How do you make friends and talk to people, including the opposite sex, at parties?

D

dadada_486

Changui
OK, I know what you are thinking, but I have specific reason for asking this. Dance is supposed to be a social activity as well as a physical one. So even if you are not looking to date, you might want to at least make some friends. But doing this at a dance event might not be as easy as it seems. Believe it or not, I have been to parties where I wind up talking or meeting noone. I might as well have been a ghost going right through? Particularly at very cliquey events.

Usually you don't talk to your partner while you dance. This spoils the dance and makes it a very bad one. But secondly, if you are there primarily to dance, what happens is you dance with someone and then change partners immediately for the next song. The most you can get in is a thanks. Even if you talk to someone for a bit, he or she gets pulled to the next dance. So how do regular dancers of all the the dances here go about this, to be more social, make friends, discover who people are etc. etc.?
 
dadada_486 said:
OK, I know what you are thinking, but I have specific reason for asking this. Dance is supposed to be a social activity as well as a physical one. So even if you are not looking to date, you might want to at least make some friends. But doing this at a dance event might not be as easy as it seems. Believe it or not, I have been to parties where I wind up talking or meeting noone. I might as well have been a ghost going right through? Particularly at very cliquey events.

Usually you don't talk to your partner while you dance. This spoils the dance and makes it a very bad one. But secondly, if you are there primarily to dance, what happens is you dance with someone and then change partners immediately for the next song. The most you can get in is a thanks. Even if you talk to someone for a bit, he or she gets pulled to the next dance. So how do regular dancers of all the the dances here go about this, to be more social, make friends, discover who people are etc. etc.?
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If you are a regular dancer, meeting people happens automatically with familiarity. I can go up to any of my regular partners and have a chat in between dances. At some point, you have to take a break, and this is when you strike up conversations with others. From that point on, if you click on a more personal level, you can always decide to meet ouside of dance, or plan your next dance outing together, or do something else entirely.

These days it’s so easy to connect with others because you don’t need to ask for phone numbers anymore. Just go up and say “hey, give me your FB/IG and let’s keep in touch”. Voila. New contact made. Granted I usually do this after I’ve spoken to them for at least a few minutes following a dance.

If I’m at a festival or some place new, I’ll inevitably start conversations with people who seem to be very interested in my dancing. To be frank, I almost never approach other people first. Not having an approach works for me lol.. but that shouldn’t stop you from approaching if you feel you connect with someone dance-wise.

I always try to meet people organically. I don’t force conversations on people. I don’t like approaching in general unless I have an EXTREME interest, which almost never happens.

This isn’t so much advice as it is about what works for me.

I don’t believe in giving traditional advice because to be honest, it’s scene-specific and what works for me may not work for you and vice versa.
 
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Chris_Yannick said:
These days it’s so easy to connect with others because you don’t need to ask for phone numbers anymore. Just go up and say “hey, give me your FB/IG and let’s keep in touch”.
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I get asked this about a dozen times at festival. I don’t know whether to characterize that as often or sometimes. Anyways since I am not on either, that’s usually is end of it. That only means loss of opportunity to be connected online. That impacts only if you are unlikely to see them again for a long time or are interested. Otherwise in-person interactions with them at future events doesn’t get impacted.

You are very right. Generic advice will be the same. But a lot is locale specific. In some scenes people are more open-minded, in others people might put on barriers and mind their own business. Socializing is an art by itself and not all people are good at it.

Like in life in general as the people in the same age range gravitate towards each other, dancing world it is easier to interact with people at similar level of dancing. At least on the crowded dance floors. If you remember your beginner days, it was easier interact with other beginners. As you advance you will find it easier to interact with other regulars.

At the end of the day it is all about familiarity. How often you are seen, where, can you break the ice, and how open you are to interact.
 
Offbeat said:
Socializing is an art by itself and not all people are good at it.
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My social skills didn’t magically improve when I moved to Europe but my ability to connect with other dancers increased substantially.

When I read about dance floor stories from @1derpalm and @Bostontraitor especially, I just shake my head and roll my eyes as it very much mirrors my experiences in North America. That stereotypical super hot blonde in East Europe probably knows 5 different langauges and will show much more empathy than their American counterpart ( as well as being a much better dancer ). This is a fact.

You are all probably better at socializing than I am.

Yet my experiences on the dance floor in Europe are incomprehensibly positive. There’s no way I should be this successful at connecting with people when I am doing absolutely nothing special.

It’s just a matter of being in the right place where other people are more receptive to your personality.

So my general advice if you are a guy - come to East/Central Europe. Problem solved.
 
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Chris_Yannick said:
My social skills didn’t magically improve when I moved to Europe but my ability to connect with other dancers increased substantially.

When I read about dance floor stories from @1derpalm and @Bostontraitor especially, I just shake my head and roll my eyes as it very much mirrors my experiences in North America. That stereotypical super hot blonde in East Europe probably knows 5 different langauges and will show much more empathy than their American counterpart ( as well as being a much better dancer ). This is a fact.

You are all probably better at socializing than I am.

Yet my experiences on the dance floor in Europe are incomprehensibly positive. There’s no way I should be this successful at connecting with people when I am doing absolutely nothing special.

It’s just a matter of being in the right place where other people are more receptive to your personality.

So my general advice if you are a guy - come to East/Central Europe. Problem solved.
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But didn't you say they play mostly BS and Salsaton at the local parties?
 
Chris_Yannick said:
My social skills didn’t magically improve when I moved to Europe but my ability to connect with other dancers increased substantially.

When I read about dance floor stories from @1derpalm and @Bostontraitor especially, I just shake my head and roll my eyes as it very much mirrors my experiences in North America. That stereotypical super hot blonde in East Europe probably knows 5 different langauges and will show much more empathy than their American counterpart ( as well as being a much better dancer ). This is a fact.

You are all probably better at socializing than I am.

Yet my experiences on the dance floor in Europe are incomprehensibly positive. There’s no way I should be this successful at connecting with people when I am doing absolutely nothing special.

It’s just a matter of being in the right place where other people are more receptive to your personality.

So my general advice if you are a guy - come to East/Central Europe. Problem solved.
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That mirrors my experience and just about every other leader I have spoken to from North America who has danced in Europe. The girls are generally nicer, better dancers and without kind of hangups found in NA.

However the stories I hear from the two are extreme by NA standards and I can’t relate to them. My scene is probably the most leader heavy in the world. Followers have more incentive to have a chip on their shoulders yet they don’t have half as much chip as I hear in those stories.
 
TikiTaka said:
But didn't you say they play mostly BS and Salsaton at the local parties?
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Not at the festivals.There are probably two festivals large and small worth going to every month in Europe. It probably takes same time to travel as it takes for me to drive from my home to my local socials (which these days I don’t because they are thinly attended). The lodging is additional cost, but you get three days of dancing in return and 10x better dances :)

Perspectives can be differ depending on where you coming from!
 
Offbeat said:
That mirrors my experience and just about every other leader I have spoken to from North America who has danced in Europe. The girls are generally nicer, better dancers and without kind of hangups found in NA.

However the stories I hear from the two are extreme by NA standards and I can’t relate to them. My scene is probably the most leader heavy in the world. Followers have more incentive to have a chip on their shoulders yet they don’t have half as much chip as I hear in those stories.
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I don't believe my stories are extreme tho. Noticed that in the stories I personally shared which there were no verbal abuse (curse words, lewd), no physical confrontations, or inappropriate touching. I have seen all happened here on the dance floor.
 
Chris_Yannick said:
My social skills didn’t magically improve when I moved to Europe but my ability to connect with other dancers increased substantially.

When I read about dance floor stories from @1derpalm and @Bostontraitor especially, I just shake my head and roll my eyes as it very much mirrors my experiences in North America. That stereotypical super hot blonde in East Europe probably knows 5 different langauges and will show much more empathy than their American counterpart ( as well as being a much better dancer ). This is a fact.

You are all probably better at socializing than I am.

Yet my experiences on the dance floor in Europe are incomprehensibly positive. There’s no way I should be this successful at connecting with people when I am doing absolutely nothing special.

It’s just a matter of being in the right place where other people are more receptive to your personality.

So my general advice if you are a guy - come to East/Central Europe. Problem solved.
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Most of my fun crazy dances are with eastern Europeans anyways lol
 
Offbeat said:
Not at the festivals.There are probably two festivals large and small worth going to every month in Europe. It probably takes same time to travel as it takes for me to drive from my home to my local socials (which these days I don’t because they are thinly attended). The lodging is additional cost, but you get three days of dancing in return and 10x better dances :)
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There is still a large subset of people willing to share accommodations even if they don't really know the other people in the room very well (or in some cases, not at all). A few manage to find cheap hostels.

I have friends who attend festivals and ask me to share accommodations with 3-4 ppl. I can't do that anymore but the cost savings are huge.
 
Chris_Yannick said:
There is still a large subset of people willing to share accommodations even if they don't really know the other people in the room very well (or in some cases, not at all). A few manage to find cheap hostels.

I have friends who attend festivals and ask me to share accommodations with 3-4 ppl. I can't do that anymore but the cost savings are huge.
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That is true. A lot of people use hostels and house or room sharing. It is still an additional cost of traveling to a festival no matter how small. My point though was within Europe you can easily have a quality time dancing all weekend if you are willing to travel some. Which beats one evening of social dancing hands down.
 
I just walk up, show my bird watching pics and tell them about the differences between tundra and trumpeter swans. Then I talk about how clumsy sandhill cranes are and why I love lake Erie shoreline for birds everywhere except the west side of Elgin county. They excuse themselves to the bathroom, and I THINK we know why... (because I make them hot).
 
Offbeat said:
Not at the festivals.There are probably two festivals large and small worth going to every month in Europe. It probably takes same time to travel as it takes for me to drive from my home to my local socials (which these days I don’t because they are thinly attended). The lodging is additional cost, but you get three days of dancing in return and 10x better dances :)

Perspectives can be differ depending on where you coming from!
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I wouldn't like it that much if I had to go to prich festivals to get decent salsa. Also, not all Europeans are keen on travelling for festivals. If it takes more than one hour to get there, I al not going, lol.
 
Chris_Yannick said:
My social skills didn’t magically improve when I moved to Europe but my ability to connect with other dancers increased substantially.

When I read about dance floor stories from @1derpalm and @Bostontraitor especially, I just shake my head and roll my eyes as it very much mirrors my experiences in North America. That stereotypical super hot blonde in East Europe probably knows 5 different langauges and will show much more empathy than their American counterpart ( as well as being a much better dancer ).

So my general advice if you are a guy - come to East/Central Europe. Problem solved.
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The stereotypical Eastern European woman is actually dark haired ;)

And it's not just East/Central Europe that is like this (much more emotionally mature compared to the US). It's all of Europe, and pretty much the entire rest of the world outside of the US. (I can't speak about Canada and I think southern North America aka Mexico is culturally quite different from the US.) With the possible exception of the UK (perhaps not coincidentally.)
 
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Offbeat said:
Why? It is geographically so far from USA. I have never understood why the Brits both politically and culturally act like a vassal state of USA.
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Some kind of historical trauma. Also USians are obsessed with the king's boat and what happens in the bedrooms of British royal family. So it goes both ways.
 
dadada_486 said:
OK, I know what you are thinking, but I have specific reason for asking this. Dance is supposed to be a social activity as well as a physical one. So even if you are not looking to date, you might want to at least make some friends. But doing this at a dance event might not be as easy as it seems. Believe it or not, I have been to parties where I wind up talking or meeting noone. I might as well have been a ghost going right through? Particularly at very cliquey events.

Usually you don't talk to your partner while you dance. This spoils the dance and makes it a very bad one. But secondly, if you are there primarily to dance, what happens is you dance with someone and then change partners immediately for the next song. The most you can get in is a thanks. Even if you talk to someone for a bit, he or she gets pulled to the next dance. So how do regular dancers of all the the dances here go about this, to be more social, make friends, discover who people are etc. etc.?
Click to expand...
in most cases I started to recognize familiar faces, first, you just say hi, one day you ask how are you doing, you have a quick chat when waiting in the same place... etc etc. it just happens naturally I think. Also I often get to meet friends of my friends and vice versa.
 
I talk to my dance partners all the time during a dance. Especially when I have demonstrated one of my "magic tricks" in salsa. Or when it's time to "charge into action" during a bachata.

During a bachata, I will ask if they are OK with certain sensual moves like the shadow position (which I learned recently). I have added a lot of sensual elements to my bachata recently.
 
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