Hostility for not going regularly?

S

salsera101

Changui
I don't go dancing as regularly as most of my salsa friends, for various reasons and I am fine with that.
I recently tried a new salsa class and saw an old friend there and was surprised at how rude he was to me. I never reacted but it has been getting to me.. Basically he said, "Where the hell have you been? What is WRONG with you?".. I said "I dunno I have other things on as well?!?" and he just rolled his eyes. He was really sarcastic about me turning up to this new venue.. "What are you doing here? This is my territory?" He was soo rude, and he wasn't joking either.
By the way we are both in our 20's, why are people such bullies, and babies? I am not ashamed to say I have a life outside salsa but what is it to him if I don't go or not, it doesn't affect HIS practice??? Goddd!
When I do go dancing I always enjoy it (I love it) but it seems there is some animosity if you are not seen out and about ALL the time, you are snubbed.
Another thing I hate is more advanced dancers getting pissed off if you can't keep up.. Jeeez I am trying?!? OK rant over, 99.9% of people I meet in salsa are lovely, but I can't stand those taking it way too seriously, or being rude just because you are not as good as them/made a mistake in class..
Well I am still planning to keep up my new class :D But can anyone relate or is it my fault for not turning up as manically..
 
What a load of rubbish! As in... not your post, only the negative things you talk about!

It is NONE of his business at all how often you choose to dance and which venues you choose to dance at. You pay your money to get in; it's public domain.

Taking a slight step back to be neutral... how certain and how do you know that he was not joking? Especially if as you say, "sarcastic" - I usually find it hard to really tell... hence why something is sarcastic in the first place I guess! :) But often, sarcasm can be misconstrued as rudeness, no?

Personally, if I see someone I know who hasn't been for a long while, I will tease them a little but certainly not in a rude way (I hope!) - but always also try to work up some enthusiasm in them to keep on coming to classes and parties as well, something along the line of "I'm going to make sure you keep coming the parties and lessons, don't make me drag you out here!" (It works occasionally :) ...)

I would imagine that this guy in his 20's is just trying to create some semi-psychological competition between you and him... and seeing as you don't go out as often as he does, he has already won... in his own mind that is....

That... or maybe he's 'bullying' you because he fancies you and is too afraid to ask you to dance! ;)
 
salsera101 said:
I don't go dancing as regularly as most of my salsa friends, for various reasons and I am fine with that. I don't have to justify it to anyone.

I recently tried a new salsa class and saw an old friend there and was surprised at how rude he was to me. I never reacted but it has been getting to me.. Basically he said, "Where the hell have you been? What is WRONG with you?"

.. I said "I dunno I have other things on as well?!?" and he just rolled his eyes. He was really sarcastic about me turning up to this new venue.. "What are you doing here? This is my territory?" He was soo rude, and he wasn't joking either.
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If you're sure he wasn't joking then it sounds like he's hurt that he hasn't seen or heard from you in a while. Perhaps he has feelings for you of some kind (e.g. fancies you)?
 
Yeah, I agree with azzey- he likes you but doesn't have the social calibration required to realize his flirting is back firing.

edit: As an aside: It's usually much more beneficial to be a jerk and tease the girl than to be nice. WWJD? 'What would jerk do' is surprisingly effective. Much more effective than being the nice guy. Ladies, this is a fact. Men, get with the program. Salsera101, stop being so flakey; off my turf! lol. :p
 
Ugh, don't do it guys. It's not effective, and it's not attractive!
No he was dead serious, like I have wronged him horribly.
Hope he is in a better mood this week :p
 
salsera101 said:
Ugh, don't do it guys. It's not effective, and it's not attractive!
No he was dead serious, like I have wronged him horribly.
Hope he is in a better mood this week :p
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Sounds like the equivalent of pulling girls hair in grade school to try to get their attention:roll:

well whatever the problem is, it's his not yours. I suppose would be bothered if someone who I thought of as a friend was rude to me after I'd been out of circulation for a while, but my advice is to just forget about it. If he keeps it up it's his loss.
 
salsera101 said:
Definitely. It's fine I just wanted to rant. :)
Looking forward to this week new classes and Spanish lessons, very exciting.
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Cool, so you're studying Spanish too?

For me understanding the lyrics really makes a difference in enjoying the music. I didn't speak Spanish when I started dancing. The great thing about dance is you can enjoy yourself without understanding what the songs are about. But once you can understand them... well an analogy, it would be like if you only knew dance moves with outside turns, you might really have a great time dancing but once you learn to do inside turns as well, it exponentially increases your dance enjoyment. But then lyrics are important to me in music. I know plenty of people who don't care about lyrics on their own language much less in a foreign language.

Anyway, good luck with both classes.
 
timberamayor said:
Cool, so you're studying Spanish too?

For me understanding the lyrics really makes a difference in enjoying the music. I didn't speak Spanish when I started dancing. The great thing about dance is you can enjoy yourself without understanding what the songs are about. But once you can understand them... well an analogy, it would be like if you only knew dance moves with outside turns, you might really have a great time dancing but once you learn to do inside turns as well, it exponentially increases your dance enjoyment. But then lyrics are important to me in music. I know plenty of people who don't care about lyrics on their own language much less in a foreign language.

Anyway, good luck with both classes.
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Thank you. Yes, for over a year now. And you, hablas espanol?
Oh it is definitely adding to my enjoyment of the music, what a beautiful language, and I am starting to understand more and more, not word for word but I sing along anyway lool.. :D
 
salsera101 said:
He was really sarcastic about me turning up to this new venue.. "What are you doing here? This is my territory?" He was soo rude, and he wasn't joking either.
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People do this/feel this way. I remember a salsa friend told me "I'm going to XYZ spot on Sunday. It's really good... but don't tell anyone." I started to go to the spot and it was quite good, and ironically it became a habit for me to not ask my friend, who told me about it, to dance :P

I can always tell that I'm not welcome at certain places where I'm not a "regular" by the people who are (who happen to recognize me from a different spot where we're all regulars.)

I'll be honest and say that I feel that way too sometimes, where people I recognize from a different county come to "my" venues. Logically it makes little sense, but my animal instincts are what they are.

I would never say it to someone's face though, since it's none of my business where people go to dance.
 
acpjr said:
People do this/feel this way. I remember a salsa friend told me "I'm going to XYZ spot on Sunday. It's really good... but don't tell anyone." I started to go to the spot and it was quite good, and ironically it became a habit for me to not ask my friend, who told me about it, to dance :P

I can always tell that I'm not welcome at certain places where I'm not a "regular" by the people who are (who happen to recognize me from a different spot where we're all regulars.)

I'll be honest and say that I feel that way too sometimes, where people I recognize from a different county come to "my" venues. Logically it makes little sense, but my animal instincts are what they are.

I would never say it to someone's face though, since it's none of my business where people go to dance.
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I find that odd. It doesn't bother me if people I don't know or people who aren't "regulars" go out to the clubs I like best. In fact the more people I can dance with the better.

I suppose if it were all women coming so I started having fewer dances that would bother me, but I don't think it would bother me that the women were there, just that there weren't more men, if you know what I mean.
 
salsera101 said:
Thank you. Yes, for over a year now. And you, hablas espanol?
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A mi manera :)

I studied 3 semesters of Italian years ago because I couldn't understand what Eros Ramazzotti was saying. That was helpful when I started with salsa since the grammar and many words are similar between Italian and Spanish. I am so into lyrics that I started out learning Spanish by phonetically transcribing the lyrics to songs and then getting my Latino friends to help me fix the text up. I tried taking a Spanish class once. I tested out of the first semester but the second semester was still pretty much too easy so I quit after 5 lessons. So I lack a lot of grammar. I'd say my biggest problem is with verb tenses. But I don't have a problem communicating. I was forced to speak Spanish when I started working with Timba.com since very few Cubans speak English. And then I had a Cuban BF and we only spoke Spanish. I met some Colombinas at a Havana D'Primera concert last year who told me I speak Cuban Spanish LOL.

salsera101 said:
Oh it is definitely adding to my enjoyment of the music, what a beautiful language, and I am starting to understand more and more, not word for word but I sing along anyway lool.. :D
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Yeah I love singing the songs too.
 
timberamayor said:
I was forced to speak Spanish when I started working with Timba.com since very few Cubans speak English.
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You work for Timba.com? :cool: No wonder you have such a deep knowledge of Cuban music, or did you have that first and then get invited to work for them? Enquiring minds want to know. ;)
 
Ignore it. You'll learn as you get older that you can't please everyone. You don't dance, or do anything in life, to make anyone happy but yourself.

It's unfortunate that your friends have these judgmental views.. but a true friend wouldn't.
 
salsera101 said:
Ugh, don't do it guys. It's not effective, and it's not attractive!
No he was dead serious, like I have wronged him horribly.
Hope he is in a better mood this week :p
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Well, I also don't believe he was dead serious. My advice applies if he was joking.

But if I am wrong and he WAS dead serious then it applies even more:

Do not worry about how this guy feels. You have done nothing wrong and his opinion of whether you have has no bearing on the matter. It's just crazy and a waste of time to worry about keeping someone happy who is choosing to be unhappy.

But I still think it was a failed flirt.

There is no point advising guys not to do stupid things like this. We are generally too stupid to know we are doing it. We are lucky that females are so tolerant really or we'd never get to speak to them.

Looking forward to watching this one develop. Invite me to the wedding :-)
 
timberamayor said:
A mi manera :)

I studied 3 semesters of Italian years ago because I couldn't understand what Eros Ramazzotti was saying. That was helpful when I started with salsa since the grammar and many words are similar between Italian and Spanish. I am so into lyrics that I started out learning Spanish by phonetically transcribing the lyrics to songs and then getting my Latino friends to help me fix the text up. I tried taking a Spanish class once. I tested out of the first semester but the second semester was still pretty much too easy so I quit after 5 lessons. So I lack a lot of grammar. I'd say my biggest problem is with verb tenses. But I don't have a problem communicating. I was forced to speak Spanish when I started working with Timba.com since very few Cubans speak English. And then I had a Cuban BF and we only spoke Spanish. I met some Colombinas at a Havana D'Primera concert last year who told me I speak Cuban Spanish LOL.


Yeah I love singing the songs too.
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Hmm, interesting, I'd like to pick up all the romance languages but I think it would be confusing to try more than one at a time? For Spanish: Sometimes I google a song I like (salsa or no) when I am at "work" :nope: and look at the translation. But I think google translate sort of makes you lazy and stops you working it out for yourself.
I wish I worked in something salsa related, I don't feel I could teach yet as I still have so much to learn, but I have a desk job and am not happy with it. I am trying out a teaching English course so I can work in a more international context. :rocker:
 
That is CERTAINLY NOT the way we do it in Denmark! I don't know about other countries, but here, a person who've been long gone, is greeted warmly by those who remember him/her!
 
jakobdam said:
That is CERTAINLY NOT the way we do it in Denmark! I don't know about other countries, but here, a person who've been long gone, is greeted warmly by those who remember him/her!
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Yes, I also found the original scenario unusual - must be a personal issue with that particular guy...

Whenever I'm back in Japan, I receive massive "HISASHIBURI!!!!!"s and hugs from people I didn't even know I knew. Last time I went to Kyoto, when I turned up at the doorway in a club, a friend in the middle of the dance floor just stood there and screamed (well, she can be like that...) It's not specifically me - it's just the community, like you say. Even returning to Melbourne last year, some salsa people remembered me from the last time I was here, in 2004, which was just so nice.

I always thought of Denmark as an easy place to visit which I could leave until when I'm older, but since we've donated a princess, maybe I should consider it one day :D
 
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