Going to socials outside of your studio

[newdancer81]

So I go to all of my studio's practice parties and socials and the first time I went was only because my instructor told me and she gave me confidence to go. However, she wants me to go to socials outside the studio to see what patterns work with other people and where I need improvement to see what works and what doesn't.

I tried about 6 months ago to go to a few socials and I felt really out of place. I would do the beginner lesson to meet people and I think I knew more than them but a lot of the women who I could tell didn't dance salsa before started correcting me (i.e. they would make me raise my hand on 2 instead of 3 so they could turn, which didn't make sense to me since we were doing salsa on1). This would make me lose confidence. Also, I know this sounds bad, but it was usually the women in their 50's that would start correcting me. Maybe it's because I look like I'm 18 (though I'm actually 35). I have no problem dancing with women in their 50's in my studio because I know them.

How do I gain confidence to go back to socials? Yesterday, I was going to go, made it all the way to the parking lot and then left and this place was a 30 minute drive too. I'm sure some people will say go with friends, but I really don't have any friends either, so I'm not sure what to do. Like no one is pushing me.

Any advice?

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Any advice?

How many other socials are there in your area? What about clubs? Have you tried all of them? Not all socials are created equal and you should try as many as you can and stick to the ones you enjoy the most. I would stick to dancing with people who enjoy dancing with you the most (which seems to be at your studio). Stick with what you're comfortable with and keep drilling what you know. The confidence will come.

 

[newdancer81]

How many other socials are there in your area? What about clubs? Have you tried all of them? Not all socials are created equal and you should try as many as you can and stick to the ones you enjoy the most. I would stick to dancing with people who enjoy dancing with you the most (which seems to be at your studio). Stick with what you're comfortable with and keep drilling what you know. The confidence will come.

It's funny because I get compliments on my dancing from people I barely know and newer studio students, but socials scare me. I don't know why,

Also, is there a difference between socials and Latin nights?

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Also, is there a difference between socials and Latin nights?

Socials are usually held at a school or studio environment. I associate "Latin Nights" with the latin night club scene.

Socials attract higher level dancers so I understand if they scare you. But in my experience, socials are really good for honing your skills on the dance floor. I improved the most at socials.

It makes sense that you get more compliments from newer students as they are new and look up to you. As for receiving compliments from people you barely know, yes it happens all the time. Welcome to the randomness of the social dancing community!

 

[Slowdance]

One possible motivator could be this ... YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE outlet for salsa dancing?!?!?! To me that is outrageously awesome!!! I'm in Mississippi in the middle of nowhere and I am extremely fortunate to have ONE weekly place I can salsa dance. If I want to dance with people I don't know, I have to drive 3 hours to do so!

So let me tell ya ... it might seem like no big deal to you, but you should totally be excited by these opportunities. Grab a friend or go solo, but go if you can.

 

[newdancer81]

Socials are usually held at a school or studio environment. I associate "Latin Nights" with the latin night club scene.

Socials attract higher level dancers so I understand if they scare you. But in my experience, socials are really good for honing your skills on the dance floor. I improved the most at socials.

It makes sense that you get more compliments from newer students as they are new and look up to you. As for receiving compliments from people you barely know, yes it happens all the time. Welcome to the randomness of the social dancing community!

Yeah, I usually see "socials" at places that aren't normally clubs and possibly not a studio environment, but a pure dance environment with very little drinking. I've also received compliments from people that have been dancing with years, but then I dance with beginners and I get complaints sometimes. Is this normal?

Getting compliments from people who have been dancing for years and then getting complaints from beginners? Does Latin dancing at clubs help or does it hinder you?

 

[newdancer81]

One possible motivator could be this ... YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE outlet for salsa dancing?!?!?! To me that is outrageously awesome!!! I'm in Mississippi in the middle of nowhere and I am extremely fortunate to have ONE weekly place I can salsa dance. If I want to dance with people I don't know, I have to drive 3 hours to do so!

So let me tell ya ... it might seem like no big deal to you, but you should totally be excited by these opportunities. Grab a friend or go solo, but go if you can.

Yeah, that's entire possible, and maybe the de-motivator (is that a word?) is that there are quite a few weekly events including Latin club dancing (I'm not sure if they dance salsa, bachata, merengue, etc, but that's the music being played) so I always put it off. I can't really grab a friend...I don't have many friends. :-(

 

[Slowdance]

Yeah, that's entire possible, and maybe the de-motivator (is that a word?) is that there are quite a few weekly events including Latin club dancing (I'm not sure if they dance salsa, bachata, merengue, etc, but that's the music being played) so I always put it off. I can't really grab a friend...I don't have many friends. :-(

Finding the right dance environment could change that. Perhaps. When I started dancing salsa, I only had my Sunday night boardgaming group as friends. Monday - Saturday I was left to my own devices. So I started going to salsa classes. It took a few months to feel comfortable going to dinner and what-not, but now 5 years later, several of my salsa friends have become close friends outside salsa, and I have about 50 good salsa acquaintences too.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

Yeah, I usually see "socials" at places that aren't normally clubs and possibly not a studio environment, but a pure dance environment with very little drinking. I've also received compliments from people that have been dancing with years, but then I dance with beginners and I get complaints sometimes. Is this normal?

Getting compliments from people who have been dancing for years and then getting complaints from beginners? Does Latin dancing at clubs help or does it hinder you?

It is normal to get complaints from over confident beginners, but i'd say they are rare. Also, the more confidence you exude, the less frequent this happens.

Dancing in latin clubs has more random variables than socials, so i would get comfortable dancing at socials before hitting the clubs.... but it is still valuable experience! If it's a mixed latin night, expect a lot of beginners who came to have a drink and hang out with friends.

 

[newdancer81]

I guess that's my problem. I show confidence when I'm dancing on the floor, but during practice/lessons, I purposely pretend like I know nothing because I was always told to be open, so I try to start from scratch all the time and just play along. It's probably part of my modest personality.

 

[Yiannis]

You should focus on proper technique then you won't have to remember if you raise your hand on 2 or on 3 etc. bur Remember dancing is supposed to be fun, so the more you go out the more confidence you build up and the better you get at it and offcourse enjoy it! Everyone makes mistakes even top dancers, so don't be so hard on yourself, just go out and have fun!

 

[salsamarty]

I was nervous in the early days too. You just have to go to these socials and dance. Just say to yourself that you are going to stay for at least 2 dances or 4 dances or whatever. Then go back the next week. It will get better with time.

Consider that your instructor has given you fantastic advice. If you dance with only one partner you will never really learn how to lead/follow. It is similar at your studio. You can get stuck in a rut where everyone you dance with has learned the same thing, the same way, from the same instructor.

Leading and following means leading and following. Not choreography. Dancing with people at other socials means people can't hide behind memorizing the same thing. You actually have to lead or follow.

Don't worry. It's actually fun.

 

[Dissonant Harmony]

You see, the thing about socials is...that you often need to...socialize, and no one said it was going to be easy.

What did you do on your first day on a new class during school days? I mean, this was not your first class ever. You have been on a class before, so it is not a complete new experience, but still...What about your first day in a new job? Not your first job, your first day in another job.

I don't think there is a formula for how to get along with in a new environment, but I do believe it is our understanding that you most probably learn salsa in order to go out and social dance. I didn't even get started about how dancing with different people is important for your skills - my main point is that if you don't go out and dance - why learn dancing to begin with? (Unless you believe what you do at your "home club" is enough for your satisfaction, and then there is no problem).

 

[Jag75]

I think it's great that your instructor has encouraged you to try other socials. Many instructors avoid doing this (from insecurity etc).

Keep at it. It's not meant to be super easy, but the rewards are always worth it in the end.

 

[Winston]

...
Also, I know this sounds bad, but it was usually the women in their 50's that would start correcting me. Maybe it's because I look like I'm 18 (though I'm actually 35).
....

Also my experience is that older women do this more often. Maybe their motherly instinct, to teach their offspring about the big bad world?
Next time I will ask the ladies who didn't have a lot of comments first and most of the time.

...

How do I gain confidence to go back to socials? Yesterday, I was going to go, made it all the way to the parking lot and then left and this place was a 30 minute drive too.
...

Always go inside. Even if you won't dance. Just buy a drink, sit down. Carefully listen to, but also enjoy the music. Observe the dancers. Who are they and what's their level and who is enjoying herself and who's there on the dance floor being too serious? Important information for the next time you want to really dance.

 

[newdancer81]

I think it's great that your instructor has encouraged you to try other socials. Many instructors avoid doing this (from insecurity etc).

Keep at it. It's not meant to be super easy, but the rewards are always worth it in the end.

Thanks. I'm just a really shy person. It's funny though. At the studio parties, even if I don't dance with my instructor, just her being there gives me more confidence and plus I know people. The problem is that when I go to socials, I don't know anyone and I get really scared and shy.

Also my experience is that older women do this more often. Maybe their motherly instinct, to teach their offspring about the big bad world?
Next time I will ask the ladies who didn't have a lot of comments first and most of the time.

...

Always go inside. Even if you won't dance. Just buy a drink, sit down. Carefully listen to, but also enjoy the music. Observe the dancers. Who are they and what's their level and who is enjoying herself and who's there on the dance floor being too serious? Important information for the next time you want to really dance.

Actually that's very true. I've never had anyone younger than 35ish correct me. It's always those that look like they are in their 40's or 50's. It also may be because I look 16 even though I'm 35 lol. I guess I can sit down, but I don't really drink either, so that makes me shy. I've never actually gone to a bar alone either and I've probably been to a pub/bar maybe 10 times in my whole life and it was with coworkers.

 

[Nuyorican]

So I go to all of my studio's practice parties and socials and the first time I went was only because my instructor told me and she gave me confidence to go. However, she wants me to go to socials outside the studio to see what patterns work with other people and where I need improvement to see what works and what doesn't.

I tried about 6 months ago to go to a few socials and I felt really out of place. I would do the beginner lesson to meet people and I think I knew more than them but a lot of the women who I could tell didn't dance salsa before started correcting me (i.e. they would make me raise my hand on 2 instead of 3 so they could turn, which didn't make sense to me since we were doing salsa on1). This would make me lose confidence. Also, I know this sounds bad, but it was usually the women in their 50's that would start correcting me. Maybe it's because I look like I'm 18 (though I'm actually 35). I have no problem dancing with women in their 50's in my studio because I know them.

How do I gain confidence to go back to socials? Yesterday, I was going to go, made it all the way to the parking lot and then left and this place was a 30 minute drive too. I'm sure some people will say go with friends, but I really don't have any friends either, so I'm not sure what to do. Like no one is pushing me.

Any advice?

I’m in the beginner’s class at my school and the people I’ve met there have this idea that they will start to go to socials once they get better. I try to tell them what I’ve learned here on SF… socials are an excellent way to practice what we learn in class in order to get better.

I’m an introvert with a fear of rejection. When I first started going to socials I got left on the dance floor (twice), refusals with attitude, dishonest refusals (I’m tired…then 3 seconds later accepts a dance from someone else) and a bunch of other things that can kill a beginner’s confidence.

But I didn’t give up thanks to many offline conversations (PM’s) I’ve had with a SF members who shared with me the many difficulties they had while starting out. I also read all the threads that referenced “Beginners Hell”.

This let me know I wasn’t alone. For me, just knowing that I wasn’t the only one struggling gave me the strength to keep picking myself up and getting back on the dance floor. Today, the stuff I referenced above rarely even registers and as a result it actually built up my confidence on and off the dance floor.

Mentally I just tell myself “Next!” and just move on to the next follow to ask.

I just keep reminding myself that life is short and there’s no time to be scared.

 

[BMorin]

I tried about 6 months ago to go to a few socials and I felt really out of place. I would do the beginner lesson to meet people and I think I knew more than them but a lot of the women who I could tell didn't dance salsa before started correcting me (i.e. they would make me raise my hand on 2 instead of 3 so they could turn, which didn't make sense to me since we were doing salsa on1). This would make me lose confidence. Also, I know this sounds bad, but it was usually the women in their 50's that would start correcting me.

This happens less and less as you get better. Now when that happens, I'll ignore/change the pattern and start goofing off with them until they stop.

Put in the hours, it will come.