People being nice to you for your dancing?

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by smiling28, Sep 19, 2008.

  1. smiling28

    smiling28 Moderator


    Really hard to phrase this question/topic. I guess it stems from the people being nicer to you, the better you get.

    Eg. Have you ever noticed that people who would not look at you/give you the time of day when you were beginning, now are super nice to you and ask you for dances?

    Ever had that? Perhaps imagined. Perhaps because they are just more used to you and not about the dancing? I just go with the flow and dance with anyone who is keen but a friend mentioned it to me and I sort of thought 'hey, yeah you are right' lol
  2. sweavo

    sweavo Maestro 'Guaguanco' Rodríguez

    Yes. Some of them probably are just friendlier because they know your face, but others will cool off if your style goes out of fashion just as quickly as they warmed to you when you got good!

    What surprised me was how bad some of the really selective followers are. It was a revelation to me that actually the whole thing came from her own insecurity as to how she was seen. That's the Dark Side right there: her insecurity leads her to being aloof, which intimidates beginners... etc. etc.
  3. crazygirl

    crazygirl Rhythm Deputy

    Some people are fickle just as in all areas of life. People watching over time has made me realise that you can tell a lot about people's characters at salsa.

    And yes sweavo sometimes you can misjudge them at first.
  4. Flujo

    Flujo Sabor Ambassador

    All the more reason to remember the people that stuck with you from the beginning smiling...

    Quick sidenote.
    I think you know it when you dance with someone who you have good chemistry with regardless of level. Being enthusiastic about improving just adds to that chemistry and you can grow together even if not always at the same speed or at the same level.

    It's great that people acknowledge that you've put in the effort to become a good dancer but you can always put the people who had time for you when you weren't first can't you? Is that worth a wink. Yeah, I think so. ---> ;)
    (Makes me think of someone who I've lost that thing with through forgetting that actually :()
  5. TrulyMadlyAmanda

    TrulyMadlyAmanda Shine Officer

    i SO know what you mean, 100%, smiling28! :eek:

    it comes back to this whole hierarchy's amazing how many people relate to others compared to where they perceive them to be in the 'ranking'. i think it's especially strong since a lot of people dont have much 'status' outside of salsa, so are very protective of their in-salsa 'fame'. a famous salsa friend once said to me, "i like you cuz you were my friend when i was nobody". :eek: you were never nobody!! :eek:

    for example, i was abroad teaching a guest class, so of course arrived at the club nice and early. i was sitting with the guy who was taking the money/coats on the door, having a lovely chat. in swans this couple who were obviously at the top of the local salsa food chain, and thought they were above everyone else. they were dismissive to the point of rudeness to the cloakroom guy and i.

    then they swanned into the club, and demanded that the promoter introduce them to the 'guest star' at which point they were SO over-the-top nice, it was incredible....and they stayed that way full-on the whole weekend. i was so happy i'd gotten to see their true selves right off, or i might have started a lasting friendship with a couple of a$$holes. :eek:

    after a fortnight on a new salsa scene, one really sweet intermediate girl said to me "dont be disheartened if it takes about a year for people to ask you dance, invite you to parties etc, they need a while to get to know you"....except that everyone had been completely welcoming and drawn me in within the first week. hmm, i wonder what someone cynical might think about that... :rolleyes:

    i like people who are funny and kind, and that's who i hang out with, in and out of salsa. i dance with people who are good dancers. i like to think i'm an open kind of person, i'm sociable and like to meet new people. i also have a rep for being able to 'talent-spot' i'll meet someone in a random club who's been dancing 6 weeks, compliment their dancing, we'll chat and become acquaintances. 2 years later they're a 'famous' teacher on the local scene, and wont even smile at me, because i'm the kind of loser who'll talk to just 'anyone'. :rolleyes: after a year of that, they've discovered that some students think that a teacher's being arrogant/aloof means they must be good, but most people want someone friendly/approachable.....enter the fake smile/fake tan.... :rolleyes:

    then, someone like me - i honestly am just a friendly person, and was friendly waaaaay before salsa and still am outside of it - is thought of as a 'politician'. :confused: "she's being nice to people, how clever..." personally, i think you can tell easily tell the difference. people like susana montero and burju hurturk are just really nice anyway. and i'm way too nice to mention the name of a teacher who's just professionally smarmy, but i'm sure we can all think of one... ;):eek:
  6. MacMoto

    MacMoto Administrator Staff Member

    Personally, no. Only people becoming nicer/friendlier as I became a regular face in a scene. Maybe I've been lucky?
  7. antigone

    antigone Pattern Police

    No, people have always been nice to me, because I'm so
    "Nice" is an ambiguous term. I think the whole kissy-huggy niceness of salsa is rather shallow. Your real friends are ones that take time to talk to you off the dance floor, about things other than salsa (gasp!), and call you up about things other than salsa (double gasp!) - and those are few and far between in the salsa world.
  8. noobster

    noobster Pattern Police

    Yeah, I haven't ever really gotten involved in any kind of dance-floor politics. I definitely am not aware of who has 'status' and who doesn't. I don't really care either.

    I don't look to salsa for my real friends (though I've accidentally found a couple there).

    People are mostly nice in a superficial kind of way, which is fine with me. There are a few dance-floor snobs but I don't really let them get to me.
  9. SnowDancer

    SnowDancer Clave Commander

    I don't notice a whole lot of snobiness, maybe just a few intermediate women who only want to dance with the 'best' leads. I can understand how some of the top follows might not want to be overly friendly to beginners, and how they warm up to you as they see that you're serious about dancing.
  10. Tom

    Tom Son Montuno

    Yes, I went to Susana's club a couple of years ago and she was friendly and chatty though she didn't know me and had never seen me dance. While people who don't have a tenth of her talent will blank people who they think are below them in the hierarchy.
  11. GForce85

    GForce85 Rhythm Deputy

    In my experience, how nice people have been to me has been a function of how well I'm known at the place -- basically the less of a stranger I am, the nicer people are. Pretty much the same way it works in other areas of life. Although I am sad that I now live far away from everyone that helped me when I was a beginner, so I really don't have anyone that was with me in the beginning and is still with me now.
  12. smiling28

    smiling28 Moderator

    great insightful replies everyone. Very interesting!
  13. Big10

    Big10 Shine Officer

    My experience is slightly different than the way you've phrased it, but I have noticed that people are friendlier when I dance well. For some people that applies over the longer term -- which could be partly because of dance ability, but I think it's mainly about seeing my face over and over, and then they might make some comment about my dancing to indicate that they've watched me before.

    For some other people, it can apply on a night-by-night basis. For example, there have been nights when I've felt like I'm doing pretty well on the dance floor, and some Salsa "acquaintances" are more likely to go out of their way to say "hi" or greet me by shaking my hand than on other nights where they walk past me. It's kind of weird, but it has happened enough times for me to notice it. The people at the far extremes (the ones who talk to me regularly or the ones who don't talk to me at all) don't change much.

    I've also noticed that some male acquaintances are friendlier to me when I'm with a couple of attractive women and the guys clearly want to ask them to dance....but that's probably a different topic. ;)
  14. dosvueltas2

    dosvueltas2 Son Montuno

    Haha Smiling28, you always bring up interesting questions that often strike close to home!

    In my case, when I first came to Sydney I was full of hope that being one of the salsa hot spots in the world, I'd go back home even better than ever. however, numerous encounters with some of the salsab!^@hes here really turned me off. I would not have been surprised if I was a beginner. It wouldn't be right but I wouldn't have been surprised. However, even after one or two mercy dances and they saw I was good, they still dissed me.

    As a result I felt dejected and a bit depressed and actually stopped dancing for a long time because I was completely unprepared by this alien feeling compared to the friendliness and warmth back home.

    Someone later told me that it might simply have just been that I was a complete unknown, and that many people react simply because they aren't used to a complete unknown just coming up to the salsamafia roosting grounds and boldly asking for a dance like it was nothing. Apparently that also seemed to be an alpha male declaration, or somesuch political nonsense.

    Be that as it may, I recently realised those long periods of absence have caused my skills to deterioriate awfully, and I had to take lessons again to fix that up. I then went back to the clubs, and danced just with beginners and intermediates. I found that the faces were more inviting, and i also found that while really helping my lead get precise, I was also just enjoying the process more. Just actually dancing in a quiet corner away from the limelight with people who just wanted to dance, and not keep an eye out on who might be watching was a breath of fresh air.

    Exactly. You know, I actually met a very nice person online who is quite a somebody in the scene, and he offered to introduce me to some girls. Well, I was moved that he would do this for me, but in the end I decided, I wanted to find out who were the really nice people who would give a stranger a welcoming smile and a cooperative dance, and not have to realise later on that someone was really an @$$hole who gave me the time of day simply through the influence of a facilitator as a favour.

    Actually this is the case back home too. There is an instructor here who, together with his wife, probably have trained up as many of the currently 'advanced dancers' when they were rank nobodies. Now some of these pp hardly even acknowledge them. It's sad to hear that this 'phenomenon' seems to be an international commonality. I wonder why that is? Simply because those who aren't snobs aren't the cool people to be with?

    You really can't win! People who are small will try to assess everything from their own worldview. So these pp would probably be as nice as you only if they wanted something. So they can't comprehend your motives at all.

    As for Susana Montero, she's one of the advanced dancers who really made me realise that if someone who is so damn good can be so nice to everyone, from beginners and up, then if someone is a relative nobody and dissed me she could go to blazes, because there are many more advanced people who actually are nice. Being a nice person isn't exclusive to being uncool.
  15. dosvueltas2

    dosvueltas2 Son Montuno

    Exactly! It was an incredible dilemma between laugh or howl. I mean, I'm really bad and rusty now and trying to make a 'comeback' so I can't comment. But when I first got to Sydney I was quite at the 'height' of my 'powers' (which was why I dared to head straight for the salsamafia table in the first place) and some of these people have all the style, attitude, and dress sense of the really hot hawks... but the first time you lead a simple CBL...

    I believe you Americans have a word "posers" or something, probably means this?
  16. Flujo

    Flujo Sabor Ambassador

    I kind of feel the same way. There are people you just don't dance with because you get that style over substance vibe from them. I wouldn't call those people posers but there seems to be a different energy at work that doesn't resonate well with my idea of fun.
    What I find funny is the *I don't give a s***t attitude* you develop with people that don't really want to or like dancing with you. It used to be that if a person wasn't keen on the idea of dancing with you it would be because 'you' weren't good enough to dance with them but after a while you kind of accecpt that it's more a difference in expectation and personality than a lack of ability on your part.

    I'm also really surprised by the dance level of some selective followers. It'd be nice to take a peak into the world of the special and supreme every so often but I still want to be able to totally goof up and laugh about it. Somehow I don't think that'd happen with the 'in crowd' types. Could be wrong though...
  17. dosvueltas2

    dosvueltas2 Son Montuno

    Oh of course for all my bitchin' I have to admit to that too. Sometimes, people just have a bad day, or something happen at the moment. So I have my three try rule:

    The first time someone rejects me, I try to ascertain why.
    The second time I try, I make sure it's under circumstances not existent in the first.
    The third time as well. After a third rejection I will never, ever ask again.

    That's why if it's important to try to establish why, and to make sure the situations are different. If it's someone I really think I would like to dance with I am very careful when I ask that third time.

    I find this system's helped me a lot to establish someone's standing in my mind.
  18. acpjr

    acpjr Tumbao

    Yes. But as a leader, it doesn't make sense that anyone would have sought me out or given me the "time of day" for the reason that I was a beginner. I don't see evidence that beginner leaders are ever sought out for anything. Beginner followers, however, are sought out as test dummies for improver leaders, or if the beginner follower is a hot chick, a quick ego boost.

    Any bad experiences from rejections I have received, I have concluded, result from judgements or reasons outside of my dancing skill (as those followers would probably still reject me today.)

    The followers who are now kind to me and seek me out to dance, that were standoffish initially but still accepted my dance invitations, I suspect do so not as an ego booster but rather they would prefer to dance with a leader who is attentive, patient, on time, who is not rough and doesn't try to dance above their level.

    I think I've received more compliments from followers from dances where I stuck to the basics more than anything.
  19. noobster

    noobster Pattern Police

    How do they get to be selective in the first place if they aren't really good? Why would they get asked by the better leaders if they aren't good dancers?
  20. redHOT

    redHOT Son

    It is funny how you guys are in such agreement. My experience is opposite. I find being a newbie or not knowing the dance I get more interest and may have more dances. However, being on the scene for a significant period of time leads to more people to look for during certain dances & more socializing.

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