Would you Marry or Date someone who is not a Salsa dancer?
- Thread starter peachexploration
- Start date
noobster said:
Very nicely put. I completely relate to the last sentiment.
It gets hard when the dancer you like, but choose not to date because they are a great dance partner, and a really good friend - starts dating someone else on the scene.
But that's the risk adverse me talking. Some things are worth risking the drama for.
noobster said:
So far I've also been a chronically single salsero. But this time I'm going for the risk, as there's one girl, my favourite current dance partner. If I don't take the risk, I've already lost and there's no chance for me. But otherwise I might succeed and win. So I guess there are some times people, where it's worth to go for the risk.
But anyway, regarding the romantic contact. I think it depends on the music and the partner you've just got. With the right partner and a nice salsa romantica, there's surely some. But with a different partner and a fast song, I'll see not much romantic contact.
chrisk said:
Congratulations and all the best!
Just keep communication open and clear just like you would in dance and you will do great.
Yeah, some say if you break up then it would be terrible but...
a) if you guys are better as friends then nothing lost. Great experience
If it is uncomfortable at dancing, well then all the better motivation to be mature and move on from the past so to speak. ALL people who break up have to do that at some point. Seeing the person at dancing is just more motivation to do it quicker (not seeing someone does not deal with the feelings/discomfort. Just postpones it. It will always come back in some shape or form in your life unless you deal with it)
It will be hard but so is salsa and look at the results
Not that I need to mention that as I am sure you and the lucky lady will have a WONDERFUL time!!!
chrisk said:
Go for it !
I've got to the point where I'd rather be known for trying something and failing than not trying. But I'd try rather try and succeed
smiling28 said:
Thanks, but I prefer the congratulations after having really been successful.
And I'm surely going to clearly communicate my intention. As I want to keep her as a good friend and dance partner even in case it shouldn't work out. So, I'll see how it all develops.[quote="chrisk"
Thanks, but I prefer the congratulations after having really been successful. And I'm surely going to clearly communicate my intention. As I want to keep her as a good friend and dance partner even in case it shouldn't work out. So, I'll see how it all develops.[/quote]
Aweseome. You will do great!
But mate, always remember success is not an event/result but a state of mind. You have great posts on here and seem a cool guy so I already consider you a success as I am sure many people in your life do. Now just by GOING for this, carpe diem, you are succeeding. The result is not so much in your control but if you do not ask a girl to dance, do not expect to have her wrap her arms around you and start moving back and forth
As you said, you value her friendship and her as a dance partner. As long as you communicate this then she will be FLATTERED that you ask her out as a classy gentlemen who is saying. Look, I really like what we have. you are a fantastic dancer and wonderful friend. I really like spending time with you and was hoping maybe we could get to know each other better off the dancefloor too...
Regardless of her answer, keep being yourself and a gentleman. Do not take her answer to heart whatever she says. Just like asking a girl to dance, you have NO idea what is going on in her world at that time. Not about you. Nothing personal. Do it in a classy way and you are succesful regardless of the result! You are a gentleman!!!!
*disclaimer: By NOOOOOOOO means am I am expert or even knowledgeable on the art of dating. But I do know that so called 'rejection' is better than regret. You can only get 2 answers. Yes or no. Neither will kill you
** I am sure some of the girls could make some great posts on the subject
Thanks, but I prefer the congratulations after having really been successful.
And I'm surely going to clearly communicate my intention. As I want to keep her as a good friend and dance partner even in case it shouldn't work out. So, I'll see how it all develops.[/quote]Aweseome. You will do great!
But mate, always remember success is not an event/result but a state of mind. You have great posts on here and seem a cool guy so I already consider you a success as I am sure many people in your life do. Now just by GOING for this, carpe diem, you are succeeding. The result is not so much in your control but if you do not ask a girl to dance, do not expect to have her wrap her arms around you and start moving back and forth
As you said, you value her friendship and her as a dance partner. As long as you communicate this then she will be FLATTERED that you ask her out as a classy gentlemen who is saying. Look, I really like what we have. you are a fantastic dancer and wonderful friend. I really like spending time with you and was hoping maybe we could get to know each other better off the dancefloor too...
Regardless of her answer, keep being yourself and a gentleman. Do not take her answer to heart whatever she says. Just like asking a girl to dance, you have NO idea what is going on in her world at that time. Not about you. Nothing personal. Do it in a classy way and you are succesful regardless of the result! You are a gentleman!!!!
*disclaimer: By NOOOOOOOO means am I am expert or even knowledgeable on the art of dating. But I do know that so called 'rejection' is better than regret. You can only get 2 answers. Yes or no. Neither will kill you
** I am sure some of the girls could make some great posts on the subject
soum said:
Seems like that guy can't handle a rejection in a gentleman's way and get over it. But that's his personal problem and shouldn't affect you. So if you enjoyed the classes, then I would suggest going back and enjoying the classes and the group. As you say, he's just one senior and there are others as well. But if he's teaching the class including you and ignores your questions, I think you need to talk with your normal instructor, because personal problems between him and you don't belong into the class. Those problems need to be discussed and solved outside. So why stop enjoying your group and salsa because of one guy who isn't able to behave in a gentleman's way?
I today read the following statement from Edie in her newsletter and found it interesting enough to add it to this thread:
Dating 'Outside the Salsa Scene'
- By Edie, The Salsa FREAK
"Oh Edie, I think I'll just date outside the Salsa Scene... "
"Yea, RIGHT".
After about the third date, your date is either
A) So into what you are doing, (Salsa - because it is such a FASCINATING and sexy, exciting, and arrousing subject) that he/she wants you to teach them Salsa and you are NOT AT ALL interested in teaching them... or..
B) ...by the third date you are bored stiff with them and "bowling night" or the "sports night" or the "fight night" or the "getting drunk at some bar night", or they are not at all interested in YOU anymore...
Trust me, if you are HARD CORE SALSERO, or SALSERA, you need to find date(s) who share similar passions. And if Salsa is the passion of your LIFE, your future mate BETTER BE A DANCER.
Period.
Dating 'Outside the Salsa Scene'
- By Edie, The Salsa FREAK
"Oh Edie, I think I'll just date outside the Salsa Scene... "
"Yea, RIGHT".
After about the third date, your date is either
A) So into what you are doing, (Salsa - because it is such a FASCINATING and sexy, exciting, and arrousing subject) that he/she wants you to teach them Salsa and you are NOT AT ALL interested in teaching them... or..
B) ...by the third date you are bored stiff with them and "bowling night" or the "sports night" or the "fight night" or the "getting drunk at some bar night", or they are not at all interested in YOU anymore...
Trust me, if you are HARD CORE SALSERO, or SALSERA, you need to find date(s) who share similar passions. And if Salsa is the passion of your LIFE, your future mate BETTER BE A DANCER.
Period.
Wait, let me get this straight. You find a person who is otherwise interesting, attractive, and compatible but who doesn't dance salsa. This person is totally excited about learning. And you are not interested in helping him/her learn to share your passion? Sorry but that is l-a-m-e and ridiculously limiting.chrisk said:
noobster said:
I agree with you that it's definitely strange, but I suspect that Edie got her reasons for argueing like that. So I would like to hear/read her explanation for it. Personally I agree with you and think at least some people will not teach that person and help her share the same passion.
quixotedlm
Changui
noobster said:
It's not ridiculuos. We've seen threads before (probably on DF) where someone complains that their GF is new to salsa and is so into the dancing that she is wanting as much learning/practice as possible and he finds that frustrating.. Other times, the newbie is excited but not up to par and the dancing is not immediately a shared passion (because of differences in levels) and they have to dance with different sets of people to get a good experience during dancing... It can be the cause of conflicts...
OK, but who among us has ever had a conflict-free relationship? The thing is to be able to deal with the conflicts in a mature and productive way when they arise. Posting for advice on SF is a reasonable approach; unilateral refusal to date someone who is interested in salsa but not yet experienced seems less reasonable.quixotedlm said:
And what is the likelihood of finding someone who is compatible with you and also happens to be at your same exact dance level? Do you need to have really good dance chemistry as well? Doesn't that narrow it down to about six people? (Note I specified it was "ridiculously limiting," rather than just generally ridiculous.) It seems excessively picky.
Salsamakossa
Changui
I am with Noobster on this one. And in general, I think you should date whoever you get on with. Salsa is just like any other passion - football, baseball, skiing, etc. It would be unwise to base a potential relationship on whether or not a partner shares your passion or not. This is not to say that it would not work at all, because for some people it seems to work, but it is just err limiting.
noobster said:
noobster said:
I understand Edie's point. Teachers have a SPECIAL relationship with their students which does not include a romantic emotional relationship. That is why salsa teachers get paid so much, it is TOUGH and a special role.
(jokes about paid so much, not about special role).
Anyone who has taught something appreciates how it affects the relationship. It creates and IMMEDIATE power imbalance and can often lead to dependence and attachment. Feelings of inferiority and superiority may arise. Frustration plus exhaustion by teacher and student.
Not saying it cannot be done but it does GOVERN the relationship a lot and affect the direction and roles each play.
That said, I understands Noobsters view. I think the compromise is to make whatever decision suits you but UNDERSTAND the consequences.
- eg exclude non dancers = smaller choice
eg. include non dancers = non dancing vs dancing issues
{WuMing}78
Changui
I MUST MARRY SOMEONE WHO CAN DANCE SALSA :lol:
I want to dance with her when I wake up in the morning..... I want to dance with her when we are in bed, I want to dance her with we are in the park, I want to dance with her when we are caught in the rain......
I want to dance with her when I wake up in the morning..... I want to dance with her when we are in bed, I want to dance her with we are in the park, I want to dance with her when we are caught in the rain......
chr said:
LOL
Really interesting point. Wonder how many marriages/successful relationships came from this though.
I find the power imbalance too draining longterm.
But then again, it depends how you define a successful relationship. Both parties better off? *hmm, * cue 'I will survive by Gloria Gaynor'
Just a guess but I think too much energy would go into the dancing/teaching part of the relationship to ever fully develop/explore the entire relationship. But then, i am thinking of relationship to be ultimately 'old and grey on rocking chairs smiling at each other and holding hands as the sun goes down'
Always an interesting neverending topic as relationships baffle me completely. Completely magical how individuals decide to create new life with each other...
oh and a distinction between a passionate relationship starting FROM a teacher/student relationship and a passionate relationship STARTING a teacher/student relationship.
I think the latter creates imbalances whereas in the former, both parties have accepted the roles initially thus not as much dissonance for the roles played.
I think that if I was with someone who did not dance but wanted to. I would dance socially (i.e no teaching just loving and appreciating) and encourage them for great lessons with brilliant instructors whom I respect. Let the instructors teach and leave me to love, enjoy and appreciate!
I think the latter creates imbalances whereas in the former, both parties have accepted the roles initially thus not as much dissonance for the roles played.
I think that if I was with someone who did not dance but wanted to. I would dance socially (i.e no teaching just loving and appreciating) and encourage them for great lessons with brilliant instructors whom I respect. Let the instructors teach and leave me to love, enjoy and appreciate!