Who(m) I ask to dance...

mangomotion

mangomotion

Changui
I find that a follower in the salsa scene does not necessarily have to ask for a dance, especially in leader heavy scenes, if she can reasonably do some basic steps and looks like she is enjoying herself. However, I like to ask leaders once in a while when I want more control over who I dance with. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine (a leader) and we ended up hashing out who I choose to ask since he was curious whether we choose based on similar qualities.

Well, I found that first: I ask a whole lot less than my friend (not that surprising I guess! :)) and second: I am a bit choosier who I do ask and rarely ask complete strangers unless they produce smiles on all the girls who dance with them. However, the non-strangers who I do ask tend to be in two categories: friends whom I've danced with often and leaders who asked me to dance once or twice when they were beginners that I've noticed improving.

It was that last category that really interested my friend and I. We both felt that it was fun to see/feel the improvement of dancers from unsure beginners to intermediates and beyond because it is just such a amazing thing! While we both agreed that the most important thing in a dance was for both parties to be enjoying themselves fully, we also both preferred to dance with someone we see improving to someone who may be technically better, but not much fun and not trying to improve.

What makes you decide to ask someone to dance?
 
I have frequently found new partners in classes. If I am choosing from the dance floor then I immediately look for followers with good cuban motion and good turns. That is what I test in the first bars of music when we start dancing too. I look for followers that look friendly and are having a good time. Off the dance floor I will look for followers exhibiting body language indicating they are anxious to get out there dancing. I will judiciously look for dancers that are better than me to help me improve. I will also look for followers that are dancing on2 though I'm just as happy to dance on1 as on2. Each night I try to do half my dances with regulars and half with people I haven't dance with before. Most of the time I am looking to have fun dancing. Some of the time I am looking for a challenge.
 
mangomotion said:
What makes you decide to ask someone to dance?
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i'm a major chicken - mainly ask people who've asked me in the past, cuz i know theyll probably say yes.

at congresses, i steel myself and try to ask strangers based on 1) whether they look like they'd be fun to dance with and 2) if they're smiling. i tend to hang out in 'teachers corner' because a) the teachers are paid to be there and are more likely to say "yes" to everyone who asks them, and b) the standard of dancing in a random sample of guys tends to be higher (there are great dancers in other parts of the room, but they might be 3 out of 10 asked at random, rather than 9 out of ten).

that system worked well for me at GBSEx (apart from one - famous - teacher who looked me up and down scathingly, then reluctantly said yes but never made eye contact or gave me more than a single turn, whilst bitching about my looks constantly to his cronies in spanish. which i'm guessing he was unaware i speak fluently... :rolleyes:). lesson to be learned there 1) dont be so rude, youll attract bad karma, lol, 2) dont be so swift to judge - i danced with the same guy - i was sporting a very different, "i'm a daaancer" hairstyle - in turkey last year and he had a great time, 3) if you are going to be unnecessarily rude to people, try not choose a congress promoter who now wont pay you to teach at their event (i wouldnt book any teacher knowing they might treat my guests that way. if Emma knew about his behaviour, bet you £100 she'd never book him again either...lucky i'm not vindictive.).

in summary: i ask guys who are likely to say 'yes', and ask again guys who looked like they enjoyed our dances before.
 
TrulyMadlyAmanda said:
(apart from one - famous - teacher who looked me up and down scathingly, then reluctantly said yes but never made eye contact or gave me more than a single turn, whilst bitching about my looks constantly to his cronies in spanish. which i'm guessing he was unaware i speak fluently... :rolleyes:)...
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Amanda, now I'm dying to know who that might have been! Most of all to make sure I don't ask him but also coz I'm just curious who might have been that rude! But I guess you won't share?

I used not to ask but now that I go out dancing three or four times per year at the most I found it would be better to try to make the best out of it. So I ask guys who

a) I've watched dancing and whose style I liked (with "style" including everything from timing and leading to smiles and attitude)
b) asked me before and who I enjoyed dancing with
c) I've danced with before and I felt like I could have done better - so I try to do it better this time
d) Sometimes I also try to ask one or two "salsa-celebs" per night, depending on the event and whether there're any "stars" who I would like to dance with. However, I do not expect much from those dances - it kinda sucks to know that this person only dances with you because he's been paid to do so.

Well, this strategy is quite new and I only had the chance to try it at one party at the Hamburg congress and at the Mambo Weekend Germany.
I'd say, it worked for me. But of course it's not quite the way I wished things were... Must feel like heaven to live in a leader heavy scene :rolleyes:
 
amanda, i cannot believe you found the gumption to keep DANCING with the guy thru that unacceptable outburst of his. you are a stronger woman than i!
 
mangomotion said:
We both felt that it was fun to see/feel the improvement of dancers from unsure beginners to intermediates and beyond because it is just such a amazing thing!
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It's brilliant! You throw more and more stuff at them and suddenly they take it into their stride!
One of my favourite improvers has made that journey this year and it was even more special that my own learning also contributed to our connection getting better and better.
 
I rarely ask strangers, unless I have spotted them on the floor, dancing well, on time, and without any shoulder-jerking involved in their leading.
I tend to end up dancing with familiar leads, whether it was initiated by me asking, or by him and am not shy about asking leads to dance if they're available and I want to dance with him. Certain familiar dance partners I will ask shamelessly if I've had a rough evening with other leads. I agree that it is fun to dance with leads who have improved significantly, yet sad when some folks don't improve much or maybe perpetually lead in a rough way.
 
1. strangers who have good posture and look like they made some sort of effort not to look like they just got off the couch and walked into a salsa club
2. leaders whom I know personally, who may or may not be excellent dancers by my criteria
3. strangers whom I just saw dancing well with someone else - in some cases I have no expectation, but I'm curious to see if the guy would feel as good dancing with me as he did with his previous partner
4. strangers who have been recommended to me by someone I know

I'm making an effort now to have more than 50% of my dances be with people I asked. It's working out very nicely for me :)
 
Well it was extremely hard for me to ask someone to dance but now, this is how I do it

1. If a guy get's really into bachata, chances are he and I will move well together, so I keep an eye out for the bachateros
2. I ask black dudes. Because they are like a comfort zone for me. I've always dated black guys and have attracted mostly black guys. So when I see one I always feel like I can get him to dance with me no problem
3. I ask guys that have give me good dances in the past
4. I check out their shoes, if they have on dance shoes and not dress shoes or sneakers I'll ask them. If those dance shoes are white, I expect more from them lol
 
For leading I ask:
-People I enjoy dancing and have good chemistry with
-Strangers I saw enjoying themselves dancing with others
-People I get introduced to

For following I ask:
-People that I know really well
-People that I know are instructors
-Guys that I've seen leading other guys
-Ladies that I know can lead, regardless of how good or bad

Generally when I ask strangers I try to do so after having seen them dance. I like to have an idea of what to expect so I don't have to do as much calibration. I'm lazy like that.

MacMoto said:
I ask both males and females :D
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Me too :cheers:
 
I ask strangers all the time without hesitation. One of my favorite things is when traveling to another city to scope out the salsa scene. I watch for a while and then pick out the best dancers who are smiling and whose partners are smiling.

I always try to "dance up" when asking guys to dance as I find it makes me dance better (or at least I think it does). Because of my age, strangers often pre-judge, thinking I am a newbie, or lousy. My favorite reaction is when they double or triple spin me and I am lighter than air or when I start to get into the groove and I get a big smile or smirk and a hug at the end. Aaah, that makes my night.
 
Sometimes I'll try to ask the women who aren't getting to dance. Often, they're older or heavier than average, or maybe first-timers who are sitting far from the floor.
Surprisingly, there are also extremely attractive women who don't get asked, probably because guys are afraid to approach them.
 
I only ask when it seems I might not get enough dances (unfamiliar scene, congresses, too many followers, etc.). I tend to ask:
- guys that I know who are friends and/or good dancers
- guys that I have seen dancing and I like their style
- strangers who look like they are enjoying the music
- only occasionally guys who just happen to be arround

I don't ask:
- guys who are sitting or in a conversation
- guys who I've asked once or twice but who have never asked me
- guys I don't enjoy dancing with (quality of dancing or attitude)
- guys who I've seen dancing and who look like absolute beginners (unless I know them) or dangerous to dance with

I tend to not ask strangers if it is a song I really like - I can't bare the disappointment and it's not fair to the guy.

To the original question, I haven't had a situation where I ask a guy because they have improved. I guess it could only happen if the improvement is drastic, otherwise I might not notice it when I'm watching. However if they ask me several times and over time I've seen improvement to the point that I start to enjoy dancing with them then they get included in the "ask" category.
 
I ask based on the following circumstances:

1. 1st and 2nd warmup dances - Usually beginners or experienced ladies that I know will not mind a more basic dance.

2. Entire first hour (yes I make it a point to get there early for this ;) ) of the first and/or second night at a congress/festival - Beginners and especially the ladies that sit WAY back from the edge or otherwise look bored/scared.

3. If I'm feeling good and in a party mood, usually after a few shots of rum, then I grab the first lady who's eyes meet mine and don't care how good or bad she is as I'm more of in a mood for my lead to 'follow' whatever her style is.

4. When I notice that a lady has improved since I last saw/danced with her, then I'll ask her as well. As has been said, this is very rewarding to not only see, but feel the improvements. 8)

5. If for whatever reason I'm standing/sitting and the song 'forces' my body to move unconditionally, I'll either ask a good known follower or simply just shine my ass off without a care in the world who's around watching. :rocker:

6. Once or twice a night, I try to seek out the ladies that are more advanced in age than the majority. They have always been either flattered and give great energy or just plain awesome dancers that I just didn't know.

7. If I've had a string of bad dances or one extremely horrible moment, I'll promptly seek out the 'professional' corner, squat down low and pick out the best set of moving feet (follower of course). I look at the ankles down for the smallest steps that are always on the beat, toes are together while spinning and they even improvise at times to the different instruments. Then, I look at how the lady is connecting with her eyes to the leader. And finally, she has to be smiling no matter what the leader is doing, even if it is a forced fake smile. This means she's truly interested in pleasing her partner, even if he is a bit f_cked up, like we all can be at times. :D Because I purposely do not look at their faces first, I have actually unknowingly picked out Melissa Rosado, Mayana (Miguel &), Erell Niane (U-Tribe), and other great followers this way.

A few caveats...

* I hate feeling obligated to ask any lady just because I know her and if I'm feeling this way, or she gives me that 'arent you going to ask me' look, I usually won't ask her until the moment feels right.

* If the song sucks (a.k.a. doesn't vibe with me), I'm in a bad mood or my mind just isn't available, then I will not ask a lady to dance. If a lady asks me, I won't refuse. However, I will inform her that I don't like the song and will also ask if she can wait for a better song.

* If the DJ sucks (a.k.a. I haven't danced for more than 3 Salsa songs), I will sit down and won't ask anyone until I 'feel' the music again.

* I reserve the right to politely ask for a rain check if I feel I cannot give 100% to my partner for ANY reason. ;)

* I will never ask any lady to dance ever again, no matter how good/famous she is, when she has IMO 'snubbed' me twice within a night/event, or seriously demanded that I ask her. If she ever asks me after the fact, I will dance with her and she will be removed from my DNA list. :)
 
Who I'm asked by

Changed the wording of the question a little bit as I am a leader and getting asked is still the exception not the norm.
Regulars with whom I have danced many times in the past ask me fairly often.
Newbies or visitors do seem to ask too, probably because they notice that I have been dancing with so many different partners already.
 
So, reading all your replies, I thought about adding my 2 cents. So here's my short criteria:

  • Ladies, who I know and enjoy dancing with
  • Ladies, who are smiling and seem to have fun dancing with their partner
  • Ladies, who are grooving on their own close to the dancefloor
  • Ladies, who've asked me, except for when I'm not feeling the music. In the later case, I make it a point to get them latter and have fun
  • Ladies, who are professional and seem fun to dance with. Especially with some ladies, I'll try to catch one dance whenever I see them.
 
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