Salsa scene: relating both to same sex and opposite sex :)

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by smiling28, Sep 23, 2008.

  1. smiling28

    smiling28 Moderator

    Hey guys,

    Any tips for relating to both the opposite and same sex at salsa.

    See, (partly inspired by the people being nice to you dancing thread and also have been thinking this for a while) I notice that a lot of people in salsa know more of the opposite sex (makes sense since we predominantly dance with them).

    However, I think it is great to have friends with both sexes (especially to limit competitiveness amongst same genders).

    Any tips?

    * I have noticed things have improved between guys and me (much better with the guys than the girls right now lol as we have had performance teams and connected through people seeing my dedication or actually both of us doing the move at exactly the same timing (this awesome drop resulting in a high 5 for us guys and a possible neck sprain for the
    *insert blushing with guilt smiley here (that girls have to do all the dips/lifts etc...)

    *complimenting fellow leaders has been good for me but feels weird with some guys.
  2. crazygirl

    crazygirl Rhythm Deputy

    Yes when new to a scene you tend to concentrate on the opposite sex because after all you are there to dance! Then if you are busy dancing all eve then there is little time left to mingle.

    However, over time it is simply another social setting and I think it's just down to how adept you usually are starting small talk. Salsa makes this easier than usual because you already have common opening topics - venues, moves, partners, etc.

    Start with one comment/question and then say hi again the next time and build on it. Then before you know if you will have a circle of salsa acquaintances of the same sex.
  3. AndrewD

    AndrewD Shine Officer

    To maintain my top dog status I’m only friendly with men who are uglier than me, or worse dancers, preferably both.

    I have no male salsa friends…

    Seriously though – I think most of the experienced guys at my venue aren’t especially friendly, I don’t know whether it’s just that they're in demand and don’t have time, or whether it’s alpha male posturing. I remember when I started out I said to one of them I liked the way he danced and enquired how long it took to be that good…he just grunted and walked off.
    Another regular clearly has something against me and scowls every time we pass each other – when we dance in the same area I’m certain he intentionally eats up my space and then looks at me like I’m the village idiot if we have a collision. I’m pretty sure another has told the ladies in his circle of friends not to dance with me.

    Maybe I’m paranoid, but I don’t really want to have any kind of relationship with these guys – I do have a couple of mates and am happy enough with that.
  4. Flujo

    Flujo Sabor Ambassador

    :lol: Are you serious!? That's not the place I'm thinking of is it? A certain place close to a certain 'Centre Point'....? I'd imagine it is.
  5. TrulyMadlyAmanda

    TrulyMadlyAmanda Shine Officer

    :eek: if it is, it would be my pick for one of the friendlier salsamafia venues, lol. if so, these are the same people i go to the snooker club with afterwards, or for chinese food...

    though to be fair there are some a$$holes...i once talked to a guy i'd never bothered with cuz he looked so full of himself: a mutual friend got sent to prison, and he asked me give this guy - a 'close friend' of his - the address to write to him too. so, i introduce myself, state my purpose, and he just looks at me. no answer, no word, just a superior look. 'surprisingly' he never wrote to his 'best friend' or helped him through that tough time in any way.

    about 6 months later, i was organising xmas day/lunch for people staying in london for xmas. i invited my friends, and a few people who i knew would otherwise be at a loose end. suddenly, this loser starts asking me to dance, smiling, asking how i am....then one of my 'loose end' invitees tells me he'd like to be invited. so, i grit my teeth, and invite him - i didnt want him in my house, but i wouldnt leave a dog alone on xmas day.

    so, loserboy is the first to leave, gets up to go and makes a speech "i'd like to thank..............................her". yes, he forgot my name. and yes, went back to scowling and looking down his nose at me again immediately afterwards.

    so maybe andrew has a point... ;)

    on the other hand, i met some of my closest friends at salsa...if someone seems like a good-natured, happy, open person i'd like to get to know, then i just go and say hi. i give a compliment, then just start chatting about the venue/music/partners and do the whole 'how long have you been dancing' convo. if i talk to one person each salsa night, and dance 3 nights a week, that's 1,000 possible new friends a year - yikes! :eek:
  6. bailar y tocar

    bailar y tocar Clave Commander

    I would guess that I chat with men and women at the club about equally. Most of our salsa nights are band nights and the bands have short 1 min breaks between 8-15 min songs so there is no need to rush out on the dance floor right away. On the DJ nights, there isn't as much conversation because the music is non-stop back-to-back. So only the merengue and bachata rotations are "breaks" from dancing.
    If I do have a conversation with a follow, it would be rude to just walk away and dance with someone else.
    If I do have a conversation with another lead, it is not rude to walk away in the middle of a sentence and ask a follow to a dance..the general excuse is.."sorry, I just have to dance to this song"...
  7. I do know more women when it comes to salsa, but I have guy friends too.

    You meet a girl, she probably has more guy friends then girl friends, so you meet her guy friend. Usually when I show up to a place I frequent, I'd be hugging girls and doing the bro hand shake with a bunch of guys.

    Although I only have one salsa guy friend that I hang out with outside of salsa, but we actually met though some mutual hockey friends first. And I only have a couple of women that I met through salsa that I have hung out with outside of salsa too. So the percentage is about the same I'd say.

    Complimenting other guys is easy and should be no big deal. Just don't say they're sexy. "Nice moves" or "You're pretty good" and nod your head is non-gay and gets the point across. But the best time to say that is after they've danced with one of your friends.
  8. AndrewD

    AndrewD Shine Officer

    No it wasn’t there :) it’s at my local.

    As seems to be common, every ‘salsa name’ I’ve met has been unbelievably friendly (e.g. remembering me despite only meeting me once, 6 months ago) but it’s the wannabes who often appear to be pretty charmless.

    Just to add, I don’t want to paint an entirely negative picture – these are just one offs in what otherwise is a wonderful place. I guess it’s because the vast majority of my experiences are positive that the bad ones stick in my mind.
  9. tj

    tj Shine Officer

    An observation: more than a few times, I'll be friends with a guy and a gal, who don't get along. Definitely makes for awkwardness.
  10. Flujo

    Flujo Sabor Ambassador

    Makes sense. Having bad experiences with people at first can corrupt your view of others but meeting so many positive fun loving people changes that after a while doesn't it? You still remember the bad encounters like you said, but your expectations aren't really in the negative anymore - you're just more prepared. I find it easier to approach guys and say hello to give them respect for their dancing or because I've seen them in a video or something but I rarely just walk up to a guy and say hi because I've seen them around like I do with salseras.

    Why are we (guys) like that!? We should greet each other with a hugg and kiss like women do rather than perpetuate all this standoffish nonsense. :lol: :p

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