Should I be upset and worried that my boy/girlfriend dances salsa with other people?

I wholeheartedly agree with you.

The salsa scene is just like the clubbing scene with the guise of being "more cultured". When it comes down to it, the salsa scene is not much different than a meat market. I'd like to think it's different, but the majority of people I know come to dance to find a partner (temporary and permanent). And why shouldn't they? The opportunity is there.

I admit I have done things in the scene that I am not proud of (not nearly as bad as some others I know....). And I consider myself someone who respects people and their relationships, but yes, when you have people literally throwing themselves at you, those boundaries get crossed and get crossed often.

In bigger cities, it may seem like salsa is less scummy than clubs, but you still have a huge percentage of people just looking to hook up.

The Bachata/Kizomba and sensual dance scene is even worse. Don't tell me most people dance those dances because of the music. LOL. What a bunch of baloney.

So no, you shouldn't be upset that your partner dances Salsa with other people, but when you have a bunch of young horny people together under one roof, I wouldn't turn a blind eye to it either. I don't trust people in the scene at all.

Truly loyal partners will remain loyal no matter what. Those who are on the fence may only need a little bit of encouragement to be unfaithful. But it's up to you to decide what constitutes as cheating and being unfaithful.


Your response is very eloquent, but I feel like I have to be quite honest about it and not sugar coat it.
I know this is a forum full of dancers who are passionate about the salsa scene, so it might be a lot to expect, but can you look at latin dancing objectively and recognize inherent elements of the dance that could make a romantic partner of a dancer uncomfortable?.... and that without labeling that person or the relationship as lacking trust / security / or having "other issues"?

Some objective points about latin dancing:
Latin dances are 'controlled' by men.
Most music is sexual/ romantic and sung by men.
The man asks the lady to dance. The man leads the dance and controls the dance.
The woman dresses (often) in a sexually provocative way and (in most cases) waits for men to "choose" her to dance with them.

Not a coincidence that latin cultures are often considered highly misogynistic - controlled by men, geared toward pleasing men.

Latin dances include extensive touching of the body, physical closeness, and many sexually-derived moves (the back and forth chase, the dips and sexy hip movements, body rolls, sensual eye contact, close body contact/embraces, physical chemistry, etc.

These are actions a partner may not be ok with off the dance floor. So why is it so hard to understand a partner who is uncomfortable with his/her romantic partner doing this with others on the dance floor?

As someone who has danced extensively in this scene, I love latin dances. I love the fact that latin dances are fun and exciting and playful. When I was single, it was a perfect way to get physically close with women I didn't know and fell good about myself. But I also understand that being physically close and sensual with other people while in a relationship, on or off the dance floor, is crossing the line for many people in serious relationships. It makes perfect sense: Your S.O. and someone else are behaving in a physical way that may remind you of how you behave with your S.O.

Cheating doesn't just mean penetration. It does for some, but not for most. Everyone has a right to what they feel is "too much" in a relationship and they should be respected equally. Many people have written in this forum about dancing not being "cheating"... others say as long as there is no grabbing or grinding, its not cheating; others say "no body rolls"... everyone has their own lines. Why not respect all of them without labeling people as insecure, controlling, lacking trust etc.?

Each couple has to decide for themselves what they feel comfortable with as a couple and what they don't feel comfortable with..... and no one should be ridiculed in these forums for having a different opinion/value system than people who dance on a regular basis and may have become desensitized to what is actually physically happening on the dance floor.
 
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What a fascinating thread this is. SO many of us have seen problems develop, where they otherwise would not have, and relationships destroyed for that matter.
And yet so many people commented that there's no problems!
It's only expected that men and women engaging in an activity that consists of meeting each other on a regular basis - may find particular interest in each other. It could be Salsa, for the matter, but it could be a weekly Origami workshop, or the nearest Chess Club just as well...

-I did see relationships develop in the scene, some flourished, some didn't last,
but I have yet to see, however, a healthy relationship ruined because one counterpart* was dancing and the other wasn't...

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*Is there an English word for one-part-of-a-pair?
 
Lots of people dance salsa because they love the music and because of the community. This is also true of bachata, however, this is how things get differentiated. Lots of people join the salsa scene and move to bachata because they want a more intimate experience without as much of the athletic requirements but also magnifying the flirtation. With this mindset, you're looking at temptations that get people in trouble.
 
The Bachata/Kizomba and sensual dance scene is even worse. Don't tell me most people dance those dances because of the music. LOL. What a bunch of baloney.
I disagree with you. I dance kizomba because I like music. Yesterday I had a lot of good dances. We were dancing, and that was all. So, it depends from people and a place.
when you have people literally throwing themselves at you, those boundaries get crossed and get crossed often.
I have not seen that someone was throwing themselves at someone. o_O
 
I disagree with you. I dance kizomba because I like music. Yesterday I had a lot of good dances. We were dancing, and that was all. So, it depends from people and a place.

I have not seen that someone was throwing themselves at someone. o_O
I mean in Europe where I currently reside. Crazy things happen here. Originally, I am from Toronto and was dancing there for many years. Believe me, that kind of thing also happens in Toronto. You just don't know about it or aren't around the right (or wrong) people.
 
I notice that only in Rancho. If you are from Toronto, you know this place. This is a real meat market. I do not like that.
Yes, I know Rancho. Wasn't as bad as it's next door neighbor, Plaza Flamingo but this was when it was still mostly salsa/merengue/reggaeton. Not even sure what is going on there now.
 
Lots of people dance salsa because they love the music and because of the community. This is also true of bachata, however, this is how things get differentiated. Lots of people join the salsa scene and move to bachata because they want a more intimate experience without as much of the athletic requirements but also magnifying the flirtation. With this mindset, you're looking at temptations that get people in trouble.
That may seem logical. In my limited experience there are more hook ups in salsa than bachata. It comes down to numbers. The players and those who are out looking actively to hookup thrive and like room with more people irrespective of what they dance or not dance. Those who get involved and develop relationship with someone is no different than other activities. I think very nature of salsa dancing (and by extension bachata, kizomba, etc) and atmosphere surrounding it, tends to be a magnet for players and hookup types.
 
The salsa scene is just like the clubbing scene with the guise of being "more cultured". When it comes down to it, the salsa scene is not much different than a meat market.
Which is no different than any other meat market. All it takes for a meat market to develop, is for a critical mass of people( i.e sufficiently large number of people), enough people wanting to hookup and opportunity. I recall reading about how the last Olympics in Brazil was quite a meat market with a lot of hooking up going amongst athletes. Not that it didn't happen in previous Olympics. Just that hooking up and its prevelance is more acceptable in current times than anytime before across the globe.

At end of the day it comes down to an individual and his/her values.
 
It's only expected that men and women engaging in an activity that consists of meeting each other on a regular basis - may find particular interest in each other. It could be Salsa, for the matter, but it could be a weekly Origami workshop, or the nearest Chess Club just as well...

-I did see relationships develop in the scene, some flourished, some didn't last,
but I have yet to see, however, a healthy relationship ruined because one counterpart* was dancing and the other wasn't...

---

*Is there an English word for one-part-of-a-pair?
We would probably say “other half”. Although not sure if that works in the context you want it for...
 

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