Developing a Positive Reputation in the Dance Community

S

SalsaLife

Changui
I am in the dancing scene in my new city. I attend a large school to take lessons. I often see the same people. We have some conversations during lessons and that's been it. I was recently asked to salsa dance outside of the school by a member of the opposite sex, a man. We have danced a few times in a group class.It doesn't feel 'romantic' just like we are friends that want to dance- but I don't know him or his intentions/reputation. I also don't know any people to go ask to go along right now. I do want to eventually develop friendships/group to dance outside of classes.
How do I develop friendships in salsa in the right way without giving people the wrong impression of me?
Should I say no to dance with members of the opposite sex unless I already have a mixed gender group formed already or have found a way to join a clique?
 
You'll know pretty soon what his intentions are. For now, just play it chill and assume friendship (which may indeed be all he wants). Also, just know that just because you go to a party with someone, it does not mean you 'owe' them more dances or anything like that. Maybe you'll dance the first dance together but after that, feel free to mingle.

You can also just start going to parties by yourself, once you do this you will automatically meet people and make friends :) As follows, we tend to meet/interact mostly with guys, it can take a bit of extra effort to make friends with women too :) (especially if you're dancing all night without a lot of breaks) So just make sure you try to make friends with women too, maybe invite some women from your class to go dancing together.

I've been in the process of joining a new scene for a new dance (kizomba) in the last 3 months so I've also been going a bit through this process. And the only reason I've made some female friends is because I also lead and not just follow, so I get to meet women that way, and I've also joined a kizomba "taxi" team (these are teams of high-level dancers who are invited, in exchange for free passes, to parties/festivals, to ensure enough extra social dancing partners for people who are less experienced or when there is a gender imbalance, etc.). Otherwise, I think 99% of my kiz friends would be guys :D
 
You: I am not sure about Thursday. My boyfriend/husband is taking me to our favor restaurant. He planned the whole night as a surprise for me.

If he says: that’s fine. Next time, we can go together to the “next dance event”. Then it’s fine.
if he says: oh okay. And he won’t approach you again. His intention is obvious.
 
If it is just going to a salsa party or social dance, it is totally normal. If somebody invites you to their house, they might have some other intentions.

When I first started taking salsa classes I created a facebook messenger group with the other people in the class, and as people added their salsa friends in turn, the group grew quite big. Then every week somebody planned going to socials/parties through the group
 
SalsaLife said:
I am in the dancing scene in my new city. I attend a large school to take lessons. I often see the same people. We have some conversations during lessons and that's been it. I was recently asked to salsa dance outside of the school by a member of the opposite sex, a man. We have danced a few times in a group class.It doesn't feel 'romantic' just like we are friends that want to dance- but I don't know him or his intentions/reputation. I also don't know any people to go ask to go along right now. I do want to eventually develop friendships/group to dance outside of classes.
How do I develop friendships in salsa in the right way without giving people the wrong impression of me?
Should I say no to dance with members of the opposite sex unless I already have a mixed gender group formed already or have found a way to join a clique?
Click to expand...

You are overthinking. Going out dancing (with someone) is not same as going out on a date. People go together all the time to 66participate in an activity without romantic interest or attraction. Don't assume what his intent are, unless he tries to ask you out or make a move. You can tell him you are only looking for safe friends being be in the city. That is the same thing you tell other dancers you meet in the class and social dancing - you are looking for dance friends being 8 in the town. It is common for dancers moving into new city to seek out dance acquaintances.

You should definitely go out social dancing. Dancing only in group classes won't take you too far.
 
Offbeat said:
You are overthinking. Going out dancing (with someone) is not same as going out on a date. People go together all the time to participate in an activity without romantic interest or attraction. Don't assume what his intent is, unless he tries to ask you out or makes a move. You can tell him you are only looking for friends being new in the city. That is the same thing you tell other dancers you meet in the class and social dancing - you are looking for dance friends being new in the town. It is common for dancers moving into new city to seek out dance acquaintances.

You should definitely go out social dancing. Dancing only in group classes won't take you too far.
Click to expand...

I think my phone got possessed by @1derpalm!!
 
Offbeat said:
You are overthinking. Going out dancing (with someone) is not same as going out on a date. People go together all the time to 66participate in an activity without romantic interest or attraction. Don't assume what his intent are, unless he tries to ask you out or make a move. You can tell him you are only looking for safe friends being be in the city. That is the same thing you tell other dancers you meet in the class and social dancing - you are looking for dance friends being 8 in the town. It is common for dancers moving into new city to seek out dance acquaintances.

You should definitely go out social dancing. Dancing only in group classes won't take you too far.
Click to expand...
Definitely this. If he's just asking you to dance it's not an issue. It's actually great - I'd take it as a compliment on your dancing. You want to widen your dance pool to improve, and that word, "clique" - not what you want to do! It could give people the wrong impression, that you're being exclusive.

I must say I HATE it when guys drop the "my girlfriend" into the conversation, partly because it's always so 'fakely' done (tends to insult the intelligence) and partly as it's so presumptuous. Might me just me but I find it annoying.
 
azana said:
I must say I HATE it when guys drop the "my girlfriend" into the conversation, partly because it's always so 'fakely' done (tends to insult the intelligence) and partly as it's so presumptuous. Might me just me but I find it annoying.
Click to expand...

I am with you. We discussed this once before somewhere on the forum. I don’t mind when they refer to BF. But when they say randomly unsolicited out of there blue (usually has been in a text) - “hey I have a bf” or some variation. It is very presumptuous. Has happened a couple of times. One other was in non-dancing context that went “just letting you know I am not looking for date”. The irony is that all three or four were the girls who had initiated a request to let them know about events I would be going out to. I could retort back with some smartalec remark like “oh I too have several BFs” but am usually too polite. Firstly they assume a few things and don’t consider the fact perhaps other person might also be in a relationship.

On the flip side I often have conversations and interactions with followers turns into dance friends friendship without them mentioning anything about personal life. Because it is irrelevant to dancing. It is after a few months I will discover that they are married, or have kids, or have a bf.
 
Offbeat said:
On the flip side I often have conversations and interactions with followers turns into dance friends friendship without them mentioning anything about personal life. Because it is irrelevant to dancing. It is after a few months I will discover that they are married, or have kids, or have a bf.
Click to expand...

This happens a lot to me. It’s an unintentional benefit of going out social dancing a lot.

I still have no idea about the relationship status of most of my dance partners. To me, it’s irrelevant.

I don’t remember the last time a person needed to make it clear that they were dating/in a relationship/married with someone. This is coming from a scene where repeat dances are common and you will often see people dancing with the same person multiple times or even being exclusive with each other all evening.
 
Chris_Yannick said:
I don’t remember the last time a person needed to make it clear that they were dating/in a relationship/married with someone. This is coming from a scene where repeat dances are common and you will often see people dancing with the same person multiple times or even being exclusive with each other all evening.
Click to expand...

My personal feel as well as talking to other people on their experiences, I think there is a big difference in USA and Europe. In Europe I don’t find people (or opposite gender) on defensive. Being friendly or person to person interaction is not taken or assumed as an expression of interest. In the USA I get a sense that many people are walking on egg shells all the time. If you met or interact in social settings. I had experiences where you may be friendly but not interested, some girls will stop interaction, as if they are cutting their losses. I consider it passive aggressive.
 
Might weird some people out, but I've danced with quite a lot of married couples, first one, then another. And it was good.
I remember one guy told me once - "I heard you like to dance with my wife." Pause. "I understand." Relief. I always try to catch a dance with both of them.
 
Offbeat said:
My personal feel as well as talking to other people on their experiences, I think there is a big difference in USA and Europe. In Europe I don’t find people (or opposite gender) on defensive. Being friendly or person to person interaction is not taken or assumed as an expression of interest. In the USA I get a sense that many people are walking on egg shells all the time. If you met or interact in social settings. Outside of dancing, I had experiences where you may be friendly but not interested, some girls will stop interaction, as if they are cutting their losses. I consider it passive aggressive.
Click to expand...
Yeah, USA culture is a bit weird to me. Women hug men they meet first time, but exchange of phone numbers is considered a part of foreplay.
 
Smejmoon said:
Yeah, USA culture is a bit weird to me. Women hug men they meet first time, but exchange of phone numbers is considered a part of foreplay.
Click to expand...

LOL.

Here is the difference. I am in Europe for festival. Meet someone the first time. Usually after dance, but also happens before we ever danced. One on one lunch or dinner, initiated by either of us - happened more times than I can count. Exchange numbers to coordinate, etc - no big deal. Neither is thinking too much into it. Or exchange numbers at end of festival, not a big deal either. Over the next few years we are still in touch via text messages.

At USA festivals - has never happened. Any interactions are within a known group or through a group. Can’t remember ever exchanging numbers.
 
Offbeat said:
My personal feel as well as talking to other people on their experiences, I think there is a big difference in USA and Europe. In Europe I don’t find people (or opposite gender) on defensive. Being friendly or person to person interaction is not taken or assumed as an expression of interest. In the USA I get a sense that many people are walking on egg shells all the time. If you met or interact in social settings. I had experiences where you may be friendly but not interested, some girls will stop interaction, as if they are cutting their losses. I consider it passive aggressive.
Click to expand...

Do you think maybe people in the USA care more about their reputation than people in Europe?

I know it's a big generalization to make, but I know quite a few people in Europe who had affairs/cheated/divorced/had passionate encounters with other dancers but the attitude is more like "oh well, it happens. Oh look, time for the next festival.. ". This isn’t gossip either since it’s usually first hand information!

Also, getting phone numbers isn’t a big deal in Europe. People willingly offer them up (or social media contact) even after one dance - provided it was a good dance.

Whereas in the USA I get the feeling that these situations are on the down low and airing out dirty laundry is seen as scandalous. People are afraid of being labeled a predator or victim. Also, they are more tight lipped and unless you are directly involved, you'll never hear about such things.
 
Last edited:
Smejmoon said:
Yeah, USA culture is a bit weird to me. Women hug men they meet first time, but exchange of phone numbers is considered a part of foreplay.
Click to expand...
I feel like people in the US can sometimes have a "in your face" approach to talking to strangers. Not common in Europe or South America in my opinion.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top