Why oh why do people keep asking me to dance?

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by antigone, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. antigone

    antigone Pattern Police

    I have been repeatedly surprised by how salsaforums topics which seem obvious and relatively trite to me get a variety of interesting thoughtful responses - the "why won't anyone dance with me" thread, for example. This time I felt compelled to at least register a counter-thread. See, I like being the one to ask men to dance. That way I can do what men do all the time: check them out on the dance floor, take my time, and dance with the person I choose at the time that I choose. Unfortunately, I don't get that luxury very often in the San Francisco area, but I did get to do it in DC and Toronto, and it was wonderfully liberating. So, ladies, please consider dropping the passive/submissive female stereotype, and take matters into your own hands.
    Oh, and the answer to the question: it appears to be a combination of having seen me dance before, and having seen me dance with one of the alpha-salseros in the scene. Which only confirms my image of the salsa scene as shallow. Which, in turn, makes me glad that this forum exists so that we can communicate and get to know each other off the dance floor.
  2. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm Sonero

    this forum is shallow.
  3. MacMoto

    MacMoto Administrator Staff Member

    I hear you - I do feel I get a better fix overall by being the one to ask so that I can choose who to dance with. But on the other hand you can't help feeling a bit - unwanted, I suppose, when you are doing ALL the asking ALL the time and nobody's asking you (which seems to be a rare thing for salseras based in the US West Coast to experience).

    It would be great if all the guys *I* would ask would ask *me* instead - it would be nice to feel that you are a favourite follow of all your favourite leaders - but I think I need to put more work in before that happens.
  4. CT2CA

    CT2CA Changui

    Is it rare on the West Coast for a female to ask a male to dance, or is it just me? When I used to dance in Connecticut and NYC I got asked pretty often, but now that I dance in the L.A. area I hardly ever get asked. I'm a male BTW.
  5. smiling28

    smiling28 Moderator

    I will take it as a compliment if you girls ask me to dance he he :)

    As long as we are dancing, I do not care who asks :)
  6. TrulyMadlyAmanda

    TrulyMadlyAmanda Shine Officer

    i'm a feminist, and don't consider wanting people to enjoy dancing with me enough to come and ask, to be passive or submissive. sideways b*tchy comments on the other hand, play to another stereotype about women, which i also consider to be false.
  7. acpjr

    acpjr Tumbao

    Hallelujah, finally someone who is encouraging women to stop throwing themselves pity parties. Be careful though ladies, if you're rubbish and don't know it people will soon find out as most guys will say yes to your first invitation but then will be oddly absent when you are looking around for that second dance... Stay on time, and quit styling before you can stay on time!

    Hallelujah, finally a follower who understands what every leader (ok fine, this leader) goes through every night they show up at the club.

    I have never danced with you, nor have I seen you dance in person but I will go out on a limb and disagree. Weren't you the gal that got her ear licked? We've seen your vids on YouTube. You get asked to dance because you're a hot chick who knows how to follow and doesn't smile. You're a challenge. Guys like challenges.

    All the places I've been to here in L.A. are leader heavy. Ladies here have tons of options. I've noticed that some women don't limit their options by only choosing among the men that approach them, but approach men for dances as well. It's these followers I have the most respect for (regardless of their skill level) because they're all about their own fun and conciously deciding to make the evening fun for themselves. They are not dependent on the attention of men and therefore don't need men to validate whether they are sexy or a good dancer or anything else. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance/snobbery. You'll notice that it's the confident ones that show up, get their dance fix, go home satisfied (and early at that to the chagrin of us desperate leaders), and all that remain at the club are the snobs who actually pay money to be snobbish to people.

    So don't end up like one of those snobs who gets all their validation externally. Be one of those confident sexy followers. Be about your own fun, and whether or not you have a good time. Be one who flexes her v-power makes every night her own.

    (And my final plea, ladies, stay on time!)
  8. terence

    terence Maestro 'Descarga' Cachao

    I will second and third that !!
  9. crazygirl

    crazygirl Rhythm Deputy

    Lol this is a nice fiery thread to start the day :)

    You are spot on though acpjr, mostly I go out with the intention that I am going out to get my salsa fix and should noone have grabbed me on the way off the floor then I will happily do the grabbing!

    A lot of how your evening goes it down to attitude because the odd times I don't enjoy it's really internal and down the the fact that I was not quite in the mood and so don't give out the right vibes or feel proactive.

    I think if you give out good energy and you get it back. Many evenings I have had a great fix but other followers have complained to me that it was not good - could have something to do with the fact that whilst dancing I have spotted them looking a bit dejected at the side waiting for someone to take pity on them. That or I have stolen all the leaders :)

    So yes take responsibility for your own fun.
  10. KP-salsa

    KP-salsa Shine Officer

    If it's any consolation, Mac. I'd ask you at the drop of a hat.
  11. sweavo

    sweavo Maestro 'Guaguanco' Rodríguez

    Yeah, like the one about always taking things as sideways bitchy comments that could easily be interpreted in good faith!
  12. crazygirl

    crazygirl Rhythm Deputy

    Er yes.... Works both ways that one!

    So.... be careful guys, stay on time and quit monkeying around until you have learned the basics and a bit of floorcraft :)
  13. crazygirl

    crazygirl Rhythm Deputy

    Oops :)
  14. Flujo

    Flujo Sabor Ambassador

    Hmm, I hear you antigone. Different people are interested in different things (yep, that's obvious too) but please don't forget that not everyone has been dancing for 10 years or more so what's obvious to you might be new and interesting to someone else. Also, those sorts of threads provide encouragement and advice to people who might be going through the same thing.
  15. opm1s6

    opm1s6 Sabor Ambassador

    FYI, ladies....it's just uber hot when you take an aggressive tone with us. I don't just mean in salsa, but in life. Any time a women tries flirtatiously flipping the roles on me in the proverbial battle of the sexes, it peaks my interest and I can guarantee, far more emotion in your next salsa experience.
  16. bailar y tocar

    bailar y tocar Clave Commander

    The alpha girls in salsa scenes are definitely not passive or submissive. Why do the most attractive, best dancers never have to ask for a dance ? Duh...because they are at the top of the order. There is this long line of guys who have to patiently wait their turn (or turndown*).

    *and thats the crux of it all, guys can wait their turn in line and still get none in the end.

    **when I am visiting a new town/scene I purposely don't ask any alpha girls for the first few songs although I usually can figure out right away who they are, its a power parity thing.
  17. spotcat

    spotcat Banned

    Of course if you want to get the full experience of what men do, you'll need to be refused quite a few dances as well.
  18. opm1s6

    opm1s6 Sabor Ambassador

    Welcome to the forum.

    Very good point, for a chick who knows what she is doing, she gets all the benefits and none of the pain.

    I can feel the angry stares coming out way already. Why do I feel like like a praying mantis all of a sudden?
  19. crazygirl

    crazygirl Rhythm Deputy

    Okay but cmon guys if you lead well and smell nice then you are not going to get much pain. Especially if you smile and look good too :) Despite its etiquette you can't really stop salsa replicating life....

    Honestly, I imagine being turned down can't be nice but then neither is enduring some dances you would rather not sometimes. As Antigone said it can be equally nice to do the choosing.
  20. spotcat

    spotcat Banned

    Unfortunately life can be cruel, unusual and inexplicable.

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