How to deal with missed new encounters?

[artimalid]

I've been trying my best to socialize when I dance. Lots in my bachata community for example, have experience exchanging socials, whereas I only just began.

Men are expected to be assertive, to approach women first in most cultures, such as in the latin world. But ofcourse, I don't want to come across as obvious, creepy, or there to solely just get the numbers. I do try to let my dance do the talking for me.

Here comes my city's big 1 day only festivals. It's an eclectic experience comparable to the 2-3 day or weeklong fests because sometimes, you get to bump into non-community members, people who have other dance styles or some sort of dance beginners but who you know have a unique chip on their shoulders.

It can be a frustrating experience having to remind me that I might not get another chance to run into them. And many times this has happened.

Who were they? How did they pick up dancing? I wish I could have told them that they were doing okay and that I'm also not that good like it seemed and that, yes, they should continue dancing! I used to be annoyed with guys always chatting up the new faces or just anyone, but in every connection is a chance to make a friend, even if it's not for romantical reasons. And I think I miss this point about social dancing.

It's not so much having a dance crush as it is having some sort of limerence for some random I've danced w/ only 1 song, maybe limerence on their skill? And since it's one of those big 1 day convergence social dance type of an event, never again will I meet them, and either I won't remember what they looked like or they'll simply vanish from memory.

Funny enough, it took me 1 whole year after our first dance before I got to know my now, closest friend. The amusing thing about this, she was thinking about me & looking for me during that yearly occasion, 1 COMPLETE year after! And we both smiled when we saw each other, I thought of her too! Yes, I'm that of a dunce socially... But now this time, we were able to trade #'s, as she initiated, and this led to awesome invitations to out of state events (she wasn't a local & got inspired to start dancing) plus more networking to events I didn't know.

No, it's not about chasing men or women for bed. In my opinion, these thoughts above are more along the lines of, "hey, we danced, and we even agreed that our styles really vibed and matched, so long and goodbye!.". We didn't get a chance to exchange socials... Then I'll end up remembering them randomly for a split second... Most of the time, this is the guy's fault, and I'm kicking myself for it.

Yes, maybe it isn't a purposely "singles only" social dance event, & I frankly think that one time encounters to full on best friend or romantical scenario aftermaths are a rarity for super average persons like myself. And though there are exceptions such as big weekender festivals or world type weeklong fests, is that "magic" after dancing with a person for the first time ever and you two vibed & flowed overrated?

For veteran dancers, how did you deal with the unsurmountable amount of new encounters where the dance was bliss only to never see them again? They feel like ghosts to me & that's the most frustrating part (yes, I can ask around or stalk in social media but that's just alot of work for not much gain).

Even while I know these are not specifically "singles only" social dance events, I believe that "first time or 1st encounter" interactions leading to lasting friendships, platonic or romantic relationships are uncommon for super average people like myself. I can take solace on the fact that social dancing isn't find a date-dancing. And although there are some exceptions, such as whole weekend or weeklong fests of a certain sort, is the "magic" of dancing with someone for the first time ever and having a good first time chemistry with them overrated?

For vet dancers, how did you handle the insurmountable number of fresh encounters when the dance was just... pure ecstasy but they were never seen again?

Short version: Cool dances with people I didn't manage to trade socials with, feels like I missed a chance (even if it stemmed from non romantic or romantic curiosity) what do?

 

[artimalid]

And what's the deal? I think there's some bitter sweet type of poetry here, you don't have to really get to know the person, if that dance was amazing and either of you won't ever meet again then that's beautiful in itself, just like life's randomness. But now that we have social media and we can all connect in an instant, doesn't this give us more opportunities to experience social dancing?

 

[Chris_Yannick]

For vet dancers, how did you handle the insurmountable number of fresh encounters when the dance was just... pure ecstasy but they were never seen again?

I’m not sure if you mean now or in the past.

If I get attached to anyone (or feel that limerence thing, which is rare), it will be with a dancer on my level who has that ability to connect the way I like. This is again pretty rare.

I don’t remember beginners. Even good dancers need to have a special quality for me to remember them. As you get better, those blissful encounters diminsh and it takes more to achieve that state of bliss.

Another good way to get over that feeling of missed opportunity is to dance multiple times with the same person. Get rid of the mystique by dancing with them over and over until the special-ness goes away. Of course, that’s not possible with everyone you encounter but that’s how I would do it. But the feeling would have to be mutual. I‘m not chasing if that feeling isn’t reciprocated.

 

[artimalid]

it will be with a dancer on my level who has that ability to connect the way I like. This is again pretty rare.

What do you mean by "ability to connect"? Is it by technique, you like how they spin and so it connects with your leading as well? They read your unique nuances or shines, did they wear the same color of shoes as you did? Genuinely wanting to learn

I don’t remember beginners. Even good dancers need to have a special quality for me to remember them. As you get better, those blissful encounters diminsh and it takes more to achieve that state of bliss.

And so it could become like a drug and can be a bit dangerous. All the peer pressure and chasing that feeling of bliss can be distracting, it was for me when I didn't quite have my life together.

What is this special quality for you?

But the feeling would have to be mutual. I‘m not chasing if that feeling isn’t reciprocated.

Do you mean by facial expression? I know some in my scene that look exactly like this https://emojipedia.org/neutral-face/ some of them would light up when it's a mini celebrity asking them for a dance. But it's just so hard to do that with this https://emojipedia.org/neutral-face/ and I'm unfortunately guilty of it too. I would also think and worry if I left my stove open, okay.

Sometimes, it's quite hard to get something out from the follow. On technical approach, I think you can achieve better results by disconnecting and doing your shines, but not to outshine them, more like saying "hey, it's the hightempo of the song! come on, help me out here", it's so hard to do this. In BS, it could be when a remix clearly has an upbeat, fast tempo, and she'd still be expecting body rolls or close embraces.

If it isn't reciprocated, what sort of techniques do you do to fish something out, do you try atleast two times over 1 minute? Do you find that this helps? Because sometimes it can, follow was expecting me to be some beginner but showed her some shines and hitting the cowbell with them, glowed up and the last 2 minutes of the song went better. Side note, I sometimes come across follows who love to ask "on1 or on2" & I very much assumed they think I'm just a BS dancer.