Say What's Real: Making the Ladies Happy

KP-salsa said:
The compiment I get more than anything else is that I'm always smiling and happy to be dancing with my partner: something I find that followers REALLY HATE is feeling that they're terrible and ought to feel bad because they miss a lead and I find it amazing that there are leaders with so little self-esteem that they have to turn a fun social dance into a test.
Click to expand...

What you said definitely applies to me. When I walk into a social dance, I scan for guys who have smiles on their faces, look like they know how to enjoy themselves. Those are the people I, as a beginner would want to dance with.

I also see some guys who are very good but they really treat each dance as if it were a competition with missed steps being severely frowned upon. I avoid those guys like the plague as a beginner. Not sure yet but when I get to intermediate or advanced, I have a feeling I will still gravitate towards guys who smile and can enjoy a dance without taking things too seriously :)
 
KP-salsa said:
The compiment I get more than anything else is that I'm always smiling and happy to be dancing with my partner: something I find that followers REALLY HATE is feeling that they're terrible and ought to feel bad because they miss a lead and I find it amazing that there are leaders with so little self-esteem that they have to turn a fun social dance into a test.
Click to expand...

It reminds me that last Friday I have danced with some beginner, even before we started she apologized that she is only a beginner and is not very good. I hate when they apologize, so I told her - leave the worries to me, just enjoy your time. Then she asked me several times throughout the dance how she was. I told her that the most important thing for me was not how good she was or she wasn't, rather how much I enjoyed dancing with her. And she could definitely see that I was having a lot of fun dancing with her, given my big smile all over the dance.

At the end of the dance, she thanked me, and she said she had such a great time and she now feels like it has been her best dance so far. Then when I got home I figured that she looked me up on facebook and sent a friend request...

Challenging the girl, but not letting her feel bad about missed leads, I think this is the key point to make your follower enjoy and appreciate your dance. Show her that what she is capable of - interpret the rhythm for her, and if you see she puts in some personal styling or interpretation, encourage her, and let her know that you enjoy dancing with her, and it's not important for how long she is dancing, how many moves she knows or whether she can clap the clave or not - at the end of the day, it's how fun she is to dance with.
 
Hi all very interesting topic and great posts...

I have been dancing salsa for about 4 months now and I sound like the follow you danced with on Friday salsa4fun!

I'm very much at the "conscious incompetence" stage, always apologising (is it really that annoying?! But yes I'm trying to cut that down as I know it is only because I have been made to feel like a great big inconvenience for some leads) and have started to seek feedback from some of the guys I dance with because I really want to improve my follow.

So at the moment it is more important than ever for me to dance with somebody who appears to enjoy dancing with me, doesn't make me feel like a waste of space, shows me what I can do, and reminds me why I enjoy Salsa so much.

Oh and yes I appreciate positive and constructive verbal feedback- or none at all (some people need to think before they speaK dammit!).

The lead who makes me feel like I would be able to dance to anything they throw at me because they have accommodated to my level (even if I probably couldn't lol) is someone I won't forget and it motivates me to improve my dancing so that I can one day return the favour by giving them a truly enjoyable dance :o)

Wow posting on here is very cathartic :o)
 
Sunset44 said:
The lead who makes me feel like I would be able to dance to anything they throw at me because they have accommodated to my level (even if I probably couldn't lol) is someone I won't forget and it motivates me to improve my dancing so that I can one day return the favour by giving them a truly enjoyable dance :o)
Click to expand...

Hi Sunset44 and welcome to the forums!

That type of lead is probably actually having a truly enjoyable dance already, especially if your appreciation is showing in your expression and your dancing.
 
salsa4fun said:
Challenging the girl, but not letting her feel bad about missed leads, I think this is the key point to make your follower enjoy and appreciate your dance. Show her that what she is capable of - interpret the rhythm for her, and if you see she puts in some personal styling or interpretation, encourage her, and let her know that you enjoy dancing with her, and it's not important for how long she is dancing, how many moves she knows or whether she can clap the clave or not - at the end of the day, it's how fun she is to dance with.
Click to expand...

It seems that it doesn't matter how (in)experienced a dancer you are, judgemental, critical, sour-faced partners always eat you up. Some of the best dancers I know still leave the night bitching about the leaders who have frowned at them when they've missed their so-called leads.

So remember to smile, everybody, the simple act of smiling actually makes you happier even if you weren't happy when you started..
 
Mostly when i screw up i tend to apologise allot and usualy it gets me down which in time affects the mood of my dancepartner, something i want to get rid of because it screws up the atmosphere between me and my dancepartner.
Does this sound familiar to anyone and any tips perhaps on how to deal with this?
 
GoldVision said:
Mostly when i screw up i tend to apologise allot and usualy it gets me down which in time affects the mood of my dancepartner, something i want to get rid of because it screws up the atmosphere between me and my dancepartner.
Does this sound familiar to anyone and any tips perhaps on how to deal with this?
Click to expand...

simple.
dont apologise (unless you hit your partner or touch restricted areas)
 
olamalam said:
simple.
dont apologise (unless you hit your partner or touch restricted areas)
Click to expand...

Heh your right but its not always that easy, some of us are brought up to apologise for everything and had it smacked into us at an early age. Old habits die hard!

I find I apologise less or never, when I know it is someone I can relax around and can laugh about my mistakes with. The more pressure I am under to do well and/or the more neutral or even negative a person is the more likely I am to apologise.
 
TwoLeftFeet said:
Heh your right but its not always that easy, some of us are brought up to apologise for everything and had it smacked into us at an early age. Old habits die hard!
Click to expand...

Yes, it's interesting. In London, even if I hit or touch people accidentaly on the street, they apogolise :)

In istanbul, if someone hits you while walking and if you stop and look back (waiting for an apology), he might ask you why are you are staring at him :lol:
 
olamalam said:
Yes, it's interesting. In London, even if I hit or touch people accidentaly on the street, they apogolise :)

In istanbul, if someone hits you while walking and if you stop and look back (waiting for an apology), he might ask you why are you are staring at him :lol:
Click to expand...

haha :) its also interesting i suppose that the word 'sorry' in english, has many applications and is not solely a 'ive done wrong' literal translation it can be a replacement for 'excuse me' when you interrupt a conversation and also many many other uses and situations.
 
GoldVision said:
Mostly when i screw up i tend to apologise allot and usualy it gets me down which in time affects the mood of my dancepartner, something i want to get rid of because it screws up the atmosphere between me and my dancepartner.
Does this sound familiar to anyone and any tips perhaps on how to deal with this?
Click to expand...

Everybody makes mistakes when dancing, even professional dancers. Some of us just cover it up with something else instead. Mistakes are part of the fun of dancing. They are opportunities to discover something new. Of course if your mistake is an elbow smash to the jaw it may not be as welcome and too many mistakes in a row can make it hard lead/follow, but even those are opportunities to learn ; like to duck when a crazy lady flings her elbow at you and then laugh that she didn't get you that time.
 
When I was a beginner I used to be very serious, never smile, apologize a lot when I "mess up" and get nervous so I would in turn mess up a lot. Now I smile most of the time, because I am genuinely enjoying myself. If I'm in a negative or pensive mood, then maybe I should call it a night or stay home and relax.

I went through a frustrating stage where I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting more dances even though I felt I was getting better. I wasn't smiling. I was too serious. I wasn't any fun to dance with. You can be the best dancer in the room and none of it matters if you're not any fun to dance with. I will actually make a conscious effort to make sure I look as if I'm enjoying the dance. And I usually genuinely am, but it has to be apparent on my face. Many times I get too serious and though I am enjoying the dance very much, I know that but it comes across on my face as unhappy/sour. I have to make sure I don't give the wrong impression.

My biggest piece of advice I would give to a beginner girl is to laugh when you mess up. I truly believe that you can miss more leads than you follow and if you smile and laugh the entire time you would still get asked to dance more often than the intermediate dancer that does everything perfect but never smiles.
 
I guess i make it too much of a big deal when some patterns go wrong, i guess it shouldnt matter that much. I never hit someone with an elbow or something like that though and i tend to keep it that way :P

Thanks for the feedback :)
 
GoldVision said:
I guess i make it too much of a big deal when some patterns go wrong, i guess it shouldnt matter that much. I never hit someone with an elbow or something like that though and i tend to keep it that way :P

Thanks for the feedback :)
Click to expand...

Now it makes more sense.
if you try to dance with the patterns you learned in classes, it's much more frustrating if something goes wrong. because the whole sequence is ruined. you either have to remember another pattern quickly or start the same one from beginning :)

short of long, dont try to memorize patterns but take little bits from them. no need to get stressed instead of having fun ;)
 
I second MacMoto! I like smooth leads with musicality who do not spin me too much and who do not try to dislocate my arm or my shoulder. It is much more enjoyable for me to do just a few turns but do them with style and musicality and connection to my partner than being chased around the dance floor.

One thing leads should NOT do is try to teach on the dance floor. I have seen that with leads who might be at an intermediate level but think they are the "sh-t" (and don't realize that they still have a lot to learn). If the lady does not follow you the way you expect her to follow then question yourself first. Maybe it is your fault because your leading is not as good as you think.

olamalam said:
Yes, it's interesting. In London, even if I hit or touch people accidentaly on the street, they apogolise :)

In istanbul, if someone hits you while walking and if you stop and look back (waiting for an apology), he might ask you why are you are staring at him :lol:
Click to expand...

LOL (although it is rather sad), the same unfortunately applies to Germany, not only to Turkey. We sometimes make jokes and say they wait for you to apologize because you were in their way, or you put your foot under theirs.
 
salsera_alemana said:
LOL (although it is rather sad), the same unfortunately applies to Germany, not only to Turkey. We sometimes make jokes and say they wait for you to apologize because you were in their way, or you put your foot under theirs.
Click to expand...

Not surprising. Over 3 million Turkish people are living their 3rd generation there. There must have been some interaction :lol:
 
Well in my experience something that really helps is eye contact and showing your pleasure at dancing with a person through your face.

Even when I find I don't particularly match up well with a particular follower I find that pure good naturedness will make up for much. In this case it is probably true that neither myself nor said person will hunt each other down to dance anytime soon after, but at least you can come away having had fun somehow!

The rest has been well stated in this thread I believe.

Definitely feel out your partner, see what she clearly has confidence in or takes pride in and give her/him the chance to show it to the max.

Oh my other mantra, 'the more you want to turn/spin your partner, the more you better spin yourself!'
 
Great posts in this thread

Good eye contact surely helps to feel connected with a person, and also it helps the girl to maintain focus during spins quite naturally

However, make sure that girl feels comfortable with your eye contact and doesn't feel like being hypnotized or like she is on some kind of test. Some girls like a lot of eye contact, some considerably less - it depends also on the chemistry between two people
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top