Salsa Friendliness Factor (MamboNYC thread)

[sweavo]

I've seen in the Congress that many girls, specially foreigners do ask the guys to dance. I find it fun--- but I dont have the nerve. I get asked to dance a lot, but if I see someone I'd like to dance with it would be difficult for me to just go up to him and ask.

Funny how that works, isn't it? I'm the same. If I really want that dance, it's no longer a possibility of a dance, but a danger of rejection!

I echo what bailar y tocar says -- the guys worth dancing with (him and me, in case you were wondering ) will usually say yes, or at the least be perfectly dignified about the whole thing. The occasional decline of an offer is inevitable but no big deal once you get your rhythm.

The only times I've been really put out by a woman doing the asking were when she used my name so I thought she knew me, and turned out not to have the slightest clue about following; or when someone planted herself firmly between me and the person I was intending to ask and proceeded to dip herself and put us both at risk of injury. Both times the asking wasn't really the problem.

 

[OneCentSalsero]

Walk up to the guy and ask him for a dance. He'll probably be honoured (who doesn't like to be asked? Ego is such ease to please)
Never been to Puerto Rico, so i'm not sure how the cultural reaction is, but over here, there's only a very, very small chance he'll say no. And if he does say no, he wasn't worth it anyway.

I might be one of the few here, but i prefer not to be asked to dance.

 

[Berend]

I might be one of the few here, but i prefer not to be asked to dance.

Would you say no?

 

[OneCentSalsero]

I've said no before but its mostly do to the music, i'll let the girl know and look for her later. There are some follows i hide from thou.

 

[antigone]

I might be one of the few here, but i prefer not to be asked to dance.

Reasons, please. (I ask guys to dance as a matter of fact, so I would like to know if I may offend some of them.)

 

[OneCentSalsero]

i dont like dancing to just any and every song played, ive become pickier with my music, also certain songs require a certain follow... i might be coming off snobby but im not lol

 

[irishgirl]

I can vouch for onecent not being snobby at all, and as someone that has danced with him to really good songs that he has chosen to ask me to dance to, you get an infinitely better dance when he really likes the song and its worth waiting for.

 

[vata07]

I can vouch for onecent not being snobby at all, and as someone that has danced with him to really good songs that he has chosen to ask me to dance to, you get an infinitely better dance when he really likes the song and its worth waiting for.

i think i agree with this. i'm finding more and more that i'll connect better with some songs more than others..otherwise the dance isn't as good...however, if someone asks, what are you supposed to do??

 

[dosvueltas2]

i'm finding more and more that i'll connect better with some songs more than others..otherwise the dance isn't as good...however, if someone asks, what are you supposed to do??

If the song is so bad I have to say no, I will decline but explain that I hate the song, and will ask her for the next one. Of course, I make damned sure I hunt for her afterwards. However, if it's a congress and it's someone like Edie or Susana doing the asking, I grit my teeth and bare it! That's because you don't have much chance of getting some dancers to dance once the queues start, and they'll probably forget you in a dance or two anyway!

Here's another question: Have you guys ever heard that ONE SONG come on, the one that you just KNOW it's your best song ever, where you can express yourself fully, turn on the juices and creativity, spin and body movement to, and you just know that you have to dance it with someone who can really help you express or illustrate that song?

And you're searching for any of your friends on the floor who will dance it right with you, and a beginner asks you? What do you say or do? Because the "I promised this to someone" wouldn't work when it's clear that you're looking around for someone to dance with?

 

[vata07]

And you're searching for any of your friends on the floor who will dance it right with you, and a beginner asks you? What do you say or do? Because the "I promised this to someone" wouldn't work when it's clear that you're looking around for someone to dance with?

i make the best of it and try to make her look good. i'll get my friend later...the last thing i'd want to do is discourage a beginner anyway. i've had my share of "advanced" people try their best to do it to me...

i know that she won't follow half the patterns i know anyway (half of very little equals even less, ). i try to add as much styling as i can and make the dance look better than if she was dancing with someone else. works most of the time, :rocker: you might just gain a new friend out of it too.

 

[sweavo]

Here's another question: Have you guys ever heard that ONE SONG come on, the one that you just KNOW it's your best song ever, where you can express yourself fully, turn on the juices and creativity, spin and body movement to, and you just know that you have to dance it with someone who can really help you express or illustrate that song?

And you're searching for any of your friends on the floor who will dance it right with you, and a beginner asks you? What do you say or do? Because the "I promised this to someone" wouldn't work when it's clear that you're looking around for someone to dance with?

I've had this a few times. Nowadays I just say "can I grab you on the next song?" and make a beeline for the person I chose. If I miss the person I chose I may come back and tell the original asker I was stood up, or I might grab a water break. I'll always look for her again though. If I see her dancing with someone on that next song then I regard the obligation as fulfilled and may ask her later but won't bust a gut to catch her.

 

[OneCentSalsero]

If I see her dancing with someone on that next song then I regard the obligation as fulfilled and may ask her later but won't bust a gut to catch her.

I do the same

 

[bailar y tocar]

i think i agree with this. i'm finding more and more that i'll connect better with some songs more than others..otherwise the dance isn't as good...however, if someone asks, what are you supposed to do??

It all depends. If the particular club night and scene in general tends to be friendly and there are many beginners and many more follows than leads, I tend to dance more than I really want to and dance to less inspiring songs with beginners, newbies etc. In theory, I could get my favorite dance partners for the really good songs. In reality all the other leads are thinking the same thing (as are the more advanced follows), so whatever happens.. happens.

 

[real2]

While I might be slightly nieve, the Toronto scene is quite friendly!

There ARE those cliques in popular clubs like Babaluu on the occasional night, but the population is quite fresh still with many new faces coming and going.

Then again, as an experienced dancer, I habitually tend to seek dancers that I will feel or try to develop chemistry with more often than not.

 

[la_gringa]

Your boys are talking to much in front of you... ima have to have a word with them lol

hahah! too late. anyway the frankness works both ways... they've also been surprised when the women in our crew talk openly about their experiences on the dancefloor, what they look for in a leader, what makes a good dance, etc. the scene is fairly competitive here, as you know, and they are often surprised when women comment that they prefer good connection to flashy/'new' moves or flawless execution of patterns.

 

[Berend]

they are often surprised when women comment that they prefer good connection to flashy/'new' moves or flawless execution of patterns.

Random reason:
Prolly because for most of us (men) it's easier think a new move (technique) is very impressive and would appeal to the follower, because that's what impressess us, while for the followers (women) it's more about the connection (feeling), because that's one of their main drives and we (men) aren't quite in touch with that side.
Just a flittering thought though..don't mind me..it's one of those days Maybe i should make a thread about it..

 

[la_gringa]

it's not random - it's the reason, for sure! i mean, it's true that we get bored with the same moves over and over, so we DO respond to novelty, but like i said, i'll take a superb connection over a barrage of "new" moves any day.

 

[EMOYENO]

it's not random - it's the reason, for sure! i mean, it's true that we get bored with the same moves over and over, so we DO respond to novelty, but like i said, i'll take a superb connection over a barrage of "new" moves any day.

I also consider good dancing style makes the right connection. New moves impress me, if I know where I'm going, because sometimes I dont know what's coming (and I'm new at dancing salsa). If I miss a step I will always say "I'm sorry I'm a beginner", but if the new move works for me I'll be smiling all the way and the connection is established. Just sometimes the lead doesn't have style and it feels as if I'm dacing with a robot.

If that's the case usually I ask for a second dance just to get the right connection.

 

[Offbeat]

Here's another question: Have you guys ever heard that ONE SONG come on, the one that you just KNOW it's your best song ever, where you can express yourself fully, turn on the juices and creativity, spin and body movement to, and you just know that you have to dance it with someone who can really help you express or illustrate that song?

Not ONE song, but I am always waiting for a song that I feel is "right" to dance to. If there is a song that I don't feel like dancing to, I will stand on the sidelines and many times it happens that I might be standing on the sidelines for 4-5 songs in a row. On some nights I will dance to the songs that I will not dance to on other nights.

And you're searching for any of your friends on the floor who will dance it right with you, and a beginner asks you? What do you say or do? Because the "I promised this to someone" wouldn't work when it's clear that you're looking around for someone to dance with?

If someone I don't know asks me, I oblige and in most cases I even know what her level of dancing is. I can always dance with my dance friend another time. Unless it is a beginner heavy scene I rarely being asked by a beginner.

A bigger bummer is that you are trying to walk across to dance that one song with a particular follower and someone snags her before you are able to get to her. I am sure all the guys can relate to it.

 

[SnowDancer]

A bigger bummer is that you are trying to walk across to dance that one song with a particular follower and someone snags her before you are able to get to her. I am sure all the guys can relate to it.

What makes it even worse is when someone gets in your way just as you're about to ask.
:doh: