Would one of you girls like to dance?

M

maartenvdpol

Maybe kind of a decieving topic title, but that's how I ask someone to dance :)

The thing is, I'm still insecure when it comes to asking someone to dance with me. This dissapears when I get to dance, but even asking a followers name is something I do after the dancing instead of before. If I ask for a girls name during the dancing it means I'm in seventh heaven, and we are making a 100% click. I rarely ask a girl to dance that's all by herself, partially because I'm really afraid to be turned down (more girls equals more chance).

I know this is something I have to work on, but my question is for both leads and followers. How do you ask someone to dance and / or like to be asked to dance? Am I being rude not introducing myself right away?

Looking forward to your replies/insights :)

Note: If I should not have made this a separate topic, pls let me know
 
Don't be shy, Maarten. I thought you Austrians would have all the etiquette and protocol of asking for a dance pretty much perfected. "Küss die Hand schöne Frau ... darf ich bitten" and all that. Or does it only work for a waltz? ;)

Seriously, I don't think you should worry too much about rules of etiquette. Just try and be polite and friendly and somehow get over the fear of rejection.
I must say though, I do find it good manners and a good ice-breaker to introduce yourself before or at the beginning of a dance with a person you don't know, e.g. "By the way, I'm soandso ... nice to meet you".
 
maartenvdpol said:
I rarely ask a girl to dance that's all by herself, partially because I'm really afraid to be turned down (more girls equals more chance).
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Actually, I sorta think the opposite - one girl alone has nothing to do. She wants to dance. A girl in a big group might want to continue having her conversation, and if the first one turns you down, it's somewhat against etiquette to go down the line and ask her friend.

Then again, this is salsa, not a "typical night club". A good night at a "typical night club" would be like a 30-50% success rate in getting a girl to dance with you. In salsa, it's more like 90-99%, IME.
 
As for "would one of you girls ...", I think it's more likely to be well-received if you ask one specific dancer directly. "One of you girls" doesn't make any potential dance partner feel that special does it?. It also opens up a whole new can of worms, i.e. they may all want to dance with you and might be too shy to want to be seen to "push to the front of the queue". Or a full-blown fight might break out! ;)
 
maartenvdpol said:
. I rarely ask a girl to dance that's all by herself, partially because I'm really afraid to be turned down (more girls equals more chance).

I know this is something I have to work on, but my question is for both leads and followers. How do you ask someone to dance
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para 1... it also equals being turned down by ALL.. being specific shows a sense of purpose. As to getting refused.. just move on to the next one , its all part of the "scene ".

para. 2... Try this,, extend your hand when asking , its called " automatic response " .

We are conditioned to an extended hand as being a gesture of acceptance,trust, and also , pleased to meet you . In most cases people will respond . If not .. refer to para 1 !
 
miércoles said:
Don't be shy, Maarten. I thought you Austrians would have all the etiquette and protocol of asking for a dance pretty much perfected. "Küss die Hand schöne Frau ... darf ich bitten" and all that. Or does it only work for a waltz? ;)

Seriously, I don't think you should worry too much about rules of etiquette. Just try and be polite and friendly and somehow get over the fear of rejection.
I must say though, I do find it good manners and a good ice-breaker to introduce yourself before or at the beginning of a dance with a person you don't know, e.g. "By the way, I'm soandso ... nice to meet you".
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I'm not an Austrian but a born-and-raised Dutchie :) Do speak German, but my grammar still sucks wich adds up to my insecurity ;)

tj said:
Actually, I sorta think the opposite - one girl alone has nothing to do. She wants to dance. A girl in a big group might want to continue having her conversation, and if the first one turns you down, it's somewhat against etiquette to go down the line and ask her friend.

Then again, this is salsa, not a "typical night club". A good night at a "typical night club" would be like a 30-50% success rate in getting a girl to dance with you. In salsa, it's more like 90-99%, IME.
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Think you really have a point there, next friday I'll go and find the solo followers :D

miércoles said:
As for "would one of you girls ...", I think it's more likely to be well-received if you ask one specific dancer directly. "One of you girls" doesn't make any potential dance partner feel that special does it?. It also opens up a whole new can of worms, i.e. they may all want to dance with you and might be too shy to want to be seen to "push to the front of the queue". Or a full-blown fight might break out! ;)
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I must honestly say I like when that happens (all girls saying yes at once) but indeed, I'm neglecting the "make her feel special" part. Won't do this anymore :)

terence said:
para 1... it also equals being turned down by ALL.. being specific shows a sense of purpose. As to getting refused.. just move on to the next one , its all part of the "scene ".

para. 2... Try this,, extend your hand when asking , its called " automatic response " .

We are conditioned to an extended hand as being a gesture of acceptance,trust, and also , pleased to meet you . In most cases people will respond . If not .. refer to para 1 !
Click to expand...

Extend my hand.. sounds great :D Thank you all, I'll let you know how it goes friday :D My confidence level just rose big time :D
 
Yes if in a group it could be a bit puzzling how to respond ie thinks perhaps he really wants to dance with one of group in particular but is being diplomatic etc.

Ask girls directly with a smile and yes you may be turned down occasionally but hopefully with grace if you have asked nicely :)
 
maartenvdpol said:
I'm not an Austrian but a born-and-raised Dutchie :) Do speak German, but my grammar still sucks wich adds up to my insecurity ;)



:D
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Dont ever apologise for your " english ".. as previously stated, how many on these sites speak or write Dutch, German etc as well as your English ! ? ( I know we have a few who are bi and multi lingual, but not the majority I suspect )
 
Hi Maarten,

don't worry about your German - most of the time it's too loud anyway to hear what exactly you're saying.

Just smile, extend your hand like Terence said and I'm sure everyone would be happy to dance with you no matter what language you're asking in, or if you're saying anything at all :)

But as others said, I'd pick up the approach of asking single women standing around rather then groups. From my own experience, when I'm by myself at the side of the dance floor I definitely want to dance and I'll dance with anyone who asks. But when I'm in a group chatting I want to exchange news or gossip or something and might not be too eager to dance at that moment.

Good luck!
 
I don't have any problem with asking girl#1 then moving straight to girl#2 if refused. You can turn it on its head ... "well I WAS going to save you till later!" or some such frippery...

As to making girls feel special, meh, you can do that during the dance. Don't get too hung up on etiquette, which differs from scene to scene anyway.
 
Dude extending the hand is absolutely my fav....it shows a huge amount of confidence ands adds value to how your being percieved. Sometimes if its really loud in a place that is all that I will do and kinda nod in the direction of the dance floor, like hey you wanna come dance with me...without even saying it. O so smoothh!! lol
 
As a girl, I really like it when guys come up and extend their hand. That's what we're there for, to dance. And it's so natural to take a hand that has been extended. There is also something comforting about being led to the dance floor hand in hand. It establishes a nice connection right off the bat. And it also makes their intention clear, because sometimes in a noisy club I can't understand what anyone is saying so a guy could be coming over to look for his girlfriend's purse under my chair. How weird would it be if I said "why yes I'd love to?"
 
Yes, as others have said, extend your hand. Also smile, and usually, don't say anything, as you'd have to yell to be heard. Confidence is key, so think about your posture: shoulders back, head up.
 
Ugh, there you go throwing my stereotypes of dutchmen out the window. Any way, you are there to dance and to learn - there is nothing to be embarassed of. As others have said, confidence will get you very far and shyness will keep you back. Being turned down repeatedly is perfectly normal, and unless you're smelly or creepy, being turned down probably has very little to do with you. Just move on and you will find someone who will feel like dancing with you.
 
If you ask a group of dancers in a cuban bar, you could end up dancing with all of them at once :). Happend to me once when I wanted to dance with a girl which was chatting with her friend. They argued with each other (in a good way) and then aggreed that they both want to dance ... It was fun but challenging :).
 
ha ha , good responses and agreed.

* I agree person standing alone is more likely to dance. That said when I have asked groups I have normally returned to dance with each girl in turn. Great fun actually :)
 
1)Never approach a girl with a drink in your hand. I want to know that I am more important than your water bottle.

2)Get close enough to me so that I do not have to read your lips to understand what you are asking, I know it it pretty obvious, but it is nice to actually hear what you say and how you say it. At the same time, respect our personal space, both as you ask me to dance and while you dance.

3)You do not have to be drop-dead gorgeous. (That will make me drool and will get me in trouble with my husband). But you are clean, smell nice, have fresh breath and not too sweaty (you changed your t-shirt in the washroom not too long ago)

4)Smile a lot and ask as if you are really sure I am going to enjoy dancing with you. I do not like wishy-washy kind of guys.

5)The best thing to say is simply: "Hello! would you like to dance?" Do not try to impress me with witty one-liners. They are most of the time just silly, and if you are not a professional comedian, they always fall flat.

6)Never mention your or my level before you actually dance. If you are a professional chances are I already have seen you on the floor. If you are a beginner, I will notice within five seconds. No matter, if you give it your best shot and you are courteous, I will have a good time; and I will be looking forward to dancing with you again, to see how you are improving.

7) Never ask me to dance after my girlfriend sitting next to me has just rejected you. That is telling me that I am second choice. Big NO-NO. First I will slap my friend upside the head for being rude, then I will get up, look you up and ask you to dance, and while we are having fun on the dancefloor I will glance her way, smile and mouth the words: "Eat your heart out!"

8) Always walk me to the floor and back to my seat. This is the mark of a true gentleman. Othe r women looking at us will be even more ready to say yes if they are asked.
 
maartenvdpol said:
Note: If I should not have made this a separate topic, pls let me know
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I think the topic's fine - don't worry :)

maartenvdpol said:
Am I being rude not introducing myself right away?
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It's perfectly normal in all the salsa scenes I've been to. I wouldn't think it's rude if someone came up to me and asked for a dance without introducing himself. I never introduce myself first either.

maartenvdpol said:
How do you ask someone to dance and / or like to be asked to dance?
Click to expand...
When I ask a guy, I usually just stick my hand(s) out to him, smile and say "can I have a dance?" :D When I'm in a country where I don't know the local language, the same gesture and just asking "dance?" seems to work fine too.

I agree with tj about the success rate for asking a solo girl being better than asking a group (where girls may feel awkward about coming forward).
 
*joins the "extend-hand"-wagon*

Smile and extend your hand is perhaps the best way to ask.
Also "radiating" you're having a blast will work in your favor.
Sometimes, simply taking the hand (and smiling ofcourse) will help a little more, because it will be harder for her to say "No", but it might come across a bit pushy (the mind is in thinkingmode, but the body is already in contact with you, which in turn will make the mind quicker go to "Yes"))

Regarding asking a lone woman or a group, it shouldn't matter.

If she's in a group, smile (if you've got your eye on one DO NOT only smile at her, but ALL, they'll be certainly watch you) and ask them for a dance.

If there is chaos (most of the time, they all want to dance, right?), take the one nearest, have a dance, lead her back (great tip by Jones, Nikka, (thanks! :)) i really should improve more on that) and ask the next one.

If they say "No", shrug it off (women have too much excuses to be kill you fun/confidence, but i completely agree this will hurt alot, especially an entire group) and go to the next. Keep smiling!

If it's a guy and a girl (sometimes they are a couple, sometimes it's a friend, sometimes neither), smile, ask her and sometimes ask him if you can take her for a dance ( "Mind if i lend her for a song?"). Most guys (i'll take myself for example) will feel far less imposed if the guy asking her for a dance at least acknowledges his presence (don't you just hate it when you're with a girl, a guy comes up, asks her for a dance and acts like you're air?)

Just my two cents :)
 
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