felt so bad after that evening and I knew that I had to work on my attitude and that it is not a big deal for me to give her my full attention so she has a great time. However, on the other hand I had to tell her to make more eye contact with me. I find it rather difficult to establish a connection with my dance partner when she constantly avoids eye contact or is watching in every direction. So she also gave me a bad feeling within the dance.

The following parties with her where actually really nice. Like she worked on her eye contact I did as well on my attitude. For me it felt like a real game changer. And I noticed also that she is opening up towards me and is feeling much better dancing with me.

However, I think over time she will get much better and will also start dancing with lots of other guys. And I encourage her to do so and not only rely on me. This is actually what I like most about salsa dancing. Dancing with many different follows and having lots of different dancing experiences. Even if my girlfriend would be the best dancer in the world I still would like to dance with lots of other followers.
 
Sounds promising. Glad to hear it! Seems like your g/f is getting over her confidence issues and you are providing her with some needed reassurance.

It's good that you didn't let your "dance level" go to your head and could re-assess your situation. How you handle yourself in a dance environment says a lot about your character. There are so many socially "out of touch" people in this scene that are gods on the dance floor. Don't become one of them.

salsamaniac4ever said:
First of all thanks to all of you for your comments and contributions to my post. I haven't replied to them because I needed some time to overthink my attitude and get to the bottom of it. I'm still not 100% where I want to be but I'm getting there. I see my girlfriend almost every day and she joins me on almost every salsa party I go to. And I must say that I really enjoy having her there and also dancing with her almost the whole evening. If I'm the only one she knows I give her my full attention. If we are on a party where she also knows other people I let her have as much fun with other dancers as she wants to.

I took her to a party with lots of very good experienced dancers. She knew nobody around there. I danced not only with her but also with some over there. As a result she got bored and frustrated. After the party we talked about it and she told my that she feels insecure dancing with me. More over she told me that she feels like she's punishing me when I have to dance with her. I felt so bad after that evening and I knew that I had to work on my attitude and that it is not a big deal for me to give her my full attention so she has a great time. However, on the other hand I had to tell her to make more eye contact with me. I find it rather difficult to establish a connection with my dance partner when she constantly avoids eye contact or is watching in every direction. So she also gave me a bad feeling within the dance.

The following parties with her where actually really nice. Like she worked on her eye contact I did as well on my attitude. For me it felt like a real game changer. And I noticed also that she is opening up towards me and is feeling much better dancing with me.

However, I think over time she will get much better and will also start dancing with lots of other guys. And I encourage her to do so and not only rely on me. This is actually what I like most about salsa dancing. Dancing with many different follows and having lots of different dancing experiences. Even if my girlfriend would be the best dancer in the world I still would like to dance with lots of other followers.
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calichris10 said:
How long have you been dancing?
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I have been dancing for 20 years. First 10 years the clueless-style and after that I started with NY-style.

Chris_Yannick said:
Sounds promising. Glad to hear it! Seems like your g/f is getting over her confidence issues and you are providing her with some needed reassurance.

It's good that you didn't let your "dance level" go to your head and could re-assess your situation. How you handle yourself in a dance environment says a lot about your character. There are so many socially "out of touch" people in this scene that are gods on the dance floor. Don't become one of them.
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Trust me I don't want to become one of them. I never say no when a follower asks me for a dance. And regardless of her experience I always give her my full attention, a smile and adjust my level to her. I hate when an experienced lead totally overdances the follower and she is struggling to get through the dance.
 
calichris10 said:
oh yeah sorry, I remember now! I was gonna say you will probably get over wanting to dance with as many follows as possible in a few years, but never mind ;)
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Maybe I'll get there in a few years. Who know's ;). There was a time when I loved to dance on gala parties with the professional show dancers but I don't like it anymore. I prefer to dance with non-professional dancers with a nice attitude instead. But I still like it to get to know new people at festivals :)
 
salsamaniac4ever said:
Maybe I'll get there in a few years. Who know's ;). There was a time when I loved to dance on gala parties with the professional show dancers but I don't like it anymore. I prefer to dance with non-professional dancers with a nice attitude instead. But I still like it to get to know new people at festivals :)
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:) I was like that(wanting to dance with as many good leads as I could) until I met my now partner(in dance and life). He was so inventive and fun, the first time we danced I said to my self "if I could only danced with him the rest of my life I would be a happy woman". So it is possible :)
 
I like to dance and I enjoy Salsa dancing. I hate golfing and fishing.

How would this influence my love for a man? Zero

Yes, great if he dances but not essential.
 
calichris10 said:
If I was really into the guy I would not care if he was a beginner or even a dancer
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I have changed my mind...it would matter to me. At least the mutual love of the music would have to exist...Or I would drive the guy mad :p I was really thinking about this question..my bf and I listen to mainly "salsa" and have lengthy discussions about it and also dance...If I didn't have that something would be missing. I was trying to have an open mind but realize it does matter to me. ;)
 
calichris10 said:
I have changed my mind...it would matter to me. At least the mutual love of the music would have to exist...Or I would drive the guy mad :p I was really thinking about this question..my bf and I listen to mainly "salsa" and have lengthy discussions about it and also dance...If I didn't have that something would be missing. I was trying to have an open mind but realize it does matter to me. ;)
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Yes, of course it matters, because it's obvious, salsa for you is not just a pastime but a passion and lifestyle. I can relate. :)
 
lidiap said:
Yes, of course it matters, because it's obvious, salsa for you is not just a pastime but a passion and lifestyle. I can relate. :)
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Exacty lidia! I was trying to have an open mind but I actually thought about dating a non salsa lover and realized it would be close to impossible :)
 
calichris10 said:
I have changed my mind...it would matter to me. At least the mutual love of the music would have to exist...Or I would drive the guy mad :p I was really thinking about this question..my bf and I listen to mainly "salsa" and have lengthy discussions about it and also dance...If I didn't have that something would be missing. I was trying to have an open mind but realize it does matter to me. ;)
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I know what you mean by driving the guy mad. When I start talking about the music etc. I sometimes can't stop. And I love when I can have lengthy discussions. Unfortunately I haven't experienced that with my partner yet. Only with some male friends of the salsa scene. So I guess it's kinda important to me as well to share this passion with my partner
 
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