Guys who monopolize girls for many dances?

D

Dalaran1991

Changui
Joined yet another new class today. Made friends with a bunch of cute ladies at the beginning. There was this one that was very nice, so I made a point of asking her to dance later. However during the entire class she was only dancing with one guy. He even led her to a private corner to dance alone apart from the rest of the class. I assume they were bf/gf so I didn't intervene, though I did find it against class etiquette to monopolize a partner.

After the dance she asked how I was doing. We chat a bit and I brought it up "Is he your bf?" "No, I just meet him here at class" "Oh, why were you only dancing with him?" "I don't know" :rolleyes::confused: After that I switched topic.

Gentlemen, what happens if you wanna dance with some1 and she is being monopolized by another guy? The caveat here is, of course, she chose to voluntarily stay with him. I don't think this one was the case though. This girl is really really timid and might just doesn't know how to say no.

Should I just approach and ask the lady politely if she wants to dance with me? I don't think I need to address the guy since I'm not asking him to dance and he doesn't own her. And if the guy gets in the way I mention that he has had several dances with her already?
 
You could always ask the girl to dance if you want to. I would not see a reason to since I'm just there to practice...but if you fancy the girl in another way hey you might wanna go for it. I doubt the guy will get in the way, because we are not children anymore. If he does get in the way just apologize (out of courtesy) to him and ask her if she would like to dance (for a second time), basically ignoring what the guy just said. If she likes to dance with you more than with him him she will say yes, if she doesn't she will say no.

Ahhh life is so simple sometimes.
 
Kading said:
You could always ask the girl to dance if you want to. I would not see a reason to since I'm just there to practice...but if you fancy the girl in another way hey you might wanna go for it. I doubt the guy will get in the way, because we are not children anymore. If he does get in the way just apologize (out of courtesy) to him and ask her if she would like to dance (for a second time), basically ignoring what the guy just said. If she likes to dance with you more than with him him she will say yes, if she doesn't she will say no.

Ahhh life is so simple sometimes.
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Good point, goes with what I was thinking too. I was just not sure if it's proper etiquette to invite a girl who is already with a partner :)
 
Dalaran1991 said:
Good point, goes with what I was thinking too. I was just not sure if it's proper etiquette to invite a girl who is already with a partner :)
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Sure why not. It's not like you have a claim on her or anything the moment she entered the class.
Every student joins the class to learn. If you both decide you'd rather learn the pattern together than with other people...that's fair game no?
 
Dalaran1991 said:
Should I just approach and ask the lady politely if she wants to dance with me? I don't think I need to address the guy since I'm not asking him to dance and he doesn't own her. And if the guy gets in the way I mention that he has had several dances with her already?
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Definitely, go ahead and ask her, and if the guy appears to protest, just say (with confidence) "you learn better when you practice with more than one partner" ;) (which is very true!)
 
On the other hand, these cases usually are BF/GF and the example you give is extremely rare. I would just move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
 
Dalaran1991 said:
"Oh, why were you only dancing with him?" "I don't know" :rolleyes::confused:
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It's possible that she ends up dancing only with the guy because everyone else (like you) assumes that they are BF/GF and are sticking together by choice, so nobody asks her to dance except that guy. It's been known to happen. You can always ask her to dance and see how she (and he) reacts.
 
Dude, I think you should always acknowledge the guy, if it looks like she's with him or in a conversation with him, as a salsa spouse, I can't tell you the countless amounts of times I've been rudely interrupted by leads wanting to dance with the missus even if I'm in the middle of a conversation with her. If I am asking someone to dance and it looks like she might be with someone, if she wants to dance (and that is not always the case), I always acknowledge the guy or girl she is with, I think it's common courtesy.
 
MAMBO_CEC said:
Dude, I think you should always acknowledge the guy, if it looks like she's with him or in a conversation with him, as a salsa spouse, I can't tell you the countless amounts of times I've been rudely interrupted by leads wanting to dance with the missus even if I'm in the middle of a conversation with her. If I am asking someone to dance and it looks like she might be with someone, if she wants to dance (and that is not always the case), I always acknowledge the guy or girl she is with, I think it's common courtesy.
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Remember he is talking about a class setting, not a social dancing event, and that they (all) just met each other--not a "salsa spouse" situation at all. Based on the OP's comments, it really does sound like this guy is making her dance only with him and monopolizing because he fancies her and is taking advantage of the fact that she is a newbie and is too shy to just walk away from him. Especially for beginners, practicing only with one partner is going to slow their progress a lot, so this guy needs to be put in his place.
 
Sabrosura said:
Based on the OP's comments, it really does sound like this guy is making her dance only with him and monopolizing because he fancies her and is taking advantage of the fact that she is a newbie and is too shy to just walk away from him. Especially for beginners, practicing only with one partner is going to slow their progress a lot, so this guy needs to be put in his place.
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Hi 5 :D Exactly what I think.

On that last note, I don't understand why girls can't say no to situation like this? There's no social contract obliging her to stay and dance with the guy
 
Dalaran1991 said:
Hi 5 :D Exactly what I think.

On that last note, I don't understand why girls can't say no to situation like this? There's no social contract obliging her to stay and dance with the guy
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Well, this is driven by the local culture--you're the Parisian, so you tell us :)

Newbies are in a vulnerable position in general because they don't know what to expect, but you can't generalize this to all women. New York women would most likely behave somewhat different... ;) (I live in NYC)

One question: where is the instructor? Was this a practice session without any instructor in attendance? S/he should not be allowing this to happen. Has s/he told them to rotate partners?
 
Sabrosura said:
Well, this is driven by the local culture--you're the Parisian, so you tell us :)

Newbies are in a vulnerable position in general because they don't know what to expect, but you can't generalize this to all women. New York women would most likely behave somewhat different... ;) (I live in NYC)

One question: where is the instructor? Was this a practice session without any instructor in attendance? S/he should not be allowing this to happen. Has s/he told them to rotate partners?
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The local culture dictates that "Thou shalt not hold a lady in a dance against her will" "Thou shalt not monopolize the cavalière (which means female noble or dance partner :P) during a soirée" :D One time I was dancing with an enamoring Parisian and she flowed like water. I was so consumed by the dance I forgot two songs has passed, and she politely reminded me. I apologized and released her immediately.

That said, there are always some men letting their own vices overcoming their social judgment :rolleyes:

Oh, the instructor is there and she actually forced us to rotate. That's why he moved her to the other end of the room. He seemed to be a regular, so the stuff you said about newbies being vulnerable actually makes lots of sense.

Next time I'll just charge in like the black knight :D I'm thinking too much whenever it comes to dance
 
Dalaran1991 said:
:D One time I was dancing with an enamoring Parisian and she flowed like water. I was so consumed by the dance I forgot two songs has passed, and she politely reminded me. I apologized and released her immediately.
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I wonder,..... if you were the best dancer in the room, plus other attributes, would she have made the same comments ? ( rhetorical ) .
 
terence said:
I wonder,..... if you were the best dancer in the room, plus other attributes, would she have made the same comments ? ( rhetorical ) .
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This is the same thing when you ask a girl out and she says "I'm busy", then you rhetorically ask yourself "If I was Brad Pitt, would she still be busy :rolleyes:? " In either case I think the answer is obvious ;)
 
Dalaran1991 said:
Oh, the instructor is there and she actually forced us to rotate. That's why he moved her to the other end of the room.
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I have been teaching salsa a long time and I simply would not allow this to happen. Everyone in a class is part of the rotation. Allowing the man to monopolize the woman is poor group management.
 
John S2 said:
I have been teaching salsa a long time and I simply would not allow this to happen. Everyone in a class is part of the rotation. Allowing the man to monopolize the woman is poor group management.
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That's interesting since some teachers don't mind it.
Eddie Torres actually gives the advice to stick with one partner, especially when there are too many guys in the class. He told me straight up "I'd recommend getting a partner for class because you're not learning much when there are too many guys".
 
If there are too many guys, Mathematically it makes more sense to rotate. I havent heard ET to say stick to one partner in a partnerwork class.
 
IMO instructor should tell the seperate couple to join the group otherwise he wont be able to correct their mistakes. If the girl in the story is not gf of the guys and has no special interest in dancing only with him, she will listen to the instructor. Guy has to release her.

But I wouldnt recommend the OP or any other student to interfere with a couple outside the group in a class atmosphere.
Party is differnt, you can even punch the guy if you like
:P
 
Kading said:
That's interesting since some teachers don't mind it.
Eddie Torres actually gives the advice to stick with one partner, especially when there are too many guys in the class. He told me straight up "I'd recommend getting a partner for class because you're not learning much when there are too many guys".
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Didn't he simply mean that it's better to bring your own partner instead of waiting around since there aren't enough girls? That's what it sounds like, not that it's not good to rotate.
 
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