The why do I bother moments

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by smiling28, Aug 26, 2008.

  1. smiling28

    smiling28 Moderator

    Hey team,

    Anyone else have the 'why do I bother moments'?

    [as in why do I keep doing this to myself (dancing, lessons, all the output into dancing)

    I have acknowledged that I am HYPER sensitive in a lot of ways which makes me want to feel appreciated/cared for a lot. (but embrace thats what allows me to relate to others and life so well as the flip side he he).

    So for me, it really occurs in two situations:

    1) Frustration that I have a dance limit that I cannot transcend; and
    - eg. my posture will prevent me from ever looking good and having a good frame

    2) The people around me do not appreciate me/ I am not being pushed as far as I could be.

    Now last night and today I was just feeling sooooooo down and depressed. Phrasing the issues and making this post has clarified the situation and made one thing ABUNDANTLY clear for me though. Both points above I have control over.

    1) worst case, I reach a plateau. Still enjoying myself so no problem. Or not enjoying myself so find another way to enjoy life. I can handle that so now I can work upwards from this worst case and try and improve.

    2) I can only control myself. I have to address why do I dance? My answer because I love it. The attention/appreciation is a benefit not the purpose. Just like the guy who collects stamps or cars, if he enjoys this ONLY when he can show others than he will be very frustrated and lonely. However, if he LOVES the process and the collection and this is ENHANCED by showing others than that is happiness.

    So worst case: Would I dance if no one appreciated. Yes because I APPRECIATE IT!


    soooooooooooooooo team:

    a) What are your 'why do I bother' moments? (past or current).

    b) How have you overcome them/strategy to overcome them.



    *I have SOOOOOOOOOO much respect for those who have been around the dance scene for a long time. I mean in addition to the actual dancing you have ego, drama, politics, personalities, love, hate and MORE to deal with. I guess you dance with your demons and everyone elses which allows you to acknowledge, address and improve thyself! *or at least accept yourself he he

    :) :) :)
    #1
  2. nowhiteshoes

    nowhiteshoes Pattern Police

    i had these: why did i bother coming out when i wasnt that sure i wanted to go out in the 1st place? this was when i was in my 6/7 nights a week mode (or was it 8 :doh:).

    i cut out certain venues where i didnt enjoy the music/dancing but previously went to anyway. i also cut down to 4 a week (a good number for me). this helped me enjoy my other nights more. im down to twice a week which took ALOT of getting used to. am moving so i can get back to at least 3 a week.
  3. vata07

    vata07 Descarga

    i usually get like this when i burnout..usually from doing something more than twice a week. at this point it becomes a routine and not necessarily something to look forward to.

    best thing to do to overcome this is to take a break. sometimes after a week or two off (or three), you come back with renewed enthusiasm and often better than before.

    luckily for me in dancing, this hasn't happened yet. i suspect its because i only get one solid night a week. now that i'm considering this dance team thingy, we'll see what happens, :eyebrow:
  4. Jolinia

    Jolinia Descarga

    I have these moments too, especially when I feel that I'm not making any progress or even that I'm going backwards getting worse. But then I look back to why I started dancing in the first place:

    To enjoy the music, to have fun, to get some stress relief from work, to meet friends - NOT to put additional stress into my live, NOT to perform, NOT to compete, NOT even to become a great and admired dancer.
    So why am I down?

    This usually puts me out of my low and back to enjoying the journey.

    Hope you'll get back to the happy side of dancing soon :friend:
  5. Fundance

    Fundance Changui

    I got to the stage where I no longer bothered bothering. That's when I really began to enjoy social salsa..... It was also after I stopped bothering about musicality that the musicality came.... The technical bits are still interesting but I'm so much more laid back about it all these days.

    But probably the striving and the angst are necessary preliminaries. Hey Smiling, stick at it.
  6. Flujo

    Flujo Sabor Ambassador

    Stick at it Smiling. You said it yourself...you love it! :) Do you need much more than that?

    I have why do I bother moments when I watch people who are supposed to be really good dancers but 1/ don't dance with everyone and share the love and 2/ look like they are there to fulfill some kind of obligation. I'll think, "what's the point of improving if that's what I have to look forward too".

    Then there are the times when I watch a crowd and get no buzz or energy because everyone is going through the motions instead of freeing themselves and like you said "loving it".

    You hit the ball on the head when you said the only thing that you can control is yourself. So...when I go out, I dance with everyone (mostly), when the right song is on and there is a fun partner to dance with I really let go and get expressive (even if I end up looking silly) and lastly I'll focus on the connection and interaction between me and my partner rather than focusing on moves and performing to my dance level. Well I try anyway. Sometimes you just can't help it.

    That's what I'll be doing tonight. I'm feeling a bit mischievous actually so better go easy on the booze. ;)

    Go for it Smiling!!! You have good energy. Share it.
  7. chrisk

    chrisk Super Moderator Staff Member

    Sure, I sometimes get those moments as well. Lately I had them mostly when I went to our sole weekly event and the attendance was very low. So I was feeling that I could have spend the time at home listening to salsa and doing some work compared to going out and maybe getting two or three dances for the whole night (about 3 hours). But then I reminded myself that I only was bothered by all this because of my own expectations that I had created before. So when I drop any expectations about a night out, see what's going to happen and enjoy every single dance on it's own, I'm not going to be bothered.

    Also when I've got periods where I'm bothered and feel that all the practice isn't paying off, I've found it helpful to travel out of my scene. I then either consider meeting with one of my favourite follows or dancing in a scene where I'm mostly unknown. Such a night of dancing, will stop me from bothering and refill my energy and motivation to keep practicing and dancing.

    But so far I've never felt frustration about reaching a dance limit or plateau. While it might sometimes feel to me (and others as well), that there's no progress in our dancing, it's not true in reality. I've learned that I'm still making some progress, but it's not yet visible to me. Only after additional period of time, I'm able to see the progress for myself and notice the difference/improvement. One analogy that I can think of here, would be about riding up a hill. The way up the hill can either ascend steeply or just edge forward. In the first case you can easily see how far you've gone but in the later it will take some time to notice the difference between your current position and your starting position. But in both cases you've gotten closer to the top or in our dancing managed to improve. So, just never stop practicing even when it feels like a plateau to you. :)
  8. crazygirl

    crazygirl Rhythm Deputy


    Eek one dance an hour - that is tough. Were there only 3 partners to dance with or just you didn't want to dance with the rest?

    Reminds me to appreciate my scene all the more cos can dance just about any night of the week and I tend to think it is a bad night if I sit out more than a few dances...
  9. Berend

    Berend Son Montuno

    I know exactly what you mean Smiley!!!
    Having them quite a bit lately (lots of no's, seeing everybody being way better than me, feeling that i'm boring the follower, etc) but (most of the time) after a good night sleep, reading threads here (thanks to the people who post those links where you see a basic move with a twist that makes you think "Hey, i can do that! Looks fun."!) and chat with some of my salsafriends, i get that "feeling" to go dancing again.

    *highfives Smiley*
  10. crazygirl

    crazygirl Rhythm Deputy


    a) I sometimes (more so in early days than now thankfully) get so fed up with my apparent lack of progress that I've considered giving it all up many times.

    b) Each time reminded myself of the great times salsa has given me and that became my reason for continuing with the often painful learning curve. Also reminding self of eventual reward for effort would be more of the great times!


    Being a perfectionist is hard Smiling (I know) and we give ourselves a hard time so how about celebrating how far you have come instead...
  11. SnowDancer

    SnowDancer Capitán Del Estilo

    1) I have the same problem with posture (I'm often hunched over), and I think this is a looong-term project, not something you can fix in a few days. Posture is a habit that develops over years, so it makes sense that it will take a lot of effort to change it. Eddie-the-Salsa-Freak sells a strap that you wear around your shoulders and is supposed to remind you not to slouch; and she says it takes several months to work. I haven't tried it, but maybe someone else here can comment on it.

    2) I'm betting that some people (well, women) do appreciate you, but you're noticing the ones that don't. I've come to realize that dancing ability isn't a simple scale; that regardless of your level, some women will enjoy dancing with you and others won't. The other night, I had a dance with someone who I thought was an intermediate, but she looked fairly bored throughout the dance (so I didn't feel 'appreciated';)). Later, I saw her dancing with a guy who is much more forceful than me about whipping her around, and she looked much happier. But then I got to dance with a couple advanced follows, and they seemed to enjoy my style.
  12. antigone

    antigone Pattern Police

    Can't you get those moments in anything, not just dancing? Sometimes when I'm really tired and cranky I wonder why I'm bothering brushing my teeth, for example. Like most emotional issues people keep bringing up here, it's mostly in your head. And since switching your head on/off can be very difficult, these kinds of self-defeating thoughts and feeling perpetuate themselves. So think positive (yes, it actually works if you mean it), get together with others who think positive (yes, that works even better), and try a change of scenery or routine.
  13. bas

    bas Rhythm Deputy

    They worked miracles for me.

    I work in IT and used to slouch the time. As she says, the straps don't hold your shoulders back but they do remind you when you start slouching. After 2 weeks with those things the pain in my neck that was constantly there started to go away (so yeah, I was slouching a lot!).

    It does take a while to get used to not slouching. Not sure if it is months though.
  14. SnowDancer

    SnowDancer Capitán Del Estilo

    True, but I think it's most likely in activities that we do for fun, and that also have a progressive aspect. We improve a lot in the beginning, and get used to the improvement; but that slows down over time, and we get discouraged. So like you said, we have to think positively and remember why we enjoyed dancing to begin with.
  15. SmartAlx

    SmartAlx Tumbao

    Don't give up on the posture thing. It's one thing I noticed right from the beginning. Dancers, even casual ones, generally have great posture. I think that's really cool. I used to actually hunch over a bit and I was a bit worried that one day I would be a hunchback. LOL. Then I started dancing and I noticed that I stand much more upright now. Not just when I'm dancing, but all day long.

    Eddie's posture thing sounds cool. I know some students who would benefit from it.
  16. opm1s6

    opm1s6 Sabor Ambassador

    x2. I can so relate to getting the smack down from follows and getting dejected from it. You can go all night and have a great time and think you've had a pretty successful night, making some headway, and then you hit one chick who is just such a joy kill that you start getting self-conscious. I don't get nos all that often, but even my only dance tonight, was so crap that I didn't even bother the rest of the night. The floor was so absurdly packed (even for new york) that it just made doing anything fun a useless waste of time.

    How do I get out of it? I don't know, I guess salsa is so in my routine that I just kind of keep going regardless. Eventually I do a few things right and I feel better.

    I'm seriously considering ignoring salsa until Tuesday.
  17. smiling28

    smiling28 Moderator

    You know, this is turning into a great positive support thread. It is so wonderful to see us all share in our moments (not just the highs but also the lows) and yes I give everyone a big high 5 and a huge hug!!!!

    *manly hug...


    he he

    I hope this thread works in with the best compliments thread as funnily enough, I feel I usually experience a big high after a big low. That is why it is so important to keep on moving. If you stay in the low or give up then you miss out on reaping the rewards from your hard work!!!

    So thanks guys for always encouraging me and many to keep on keeping on :) :) :)
  18. Jolinia

    Jolinia Descarga

    I totally support that - don't give up on working on your posture. If I can do it, you can do it!!
    I used to slouch as well, and sometimes still do (I work in IT too). Then I decided to try and achieve a better posture. At first I tried with Edie's posture brace but it was so uncomfortable (it cut into my armpits) that I gave it up again. Then I tried to remember to keep good posture whenever I could think of it. When I walked to work, I would be thinking about my posture, at work I would remember myself about my posture, in my free time I owuld check my posture, in salsa class I would check my posture. Reminding myself constantly, my posture has become much better, not only in my dance but in everyday life. Now I don't constantly think about my posture anymore but it has become natural. My greatest success of this (admittedly long-term and hard) work was: I had a "Body language and Voice" seminar the other day and the trainer pointed out what good posture I had! I'm 100% sure, had I taken this seminar 6 months earlier, she would have corrected my slouching and point out the importance of good posture to me (like she did to other participants). This was the point when all the self-reminding showed that it worked.

    Don't give up on working on your posture - keep working on it and you'll get where you want to be, just be patient, it doesn't happen from one day to the next :)
  19. smiling28

    smiling28 Moderator

    That is awesome! Thank you and well done!!!
  20. Offbeat

    Offbeat Clave Commander

    I second that. I know one regular salsero who had a slightly hunched/slouched shoulders. It was his normal posture whether he was sitting, standing or dancing. His instructor pointed out to him and also helped him work on it. I don't know what they did, but his posture did definitely improve after 5-6 months noticeably. You can see it in his dancing.

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