How do you flirt when dancing?

[kbitten]

An interesting thing happened a few days ago.

There's a really beautiful girl in our course that I hadn't danced before since she was far better than me ( I mean dancing ) and I was waiting for learning a bit more. Because I knew that if I dance with her I can't help flirting with her.

Yes, few days ago she asked me to dance with me! I jumped from the chair but I noticed that it's a bachata song. Then I (kindly) rejected her!! saying my bachata is awfull and promised her to dance when there is a salsa song And I was angry with me because I'm not working enough to improve my bachata.

Half hour later (I was not paying attention on the song again, I was only thinking of how could I reject her) I asked her to dance with me, she accepted but the song was bachata again, opps :headwall: She told me not to worry, she would teach me But I was really awfull. Fortunately, the next song was salsa and we danced once more with salsa song which was better relatively. After the song she thanked me with a hug Not finished After the dance we chatted a little. She was the one asking questions. How tall I am, What's my job etc.

she seems interested

And she told me that my body is very suitable for tango What does it mean?

It means you have a good body posture and a confortable 'embrace" ( since you danced bachata).It can also meant she felt secure and warm in your arms. Tango dancers hold you different than other dances gentlemen, thats my opinion..

If I see her again, I'm planning to tell her that I'll move to London in 2 weeks but want to spend this 2 weeks with her ( like friends, honestly, any sexual interaction wont be included

your post was completely honest until this last phrase but I think go for it..the worst that can happens is she put you in her "creepy guys" list but WTH, you're moving anyway

 

[Offbeat]

She was the one asking questions. How tall I am, What's my job etc. And she told me that my body is very suitable for tango What does it mean?

She probably dances Tango (or has started learning it) and is perhaps looking for a Tango partner. She was either throwing out a hint to you or as Kbitten said that she thought your embrace was Tango-like (when you danced Bachata). In a way it is a compliment. Though I am not sure why she was asking how tall you are, unless she is interested in possibility that you dance Tango with her.

but I guess this is flirting And the girl flirting with me is the one I like most!

If I have to only go by what you have written, I won't categorize it as flirting. You are reading more into it than there is.

 

[Soplo]

She probably dances Tango (or has started learning it) and is perhaps looking for a Tango partner. She was either throwing out a hint to you or as Kbitten said that she thought your embrace was Tango-like (when you danced Bachata). In a way it is a compliment. Though I am not sure why she was asking how tall you are, unless she is interested in possibility that you dance Tango with her.

I've been keeping an eye out for possible tango partners lately and I've been asking similar questions. I've also even complimented girls on their dancing and frame in hopes of luring them into tango. Tango partner hypothesis is a credible one.

 

[borikenSalsero]

Having grown up around bachata, it is actually uncommon not to flirt, dance close, etc. In fact, as it spread out to non-latino cultures, we latinos often asked what in the world was going on.. how it became such cold dance, as salsa has...

But any who, bachata originates much like tango, except that it was men and woman dancing rather than men vs men in a dual. It was the dance of the "ramera", the low class woman at bars. I learned bachata from a married woman while doing the sound for a merengue band back when I was in my early 20s. She used to squeeze me so tight I thought I was gonna puke. Her husband was the conguero for the band, and always laughed at me and how stiff I looked when the dance was meant to be danced as sensually explosive as possible. He even gave me tips how to hold his wife, etc. Kinda odd given the machismo characteristic of latino men. but anywho, both during, and after the dance ended it was implicit knowledge that the dance, and that sensual escaped ended at that point. this was normal, both when I saw as a kid, and learning to dance, but as things change its become almost taboo to dance in such ways unless there is some sort of implicit/explicit agreement between the dancers. Hence, why i tend to only dance bachata when asked. Normally latinas who think of the dance as I do...

I dance salsa just like I dance bachata, my wife finds it odd that, most commonly, girls of non latino decent, or those latinas who've become americanized think that I want more from them than just a dance.

 

[UnlikelySalsero]

<snip> Is he someone that you've seen out often? Does he seem to be a ladies man on the floor? If you have a sincere interest in him, I would watch to see what his body language is with the other girls he dances with in comparison to how he dances with you. I think that this will help you guage his flirting technique and if it might be something worth investigating.

Very insightful comment about partners flirting/body language!

It's easy to think someone is flirting with you but then you find they do the same things with the majority of their partners. That totally cancels out the message to you.

A few people dance every dance like they are stars at a pole dancing contest, and since they do it almost every dance, their current partner shouldn't take it personal.

If they stay very close, and/or do flirty/sexy moves with most partners, then it's more likely their style/connection than a flirt.

If someone dances bachata (or salsa) differently with you than most other partners, then it probably means the flirting is directed toward you.

 

[borikenSalsero]

I've heard that in the Dominican Republic bachata is not dance that closely and involve smore footwork. That comment was posted on YouTube, but when you search for Dominican Republic bachata it just yields videos from the same few people. I'm curious, where did you grow up?

I think the statements is based mostly on the demographics... All the bachata dances I had in DR, dare I say in the hundreds, were all in very close contact. extremely close, her leg between my leg, mine between hers, etc. yet, I can see where places in DR do dance at a distance as the dance was seen, up until not long ago, as one for bar women, women of the streets... In any case, what should be seen more is older women refusing to dance...

I grew in Puerto Rico.

 

[Offbeat]

I've heard that in the Dominican Republic bachata is not dance that closely and involve smore footwork. That comment was posted on YouTube,

Jeez!! You can't take a single comment (and that too on youtube) and make it a frame of reference about Bachata dancing in DR!!

 

[Offbeat]

I don't think anyone is trying to bully you or anything. Let me put it more plainly. You seem to have certain pre-conceived notions (perhaps from other things that you bring into dancing). You then try to find those nuggets which support your view of the dance world (which is fine, we all do it). Sometimes you are forceful in putting your personal view (which is fine too). But then you tar a whole range of behaviour with your judgement In other words you then come across as judgemental and are judging a whole lot of others (on here too) with whose dance-style (or dance-behaviour) you don't agree with

I hope you sit back and think about above.

The reason I am saying above is that I can perfectly see where you are coming from. Being relatively new, I think you are not yet able to grasp that for those who pursue dancing seriously for pleasure, fun and hobby, there is a certain subtext, implied understanding, or "dance culture" in which things that may be appear non-kosher in normal world are just a part of 5-minute dance life.

Seriously, what is it with you guys on this forum???

I read the comment and then went checking for videos on YouTube. And like I said, I did not find that much material. So, I bloody ask!!!

May be then it is not about what you ask but how you ask it

I know the youtube video in which you read that comment. It is a Troy-Jorjet video.

You know you can disagree without being disagreeable !

 

[SnowDancer]

Flirting does not mean playing. Flirting is in some way or another showing interest.

Well, I am interested in women. But 'flirting', for me, doesn't have any intention; it's just a way of showing it playfully.

 

[lolita]

Well, I am interested in women. But 'flirting', for me, doesn't have any intention; it's just a way of showing it playfully.

Then it's not flirting. It's being playful and funny.

 

[Offbeat]

I hadn't read the other sarcastic comments from few others on the other thread before I wrote my "jeez" comment. That's why I said don't take it as forum is piling on you. As you may have discovered by now, we are pretty opinionated lot here

Sorry, I do not have any problems with any of the answers on this thread, which you seem to be implying here.

No. I wasn't really referring to this particular thread. Just overall tenor/tone of your posts in general on the forum.

Nothing I said about bachata and the Dominican Republic was stated as a fact. I explained where I got the idea, I even said that it did not seem to be supported by much material, and you made it sound as if I had presented this claim as a fact.

My implication there was that the setup leading the question was wrongly framed

Don't worry. Ask away. We don't kill people for asking Sorry if you feeling bit harangued.

 

[Brutha]

If I want to push a bachata dance as far as possible:
My Bachata escalation in the basic position :
1. Dancing close with the right hand on the shoulder and the left open.
2. Dancing with heads touching each other
3. Putting her hand other hand one my back (this allows her to simply remove her hand when she's uncomfortable with it)
4. Putting my left hand on her back
5. Putting her hand on my ass (this allows her to simply remove her hand when she's uncomfortable with it)
6. Putting my hand on her ass
7. Massaging the girl a bit

If the girl feels uncomfortable I go one level back. When dancing that close it often pretty easy to feel when the dance partner feels uncomfortable.

 

[chr]

. Near the end of the song, he took my right hand and placed it on his chest. He is cute, so I thought it was a good place for my hand (and it allowed me to check out what was underneath his shirt. ).

The exact same gesture is taught by a respected, old Cuban master musician dancer who also teaches dancing Dancon and Son. This is his standard way of starting dances.

So, a lot of people dancing Casino, Son and other Cuban dances who learned in the Bay Area usually start the dance that way, especially if the song is slow.

It is a very old school, respectful gesture signifying that the dancing comes from the heart. It is one of the least flirting gestures I've ever seen in latin dances.

 

[chr]

...
5. Putting her hand on my ass (this allows her to simply remove her hand when she's uncomfortable with it)
6. Putting my hand on her ass
7. Massaging the girl a bit

Hmmm ... Massaging the girl on her ass...

Sounds like a great recipe to be left alone on the dance floor, unless you are totally irresistible to start with.

 

[kbitten]

but anywho, both during, and after the dance ended it was implicit knowledge that the dance, and that sensual escaped ended at that point. this was normal, both when I saw as a kid, and learning to dance, but as things change its become almost taboo to dance in such ways unless there is some sort of implicit/explicit agreement between the dancers. Hence, why i tend to only dance bachata when asked. Normally latinas who think of the dance as I do...

I dance salsa just like I dance bachata, my wife finds it odd that, most commonly, girls of non latino decent, or those latinas who've become americanized think that I want more from them than just a dance.

Thats pretty much my view of "couple "dances too and thats what I learned when I started dancing samba/tango among other rythyms..I learned that I have to completely "give"my body to the dancer and all the guys were instructed to treat every partner as they were the love of their lives. legs between legs and hands all over were common things..Of course some people are not used to dance this way and soon as the dance become "globalized", they find a way to dance apart or see this behavior as non natural thing..

the first time I saw a zouk couple in rio (like ten years ago) I thought : this dance will never be popular since its very "slutty"..but now people all over the world danced it that way and find it normal. Maybe the salsa had lost its sensuality with all these crazy patterns, but it started like all dances so, if there is a sensuality there, just take it as part of the men-women dancing relation.

 

[kbitten]

If I want to push a bachata dance as far as possible:
My Bachata escalation in the basic position :
1. Dancing close with the right hand on the shoulder and the left open.
2. Dancing with heads touching each other
3. Putting her hand other hand one my back (this allows her to simply remove her hand when she's uncomfortable with it)
4. Putting my left hand on her back
5. Putting her hand on my ass (this allows her to simply remove her hand when she's uncomfortable with it)
6. Putting my hand on her ass
7. Massaging the girl a bit

If the girl feels uncomfortable I go one level back. When dancing that close it often pretty easy to feel when the dance partner feels uncomfortable.

number 5 , 6 and 7 means my hand on your face too

 

[emarrific]

Hmmm ... Massaging the girl on her ass...

Sounds like a great recipe to be left alone on the dance floor, unless you are totally irresistible to start with.

Yeah, seriously, did you actually get away with that at some point at a salsa club? Or multiple times with different girls?

If so, that's like 50 playah points for you.

 

[JC_Denton]

number 5 , 6 and 7 means my hand on your face too

...even 7 too?

 

[Soplo]

7. Massaging the girl a bit

For some reason, I read that as "Massaging the girls butt". I was like This is probably the response I'd get if I tried that :buttkick:

I like where this is going, though. I wish women would also massage a bit. So often I have a knot and I'm too embarrassed to ask for help breaking it up Please, offer me back rubs if you see me around. Females only may apply. Love you all!

 

[Melvin]

I've heard that in the Dominican Republic bachata is not dance that closely and involve smore footwork. That comment was posted on YouTube, but when you search for Dominican Republic bachata it just yields videos from the same few people. I'm curious, where did you grow up?

I'm not much into bachata, but that's my impression as well. At a workshop with Dominican style bachata, it was not close hold. Intense connection with hands controlling complex footwork in detail. Not many clues on Youtube about how it's done.


I'm not sure if bachata is really for flirting. Firtation is “fun”, Bachata seems a step beyond fun. In salsa you typically to pretend to flirt, bachata.., pretending to get more serious?