Lukewarm reactions from followers...

dadada_486 said:
I wonder whether one should read much into this. Let's say the girl doesn't smile but doesn't complain either and following the dance, she just gives a quick thanks and walks off.

I'm wondering if one should consider this an indictment of the leaders salsa skills, perhaps poor skill, poor connection, discomfort, boredom, too much routine and not enough fun and improv, too much spinning, insufficient attention to the follow etc.

As a leader you might be tempted to ask for feedback, if there was anything wrong so you could learn from your mistakes. Or maybe instead you should just not overthink it. Perhaps it's personal, she didn't want to dance with you, you're too ugly, unattractive or not one of the cool kids. The latter I could accept, as she doesn't have to be into me, that's fine. I could just refine my dance skills. I'm far more concerned if it's a reaction to my dance skills or lack thereof!
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What is your expectation. That you are the most attractive and fun dancer at the party for all follows? Why do you care? Just try to have fun dancing. A party is much better if you try to leave those insecurities behind. I think that is what this is about. Just have a look around and you will see some really bad dancers having fun. It is not all about your skills.
 
dadada_486 said:
.. While the ones I'm talking about are just cold and awkward, not even a half smile, just a barely audible thanks and quick walk-away!
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Ah ... but this is not lukewarm. Lukewarm is a very comfortable temperature.

My question: why is it important to you?
Do you feel that you are not a good dancer and as all the other leads continue to improve you could be left behind?
Or...
Is it about the social aspect of social dancing to you? Would you like more connection, feel like you are part of the scene?
Or..
Something else?

Second set of questions:
Do you make eye contact when dancing?
Do you smile when your dance feels good to you?
Do you laugh it off when something very minor did not work out?
(very minor = missed hand hold etc... bumping into people or furniture is not a minor mishap - that is a major mishap)
 
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bailar y tocar said:
Ah ... but this is not lukewarm. Lukewarm is a very comfortable temperature.

My question: why is it important to you?
Do you feel that you are not a good dancer and as all the other leads continue to improve you could be left behind?
Or...
Is it about the social aspect of social dancing to you? Would you like more connection, feel like you are part of the scene?
Or..
Something else?

Second set of questions:
Do you make eye contact when dancing?
Do you smile when your dance feels good to you?
Do you laugh it off when something very minor did not work out?
(very minor = missed hand hold etc... bumping into people or furniture is not a minor mishap - that is a major mishap)
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Well you hit the question right on the head, it's both for your first question.

As for your second question, "yes" I do all those... Though the age old "how much eye contact" question comes up.
 
The ‘how much eye contact’ question for me is simple to answer: it’s not about the person, It’s about the music.

Purposely holding eye contact has always seemed like a crutch when I dance with a partner. The focus should be on the music. What this means is that I am often looking away from my partner, reacting to the music, but smiling all the same. I only look directly at my partner for the brieftest of moments when there is a cue in the music, for example during a break in the music. In that sense, I am looking back at my partner to see whether they caught the same break. Usually when I do something very musical, I glance back at my partner to see if they noticed and if they did, they smile. Mission complete.

The idea of eye contact sounds very silly in Salsa when the music is so energetic. If the music is slower, I still prefer to look away and put more attention on directing the flow of the dance. If we are in closed position, looking away is still preferable than looking directly at my partner. If I am into the music, then I don’t need to look at my partner for them to feel comfortable. I can utilize cues in the music to establish a connection.
 
TikiTaka said:
Why? I always have the impression that people in the US (maybe except in NYC) start talking to random people on the street, at coffee shops etc. It doesn't happen very often in Europe.
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So funny, a colleague from Germany has said the same thing to me, and I thought it happened more often in Europe! As a person who has lived in the US my whole life I can say that this does happen, but it's not the whole population and not all that often. I think a lot of it is a "we're standing in line so we might as well make small talk" situation.
My impression of people from the US is that we aren't really conditioned to let strangers in, so not being very friendly with a lead/follow after a first dance wouldn't surprise me. I am very introverted and have had a lot of weird experiences with people in general, so it takes me a while to warm up to people.
 
spacedievest said:
So funny, a colleague from Germany has said the same thing to me, and I thought it happened more often in Europe! As a person who has lived in the US my whole life I can say that this does happen, but it's not the whole population and not all that often. I think a lot of it is a "we're standing in line so we might as well make small talk" situation.
My impression of people from the US is that we aren't really conditioned to let strangers in, so not being very friendly with a lead/follow after a first dance wouldn't surprise me. I am very introverted and have had a lot of weird experiences with people in general, so it takes me a while to warm up to people.
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There are a lot of factors at play. In Europe, I’ve found people strike up random conversations with me all the time, but that’s probably due to the fact that I look different from all the rest and they probably are curious about where I’m from/what I’m doing. So if I am chatted up on the street, I can almost be assured they have some kind of genuine interest in me.

In the European dancing scene, I’ve found it to be the same. If you look exotic plus you are a good dancer, chances are that others will take a shining to you.

Back in my home town (a big North American metro) it was not as friendly and people were usually more guarded. It only seems friendlier maybe because people in the customer service industry rely on tips/commissions and so they go that extra mile to give you special attention, but to me it’s all fake and I can spot it a mile away. On the street, it’s pretty much the same. A lot of meaningless small talk and smiles, but it’s all super fake and pretentious imo. But I’m also not exotic in my home town. I’m a number.
 
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spacedievest said:
So funny, a colleague from Germany has said the same thing to me, and I thought it happened more often in Europe! As a person who has lived in the US my whole life I can say that this does happen, but it's not the whole population and not all that often. I think a lot of it is a "we're standing in line so we might as well make small talk" situation.
My impression of people from the US is that we aren't really conditioned to let strangers in, so not being very friendly with a lead/follow after a first dance wouldn't surprise me. I am very introverted and have had a lot of weird experiences with people in general, so it takes me a while to warm up to people.
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I can't really comment on friendliness in the street (or at a Mall in the US as there are very few pedestrian streets) as that is rather situational.

With regard to social interaction among dancers I can def comment.
My take: it correlates directly with the size of the salsa scene. A small scene with some 100 or so hardcore regulars where everyone knows everyone is definitely more social and people often meet and do non dance things as well. OTOH, large salsa scenes where one might see the same people once every 3 months are less about socializing.
 
Chris_Yannick said:
There are a lot of factors at play. In Europe, I’ve found people strike up random conversations with me all the time, but that’s probably due to the fact that I look different from all the rest and they probably are curious about where I’m from/what I’m doing. So if I am chatted up on the street, I can almost be assured they have some kind of genuine interest in me.

In the European dancing scene, I’ve found it to be the same. If you look exotic plus you are a good dancer, chances are that others will take a shining to you.

Back in my home town (a big North American metro) it was not as friendly and people were usually more guarded. It only seems friendlier maybe because people in the customer service industry rely on tips/commissions and so they go that extra mile to give you special attention, but to me it’s all fake and I can spot it a mile away. On the street, it’s pretty much the same. A lot of meaningless small talk and smiles, but it’s all super fake and pretentious imo. But I’m also not exotic in my home town. I’m a number.
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Ah yes the exotic factor.
It works two ways. In Cali Colombia I am exotic. A tall white guy who can dance like a Caleño gets people's attention. There could be a professional Caleño dancer dancing right next to me but they are not unusual so people hardly look at them.

The same is somewhat true when I dance in Miami or in Broward County FL as most dancers there are Latino and hardly any of them dance Salsa Caleño.
 
I had this happen to me once. I had a follow in our community who appeared to not want much to do with me even before we started dancing. She agreed to the dance (I've only danced with her twice), but didn't seem to be much enthusiastic about it.

To me this was weird: the feedback I've gotten from other follows (including some dance instructors) has been generally favorable. Most follows seem to enjoy dancing with me. So I figured the issue must have something to do with her (I consider her to be hard to figure out).

The advice I got from others regarding this was that I should not concern myself too much about it.
 
ZephBonkerer said:
I had this happen to me once. I had a follow in our community who appeared to not want much to do with me even before we started dancing. She agreed to the dance (I've only danced with her twice), but didn't seem to be much enthusiastic about it.
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This just happened to me yesterday. Honestly, the best I can do in that scenario is just hope the song will be over soon. Then move on.
 
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