Date turned to nightmare salsa scene (help)...

[Offbeat]

This is why relationships in a dance scene can get messy,

Huh? Why so? More than outside the dance scene?

I mean think of the number of people who do find their SO while dancing.

You think? What is that number or percentage? It is not very high. It is much lower than what you would expect to be average given how many people dance.

In all of years I am have been saving dancing salsa, less of than 6 or 7 have ended up in marriages. Those who dated within the scene, may be 3x. That's still very less for a scene with thousands over such a long time.

 

[Al Israel]

Huh? Why so? More than outside the dance scene?





You think? What is that number or percentage? It is not very high. It is much lower than what you would expect to be average given how many people dance.

In all of years I am have been saving dancing salsa, less of than 6 or 7 have ended up in marriages. Those who dated within the scene, may be 3x. That's still very less for a scene with thousands over such a long time.

I'm one. And many of my friends ad acquaintances got married through dancing.Maybe a third or a fourth of dancers in the scene.

 

[Chris_Yannick]

I mean think of the number of people who do find their SO while dancing

In all of years I am have been saving dancing salsa, less of than 6 or 7 have ended up in marriages. Those who dated within the scene, may be 3x. That's still very less for a scene with thousands over such a long time.

I'm one. And many of my friends ad acquaintances got married through dancing.Maybe a third or a fourth of dancers in the scene.

If we factor in marriage, LT/ST relationships, and throw in casual dating, the number of people who have found at least one SO in the dancing scene seems pretty high.

I would expect it to be no more or less than people who find their SO at their place of work.

 

[Al Israel]

If we factor in marriage, LT/ST relationships, and throw in casual dating, the number of people who have found at least one SO in the dancing scene seems pretty high.

I would expect it to be no more or less than people who find their SO at their place of work.

I'd say much higher

 

[Offbeat]

If we factor in marriage, LT/ST relationships, and throw in casual dating, the number of people who have found at least one SO in the dancing scene seems pretty high.

By casual dating do you mean just coffee or hookup

If you throw the whole kitchen sink from marriage to casual dating, I still think college campuses out here will beat salsa scene hands down. The hardcore salsa dancers I know in the past 10 years are mostly in stable relationships or single with far less dating life than average single around here. Those in stable relationships, overwhelming majority are with a non salsa person

You also have to remember that last fifteen years coincided with rise of dating or hooking apps like tinder. It is far far easier to swipe and find someone than to go salsa dancing, pretend to be there for dancing for sake of finding date or hookup. Think of it. Why anyone’s whose primary motivation is to meet opposite gender will not find it simpler to sit on a couch and swipe. That’s not theoretical nor rhetorical. 10 years back almost every single person in 20s or 30s I knew was on tinder or one of the dating apps. With very few exceptions. To a point that I thought people were no longer interested in investing time to enter into a relationship.

I would expect it to be no more or less than people who find their SO at their place of work.

I am very surprised to hear in Israel, 25% to 33% of salsa people are in long term relationship within the scene itself. I doubt we have that percentage of dancers in a long term relationship with anyone

Most corporates in USA frown upon in-office romance. It is discouraged. I therefore decided to ask brad. Here is what it summed up based on career builder survey of 4000 people in 2017. The question of having dated at least once and only for USA:


According to a 2017 survey by CareerBuilder, 40% of employees have dated a co-worker at some point in their careers. Of those, 12% said they were currently in a relationship with a co-worker.

The survey also found that the number of people who have dated a co-worker has increased in recent years. In 2010, only 33% of employees said they had dated a co-worker.

Yes, there is a breakdown by industry. The survey found that the industries with the highest percentage of employees who had dated a co-worker were:

• Advertising and marketing (52%)
• Technology (49%)
• Media and entertainment (48%)
• Finance and insurance (47%)
• Professional services (46%)

The industries with the lowest percentage of employees who had dated a co-worker were:

• Government (35%)
• Education (34%)
• Health care (33%)
• Retail (32%)
• Manufacturing (31%)

It's important to note that these figures are just estimates, and the actual number of people who have dated a co-worker in each industry may be higher or lower. However, the survey does provide some insight into the prevalence of office romances in different industries.

There are a number of reasons why the percentage of employees who have dated a co-worker may vary by industry. For example, industries that are more creative and collaborative may be more conducive to office romances. Additionally, industries that are more competitive may lead to employees seeking out relationships with co-workers as a way to bond and build camaraderie.

It's also important to note that the survey only asked about employees who had dated a co-worker at some point in their careers. It's possible that the percentage of employees who are currently in a relationship with a co-worker is different by industry.

Overall, the survey suggests that office romances are relatively common in the United States. However, the prevalence of office romances varies by industry.

I find this survey very hard to believe. Seems like only those who dated responded. Why? Look at 49% figure in the tech industry! Tech industry is overwhelmingly male in USA. You just have to go on campuses of Facebook, Google, or any tech company to see that. Again per brad:

The male to female employee ratio in the tech industry in Silicon Valley is about 3:1. According to a 2021 report by the Anita Borg Institute, women make up only 26% of the workforce in Silicon Valley's tech companies. This is significantly lower than the national average of 47% for women in the workforce.

It is more skewed because in engineering and tech depts the ratio is further skewed.

 

[Al Israel]

By casual dating do you mean just coffee or hookup

If you throw the whole kitchen sink from marriage to casual dating, I still think college campuses out here will beat salsa scene hands down. The hardcore salsa dancers I know in the past 10 years are mostly in stable relationships or single with far less dating life than average single around here. Those in stable relationships, overwhelming majority are with a non salsa person

You also have to remember that last fifteen years coincided with rise of dating or hooking apps like tinder. It is far far easier to swipe and find someone than to go salsa dancing, pretend to be there for dancing for sake of finding date or hookup. Think of it. Why anyone’s whose primary motivation is to meet opposite gender will not find it simpler to sit on a couch and swipe. That’s not theoretical nor rhetorical. 10 years back almost every single person in 20s or 30s I knew was on tinder or one of the dating apps. With very few exceptions. To a point that I thought people were no longer interested in investing time to enter into a relationship.




I am very surprised to hear in Israel, 25% to 33% of salsa people are in long term relationship within the scene itself. I doubt we have that percentage of dancers in a long term relationship with anyone

Most corporates in USA frown upon in-office romance. It is discouraged. I therefore decided to ask brad. Here is what it summed up based on career builder survey of 4000 people in 2017. The question of having dated at least once and only for USA:


According to a 2017 survey by CareerBuilder, 40% of employees have dated a co-worker at some point in their careers. Of those, 12% said they were currently in a relationship with a co-worker.

The survey also found that the number of people who have dated a co-worker has increased in recent years. In 2010, only 33% of employees said they had dated a co-worker.

Yes, there is a breakdown by industry. The survey found that the industries with the highest percentage of employees who had dated a co-worker were:

• Advertising and marketing (52%)
• Technology (49%)
• Media and entertainment (48%)
• Finance and insurance (47%)
• Professional services (46%)

The industries with the lowest percentage of employees who had dated a co-worker were:

• Government (35%)
• Education (34%)
• Health care (33%)
• Retail (32%)
• Manufacturing (31%)

It's important to note that these figures are just estimates, and the actual number of people who have dated a co-worker in each industry may be higher or lower. However, the survey does provide some insight into the prevalence of office romances in different industries.

There are a number of reasons why the percentage of employees who have dated a co-worker may vary by industry. For example, industries that are more creative and collaborative may be more conducive to office romances. Additionally, industries that are more competitive may lead to employees seeking out relationships with co-workers as a way to bond and build camaraderie.

It's also important to note that the survey only asked about employees who had dated a co-worker at some point in their careers. It's possible that the percentage of employees who are currently in a relationship with a co-worker is different by industry.

Overall, the survey suggests that office romances are relatively common in the United States. However, the prevalence of office romances varies by industry.

I find this survey very hard to believe. Seems like only those who dated responded. Why? Look at 49% figure in the tech industry! Tech industry is overwhelmingly male in USA. You just have to go on campuses of Facebook, Google, or any tech company to see that. Again per brad:

The male to female employee ratio in the tech industry in Silicon Valley is about 3:1. According to a 2021 report by the Anita Borg Institute, women make up only 26% of the workforce in Silicon Valley's tech companies. This is significantly lower than the national average of 47% for women in the workforce.

It is more skewed because in engineering and tech depts the ratio is further skewed.

Many people get into relationships and stop dancing pretty much. Hell, when my second child was born I barely danced at all for about a year and a half. Just started dancing weekly again about a month ago.

 

[starlight123]

This is why relationships in a dance scene can get messy, but it seems your ex is extremely immature and unhealthy for the dance scene. I mean think of the number of people who do find their SO while dancing. It's hard to believe they would act like this guy.

The thing is, what you describe is fairly unlikely in my dance scene. I live in a very big city, and every there are more than 4 places to dance. Your chances of actually bumping into some you know is actually quite slim. Sometimes you might think you will see someone again, but you probably won't. Perhaps go to another place for a while, and improve your dancing there. Make your own friends and then one day he will be dancing on your turf!

Hello replying after a long time. Well he isn't my ex we met up for like 3 days. This is the most irritating part of the situation because nothing even started between us. Because I didn't hop into his bed, he's slandering me and turning people against me in this studio. I think he is just mad that he got denied and his player antics didn't work on me.

Yes I'm going to be going to a different studio now. I had enough can read below if you want to another poster.

They agreed to do a PSA. That’s a positive. They listened to you. What did you want them to say in PSA.

I think the female instructor doesn’t understand the situation or gravity of it for you. Did you make it clear it makes you feel anxious and he is acting like a bully? Not sure how much emphasis you put on not kicking him out. That wouldn’t have happened nor were you asking for it.

You could also write them an email or dm, summarizing your talk. Thank them for hearing you out and being helpful. That upon reflection you don’t wish to be first to talk to him because it makes you very anxious. You feel bullied and you wish taking classes won’t cause you to feel uncomfortable due to actions of one particular person. Written word gets message across better and it is always good to establish a trail.

You should stand your ground. You can tell both instructors that you don’t wish to dance with the bully boy. If she brings up again, tell her that if a 39 year old man wishes to be childish, it is not your responsibility to humor him. He is a bully and it is up to them as authority figures to talk to him in whichever way they think will stop him from making you uncomfortable.

Only thing you tell bully boy is exactly the same, if he ever confronts you for skipping him during the rotation. Tell him that he is behaving like a bully, making you uncomfortable, and hence it is best that you both don’t dance with each other. You are only telling if he ever were to ask.


Don’t be afraid of him. He is stupid if he doesn’t back off after you ignore him. He is immature.

If you ever feel assertive next time he is playing his childish games walk right up to him and ask him “Do you have a problem? Stop being bitter and trying to harass me because I refused to practice at your home”. Walk away. That will send a loud message to him, his pals and everyone within the ear shot. It could make him more bitter but he will probably try hard to stop showing he is bitter. If he continues antics then he definitely needs to be kicked out.

————

When out social dancing:

You don’t have to tell anyone you are a beginner. A leader who is not a beginner will be able to tell your skill level after 20-30 seconds of dancing. It is no big deal. We dance with beginners all the time. Almost everyone dances with beginners. Dancers are generally welcoming of beginners. That’s how we all started. As I said it is easy to tell someone is a beginner. Since you have been taking classes for a few months you might be surprised. To some beginner guys you might not appear as a beginner.

Also don’t be apologetic about being beginner or making mistakes. Laugh it off if mistakes happen. Only time to apologize is if you accidentally hit someone when dancing. It is understood that miscues and mistakes will happen.

Social dancing is more fun and about having fun. Go out social dancing at least once a week. Twice if you can. The more you go out, the better your dancing will get. Also more people will ask you to dance the more they see you dancing.

Hello sorry I'm replying after a few months. To update, I think I'm going to just go to do a different studio. I wanted to see how the situation panned out and update. Been so busy with school and work. To be honest the instructors are kinda uh...a little uppity. I did feel brushed off by her telling me to just talk to him. I was very nervous and shaky when I told her this (they intimidate me a little bit.) And then right after me telling her this, she then tried to sell me on joining their beginner dance team which costs a lot of $. That made me feel brushed off. This was a couple months ago around the time posted this. I told them not to kick him out cause I just want the scales to be balanced. I don't want potentially more trouble either.

Some time has passed now and I feel like my message might have been sent through the PSA or maybe they talked to him?? I don't know. This guy has been coming a lot less to this studio and I know it's because of me. Saw him a month ago and he was treating me normal like we never had an issue. However he was shaking in my hands when we were dancing together in the class wtf.. The instructors were watching us. After that, I took a break for a month to focus on finals. The instructor actually reached out to me to ask me if I was ok because I was literally going every week. I just told her that I was focusing on finals and will be back soon.

I just went back on Monday. He wasn't there but I felt cold vibes when I walked into the room and the female instructor was cold towards me when I went up to pay. She just said, "Hi erika.." no eye contact. This particular studio I'm realizing right now is cliquey. This problem guy is established in this, "circle." He's been coming here way longer than me. This is what I was afraid of, not being heard and people picking his side because I'm an awkward newbie. I believe his little pals have turned people against me. People who used to be nice to me, now don't say hi to me and are interacting with this dude's pals. It's really bizarre. I think the instructors and a couple of the other staff try to be impartial to my face to be professional but I have this feeling that they are on this guy's side and reveling in the drama. I think I'm just going to go to a different studio.

 

[starlight123]

She is saying he is a weirdo or creep.
That is her job but she is creeped out by him also.

Phoenix is a big metro, The fifth largest in the US, superseded only by NYC, LA, Chicago and Houston. There will be many many other dance studios. Try some of the others and see what happens. I have no idea where they are or what they are called but a metro that size has at least 6-7 dance studios where salsa is a big part of their program.

Yeah I'm just going to go to a different studio and start attending socials. This is my new hobby and I'm going to have fun. Phoenix is a big metro but it's up and coming. It's not like other cities. I think the salsa community here is small enough to run into the same people, "Eventually." Unfortunately I think this dude hops all over around town so I will run into him again. He will probably do the most to target me with this crazy BS. all because I didn't hop into bed with him after 3 days of knowing him. I am pretty sure he does this to other women too. He is a player