How to politely decline a dance?

Offbeat said:
You don’t have to indulge in any mental gymnastics if you are being authentic and genuine. It is usually inauthenticity that offends people
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Being overly polite/thinking of how to be more polite so as not to offend (if that isn't your normal behaviour) is a form of inauthenticity.

In dancing I've found it is better to say what you mean. If you don't want to dance with someone, just say no.

The other people you say "yes" to aren't going to suddenly stop dancing with you because they heard you said no to someone else.

It takes a lot to tarnish a reputation as to get completely ostracised from the dance community.
 
Offbeat said:
It is good to pre-think different situations and have some go to reactions to resort to.
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I don’t think there is anything wrong with a catch-all reply like “No thanks”. It’s not rude. The sentence itself is polite. How many situations do you honestly need to prepare for?

In reality, I reject so rarely that these answers won’t make a shred of difference either way.

So if the question is ‘what would happen if a man rejects a woman without an explanation?’, my answer would be “close to nothing”.

There is a local guy who is a known celebrity at festivals who has rejected at least 2 of my friends extremely rudely with the same response. As in, this was the conversation:

My female friend: ”Can I ask you for a dance?”
The guy in question (and I quote): ”No, you may not”.

Yet I’ve also heard many other people talk glowingly about the same guy in other circles.

We can debate whether this kind of response is damaging for the scene. But if we are talking about whether these types of guys get any blowback for acting this way towards certain people, then the answer is no.

As for there being an even playing field or not, I would still say no because every scene is different. I don’t have to worry about pre-prepared answers or giving long-winded explanations if I don’t want to. But I can‘t say that I’ve never offended anyone before for giving seemingly innocuous answers, because I am 100% sure I have.

But my advice would be not to worry about that sort of thing if you’re thinking about rejecting someone. At some point, you’ll offend someone anyway either knowingly or unknowingly.
 
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Thank you very much for your kind invitation to dance. I truly appreciate your offer and the thoughtfulness behind it. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I must regretfully decline on this occasion. However, I would love to take a rain check and hope we can dance together sometime in the future. Enjoy your evening!
 
Bostontraitor said:
Thank you very much for your kind invitation to dance. I truly appreciate your offer and the thoughtfulness behind it. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, I must regretfully decline on this occasion. However, I would love to take a rain check and hope we can dance together sometime in the future. Enjoy your evening!
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So you did ask Buckingham Palace? :-)

The problem with it is when the long excuse is finished all other followers will already be taken and the asking guy will hate you even more.
 
Offbeat said:
Signals do get crossed when there is lack of information and clarity. If you think a leader is avoiding you, go ask him for a dance. You may not remember at all, but there must have been some signal you sent in the past that got interpreted as “I don’t want to dance with you or your types”. That’s a best indication to the leader that you want to dance with them. It is not an act of desperation.
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This. There was a girl who came dancing for about a year. She is very beautiful and our resident kiz creep "instructor" was all over her first night she showed up. He is a ******** artists and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. First few months leads would ask her to dance and and she would give the 'I'm tired' then would be dancing with the kiz creep because 'he's an instructor'. All the leads saw that and most all the leads do not like kiz creep. Eventually she had a falling out with kiz creep, probably when she realized he was full of ****, and now no one will ask her to dance. I even overheard her talking with one of the experienced follows about no one asking her to dance. He basically owes an apology to every lead in the city.
 
My views have evolved a bit. Bottom line is poor connection and low interest are time wasters really. I prefer quality over quantity.

The worst scenario is when the girl says no with the excuse of being tired and then dances with Guy B ten seconds later. But, I think it is for the best overall. We dance to enjoy ourselves.

In the biggest picture, salsa has lead me to dance with thousands of women all over the world. You can’t have great connections with everyone. Developing and strengthening the connection with your favourite dancers is the way to go at least for me.
 
I think its best to express whether you do not want to be asked.
1) No thank you or I am okay, these are the lines that makes sure this person wont ask you again (if he or she remembers the face).
2) If someone says "I am sitting out", "One second", "I am tired" or "Waiting for someone" this person may or may not ask the girl on the next opportunity as well.
 
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