i got dumped!!

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by vata07, Nov 4, 2008.

  1. vata07

    vata07 Descarga

    ok guys, i'm a bit disappointed right now. i met this girl on the partner search section of my dance school's website who was looking for a partner for future performance/competition possibilities. so, we decide to meet up at the club. i'm there early dancing and she comes late, sees me dancing. so we start dancing and its clear she's intimidated as she's been dancing for less time than me. she says i'm too good for her and she refuses to dance with me for the rest of the night. never saw her again.

    i promise promise promise i didn't say anything or do anything to make her think she wasn't good enough. i always make the dance fun for everyone and the proof lies in the fact that i have a ton of girls that won't blink twice at dancing with me for more than 2 songs in a single night (and its not because i'm that good but because i make it fun for them and being different from the other guys).

    to the follows: what on earth would possess you to do something like this??:rolleyes: why wouldn't you want to have a "good" partner??

    you're a beginner and no one wants to dance with you because you only know one pattern. you take classes, privates and group, work your ass off to get better and now no one wants to dance with you because you're "too good"?? you really can't have it both ways!
  2. theamoebaman

    theamoebaman Son Montuno

    I wouldn't take this to heart too much. For some people there is a really big intimidation factor involved with dancing and they just cannot dance with someone who is better then them because it really scares them. Remember that for a couple to work together for performances and competitions there needs to be a strong connection and you must be able to work together. If the girl is already feeling intimidated by your first dance together, it's probably not a good sign.

    Don't give up. Be patient and find a girl that you dance well with and have a really good connection with as well. There's no rush to find a permanent dance partner as salsa is a social dance. Just go out dance and enjoy yourself
  3. Lola

    Lola Sonero

    Poor guy. I'd dance with you even if you scared the living daylights out of me.

    The thing is most girls are REALLY conscious of how they look, especially on the dance floor. Put us with a good partner and we freeze up, deer in the headlights style. Because the thought process is that if you're with a good leader and you screw up everyone knows it's your fault. Not true of course, but it's the mind set for a lot of beginner/improver girls.

    I had my first dance ever with one of the best guys in a city, good friend of mine actually, screwed up big time, couldn't even do a double. Knew that he was giving me pity dances (he asked me a couple times every night I saw him out). Found out only recently that he loved dancing with me even then, because I'm so happy just to dance.

    Changes perspective a bit, yeah?

    So yeah, we girls are screwed up, but in the end I promise we'll usually get it right. We just forget sometimes that it's not all about us and people aren't actually watching our every move.:rolleyes:

    Maybe try approaching her again and tell her that you want to dance with her because she really loves/wants to dance?
  4. smiling28

    smiling28 Moderator

    Hey mate,

    Great replies but dont take it to heart. Imagine you are shopping for clothes and there is this AWESOME shirt you like BUT they dont have your size... Do you try to wear a tent or a shirt that makes people think you stole your little brothers shirt he he or do you suck it up and realise awesome shirt...............just not for you.

    I.e no stress, just focus on finding what you want. I assume you want your partner to feel comfortable with themself, you and your dancing partnership so not this time but next time. Stay at it.

    (quick story: Had a performance partner dump me (for her own valid reasons to her) and absolutely devastated. One of the best things as both of us ended up in better partnerships which led to better things for both of us.

    Stay positive and keep working, it will happen!

    :) :) :)
  5. AguaDulce

    AguaDulce Pattern Police

    One the one hand you are saying you have all these girls that want to dance a lot with you. On the other hand, you are saying no one wants to dance with you because you are too good?

    To use your quote, "you really can't have it both ways"?
  6. antigone

    antigone Pattern Police

    Possibly there was another reason, and she might have said that to turn you down without hurting your ego. Although that's too far fetched, she's probably just anotehr silly girl. Refer to my post on finding dance partners :)
  7. MacMoto

    MacMoto Administrator Staff Member

    Vata, you say you met this girl through partner search for performing/competing. You've danced with her now. Do you feel that she'd be a good match for you as a potential performing/competing partner?

    If yes, tell her - you'd make her day. She'd be over the moon to hear that someone like you feel she'd make a good partner for you.

    If no, then I suppose she's justified in thinking that you are too good. Lola pretty much summed up what the girl must have felt - and unlike in Lola's situation, this is about performing in front of an audience, so people would be watching her.

    We are not talking about a random girl you met through social dancing giving you the cold shoulder - there's no reason why you should feel disappointed.
  8. sweavo

    sweavo Maestro 'Guaguanco' Rodríguez

    Lol. I would file this under "women are crazy" and move on, but you already have better advice than that on the thread :)
  9. Jolinia

    Jolinia Descarga

    LOL - not crazier than men, though. I once asked a guy to dance and was really enjoying the dance when he stopped in the middle of the song saying "I'm not good enough". I was :eek:! When I caught back my breath I tried to convince him that I enjoyed dancing with him, that I'm not that great and that I thought he was pretty good, but without success.
  10. sweavo

    sweavo Maestro 'Guaguanco' Rodríguez

    Ok, maybe men are crazy too, I just don't dance with many of them :)
  11. AndrewS

    AndrewS Shine Officer

    I think this story fits nicely with where this thread is going. I was in my usual Monday night haunt and this girl I've never seen before was standing in the section where you mostly find the "experts". I'm hanging around there watching some excellent dancing and she asked me to dance. It turned out that she was only a beginner but at the end of the dance she said "If I'd known you were that good I wouldn't have asked you to dance!"

    What is the thinking behind that? She'd rather have someone who is off time and yanks her around the floor? When I was a beginner I always wanted to dance with better partners.

    Can you really be "too good" for someone? If I'm dancing with a stranger and find she's way better than me I thank my lucky stars and hope she enjoys it enough to dance again another time.
  12. Terremoto

    Terremoto Pattern Police

    When I was a beginner I did not ask more advanced ladies because I assumed they would not enjoy dancing with me because I knew I wasn't very good. And I did ask ladies who were much better than me (not knowing) and when we started dancing I would see them roll their eyes and were obviously not enjoying themselves and both of us could not wait for the end of the song - an uncomfortable situation. I go to dance clubs to enjoy myself - not to get better, not to practice, but to experience the dance - I assume others are there for the same reason. I don't want to have either of us suffer through a dance.

  13. MacMoto

    MacMoto Administrator Staff Member

    I guess what she meant was something like: "if I'd known you were that good, I wouldn't have dared trying to subject you to a boring/unenjoyable dance with a clueless beginner like me". I think it's basically being intimidated retrospectively.

    Yes it's nice to dance with partners who are good, but I always feel bad when I ask a good dancer and the dance turns out to be messy because of my poor following. I suppose I could blame him for not being able to dumn down his lead to my level, but I still feel bad about giving him 4 minutes of grappling when he could have had a wonderful dance with one of the better followers if I hadn't asked him.
  14. vata07

    vata07 Descarga

    haha..good catch. i should have said that i have a ton of girls who are my friends first that would dance with me no matter what. then there are the vast majority of others that "want it both ways".
  15. vata07

    vata07 Descarga

    thanks for the replies, guys. unfortunately i don't think i'll see this girl again. she's not a regular at my venue so it would be more coincidence if i do see her again.

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