The implications of dancing consecutive times with the same person during a night of dancing

#21
I never want to be in a lead-heavy scene. As a former poster once said, go "shark mode" or go home frustrated.
Honestly, I also do not like lead -heavy scene. Do not have time to take a break...or in order to take a break, I have to go out and not stay in the room. Guys become more aggressive. The best option is 50%-50%
 
#23
this is only true if the other person does not want to dance with you.

in other words, if you are not interested in the person in a romantic way, you can dance with that person all the time you want as long as the other person wants to dance with you but if you want something more, just dance one song, get the other person number and move on.
You need to open your youtube chanal with dating advice. :)
 
#26
I have patterned myself after a mentor of mine. He would go to a place, spend the first few dances just watching then he would go and dance with just about every woman present, one time. Didn't matter their level (he is an amazing dancer), he would scale up
or down depending on his follower. I think the only repeat dances happened when he was done having danced with everyone.

I remember early on not wanting to dance a second dance as inevitably it would be worse than the first. If I had a particularly great dance I didn't want to spoil it with a knock-off. I also felt like I only had one dance in my limited repertoire and the next one would be the exact same dance, boring to either my partner or me or both. So that was another compelling reason not to ask for a second dance.

So for the most part I stick to the pattern of dancing with everyone I can, one dance, occasionally but rarely a second if it is a good first.one. As I have improved, I have found that I now can dance many different ways, and a great song inspires me to dance with feeling. So I am no longer a one trick pony. Also now I will repeat dance a fun partner later in the evening, or try a non salsa variation such as cha cha, bachata, or merengue.

But I think my most favorite thing is to dance with a totally unknown partner for the first time, and see if it can turn it into one of the best dances of my life. That is the thrill of the hunt. I have some spectacular fails, and some spectacular wins but I love the game either way.
 
#27
Interesting to read this thread. My approach depends on the party. If I am at a congress or travelling to a party, then I take a very direct approach. If I really like an unknown lead after the first dance (and in my case, because I tend to be picky, this only happens with few leads), I will either immediately ask if he wants to dance the next dance as well, or go ask him soon after, and hope he'll ask me again. Usually this results in 3-5 dances together during the party. If I am at my local parties (when I was in NY), then I have my 'favorites' and we usually dance several times in a night, but usually not several dances in a row--we pick the really good songs.

I also have favorite leads I mostly only see at congresses, and we dance either several dances in a row or definitely several dances in the same night; and I have one such lead with whom I share an exceptionally good connection so when we meet at festivals we always dance multiple dances in a row. At one recent congress we danced around 10 times within two hours. At another, we danced 5-6 dances in a row. And then danced again at the after party, and he said that was the best dance for him during the whole congress :) (this was the Warsaw congress, and he's a very popular lead and dances with some of the best follows, so I felt very happy that we have such a good connection and chemistry that that dance was the best for him :) )

Generally speaking, if a lead I have just met asks me for a second dance immediately after the first one, or later in the night, if we had a good connection I am always happy to do it.

I do feel that dancing multiple times with the same person tends to increase the connection over time. The only downside is that some dances will inevitably be worse than others, and one or both may feel 'guilty' for not living up to the partner's expectations. But then I also feel like this leads to a certain deep feeling of mutual trust--that you don't have to have 'perfect' dancing every time and will still look forward to dancing with each other even after a not-so-good dance, because of that special connection :)
 
Last edited:
#28
I've noticed that newbies tend to get another dance, if first one was good, and more experienced dancers, if it was bad.

Seems like second approach works better long term.
 
#29
I'm curious what other people think? What has been your experience?

I can simply subscribe nearly everything you said in this threat.
You sound like someone who has found the light, while I have been born into this from my dance beginnings and only had to learn the sterile one-dance system with it's canned instant connection in holidays / rare sub-scenes where it is common here.


For sure there are many perversions of the idea, i.e. people forcing or coercing the other to dance on and groups and couples completely unmixing from the rest of the crowd. The 2 dance as a basis has it's right to exist and the etiquette still are there, but to be a basis of communication - not a law. It needs a stronger self confidence, as you have to decide and communicate it for yourself as there is no etiquette forcing you what to do now, when the song ends.

But after you have experienced the intense game of connection in a dance flowing through all it's phases for an hour, you don't want to miss it anymore.
And with many people defending the strict one dance I have the feeling they simply never met this, unless they were making out with someone - the line is fluid. This connection is far above anything I have ever met from the canned selection of instant connections people apply within the few beats of a single song.

If you are more out for technical quality, looks, social reputation, phone numbers etc, this connection probably does not matter. But as in a dance for me it is only about the dancers themselves, the connection is the essence.


Also there is an additional logistic part:
The average level in the small scenes in central Germany is abysmal. A large portion of the dancers - including some of the teachers - lacks basic skills in moving and connection building and often have started only in their 40s, when things don't come natural anymore.
In such a setting often times there are only 3-5 follows in the room which are interesting (for non physical reasons). So to have 50% good dances, you have to dance 5-10 songs with each of them.
This still includes 50% for the "not safe bet" dances.
 
#30
And with many people defending the strict one dance I have the feeling they simply never met this, unless they were making out with someone - the line is fluid. This connection is far above anything I have ever met from the canned selection of instant connections people apply within the few beats of a single song.
It took me a long time to accept the idea that dancing 3+ dances in a row was socially acceptable and not some kind of come on...

2 dances is definitely the norm for me now whereas 1 feels awkward (as if I didn't like dancing with her and I feel guilty not asking her for another). Especially with beginners, I feel 2 dances is good as the first one is usually a bit clunky.

A friend of mine once said to me that at a festival, she asked a good friend of hers to dance more than once but his response was "no, I gotta move around the room. I'll come back to you later once I've danced with everyone else". That deeply offended her....haha.

I used to struggle finding more than 10 quality dance partners a night because I was too picky. I would scout out a room, trying to plan out my entire evening, knowing I'd only get 1 shot at each dance. Then if I bad song came on, I'd sit it out. If a Bachata set came on, I'd be sitting those out too. All of this ruined my flow and my confidence.

All of that disappeared when I started dancing multi-dances. I never go home frustrated anymore because I know I will be dancing a lot. Even if it means I dance to occasional bad songs because I am "stuck" dancing with the same person for a while. It's better than not dancing at all because I wasn't fast enough to grab a partner. I average easily 30 dances a night this way and up to 50 when I am actively searching for dance partners.
 
Last edited:
#31
The only downside is that some dances will inevitably be worse than others, and one or both may feel 'guilty' for not living up to the partner's expectations. But then I also feel like this leads to a certain deep feeling of mutual trust--that you don't have to have 'perfect' dancing every time and will still look forward to dancing with each other even after a not-so-good dance, because of that special connection :)
It is not the downside it is normal to have different dances with the same partner. Feel guilty for what? Being yourself? Doing sometimes mistakes? Nobody was born to meet someone's expectation... dancing is not about meeting expectation...The real magic happens when there is no expectation...you are just open to endless possibilities. A lot of people dance to impress to show that they can do, it is all about them, and it is like one-role play. People afraid to destroy this perfect image that we could create for one dance. And people afraid to give another chance to try... People are so scared to connect...because connection requires be vulnerable, be sometimes strange, be perfectly unperfect...Dance is "relationship," a short version of relationship and there are no perfect relationships. For me, a Psychological aspect of dancing is very interesting I think a lot about it... I always ask myself during the dance...do I dance with this leader or my Ego dances...Can I trust this leader and be sometimes unperfect...do I want to impress him? Does he want to impress me? How deep we can go...what is the limit of our dancing interaction...Do we have limits...Do we want to push boundaries..
 
#33
One interesting thing about dancing multiple times with the same partner is the disappearance of wanting to impress them due to increasing familiarity. I would rather get so comfortable dancing with someone that I am no longer afraid of failing to meet their expectations after an amazing dance. I would rather get to a level of connection where we create amazing dance experiences more often and laugh at the times when we don't.
 
#34
For beginners, it is especially important.
I'm not sure this is true for leaders. Leaders who are limited to just a handful of movements and who are unable to improvise variations yet tend to seem pretty worried about being able to dance a whole song without boring their partner (I feel this way too when I lead). Dancing two songs would just add pressure and would get boring for the follower.
 
#35
I'm not sure this is true for leaders. Leaders who are limited to just a handful of movements and who are unable to improvise variations yet tend to seem pretty worried about being able to dance a whole song without boring their partner (I feel this way too when I lead). Dancing two songs would just add pressure and would get boring for the follower.
And it is not even about the dance being boring. That's the least of the issues when dancing with a beginner lead. Beginners (as well as those 'advanced' people who think they are too good to worry about technique) have a host of problems that the follow has to compensate for; at best, she'll just have to make up for a lack of clear lead, huge steps that make her run around the lead, etc; at worst, she'll have to protect her shoulders and other body parts against injury ('defensive dancing'). If the former case, I might say yes if he asks me again later in the night (but definitely would not like more than one dance in a row, I need time to recover my dance enjoyment). In the latter case (roughness/risk of injury), it will be 'no, thanks' for the rest of the night. (And that of course is regardless of whether he is a beginner or not.)
 
Last edited:
#36
I have a different experience with beginners(leaders) I dance with them two or three sons in a row and their confidence is growing with every song, and they try to remember what else they know and try it. I have not had a chance to use defensive dancing technic with beginners. When I am tired I dance several songs with beginners and it restores my energy because I do not have to do a lot of crazy spinning. So for:D me and for beginner leader, it is a win-win situation.
 
#37
When I am tired I dance several songs with beginners and it restores my energy because I do not have to do a lot of crazy spinning.
I find that generally, less experienced leads (not necessarily just beginners but those who are at a more improver-intermediate stage) tend to do a lot more turn patterns than experienced ones.

In any case, for me dance exhaustion is less about the amount of turn patterns/spins and more about the lead quality. With a good lead, even the most intense turn pattern dancing will feel great and not tiring, because I can relax completely into the dance and the music and his arms :) (blissful feeling!). What exhausts me--probably more mentally than physically--is roughness or having to continuously compensate for bad timing, bad leading, no frame, etc.
 
Last edited:

Dance Ads