Follows laughing at the beginner lead: How to get over this?

A

AlejandroKubano

Changui
I've been taking Salsa classes regularly (sans a week and a half that I missed during vacation) for about 3 months now and I'd say I'm doing pretty okay with it. I like the dance, I've made friends with it, I'd say it was a great idea to sign up.

One of the big problems that I have and that's really taking a toll on my confidence is when I do something bad (usually the very first time we learn something new or I haven't been to a class in a week) the girl starts laughing to the point where it feels like they're laughing at me. It becomes hard to have them to dance even, it is like they're pissing themselves laughing at how bad I did things. It's not just one person, it's everyone I dance with at a point, and it utterly kills my confidence. It's like a domino effect: I do something bad, they start laughing, I start feeling awful / confidence spirals down, then a new girl comes in to me already being messed up and they all laugh at me. To put it into perspective, it's like you're about to have sex, you pull your pants down and she starts laughing her ass off.

It comes to the point where I get visibly upset or I just shut off emotionally, and I just dance until the lesson is over. At that point, I just ultrafocus / get extremely serious to make every little step correct but the fun is gone & I cannot wait to get home. I know I may be oversensitive but it feels really cruel. Last night it happened again (especially after having a horrible day prior) and the follow asked why was I being so sad; I guess it comes to a point where you can really see it on my face.

I'm not sure if laughing at you or showing no emotions is worse. Maybe I'm being a snowflake over this because Salsa is about enjoying things but it's really hard to enjoy it yourself when you're the slapstick comedy. What do you think?
 
I would also try to reframe the situation. They aren’t laughing at you. They are laughing because they see the comedy of a failed move.

It’s also an important thing to be able to laugh at yourself for messing up.

Practically everyone in beginner classes is insecure about their dancing. Laughing is a coping mechanism that alleviates some of the pressure. If people see you laughing too, then they feel more at ease and don’t feel like they screwed up so bad. It’s not about being someone you’re not, but being more comfortable around others. Salsa is a fun activity where people have the best time sharing in their ability to have fun.

When something goes wrong, I’m usually the first to say “oops” or “whoops” but it’s usually followed by a smile or a laugh.

Even if you don’t feel like laughing, I suggest you try to see the levity of the situation.
 
When you're a beginner it can be a really tough blow to your confidence when laughter is followed after you execute a move. It seems a very personal 'attack'.

Is it at all possible that the follower is also laughing at themselves or just the situation - so it's not a personal laugh at you?

If you responded with a laugh of your own, and just join in with the laughter - would it make it easier to take?

This is just some of what 'beginner's hell' is all about - we've all gone through it at some point. Getting comfortable with making mistakes and how to handle the discomfort is an unspoken skill.
 
If you were dancing salsa in a rueda and messed up a move and the rueda "fell apart" (they had to reset to get back on track) and everybody laughs.... its a good thing. If everyone was annoyed .... that would be a bad thing.
If its a regular salsa class, it is bit harsh if everyone just laughs when one lead screws up a lot.
 
Chris_Yannick said:
Even if you don’t feel like laughing, I suggest you try to see the levity of the situation.
Click to expand...

Thanks, Chris. I thought about this sentence when I went to classes and it helped a lot.

What helped a lot as well was that I went to a social last Sunday, and saw this guy who incorporated humor into his dances. I thought he was great and it stood out in a way. When I had a break from dancing, I like to look at what other people do, and I looked at him even more than at more experienced leads.
 
I started dancing ten months ago on a work sabbatical in Colombia. I took two private lessons a day for a three months. On day one, I told my teacher (who has become a dear friend) that I knew my job was to suck, to fail, and to stay in process. That was it--I was supposed to suck, make constant mistakes, and if I let go and allowed for such, I would, eventually learn.

I let go, work hard at exploring and changing my thinking that is leading to my feelings, and then stay in process. Let go, stay in process, lean into the fail--this is often called beginner's mind.

This works for dancing, learning music, and even academic writing or writing books.
 
Showing no emotions is the start of Pattern Monkey and death of dancing.

Laughing at the situation vs at yourself is huge. Maybe they are embarrassed for you and are remembering their own growth process. Find humor in learning vs criticism. Laugh when you trip, make a flub. It's like this in (Jazz). You never mess up, just keep going and improv (within reason). If your core is a total train wreck, then obviously practice.
 
As a follow I know I laugh/smile at mistakes (the leads & mine) as a kinda ‘it’s ok, don’t worry you/me/we messed it up let’s just keep dancing & having fun’ signal. Chances are no one is laughing at you they’re just trying to make you feel more at ease.
 
Laughing at someone for making mistakes is rude and immature. Particularly if that person is a beginner in a class. A professional instructor would make a firm statement that such behaviour is unacceptable.
 
Smiley79 said:
Showing no emotions is the start of Pattern Monkey and death of dancing.

Laughing at the situation vs at yourself is huge. Maybe they are embarrassed for you and are remembering their own growth process. Find humor in learning vs criticism. Laugh when you trip, make a flub. It's like this in (Jazz). You never mess up, just keep going and improv (within reason). If your core is a total train wreck, then obviously practice.
Click to expand...
Unscrew up non stop. I WISH the DJ booth dancers laughed.
But the other 80% seem not to mind.
I went through he same thing as OP. Very insecure. I still am, so I get it
 
DJ Yuca said:
Laughing at someone for making mistakes is rude and immature. Particularly if that person is a beginner in a class. A professional instructor would make a firm statement that such behaviour is unacceptable.
Click to expand...


Sadly, there are some instructors who would benefit from getting this lesson....
 
AlejandroKubano said:
I've been taking Salsa classes regularly (sans a week and a half that I missed during vacation) for about 3 months now and I'd say I'm doing pretty okay with it. I like the dance, I've made friends with it, I'd say it was a great idea to sign up.

One of the big problems that I have and that's really taking a toll on my confidence is when I do something bad (usually the very first time we learn something new or I haven't been to a class in a week) the girl starts laughing to the point where it feels like they're laughing at me. It becomes hard to have them to dance even, it is like they're pissing themselves laughing at how bad I did things. It's not just one person, it's everyone I dance with at a point, and it utterly kills my confidence. It's like a domino effect: I do something bad, they start laughing, I start feeling awful / confidence spirals down, then a new girl comes in to me already being messed up and they all laugh at me. To put it into perspective, it's like you're about to have sex, you pull your pants down and she starts laughing her ass off.

It comes to the point where I get visibly upset or I just shut off emotionally, and I just dance until the lesson is over. At that point, I just ultrafocus / get extremely serious to make every little step correct but the fun is gone & I cannot wait to get home. I know I may be oversensitive but it feels really cruel. Last night it happened again (especially after having a horrible day prior) and the follow asked why was I being so sad; I guess it comes to a point where you can really see it on my face.

I'm not sure if laughing at you or showing no emotions is worse. Maybe I'm being a snowflake over this because Salsa is about enjoying things but it's really hard to enjoy it yourself when you're the slapstick comedy. What do you think?
Click to expand...

You've literally only *just* started dancing the style. Don't be too hard on yourself and people laugh but that doesn't mean they are laughing at you. They are likely also laughing at themselves. It's important to be able to not take yourself too seriously and be able to also laugh at yourself - you're only just starting to learn, to be honest.

I've been dancing for 17 years and even today I'll occasionally mess up a move that I'm still learning and we'll both laugh about it mid dance. Salsa social dancing is about fun and laughing at messing up moves is a part of it.
 
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