Is it just me?& other stuff they didint mention in the v

J

jules

So I have come home from one of the most disapointing evenings of my life. Okay maybe Im pulling a drama queen, but I shall certainly remember it for a while. It was like being told by a guy you really fancy he was going to see you later and coming to find him chatting all evening to another girl. I paid 8 quid! And didint even get my fix! :(

For nearly 2 weeks I had been looking forward to going to this bar/restaurant which I had been told had good salsa nights. And finally today I went, and wish I'd stayed home instead. I mean the venue was really nice, best floor Id been to and the dancers were pulling moves like frog leaps with landing on knees kinda thing. Being my first time, and on my own I wasnt in my own plate and the instructor didint do anything to make me feel comforatble, In fact the only thing she said to me was I entered into the spin too fast (and not with a smile).
And then the best bit- I sat for 1 and a half hours like a spectator in Wimbledon (doing the side-to-side look while watching tennis), trying very hard to look pleasantly casual and not let my desperation show.
No one even said a hi!Not even a nod, in fact some chap sat down really hard next to me, obviously bumping my leg etc... and didint even look to the side. :buttkick:
I mean even the girls who I thought danced worse than me got invited at least once.

So these are my options:
1) Go on every workshop, salsa congress weekly private lesson, and a club night everyday so I can Show them, SHOW THEM (Fist shake) Muhaha :twisted:
2) Get over it and dont bother going back there (plenty of other places, their loss that kinda thing (who am i kidding)
3) Refuse to be blanked, grow rhino skin and keep going until someone notices.
4) Give up salsa Ill never be that good anyway

How on earth do they expect anyone to get better if they dont practice? And I thought its about having a laugh and having fun not my body-roll is better than yours so bugger off...
Ok I think I better get some time-off.. Sorry about the moan guys!
 
Hola Salsera,


I live around the Chicago area but i can feel your pain from here. Being new to the scene myself it's a bit beyond me to give advice, but i decided to chime in with a quick "chingate" for those uppity types you met, and ask for a dance myself. ;)
 
hey jules


I feel your pain...really I do. There is nothing worse than going out and no one asking you to dance. Unfortunately, you have to be thick skinned and ask first.

Where I am, most (but not all) of the time I reckon I ask for at least 75-80% of my dances a night, sometimes 100%. It can be very disheartening to say the least.

And I also think once you've sat there for a certain period of time it gets harder and harder to ask, so you just need to be brave and do it as soon as possible in a night.

You may not have been asked to dance because they didn't know you/recognise you/not sure about your dancing?
Because they prefer dancing with their friends...or.....if there are more girls than guys...the guys then have the "pick of the floor" and are going to ask those that are good and those that they know!

Develop thick skin, only a total ass will say no to a dance and if he says no he's not worth dancing with (unless valid reason of course and later asks you!)
 
Re: Is it just me?& other stuff they didint mention in t

jules said:
...
So these are my options:
1) Go on every workshop, salsa congress weekly private lesson, and a club night everyday so I can Show them, SHOW THEM (Fist shake) Muhaha :twisted: ....
Click to expand...

I'm sorry Jules. :friend: I've been there and know what a bad experience it must have been for you. And NO, it's not you! Ultimately, you have no control over other dancers and their attitudes :roll: and I would go even further to say that the #1 option is the "only" option. ;) And what's with the instructor's attitude. :?
jules said:
....... Being my first time, and on my own quote....
Click to expand...
The best advice I can give to any new dancer is to never go alone the first few times you go out dancing. As new dancers, we are extremely fragile. It's just better, at least in my eyes, to have that positive support there with you at least at the first "outside of the classroom" social dance particularly because it has a high ratio of it being a terrible experience for new dancers. :cry:

Anyways, the best revenge you can have is to become the best dancer you can be and show on the dance floor. Before you know it, those same elitist will be begging for a dance. ;) It will get better, Muchacha!

Also, there is a congress coming up in the UK where quite a few of our SF family will be there. Hint, Hint. ;) :D
 
Like everyone else who has replied, I understand how you feel. After taking up salsa classes, it took me a month before I even went to a club and then another 2 wek before I gathered enough courage to ask a girl to dance. To make it worse, the first girl I ever asked to dance a salsa, said thank you and just walked off, halfway through the song. I remember when I first started dancing, I would get rejected for dances 4 out of 5 times to the point that I usually went to a salsa nght just to watch.

I just grew a thick skin and kept practicing. Having a good group of friends helped as well as their support and willingness to practice with me paid off in the end. Noadays, I'm the one getting asked for a dance and hardly get a chance to rest. Just keep up with it and before you know it, you'll be begging for people to let you have a rest in between songs. And like someone said, imagine the look on the faces of those people who rejected you when you were a beginer when they see some of the top dancers queuing up to dance with you. :)

Just keep your head high and keep at it and you'll get here!
 
Cheers for all the tips! So its option 1 or 3 then. I suppose that because I got invited to dance at my regular salsa class from the first day I got there I assumed it will be the same everywhere. But thinking about it now, they are in a whole different league.

I just find the concept of getting up to invite a guy to dance so hard and I cringe at the thought. Actually I lie I do invite guys to dance but only the complete begginers that look really miserable sitting down, because I feel if I hadnt been given a chance I wouldnt be where I am now (At the glorious stage of IMPROVER :rocker: yeah! )

Trouble is none of my friends salsa-im the only addict so its hard finding anyone to go with me.

Anyway, if theres a will theres a way.. to salsa... So watch this space :D
 
Jules,

I would say that it really helps if you have company going to a new place.

Next solution I'd say is to grow rhino skin and ask them to dance. Guys usually ask girls because:

1) They know them
2) They think the girl looks hot
3) They're impressed with the way the girl dances

And in my experience, usually in that order.

Most of the times I get asked is because of Reason #1. I'm not of the physical type that would prompt a guy to ask me because of reason #2, and as I get more experience sometimes new guys ask me because of reason #3. SOMETIMES, not often *laughs*

I went to my first Salsa Festival in Malaysia last month. It was hard to ask guys that I didn't know to dance, but it helped that I had friends around who helped me warm up, and also I figure what they heck, I'm probably not going to see these guys again, or won't recognise them even if I do, so I'm just going to go for it.

As for the problem that none of your friends salsa, well, make friends in salsa. That'll solve your problem real quick! I know what it's like, I started salsa lessons with an old friend, but she's not as keen as I am but it doesn't matter because I've made friends with those that attend the same school and who go out dancing regularly.

Irishgirl, where I am I also sometimes do the asking anywhere from 50 - 100% of the night. I don't notice it now because it means that I dance with the guys I want to dance with, and get to dance more than if I wait. Don't get disheartened, I'm sure if you sat and waited you would get asked, but I think it's a fact of life that there are usually more girls than guys to go around, and so if you want to get the maximum number of dances you'd need to do a lot of asking.

Now I just have to practice what I preach and make sure I ask around at the UK Salsa Congress ... *knees shaking hands trembling heart racing in panic* *laughs*

PS - Jaime Jesus from Australia is just about the sweetest guy ever! If any girls are asking an instructor/performer to dance for the first time at the UK Salsa Congress, I'd recommend asking him! He's niceness personified! So is his partner, Little Liz, so guys, take note!
 
hey dragonfyre...oh i try not to get too disheartened and like you said it does have its good points, you choose who you dance too. Sometimes it'd be nice if the boys did a bit more asking.

I think it depends on the scene, when i danced in Cafe Cocomo in San Fran (what bliss) i was asked, when i danced in Dublin, i asked.

Also Jules...regarding asking a guy to dance, something you said reminded me of this that someone said to me ages ago.

if you are the "improver" stage and not just a beginner...it's actually good for more advanced guys to dance with you from their perspective as it really tests their lead. A more advanced follow will maybe have done a move before so can half anticipate it if not lead correctly, but if you as a dancer have never done it before, assuming you follow well, will make the lead think twice about his lead if you miss that and get most of everythign else.

So think that you are actually doing the guys a favour when you ask.

My next tip is to walk in and ask someone as early as you can in the night, when the floor is somewhat busy but not empty. The sooner you do it the more courage you have somehow and then once you are seen, people are more likely to ask you to dance after...

Good luck with the thick skin building :)

PS edit - agree about Jamie Jesus, he's so obliging, poor guy barely sat down in Malaysia
 
irishgirl said:
PS edit - agree about Jamie Jesus, he's so obliging, poor guy barely sat down in Malaysia
Click to expand...

Yeah, unlike ONE other arrogant ******* I had SUCH a bad experience with.

Hey Irishgirl, look me up next time you're in Malaysia. I'll introduce you to the guys. We've also got our own lovely Irish salsera here in KL. :D
 
Hey Jules - I know exactly how you feel. I am usually just sitting back watching because no one asks me to dance. I go to class in another city and the city i live in, they dont really dance NY style, whick is what I am learning so Im always sitting on the sidelines watching. Yesterday there was a salsa event for the holiday in my city and I saw a guy from class and I asked him to dance with me. We danced a bachata and every one was staring! Then we danced a salsa and it was nice! When i sat down, a lady walked up to me and said, every week you come here and sit on the side as if you cant dance! That felt pretty good, so maybe now people will ask me. Then there was this instructor there trying to get students so i said hey - I would like to see if I can follow you. It was awesome, so now I think I can do it going forward. I cant wait to go out again. Maybe next time you can go with someone from your class?
 
Jules, being that I'm from the same area as you i'd love to know where you went. If you're not happy posting it here and feel comfortable please PM me. I'm hopefully starting writing for londonsalsa website soon and this is the sort of information that might be useful for me.

But in general - if you're not known at a venue you have to ask. I learnt that the hard way by standing around at clubs feeling like a prize prune and not dancing. If at all possible go to a new place with a friend from your regular class, but if that isn't possible do the pre club class and try very hard to get a few names while moving partners. I'll often say something like "catch you for a dance later?" as I rotate to the next guy. Sometimes you have to be super friendly to break the ice. After the class ask somone you met in the class to dance or follow up on the ones you set up earler. It's all a bit calculated at first until you get yourself a broader salsa aquaintance.

I'm pretty lucky now, the last 3 times I braved somewhere new, I ran into people I know from other places I've tried. So now there's normally someone around I can have a chat with and grab a first dance to break the ice. But it's taken over 18 months of class and club hopping to get to that position.

I'm out at Turnmills tonight and The Cuban in Camden on Thursday if you want some salsa company and are in town. I know it's late notice but Turnmills has a live band tonight after the classes which is always brilliant.

I'll PM you my number just in case. Please don't let one nasty night put you off. Not all London salser@s are unapproachable!
 
DragonFyre said:
Now I just have to practice what I preach and make sure I ask around at the UK Salsa Congress ... *knees shaking hands trembling heart racing in panic* *laughs*
Click to expand...

I'm glad other people feel like that about asking guys to dance!!!! This will be my fifth Congress type event and I have NEVER asked a guy to dance at one of them! Too scared I won't be good enough and then I end up feeling really frustrated because I haven't danced as much as I'd like to! But I am getting better at asking... for me the key is asking early on. As someone else said, the longer you leave it, the harder it gets.
 
That really sucks Jules, it sounds like you had an absolutely awful night. These "clickety-click" crowds are terrible.

Don't be disheartened - there are plenty of other places to dance in London. Try another and you may find that next time you have an absolutely awesome night out and you won't want it to end. It's weird but it happens that way sometimes.

You should take Prae up on her offer!
I would offer myself but I am in a post knee-surgery state at the moment so will have to sit this one out.

Good luck and hang in there!
 
Discochick said:
DragonFyre said:
Now I just have to practice what I preach and make sure I ask around at the UK Salsa Congress ... *knees shaking hands trembling heart racing in panic* *laughs*
Click to expand...

I'm glad other people feel like that about asking guys to dance!!!! This will be my fifth Congress type event and I have NEVER asked a guy to dance at one of them! Too scared I won't be good enough and then I end up feeling really frustrated because I haven't danced as much as I'd like to! But I am getting better at asking... for me the key is asking early on. As someone else said, the longer you leave it, the harder it gets.
Click to expand...

It's no easier for most of us guys to ask a lady that we don't know to dance. It's never fun to be turned down and there is aways that possibility. But the payoff is worth enduring an occasional refusal :D and the alternative, watching all night, is unthinkable :(
 
Have had really busy last 2 days and havent been able to reply. Thanks to everyone for the tips. Next step is rhino skin crash course. It sucks just thinking about it. Shame .. "excuse me will you dance with me.." "wanna dance " "hello there you look like you could do with a good follow".. CHEESY. Just joking.. Ill practice the "so ill see you later on dance floor then" with people in my group.

Im not sure im really ready for the congress though. I mean its only been less than 3 months of salsa class and about 6 socials so.. hopefully next one.

Prae if your offer still stands Id love to do thursday then. Ill PM you when I get home later today.
 
jules said:
Im not sure im really ready for the congress though. I mean its only been less than 3 months of salsa class and about 6 socials so.. hopefully next one.
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You're never too early for a Congress!! My hubby went after eight weeks and only one social (and we didn't know anyone and he had two dances!!!). If the Congress offers beginners or improver classes you'll be fine and you can dance with people you go with if you don't want to dance with anyone you don't know!! It improved hubby's dancing and confidence 200%!!!
 
hang tie .. it gets better last new years eve my friend and I asked ( separately of course) a total of 30 to 35 girls to dance and we only got 10 to agree to dance with us.

:) bad venue, we were not very good dancers, everyone was with their significant other, and the only good dancers were pretty much booked by other good dancers .. we survived, we continue practicing, we got better at choosing our dance venues, we made friends with the dancing community, we learned to bring our own "dancing dates" in case of emergencies :) Now days we routinely get asked to dance, we have yet to say no :) :) ---
 
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