Asking someone to go out dancing with you
- Thread starter David
- Start date
Bostontraitor
Son
Hey, I was thinking of going out dancing this weekend. Would you want to join me? It’d be fun to have someone to dance with!
I have been asked several times by non-dancers to go dancing in past few weeks. I see both non-dancers and dancers routinely asking others to come dancing with them.
It is so fairly common. It is as common aa inviting someone to a party or hiking. Why should it be awkward? Haven’t seen anyone feeling awkward to ask so.
It is so fairly common. It is as common aa inviting someone to a party or hiking. Why should it be awkward? Haven’t seen anyone feeling awkward to ask so.
If this is happening in an online conversation, which is a bit less intimidating, then I'd say something like:
"Hey X, there is this cool dance event happening on Y date. Looks like it could be fun. Wanna go?"
This assumes you already had a good dance (and they felt it mutual) with the person you're asking. Also, this presupposes they've shared their contact info. with you.
If you're asking in person before any of that, be somewhat confident that the dance connection was mutually shared and you should be fine.
Take out your phone, show the event in question and let her decide. You can also swap contact info then to follow up.
Since your interest isn't romantic, then you simply need to promote the event, not yourself.
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This just happened to my g/f recently.
She got a message from a guy to go to an event in the city a few weeks from now. I know the event and this invitation was just a way to promote the event and try to get as many people to come as possible.
Both her and I understood that it was because of dancing and trying to promote the scene, nothing else. Not that we discussed it because there simply wasn’t anything to discuss.
Conversely, on a separate occasion, another guy asked her to go to a weekend festival and offered a seat in the same carpool. She told me she got weird vibes and told him off so that he wouldn’t ask her again in the future. That was a situation where he was most likely trying to hit on her. But then he’s also known in the scene as someone who would do such a thing. Reputation demerit in effect!
But generally speaking, it’s common to get asked to go to such events by members of the opposite sex. It happens to me all the time at festivals and it is just a way for promoters and good dancers to get more dancers to come to their events.
She got a message from a guy to go to an event in the city a few weeks from now. I know the event and this invitation was just a way to promote the event and try to get as many people to come as possible.
Both her and I understood that it was because of dancing and trying to promote the scene, nothing else. Not that we discussed it because there simply wasn’t anything to discuss.
Conversely, on a separate occasion, another guy asked her to go to a weekend festival and offered a seat in the same carpool. She told me she got weird vibes and told him off so that he wouldn’t ask her again in the future. That was a situation where he was most likely trying to hit on her. But then he’s also known in the scene as someone who would do such a thing. Reputation demerit in effect!
But generally speaking, it’s common to get asked to go to such events by members of the opposite sex. It happens to me all the time at festivals and it is just a way for promoters and good dancers to get more dancers to come to their events.
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salsaholica
Changui
I don't think it is akward, you can simply ask - see it as any other activity you would ask for.
I just would be careful with two things:
1. If you suspect the other person to have a romantic interest in you, they might see this as a date. So in this case you might want to add 'this is not a date'.To make this less akward, say it with humor or a smiley if you text. Like: Hey, this is not a date
, but I would (really) like to go dancing with you at event xyz. Do you wanna go?2. Be aware that the other person might expect you to be around with you most of the time. Or maybe this is the expectation you have. This could get uncomfortable. I would like not like to be bond to one person or feel some pressure to stand by somebody'side when I am not dancing.
If your purpose is to not be at the event alone and have somebody to dance I would use a different approch and just let the other person that you are planning to go to this event, but are unsure whether other dancers will be there. Then just ask whether he/she will be there or that they let you know in case they are going because this would lead to you going there as well.
I find that this is the exception rather than the norm. Normally, I wouldn’t expect that the other person wants you to be around them all night since it’s understood (or rather ‘should be understood’) that it’s just an invitation to a dance event.
However, I have experienced it before where I invited “X” to a party and she showed up, expecting A LOT more than just dances. Then at the end of the night, she wrote many expletives in German to me on Messenger. I was actually shocked since my intention was strictly just dancing. So you can’t always know the intention of the other person even if you are very careful with what you say.
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salsaholica
Changui
I wouldn't expect this with another regular salsa dancer either, but if the other person is not a social dancer, this could be the expectation. But I am also an overthinker and people pleaser, this is why I rather go dancing alone than with only one other person, so that I don't start the cycle of thinking what I should do when I rather would just do my own thing.
This depends also a lot in local culture. While in many southern countries people don't overthink and a bit of flirting without any intention is daily normal, it is for example different in the german speaking countries - the other will *always* suspect there is a personal interest, just because german speakers are used to act "effectively": that means you don't start conversation without having an interest. Of course that's awkward. But don't let me start ranting on this.
Groove On
Son
I'd make it a group event and include them. Even if it's completely platonic, there are too many ways for a single random invite to be misinterpreted.
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EMcKay.ZA
Changui
I just extend an open invitation to friends. If we go in a group, even better. It makes the vibe better and the non-dancers are never alone while standing or sitting, watching the dancers. Most often, they eventually start dancing on their own and try one or two songs (Bachata mostly).
May be I have been lucky. Whether in my 20s or now, I can’t remember one on one invitation (for anything not just dancing) being misconstrued as a date. That goes both ways someone inviting me or me inviting someone. There have been a few occasions where the ladies started ghosting me after they realized I can hang out one on one without looking to date. I can’t count number of times I have met someone for coffee socially, where neither side construed it as a date nor was meant to be. Before starting salsa, I have invited women or being invited to club dancing.
Only two incidents stand out in my mind because to me it was a bit weird. Both locally. One was non-dancing related, the answer was something like “yes, but just to clarify I am not looking (to date)”. The second time was dance related and more subtle hint “I will also invite my BF” (my reply was “sure, more the merrier”). Neither were one on one invitation (it was a casual invite as an fyi, because I was requested to inform next time). A little context is required. There are more me at social events than women in this geographical area. The ratio of eligible men to eligible women is lopsided. Therefore I can imagine an eligible lady (especially younger and new in the town) getting hit upon or asked out constantly.
If I am interested in someone from dancing, I will invite them to a non-dancing event. But I have invited people I hardly know from dancing to a non-dancing stuff due to shared interests and not because I was interested in them. Reciprocal is common too.
People can sense when someone is interested in them. Especially the women, because my guess is they get hit upon by the men frequently. Some ladies always have their shield up and some have learnt to be tactful.
In the dancing context, if there isn’t a mutual interest (on whatever spectrum) or you absolutely don’t know, it is more effective to invite someone you may be interested in to a group practice first
News of note
Indeed! I just remember I get messages from across the pond from those I have met only once (at festivals).
Couple dance is a very special sports because you do it with the opposite sex. Any other sports you compete only with your own sex and can train with both.
Does any male go out with a male buddy? If the venue is not lead-heavy it could make sense having someone for easy-going male conversations.
Very common but not for the reasons of conversation. Rarely I have any conversations with my male or female buddies once we enter the venue. If a short conversation is to be had it is generally with strangers (aka future buddies).
This would need at least an extra thread, if not an extra forumDo tell us more
On a short note: I was struggling all my life to understand my compatriots, but never could really nail it down what it is. You need an external view for that. Then I found the book of a french guy who had moved from Paris to Hamburg and suddenly all his flirting efforts completely crashed at the german women.
He was a journalist, so it was natural for him to analyze, talk about with others und then write about it. That was an eye-opener, one of these books you would have liked to find much earlier.There is not enough interesting content anywaysThis would need at least an extra thread, if not an extra forum
I thought you were in Zurich and Swiss.
I am glad since he was FrenchThen I found the book of a french guy who had moved from Paris to Hamburg and suddenly all his flirting efforts completely crashed at the german women.
My personal experience interacting with German women is very different from the impression created by second hand accounts and others.
May be I got lucky (outside of salsa) or those who dance salsa are different. Well I don’t try to flirt so may be there is that. I have as limited experience in personal interactions with Germans as with any other nationalities. One advantage of living where I do is meeting and interacting with people from all over. That means more contacts with Germans (or put any other nationality) than in most non-German sphere cities in the world including NYC, Singapore, London, etc. For example I heard negative sentiments about people from Vienna from others. Luckily I heard them after staying there for 10 days. I must have visited it at least half a dozen times since. My experience has been overall pleasant. I found locals very helpful (which I am told is not the reputation they have).