What to do when you accidentally injure someone...

S

smiling28

Moderator
Hey team,

Dancing as a follow last night with one of the best leads here and accidentally elbowed him in the nose as he did a multiple spin with my left hand and must have stopped me to come in but I did not feel it and I elbowed his nose. He was cool about it but man it would have hurt and I felt TERRIBLE.

What do you do in those situations. I apologised profusely at the time. Found the guy at the end of the night to check he was ok and now what?

I know some people have a 'hurt me, buy me a drink rule'. How do you guys handle it.

How do you guys suggest I handle my situation? I was thinking about buying him a cd (he is a dj also).

thanks!


*ps, working on keeping my shoulder blades down when spinning to prevent this happening EVER again. BEST motivation to improve.
 
smiling28 said:
I know some people have a 'hurt me, buy me a drink rule'. How do you guys handle it.
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- say sorry while checking to see if they are responding/looking pained
- if they are ignoring me and having fun, continue dancing
- if they look injured or pissed off, stop dancing and apologize more profusely (bow, scrape, offer to call 911, etc.)

I never did the drink thing but I like the idea; it sounds like a nice way to say sorry.


*ps, working on keeping my shoulder blades down when spinning to prevent this happening EVER again.
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smiling did you hit him with the arm he was using to lead the spin or were you styling out the other arm?

If the spinning arm, I have hit a few leaders by keeping my arm at 70 or 80 degrees instead of 90. It is really easy to do this without noticing and it has disastrous results.

If the other arm, well, keep it close to your chest and don't bring it out until you're done with the spin.

I have to say it is WAY harder to avoid hitting people who are the same height as I am. I would probably hit a lot more leaders in the face if I were taller. (There is one guy just about my height whom I hit all the time, so often that it became a joke - he is so cool about it though, I never could figure out why he kept asking me for dances despite the potential for bodily harm.)
 
noobster said:
- say sorry while checking to see if they are responding/looking pained
- if they are ignoring me and having fun, continue dancing
- if they look injured or pissed off, stop dancing and apologize more profusely (bow, scrape, offer to call 911, etc.)
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exactly what i do, but add:

- offer to fetch ice
- keep them company whilst they ice the affected part, even if the song's really good, or it was their own daft fault ;)
- if the pain lasts more than a song, offer to buy a drink

ask after the injury next time i see them.

oh how i'd love to 'name and shame' a london guy who is very muscular, and dances sharply & with a lot of force. i dont dance with him cuz his lead's too rough, but he'll happily dance 'next' to me (we're talking 2 feet away) and punch me hard with a flailing limb 4 times or more in 1 dance. without even looking once to see what he hit that made that crunching sound! i got so sick of it, that after one super-knockout punch, i stopped dancing and yelled "ouch!" at the top of my voice. nope. nothing.

and i know i'm not the only victim....if i say he has a regular partner, they're a mixed-race couple, and she always has an extremely smug look on her face whilst dancing, i bet some londoners will know who i mean... ;):eek:

gawd i'm b*tchy tonight, dont know what's gotten into me, sorry. :oops: normal service will be resumed tomorrow...
 
just say sorry...this kind of stuff happens...pretty often...if everyone who stepped on me bought me a drink I would have to take a cab home...any way, I'm just going to keep repeating this: relax, smiling ;)
 
Yes I think as long as you have apologised sincerely during the dance and catch them again after to check well being then there is little else you can do. If particularly bad then check later in eve too.

Accidents do happen but the annoying ones are the regular culprits who don't learn so you have to learn to avoid them. Not sure these people even realise it's their fault in that they habitually take huge steps back or shove their follow into others. Has anyone ever been in a lesson where safety was mentioned - because I haven't?

Google Stop Salsa Violence as there is a campaign against them!
 
noobster said:
- say sorry while checking to see if they are responding/looking pained
- if they are ignoring me and having fun, continue dancing
- if they look injured or pissed off, stop dancing and apologize more profusely (bow, scrape, offer to call 911, etc.)
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Ditto.

smiling28 said:
I know some people have a 'hurt me, buy me a drink rule'. How do you guys handle it.
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Never heard of this one.

I've been elbowed in my face, stepped on, bumped into, kicked in the shin, had my foot swept away from under me mid-turn so I landed on my butt... but I've also elbowed people, stepped on people, bumped into, etc., etc. It just happens. You apologise profusely and be more careful from then on. I don't make any issues when I'm on the receiving end - apologies gracefully accepted. If no apologies are offered, I just carry on.
 
I've been accidentally hit a few times and i almost always say something like "If you had done it on purpose, you'd hit me harder" which lightens the mood, we'll laugh and continue to dance (while being a bit more carefull ofcourse). If i'm feeling a bit mischievous, i say some other stuff though ;)

I never heard the 'hurt me, buy me a drink rule', but it sounds like fun.
How do you implement it if YOU hurt someone on the dancefloor (and i don't mean your dancepartner) Do you offer the other party a drink? What if it's not you, but you're partner that hurts an other party? Sounds like a great way to get to know other people...
 
smiling28 said:
What do you do in those situations.
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Buy him a red rubber nose and ask him to put it on next time.
Two advantages .. will help spot and stop spins better .. and ... if you still hit him, only the rubber nose will fly off :)

Berend said:
I never heard the 'hurt me, buy me a drink rule', but it sounds like fun. How do you implement it if YOU hurt someone on the dancefloor (and i don't mean your dancepartner) Do you offer the other party a drink? What if it's not you, but you're partner that hurts an other party? Sounds like a great way to get to know other people...
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Neither have I heard it! What if she/he/they hurt me and I don't drink?

TrulyMadlyAmanda said:
in the words of the immortal monty python...

"run away, run away, run away!" ;);)
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That's what I did once :D
In my early days I was dancing with a lady who didn't seem to have proper balance. Half way in to the dance she tripped all on her own, bringing me down as well with her. I apologized nevertheless and she kept giving me nasty look as I helped her back up. I made a quick exit after that :)
 
Berend said:
I've been accidentally hit a few times and i almost always say something like "If you had done it on purpose, you'd hit me harder" which lightens the mood, we'll laugh and continue to dance (while being a bit more carefull ofcourse). If i'm feeling a bit mischievous, i say some other stuff though ;)
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LOL, the mind is racing now...

how about "It's OK I have a spare in the car" or "hmm, I think you loosened my brain"
 
Salsa confessional time..I had to call myself the 'salsa assassin' after knocking a friend's glasses off during a dance (hey, I hadn't been dancing in some time). LOL I've hit some guys while dancing, but I've also had my fair share of injuries, most notably women stepping on my feet while dancing with someone else! (Fellow followers, can we practice floorcraft as well????) However, if a lead hits me, I kinda take in stride, figuring it's probably the law of reciprocity at work!
 
whatever happened to not hitting someone with glasses hey ;)

I too believe in salsa karma and surrender to it when someone accidentally steps on me etc :) :) :)
 
Gosh, you guys seem to spend more time analyzing the subject than it takes to get struck & recover. Although I do have a bad habit of grabbing the closet thing, usually and arm or hand and squeezing when I am in terrible pain after an accident. Once (or more) I have latched onto the offending woman, usually I have no idea who she is, and she realizes what happened. And she will apologize. I would say more often I would prefer to just continue as though nothing happened. I find it somewhat funny when my partner gets all concerned & it seemed like nothing to me. I have also seen my share of accidents due to guys taking partners into a location wo enough space and signs of danger are evident. I guess they get what they are asking for. **hehe**
 
TrulyMadlyAmanda said:
exactly what i do, but add:

- offer to fetch ice
- keep them company whilst they ice the affected part, even if the song's really good, or it was their own daft fault ;)
- if the pain lasts more than a song, offer to buy a drink

ask after the injury next time i see them.
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Yes, that sounds right to me. Probably help them off the floor first, though.

If they don't need helping off the dance floor, they're not seriously enough hurt to warrant much more than just a "sorry, are you ok? Do you want to stop?"

If someone belts me, I try to make light of it, though that's a bit hard when they've knocked my glasses off and sent them flying across the floor, meaning I can't see any more, and I certainly can't see where my glasses are and I'm just praying I don't hear a horrible crunching sound.
 
TrulyMadlyAmanda said:
exactly what i do, but add:

- offer to fetch ice
- keep them company whilst they ice the affected part, even if the song's really good, or it was their own daft fault ;)
- if the pain lasts more than a song, offer to buy a drink
Click to expand...

Another thought- one of my friends got elbowed in the face by her lead (no bruising, just a puffy lip)-- I think if your partner stops dancing to check their face, maybe override their "let's keep dancing" motions and get them off the floor and try to get them a drink. I think she thought etiquettewise that she was supposed to finish out the song, but I'm pretty sure that if you aren't sure you're ok that it's ok to stop to find out.
 
kathytcupcake said:
Another thought- one of my friends got elbowed in the face by her lead (no bruising, just a puffy lip)-- I think if your partner stops dancing to check their face, maybe override their "let's keep dancing" motions and get them off the floor and try to get them a drink. I think she thought etiquettewise that she was supposed to finish out the song, but I'm pretty sure that if you aren't sure you're ok that it's ok to stop to find out.
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Hi,

Welcome and good point :)
 
kathytcupcake said:
I think she thought etiquettewise that she was supposed to finish out the song, but I'm pretty sure that if you aren't sure you're ok that it's ok to stop to find out.
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First, welcome to SF, kathytcupcake!

I don't think I ever heared or read about such an etiquette. In my opinion the etiquette should rather be as you describe it, that you better stop after hitting your partner or somebody else and check if they're okay. Especially if you accidently hit your partner, he/she will remember you as caring about her and don't start avoiding you in the future.
 
Well, I didn't pay much attention to this thread until tonight, I accidentally elbowed my follow (I don't know her), and gave her a broken lip (not too much blood, but a little swollen). I did apologize a lot and actually left her my phone number just in case there is anything I can do to make it up. But she didn't seem to accept it that well, and kept showing her wound to every one around, it just made me feel so guilty and ashamed the whole night. I been dancing for about a year, and this is the first time I have had such an accident. I don't know how I can get over this now, it's just hanging over my head, I hope i will meet her next time and check out if she's OK, what can I do if she still don't forgive me?
 
kkksss said:
Well, I didn't pay much attention to this thread until tonight, I accidentally elbowed my follow (I don't know her), and gave her a broken lip (not too much blood, but a little swollen). I did apologize a lot and actually left her my phone number just in case there is anything I can do to make it up. But she didn't seem to accept it that well, and kept showing her wound to every one around, it just made me feel so guilty and ashamed the whole night. I been dancing for about a year, and this is the first time I have had such an accident. I don't know how I can get over this now, it's just hanging over my head, I hope i will meet her next time and check out if she's OK, what can I do if she still don't forgive me?
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Ahhh, I got Elbowed SOOOO hard in the nose last night (next post) but now I know why. To be able to respond to you and make you feel better he he.

The point of this thread was to make you feel better. See, as discussed all you can do is show that it was an accident, apologise and offer to help if you can. Sounds like you did that. So feel better that you did what you could.

Use the energy (feeling bad) to focus on your dancing and analyse how that accident could have occurred (plus any other potential areas, (elbows when spinning)) and remove the probability of you hurting someone as best you can.

It hurts like hell when you get hurt on the dancefloor but you accept that it was an accident and if you are around long enough you will both accidentally be hurt and hurt someone else. Its just about doing your best in both situations to make the best of the situation.

So focus on your dancing so if you ever get another chance to dance with this girl (and when you dance with other girls) they feel super safe :) :) :)

*next time you see the girl ask her how she is (be nice) and maybe say how is the lip or whatever in a caring way. Just be nice but don't beat yourself up too badly as at the end of the day it sounds accidental and the girl will recover fully (I hope :) )


good luck and good dancing :)
 
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